Summary: [Begun Pre DH] Draco, in order to avoid the wrath of the Dark Lord, negotiates his return to Hogwarts, the only place in the world he can be safe. Ginny, meanwhile, tries her hardest to forget everything about...(Boy-Who-Lived who?)...and focuses on her N.E.W.T. classes. Unfortunately, one moment of carelessness in Potions gives her a one-way ticket to weekly tutoring sessions with--yes--Draco Malfoy. This fic takes Draco/Ginny and attempts to make it go along with canon. Reviews are appreciated.
Difficult to say I like it, but your writing is good, and I'm intrigued. If you were to write more, I would read them.
Summary: Slowly it was rebuilt from the same node, from the same tiny green spark that hovered at the core of the spell as he fed it power. Power not just to destroy the thing, but to destroy all things, all the things that made him old and feeble and slowly withered him away; all the things that crippled and pained him. And the words formed with the energies as he manipulated them, churning endlessly as they sought what they required to fulfil his bidding. Mimicking the languages of old, learning from those from which it grew until it had a purpose of its own. Avada Kedavra, I destroy as I speak.
Interesting. I find the last sentence especially tantalizing if you read the fic from the perspective that there is no afterlife. It is not the forgiveness of a god he seeks, but his own, and he only has one way to escape his self-condemnation.
Maybe that's not at all what you meant, but I think a literal reading would dull the humanity and tragedy of your story.
You are a very good writer. Do you write other things (i.e. not fan fiction)?
Author's Response: Not believeing in an afterlife myself, I love the fact that you picked up on that perspective, since it was the on I personally like to view it from. Thank you for commenting on it.
I have attempted a few pieces of non-fanfiction. but non of them are completed and they are all very slow going. But you never know, one day =)
Summary: Draco Malfoy never claimed to be invincible. Somehow, he thought this would save him.
May 2007 Scrivenshaft Challenge Winner - Eureka!
I like the idea, and I think you have a good sense of imagery. But I think you need to work on the technical aspects of your writing.
The parentheticals disrupt the tone of the rest of the work, and make it much harder to get into. If you want to make those sorts of comments, I would try to write them from Malfoy's perspective, demonstrating his self-awareness, not the narrator's side-tracked thoughts.
You use the same idioms repeatedly. "It seems so right to him, somehow so fitting, that [...]"; "Too afraid to take a stand, too afraid to be wrong, too afraid to look like a fool, that [...]". There are others. If you're going to overuse sentence structures, do it with the simple ones. The complex ones stick out so much worse.
It feels as if you're trying to force a sort of grandeur, but don't know how to let it come naturally. In the context of this story, I would say shoot for simplicity in every aspect of the writing. That is not to say you should use plain, boring sentence structures, but that you should make an effort to not complicate them.
These are just a couple glaring things I noticed. Additionally, your beta should be riding your ass about grammar and tense. A bunch of minor slip ups can really interfere with reading any story. Example: "Maybe he would have had more options if he was." 'was' should be 'were' (subjunctive tense).
It's clear there is plenty of creativity there. With a compelling style, I think you could be writing some very good stuff.
Summary: Harry Potter is going back to Hogwarts. But things have changed, he has got a girlfriend He has an army backing him and a cup has fallen in to his hands. He's ready to fight. And why are a Stag and Dog tormenting Death Eaters?
Everything seems to be going too perfectly. Harry isn't good enough to take on Snape, as proved at the end of HBP. Remus feels safer knowing Harry? Huh?
This is starting off like a feel-good story. I'll probably read a bit more, but it will need to get much more interesting.
Author's Response: all wil be explained soon enough dont worry
Summary: The war between Voldmort and Harry has been over for 21 years and life has gone on. Now it's time for the next generation. Two orphans, that are suprisingly reminescent of Tom Marvolo Riddle and Harry Potter are going to Hogwarts, and there they'll learn of charms and transfiguration, goblins and potions. They'll meet the children of legends, fly on broomsticks, eat frogs made of chocolate. But ancient forces that have been lying dormant are stirring and the remenants of that battle so many years ago may be coming back to haunt them. There's something in the Forbidden Forest, the centaurs won't allow anyone, even Hagrid, into it. Students are getting sick, to the point of being on their deathbed, something's howling in the woods, and there's a whisper whisper about Dark wizards that escaped.
In the first year of the Black Twins, adventure waits in the darkest and brightest of places.
I like this, so far. Your writing is good. (It seemed a little halting at the beginning, but picked up as the chapter went on.) I'm looking forward to reading this story.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I\'m glad u like it.
Summary: Dobby gave his life to save Harry and his friends. Harry grieved for Dobby and buried him, but death was not the end for Dobby. Follow this selfless house-elf on his next great adventure.
Originally submitted to the Autumn Challenge’s The Next Great Adventure prompt.
Author's Response: Thanks!
Summary: In a world where the Order failed and Voldemort reigns supreme, Hermione concocts a desperate brilliant scheme to reach across dimensions and find a world where Voldemort was defeated and ask for help. And they find such a world, a world where Riddle was vanquished, a utopia where Wizards and Muggles live together under a benevolent dictatorship and Harold James Potter is the heir apparent of Lords Dumbledore and Grindelwald.
Good lord, who proofread this? I like the idea, but your grammatical and spelling errors are killing me. As I understand it, there are betas to help catch things like this. I'm not particularly intereted in reading works in progress, but I offer to proofread it just before you submit. I'm not sure how to arrange such a thing, but if you're interested, I'm sure we can make an arrangement.
I'm favoriting this, since I like it, for the most part. But *please* clean up the grammar and spelling.