Penname: Cirelondiel [Contact]
Real name: Chelsea
Member Since: 04/14/06
Website:
Beta-reader: Yes
Status: Member
Bio:

Hello! I'm Chelsea. The range of fanfiction genres I read and write is ever-expanding, and if I stop procrastinating there should be a fair few stories on this page soon. In the meantime, why not check out my favourites lists to find some excellent stories and authors?

I'm a canon shipper, and I also love rarepairs. Minor characters are my favourites to write! I'm addicted to second person POV, and I can't write plots to save my life.

You can find me on the Beta Boards under the same username - I'm not around much these days but if you drop me a PM I will respond. And if you read my fics, I'd be ever so grateful if you let me know what you think - reviews are love :)

One-shots

The Broom Cupboard - Fred/you. An angsty sort of romance, and probably the writing I'm most proud of :)

Chocolate Cheesecake - Sirius/Marlene. Again, a romance set in dark and difficult times, but this time with dessert.

Etched in Gold - Cedric/Katie. Short and sweet with that dash of impending doom that I seem to like to add >.<

Chaptered Fics

The Murder of Scorpius Malfoy - written for the Gauntlet, late 2008. I may or may not complete this someday. =/

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Reviews by Cirelondiel
 

Love at First Strike by Equinox Chick
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 13]

Summary: When Cupid and his trainee, Godfrey, arrive at Hogwarts, their plan is to bring some love into Angelina Johnson’s life. Cupid knows exactly who she should be with. Unfortunately, when Godfrey panics the second arrow ends up in a totally different place.

This is Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff and this is my entry in the Cupid Gone Crazy challenge.

I am not JK Rowling; I doubt you're surprised by that.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 3231 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/02/09 Updated: 02/03/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 02/27/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

What was it you said in the summary, Carole...?

 

I am not JK Rowling; I doubt you're surprised by that.

 

No, I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise us, but that’s because you have your own wonderful humourous voice which perfectly suited this story. Your writing is very matter-of-fact which makes this fic very funny – I love it.

 

The story moved along at a nice quick pace and was never dull, and the changing points of view worked smoothly (and really helped with the humour as well), but I thought the time jump between the third and fourth sections (‘two weeks later’) was a bit jarring. Was there a reason for the gap?

 

You captured Angelina very well, with her temper as Quidditch captain :) Of course, when she was infatuated with Terry she was crazily OOC – but I like that you retained her traits, such as the way she flares up at George calling Terry a prat. That helps keep her believable. Fred and George were also well-characterised – you got their speech just right. And then there’s Cupid and bumbling Godfrey. Heehee.

 

I like that you wove elements of mythology and canon into this story – everything from Venus and love potions to an appearance by Romilda (an underused character in fanfic if ever there was one!) and mention of Lily and James. It all comes together in a fic which was clearly very well thought out. All the detail really brings it to life and adds a sparkle like JKR’s writing has.

 

I have a few grammatical nitpicks:

 

“Tarry- a-while, young cherub [...]

 

^ Eek, typo. Remove the space after the first hyphen. 

[...] well, you’re Angelina Johnson. Gorgeous, Angelina Johnson. [...]

 

^ No need for a comma after gorgeous.

 

“Well, Angelina will be broken hearted for a while,” Cupid replied.

 

^ Hyphenate broken-hearted.

 

I must admit, the first time I read this I wasn’t that keen on the ending, because you revealed who Angelina is ‘meant’ to be with. I thought it would be nicer to let the reader make up their mind. But I can completely understand you wanting to take the chance to have your say (:D) and now that I think about it, it works nicely with the books because it’s a long time before Angelina and George actually get together.

 

All in all, this was a nice, light little story that had plenty of surprises to keep the reader engaged, and your writing style was just perfect for it. Good job.

 

-- Chelsea

Author's Response: Thank you Chelsea,

I have to say I wondered about the ending too. I was going to leave it up in the air, but I was having a 'George and Angelina belong together' type moment - probably because everyone says 'She's Fred's girlfriend.' ha ha. Thank you for pointing out the typo's; I shall fix accordingly. Um, time lapse. I don't know why I wrote it as two weeks later, I think I had it in mind that the DA meetings weren't that close to when Harry, Gred and Forge got banned from the match.

