I'm happily living in NYC and enjoy spending waaaaayyy too much time in Potterland. This addiction will not be conquered until the release of Book 7. Hope you enjoy my stories! I love comments. They do help. Really. Thanks!
Rated: [Reviews - ]
I've just -happily!- stumbled across your fic!
I want to commend you on the easy flow of your chapters: I know it's *not* effortless, but you make it seem that way!!
I also know how hard it is to write with time shifts and you also handle this well! It is very easy to follow and an intriguing way of delivering character information and detail without bogging us down in the dreaded *explanations*!
I like Sara and Rhea as OCs as well. I'm *very* curious how your are going to handle Ginny/Harry here... since they *have* found happiness and contentment in their current lives. I'm crossing my fingers that you surprise us - but I won't say which way ;) !
Looking forward to the rest!
Summary: Hermione goes back in time with one mission: to kill Tom Riddle before he ever comes to power. A difficult task, correct? An impossible one, she realizes, as a love between them grows stronger than anything she has ever known. Now Hermione has a choice to make. Will she condemn the Wizarding world to almost certain destruction, or will she take the life of the one boy she has ever loved?
Ah! The link finally works! Yay!
Oh.. time travel and the maze it weaves... "the flaw in her plan". I can't wait to see how you unravel all this!!
I've just found your fic and am enjoying it immensely! I love your portrayal of Tom and his struggle to discover a genuine feeling other than hate. It's a very moving portrait.
I'm intrigued at where the tale is going and how Hermione's actions influence the future. Which of course, it must!
Thanks for a good read!
BTW: I've got a new fic up that needs a few readers! "Trust and Betrayal: A Prequel" You're invited to have a look-see!
Summary: Lord Voldemort is no more, but the victors paid a high price. This story begins as Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s seventh year comes to an end and Ginny's starts. While delving into the ancient story of Merlin, Percy Weasly brings attention to what appears to be the complete collapse of magic. Can he, or anyone stop the changes before it's too late?
Having just spent the better part of the last few days reading your intriguing story, I thought I'd share my thoughts with you.
First, I congratulate you on coming up with a unique and engaging plot! I actually didn't read the summary, so I had the chance to have the "collapse of magic" plot sneak up on me. I love all things related to the 'history of magic' so this was loads of fun to take in your version!
Favorite chapters: the very first one and the one where the magic, in fact, collapses. Both were simply written, yet were powerfully engaging, drawing the reader into the moment and evoking strong feelings.
I also liked the 'date from hell' scene with Fred and Patty. Just cute and funny.
Favorite character: Percy. Why? Because you let him draw us into his character without alot of narrative explanation. I could see him clearly as 'Stinky' and was moved by his need to confide in and develop a relationship with Peter. His scenes in 'the other world' with Snape were wonderfully moving. I loved how you have them counting and playing games. It was odd, yet it felt completely appropriate. And I was very, very moved by the simplicity of his death. Well done. Well done.
And now, because you deserve ALL sides of a review, my constructive (I hope) criticism!
1.Always Stick to the Plot: you have a WONDERFUL plot. The problem is, is doesn't start till around chapter 15 - or whichever chapter the auror stuns Percy in the forest. It isn't until then the engine of your plot takes off. Other than the opening few chapters, where Harry is waking up with Ginny's help, I can't recall much of what happens. That is because most of what you have occurring prior to that time doesn't serve the plot. Or it doesn't appear to. I totally missed the part where the Harry killing LV actually triggers the magic collapse - or contributes to it. You may have it in there - or have it explained to us at some point, but it is buried amidst so much else that you''ve written.
Rule of thumb is that all action, directly or suggested, should somehow move the plot forward. Even a teensy bit. Anything else is filler.
2. Characters have to earn what happens to them: by this I mean that if something happens to a character, you need to have built it into the action and what occurs to them previously. You make it work wonderfully with Ginny and Percy. Ginny earns what happens with her success with Rebecca because of how you show us what occured to her in the final battle, her teachings with the Healer and her experiences helping Harry. Percy I've explained already. It doesn't work with Hermione or, I hate to say, with Harry. You give Hermione this side story about her becoming pregnant, having drinking problems and her miscarriage: but it seems to come out of no where. Even her alienation from her parents seems unmotivated. There was nothing before this confrontation that led to this break up. None of these 'events' supports or con tributes to either the plot or her character development. The same is true with Harry. We 'hear' about how he's depressed, but he never acts in any way that seems totally normal. It came as a surprise way late in the story that he had 'repressed' the final battle scene. He neither acts out or seems terribly out of sorts, even when he asks to get his memory back.
