“That arrogant…arrogant…ARG! That toerag is Head Boy! HEAD BOY! How did he make HEAD BOY! What is Dumbledore on? I mean, he struts around, pranking, pranking, PRANKING, and then Dumbledore says, ‘Gee, this kid really is an irresponsible bad influence, prankster, and all around jerk. Yes! He’d make a fine Head Boy!’”
"Moony! Not you, too! You're all turning against me! Well, at least you're still with me, right Pete?" "I have to use the loo," Peter said, standing up and leaving
I liked that. I love the word loooo.. it's just so awesome.
great chapter. it was intrigueing.
Author's Response: Thanks!! And yes, loo is a very fun word, isn't it?
I liked that chapter. It reminded me of one of my own fics. I included some Operations. It's a popular thing though, operations. You used it well; Operation Smelly Feet! lol. I liked that. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: We're so happy that you like it!! Thank you so much for reviewing!!!
what do you mean it has no cliffhanger? sure it does! James is finally giving up on Lily when she decides to come around! Good plot though. I like the way you're setting it up.
good fight scene. it was written well.
how do you guys write the chapters together? it must take an awful long time.
great job on your story. check out some of mine if you get the spare time. update soon.
Author's Response: Ah, yes, that could be viewed as a cliffhanger, no? Well, it wasn't an intentional one, this time. And as for how we write together- we have an AIM box open and we just put in different sections. For example, I'll put in a quote or description and Fantail'll follow it up with what comes next. It actually works fairly well. Thanks for reviewing! We'll have to check out your stories.
i've read a story similar to this on another site but i like your rendition. i've never seen it happen because of saying a spell wrong. you've got a great start for a story here. please update soon.
Author's Response: thank you so much, that means alot to me. don't forget to update your story (which I am currently hooked on)
that was a great start. did lily write the note? you have lots of potential for this story, can't wait to see where you go with it.
Author's Response: oo thanks, i was thinking i wouldnever get a eview for his one! yes, Lily wrote the note. thanx so much!
ok, you wanted advice. i'll just share the advice that was given to me. 1) You may want to find a beta. That helps in the grammar/spelling department. Currently, I don't have a beta; although i could use one. 2) In relation to grammar, when using dialogue between the characters don't end with a period. For example. "Sirius, you're eating too much." James said. Proper way: "Sirius, you're eating too much," James said. 3) Try to steer clear of tons of parentheses. Use the semi-colon (;) when adding extra thoughts to the sentence. You have potential for a story here, just remember to add more detail and try to take into account what I said. Also, I find the writing tips on the home page very useful. Nice job on your first story!
That was good. Lots of potential. You have a real basis for a story. Do you have other chapters planned out yet? Well, keep up the good work. Good luck with your new fic! I know how time consuming they can be!
Author's Response: Thanks the second chapter will be out soon and keep a lookout for ur name as a thank u for being one of the top three people to review first
Well, aside from the formatting, everything was great. It was hard to read due to the weird spacing. I managed though.
I hope Lily and James are ok. Sirius to the rescue as I always say.
Good job :)
Author's Response: Sorry about the weird spacing thank u for reviewing my story my friend and i are in awe that u reviewed my story becos we love Potters Charm. thank u sooo much again. bibi :)
thats a good start. you describe James and Lily very well. Lily seems to be nervous and new to it all and James, well, he's just James. Gracious and romatic. Great start to a promising fic!
Even when you rumple your hair.
I hate that I’ve come to expect,
That life without you I can’t bear.
(Inspired by Kat's poem in 10 Things I Hate About You )
aw, that was so sweet. you wrote two very cute poems that said it all. great job.
You did a great job on this chapter. I liked that you adapted the whole Tom Riddle diary thing and used it for one of our very own beloved characters. Overall, you did a great job.
You did a good job the second time around. I am glad you added in the quidditch scene. It made things more interesting. Sometime soon, maybe you'll get to write another issue.
All members: Get your issues in! E-mail me with submissions for Issue 3.
Hey, good job on your new story. It's a great start. I know what James means about the mail thing; I always want mail but I never get it!! Can't wait for further chapters. Update soon, as well as When Harry Met Jo. Gotta love that one.