Penname: Fireater [Contact]
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Member Since: 04/23/06
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Reviews by Fireater

Deprived Child by Cassiel Oliviari
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 40]

Summary: Draco never really had a mother. Will Hermione Granger show him what he was truely missing? One-shot, written for a Tom Felton birthday challenge

Categories: Hermione/Draco Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1770 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
12/13/04 Updated: 12/13/04

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 05/17/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

Oh, poor boy! Never had Mommy kiss him.... My heart just goes out to him. And to all those children growing up without love...


Mary Sue, I love you! by Kerichi
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 84]


Once upon a time in the far, far, away land of California, Miranda Aramintha Rowena Ysabella Slyvia Ursula Evangelista- Mary Sue, for short- accepted an invitation to Hogwarts. As she searches for her one true love, will her soul mate be Draco? Harry? Snape? Colin? Fred and George? or...gasp...Voldemort?

Nominated for a Quicksilver Quill for Best Humour Fiction.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 6895 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
06/01/06 Updated: 06/03/06

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 06/04/06 Title: Chapter 1: Mary Sue, I love you!

Man, that was hysterical! Loved her “loving, trusting nature”… SO SICK!
Always hated those perfect - beautiful – boy magnet girl fics. DISGUSTING!!!
Anyway, you made me laugh, LOVED all the cliché’s… Yeah, she really likes guys for their inner, love – starved souls… SO SURE!
The end was the best, Orlando! He’s perfect, she’s perfect, it’s a match made in heaven!

Though Landy is actually a nice dude… AND he has BLACK hair… In the LOTR movies they dyed his skin white (he’s dark, like olive-skinned), and they dyed his hair blonde, and gave him blue contacts… You woulda figured they’d take someone who looks that way naturally…. WHATEVER.
Great fic! Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you! It definitely was a Gary Stu/Orlando as Legolas not a parody of the actual guy, who looked very fanciable in PotC with his natural dark curls. : ) I think LOTR producers went for body and bone structure over changeable things like eye and hair colour, for which fangirls are grateful.

Hurrah for you loving cliches! When they\'re done on purpose, they make me laugh, when not....grinding teeth is very bad on enamel. :D


Cliché Nation by just_the_contrary
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 329]

Summary: A compilation of the most commonly used Harry Potter clichés in the fandom. Features Angsty!Harry, Sweet!Draco, Head Dorms, sudden romances in the forms of Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny and of course, Draco/Hermione, because what's a cliché without them?

The Marauders also make an appearance in this fic, including Lily/Lily's best friend/Lily's other best friend.

Warning: mention of hippopotamuses inside.

Chapter Five is up! The story is done. Also, thank you to everyone who nominated this neatly tied bundle of ridiculousness in the QQ awards, I really appreciate it!

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 6689 Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes
06/03/06 Updated: 09/29/06

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 06/05/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Collection of All-Sorts

Wow! I’m still laughing my guts out! Loved Ron and Hermione’s conversation, Harry’s reaction was priceless!
“Great!” Ginny cried happily. She grabbed his suddenly extremely muscular arms… that line almost killed me, I was cracking up so hard, I thought I was gonna wake up my mom… then SHE woulda killed me!
You missed out that Hermione suddenly gets a models body, but the rating probably has something to do with it… :)

Author's Response: Thanks. Well, I didn\'t write that Hermione got a model\'s body, but I did write: \"Ever since you got that miraculous beauty makeover over the summer and got your hair dyed blonde, you have been the most beautiful girl in the school.\" I think that counts. That\'s mostly what happens anyway. Thank you, it makes me feel great that I made you laugh and that you liked it so much! Yay! :)


Mary Sue, Marauders love you! by Kerichi
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 32]


In the far, far away land of California, where the moon was in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars, an Aquarian girl was called to Hogwarts, met the Marauders, and let her love steer the stars!

*Groovy prequel to Mary Sue, I love you!*

Nominated for a Quicksilver Quill for Best Humour Fiction.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 6870 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
06/06/06 Updated: 06/10/06

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 06/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Mary Sue, Marauders Love You!

Liked the fic, all the hippie stuff was genius. Just the thought of a hippie Mary Sue is amusing, more so when you actually read it. But you’re right; Mary Sue is always “in” and “cool” so 60 = hip.
I was going around talking like that the whole day… just barely escaped murder…

Author's Response: Thanks dude! I wrote the first story for anger management therapy, lol, and the second for pure parody enjoyment. It was a gas, so I\'m stoked you liked it. In the words of MS \"Bitchin\'!\" (and, like, I\'m glad you escaped murder, man :D)


Summary: The war is over, and newlyweds Remus and Nymphadora Tonks have decided to take a well deserved holiday. Too bad for Severus Snape that he just happens to be heading in the same direction. Warning: A bit of sexual innuendo and some references to gambling. Posted prior to DH.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3306 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
06/08/06 Updated: 06/10/06

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 06/12/06 Title: Chapter 1: Remus and Nymphadora Lupin’s Vegas Holiday

THIS is what you want 11 year-olds to read?!
Sexual references, crude humor, supporting gambling... Really, I'm shocked you gave this such a mild rateing. I would never allow a child of mine to read this fic.
Change the rateing. Now.
Otherwise the story was okay.

Author's Response: Rating changed. Warnings added. I apologize for the discomfort the story caused you. Thanks for commenting.


Ode to Mary Sue by Kerichi
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 24]


After eviscerating Mary Sue in fiction, Mary Sue, I love you! and Mary Sue, Marauders love you!, I was seized by the irresistible urge to skewer her in sonnet. (my version of one, anyway, choosing content over iambic pentameter :D) Shakespeare's 18th sonnet, Shall I compare thee..., was my inspiration, since when it comes to Mary Sue fics, (including the humorous ones) So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee....