3. Less is More and Show don't Tell: OK.. I want you to go through the story and COUNT how many times you tell us characters go to the loo. Then I want you to justify why we need to know this at all. This has nothing to do with being squirmy with bodily functions. Hermione tossing her cookies after drowing her sorrows in drink is appropriate. But, really, why do we care and how does this information contribute to the flow of your story??? The worst chapter is the one where we have to follow Harry on his daily schedule. Nothing he does in that chapter contributes to the development of the plot or his character in any way. I love JKR (obviously!) BUT it is her greatest writing flaw to wait for the FINAL EXPLANATION at THE VERY END to let us in on how it all fits together. It is always much,much stronger to reveal what is going on through plot action, character behavior and interactions rather than explanation. Always. Every time. What works about the Snape/Percy sequence is that you DON'T explain it! It just happens and tells us so much as a result. So, go through your story and count how many 'stories' the characters tell us so that we can move on to the next part. OK -- I'll buy the Merlin stories. But the myriad other Explanatory Sequences could be much stronger if they were revealed in other ways.
An example is the 'children of Merlin' sequence. I love when we see them with Minerva and fake-Albus. It's such a GREAT idea to make them the founders!! Could we not have seen them together earlier and have it revealed -- through them -- who they are?
4.Don't have your final climactic scene offstage! OK... I squirmed a bit at Vampire!Scrimgeour. Although that Luna was right was a bit of a giggle. Anyway, I'll let that go. So you have a GREAT suspenseful cliffie where Ginny escapes the long-toothed one! They can't get to him! How will the stop him>! It is such a let down that he just dissolves into sand. And we find out about it in a phone call!! THEENDITSOVER. Huh? Seems like a...dare I say...cop out? (Oh.. and while we're at it... when does Harry get a cell phone? Where does he charge it?)
I'm sure there is more, but this is probably WAY more than you wanted to hear!
I just want to reiterate that, despite the con crit, you have a really, really strong foundation in this story. Just go and hire Liam -- or a good editor -- to help you sharpen it up!!
Thanks for a fun read!
Wonderfully evocative vignettes that draw the reader into this particular moment in time. I look forward to taking this journey!
I'm really intrigued by the idea of "threads" and the evolution of magic. I find myself, however, squirming at the idea that the display of natural traits may consign one to be 'evil' or 'good'. Unless you are throwing out canon in this story, it seems to violate the premise of 'choice' in determining the path one follows. Both Tom Riddle and Harry Potter share similar traits and backgrounds, but it was, as Dumbledore put it, their choices that determines who they are, not their abilities. How do you reconcile that?
Summary: Always he had been there. To cry, and to bear witness. He survived them all. Two centuries after the final battle, a solitary figure searches for solace in all that remains of his past; the shattered memories of yesteryears.
"A future unwritten yields no time to a past uncluttered."
Excellent and heartbreaking fic. Very, very moving. I love that it is Dobby holding the memories.
Summary: Taking place after HBP. Professor Snape has been found to be a spy and He-who-must-not-be-named has imprisoned him in an enchanted cottage, until he can find a use for the Potions Master.
I've just stumbled across this story and am delighted to have found my way here!
SS/HG is NOT an easy pairing to write and harder yet to find a scenario that hasn't been overdone. I think you are on the right track with both! He isn't 'succumbing' to he proximity too quickly and you have managed to hold onto your plot at the same time.
I look forward to more!
Author's Response: Starmom, it is always a pleasure to have a fresh view on my work. I truly am my own worst critic, and this is what I am most critical about. So to have someone come in that hasn\'t been following the story and validate ten chapters of work is very gratifying. Thank you for taking the time to not only read it, but to review it as well. I will look forward to more of your reviews to come. Thank you. ~woomama
Summary: Harry Potter was presumed killed in the Final Battle years ago, and those he left behind moved on, slowly picking up the pieces of the lives that had been shattered by the Second War. However, over a decade after the defeat of evil, a young boy is captured by a desperate man in the search of revenge. Auror Ginny Weasley is assigned to find and rescue Alex Ryerson from the cluches of evil and runs into his muggle father, whose emerald eyes are heartbreakingly familiar.
It seems that secrets cannot stay safe forever...
part ten in queue as of sept. 29th!