*Rated 3rd-5th only due to a belief that younger readers shouldn't be exposed to unpleasant 'facts of life' like Mary Sue. ^_~ *

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 104 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
06/12/06 Updated: 06/13/06

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 06/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Ode to Mary Sue

Sugar coated poison indeed! Good metaphors by the way.
I have to warn you author dearest, I’m getting really sick of Mary Sue… I DON’T mean that in a bad way, just her character is making me wanna kill…If I see a not humor Mary Sue fic, in the next five months, I will rip apart my favorite book with my teeth. (Actually I’d have to find a favorite book first. And NO, it would NOT be Harry Potter!)

Author's Response: I have to admit that I\'m sick of her myself, even though I laugh at her, so I\'m sending her off to gaze raptly into a mirror while I write other things. :D I will eventually return to Sue-parody, because I haven\'t written Mary Sue, Founders love you! yet, but it won\'t be anytime soon....takes awhile for poison to leave your system, heh. Very emphatic, that no and not. :D


Snape Speed-Dating by Bethywoo
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 87]

Summary: After losing a bet, Professor Severus Snape is forced to accompany Professor Filius Flitwick on a speed-dating event. Will he manage to survive the witless witches and the maddening MC? Or will he leaved with more than he bargained for?

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 6249 Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes
01/04/08 Updated: 07/21/08

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 07/23/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Awesome! Just finished the story and it was great, really funny but still plausible. Snape's character was simply perfect, I loved the way he stayed Snape throughout the entire fic.
My favorite chapter was the one with his double, I was biting my lip from the beginning to keep from cracking up - it didn't work, I ended up laughing like a complete maniac with various family members giving me very strange glances. Somehow, "I'm reading something really hilarious", doesn't work on them...
Keep it up!!


New Azkaban by Hutchinson
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 55]

Summary: It's been several years since the war, where some died... and some barely came out alive. Azkaban was destroyed, Dementors banished, and a New Azkaban erected in its place. Hermione is in her twenties now, a Guardian of New Azkaban, where she meets someone very unexpected in the dark.

Categories: Hermione/Draco Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Book 7 Disregarded, Character Death, Sexual Situations

Word count: 5911 Chapters: 4 Completed: No
05/03/08 Updated: 07/26/08

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 07/27/08 Title: Chapter 1: A Marked Woman

I must say I don't quite see how you can crack me up laughing in your humor fics and send chills up my spine in this one... Talk about multi-talented! I really enjoy this story, it's very different from any other Draco/Hermione I've read.
Hermione's ruined body is a stroke of genius, everyone else has her turning into a blond bombshell (or something of the sort). Now, let's see how you pull off the Ship...

Author's Response: You say multi-talented, I say multiple-personality! Just kidding. I really appreciate the note. I do want to avoid the cliches that appear in a lot of Dramione stories where Herms suddenly has a giant heaving bosom, or is suddenly a very sexy dancer. I want her womanliness and sexuality to be real and appropriate to her as we know her, as well as in relation to her darker side. Bringing the Ship out is going to be strange, indeed. Thanks for reading!


To Draco, With Love by Hutchinson
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 158]

Summary: Draco somehow managed to get his very own advice column in Hogwarts' school paper, where he gives his sage opinion to those who dare to ask for it. Feel free to write in for advice about love, life, school, family, anything you can think of! But remember... with Draco, you tend not to get the answer you expected!

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 9984 Chapters: 5 Completed: No
06/25/08 Updated: 12/09/08

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 07/01/08 Title: Chapter 1: Issue the First

Dear Draco,
I must say that was just a bit extreme. I didn't really like my brother's hair either, but to curse him bald?! Draco, he's been growing his hair since he was five years old! And to tell him, "No Slytherin is going to parade in front of me preening his bloody arse-length, dyed-blond hair as long as I have a wand in my hand," was a bit mean. He's only a first year you know.
Anyway, please take the curse of him; skinhead is just SO not his look. (At the very least turn his scalp back to a normal color. Draco, really, neon green? C'mon!)
Sincerely yours,
Vincent Crabbe

Author's Response: Draco is reviewing your letter! I'm not sure it'll get past the mods for canon-ness, but we'll see!

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 07/22/08 Title: Chapter 2: Issue the Second

Ha! Very amusing story you have going. I love the way we all can join in, it makes it so much fun.

Dear Draco,
I have these intense feelings towards a girl and I tried paying her best friend to tell her but her price is so high that I'll be 37 before I have enough money. So I had this really original idea - I wrote her a poem. I'm just not sure if I should actually GIVE it to her...
So read it and tell me!

You probably don't know who I am,
(Although I sit across from you at dinner)
You probably don't watch how I play,
(But I do you and you're a winner)
You probably couldn't guess my name with your life at stake,
(Alas, my love, the pain is like a razor-sharp rake)
You probably like, or even love, another guy,
(But, even so, these feelings I just can't deny)
You probably will just laugh at this,
(Even my best friend said I'll never get a kiss)
You probably won't speak to me for the rest of my life,
(And here I've been dreaming of you as my wife)
You probably just puked into your ham,
(Maybe just meet me and see who I am?)

Well, should I send it? My best friend says it's my death sentence... You're the expert, Draco. What do you think?

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and submitting! Draco is reviewing (and loving) your letter. ;)

Reviewer: Fireater Signed
Date: 07/22/08 Title: Chapter 1: Issue the First

Yeah, Draco, it's me again (the boy who wrote that awesome poem). What do you know I forgot to leave my name! But I really don't want everyone to know who I am so I'll sign with a fake name, okay? The name I want to use is - - - Anonymous - - - Now aren't you glad I didn't just leave you hanging? (And it's okay if you want to include this PS in my letter.)

Author's Response: Got your note in time!

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