[post-hogwarts, Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione]
I just caught up with your story! The subtle play of the mystery of Harry's story is intriguing and nicely done. I was moved by Hermione's reaction to seeing him.
I hope to know more about Alex as a character, separate from his function as kidnapee in the plot!
I look forward to more!
Summary: Come with me. I’ll take you back – back centuries, to the founding years of our great school, when the lives of four people changed our lives forever. Their names?
Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff, and Salazar Slytherin.
I should know.
I was their hat.
If you’d like to listen to the tale, I’ll read,
Spun out of ancient stories,
Set down by honest men,
With bold words,
And faithful pens.
Hehe.. I love the idea of having the Sorting Hat as the narrator. I'm sure it loves having a chance to really strut it's stuff!
Author's Response: Oh, doesn\'t it? xD IThanks for the review - much appreciated!
Summary: Summary: What happened on that fateful night at Godric's Hollow and the (still!) unknown events that followed in the next twenty four hours, before Harry's arrival on Privet Drive? What motivated the actions and decisions that were made in the years leading up to the defeat of Voldemort? The truth is neither black or white - only complicated shades of grey. Behind the stories of Lily Evans, Severus Snape and Peter Pettigrew we learn that we are all vulnerable to evil.
(written between HBP and DH - story is complete)
[url=http://fanfiction.mugglenet.com/viewstory.php?sid=59752&warning=6th-7th%20Years]Trust and Betrayal[/url]
Trust and Betrayal
Summary: One decision leads to an army of consequences, and a lifetime is not too long to spend amending them.
Very powerful ending to a heart-wretching vision of their future. Thank you.
Author's Response: Thank you; I\'m glad you liked it. ~Ken
Summary: Sexuality. I was always so proud of mine. Beauty. I never thought it harmful to be a lovely woman. Marriage. I didn't imagine the wedding bed would make me weak. When I was asked to stand for my blood and prove my worth, I failed. No, it was not because I was weak, but because I was Narcissa Malfoy: a woman.
This was a haunting story, well told! Narcissa is caught in this terrible web with no way out: damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.
Author's Response: First, congrats to everyone who finished this challenge! I have yet to work my way through the stories, but the ones I have read have been incredible. This was a great prompt, and I\'m glad that my humble little musings on Narcissa\'s testings were appriciated!
Summary: Hedwig and Pigwidgeon have a secret! How far will they go to keep it that way? Read to find out more...
A Short but Sweet story
Wow, i just realised that a whole section of Rendezvous has been missing ever since i first posted. This has now been fixed, so if you have already read this, please do again because the extra part is (I think) crucial. Sorry I never realised this untill now :(
Scroll down to the bottom if you dont want to reread, it is the last section of the fanfic
Yay!! I'm so happy to see your story validated here!
My fics are here as well, so come by and read!!
Author's Response: omg Hey!! Did you just find me by chance? I\'ll come and check your\'s out soon! I got validated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Summary: The Weasleys’ trip to Egypt was crucial to Ginny’s emotional recovery after the Chamber of Secrets. This is a missing moment that attempts to explain how Ginny overcame the trauma of Tom Riddle's possession.
You've captured Ginny's struggle so well and her 'confession' and 'renewel' so apt for the location!
I do worry for Fred & George though... hehehe
Author's Response: Thank!! I was always afraid I had exaggerated Ginny\'s feelings (after all, there wasn\'t much about how she coped with all that in the books), but your review has just my mind at ease... ;o)
Summary: Well... it's high time that I did something so completely insane that the wizards in white robes dragged me off to the closed ward in St. Mungo's.
So, I spoofed the entire album "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" by the Beatles, to be performed by your favourite Dark Lord and choice Death Eaters in the style of a rock opera. Eat your lonely hearts out!
I don't recommend this fic to those who are not at all familiar with the Beatles.
I think John Lennon just sat up and screamed.
Lovely Rita, indeed. *snigger*.
You do have a regular life, don't you?
Author's Response: *Pats John Lennon on the head and gives him his blankie and warm milk so he can go back to sleep* Actually, this took a surprisingly short time to accomplish. I\'d say about three hours total, over the course of two days. I do have some semblance of a life-- I mean, I go to school, I\'m in chorus and the school musical and improv and I take voice lessons, I go to church on Sundays and do my homework and hang out with my friends. I just have an incredibly insane mind and a bizarre sense of humour!