Thank you again for thereview - I do love Badgers! Carole xxx

 

I'm Waiting. by Heather25x
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Snape loved Lily from the moment they met. This is a snippet of how I think it could've happened when Lily told him about James and her, unknowingly breaking his heart.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 126 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/21/09 Updated: 03/29/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 04/01/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Heather! I simply adore this poem - short, sweet, perfect.

There seems to be an issue with the stanzas being bunched up - or did you mean to do that? I actually quite like it as little paragraphs with rhymes within them, it's different, like a drabble-poem, and I like things that are creative like that. But I remember seeing this in Poetry Anyone a long time ago, and it was set out like a regular poem then, right? Uh, enough on that, anyway, just check your formatting, I guess!

The first stanza is fabulous. The words - dreaming, daisies, hazy, blue sky - all come together to form a beautiful dreamy image.

The repetition and rhyming works really well, and give the poem that simple feel which is perfect.

The last stanza is also very effective - it's to the point, which makes it all the more sad - but replacing the comma after 'apart' with a full stop would make it better, I think, giving those last two lines more force.

Also, I believe that 'lay' in the last line should be 'lie', as it's a person not an object.

And this review is now at least twice as long as the poem, so I'll leave it there.

Amazing job, dear.

-- Chels



Author's Response: Ah! That was a complete accident. Me and my HTML mistakes lol. I'll fix that asap. Thank you for pointing it out, Chels, or I wouldn't have noticed lol. Thanks for the comments :) I'll go editing lol. <3

 

Twilit Woods by inspirations
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Past Featured Story

'The sun has set now - time goes so quickly for us. I wish we had longer.’

Two people have snatched moments together most evenings, under the shadow of the setting sun. Their meetings are forbidden. Hogwarts is safe, but the school grounds? They're not.


Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Student/Teacher Romance, Violence

Word count: 1175 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/24/09 Updated: 03/29/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 04/01/09 Title: Chapter 1: Time Goes So Quickly...

Hi Spire!

This is a good, atmospheric little story. Short and simple, but creepy.

I loved all the imagery at the beginning: the forlorn leaves, snaking tree roots, summery breeze. It all put me in mind of an evening that's warm, but where you have goosebumps anyway because it's kind of spooky. Really nicely done - the description's not too over-the-top.

The constant pattern of two adjectives before a noun threw me off, though - you had "light, summery breeze", "short, blonde curls", "sharp, musky scent", "sweet, minty kiss", and "dark, medium-length hair" in just the first three short paragraphs. I'd watch out for that next time - it sort of stopped what was otherwise a very evocative description from flowing quite right. In this case, I think changing the hair descriptions could help. Does the exact length of his hair really matter?

I like that you left plenty unsaid - the reader is left to imagine how Charity feels. The way you used onomatopoeia was really effective, too, conveying with a simple word what you could have spent a sentence describing.

About the name "Professor Clandestine"... well, of course it's fitting for a student-teacher relationship, but I think it's too obvious. Perhaps you could have used some translation or derivative of the word.

The transition from past to present tense at the end wasn't handles so smoothly, either. I found it confusing, at least. In this case it might have been better just to stick with the past, but then again, present tense really works for the last few lines, especially The woman has no head (what a simple yet shocking ending). I think if you change the whole last section to be in present, it would still make sense and would be much clearer.

This was a really interesting concept, and you pulled it off well all in all. Interesting choice of character! If you ever write Charity again, it would be interesting if you kept this as part of her background and explored how that shaped her. I'm wondering, what subject do you think Clandestine taught?

Again, nice job dear :)

-- Chelsea



Author's Response: Wow, thanks. I will look into your concrit when I get a chance - the suggestions you've left are really good, and I can see what you mean. And a subject for Clandestine... hm. If I remember correctly, I think when I was writing it I assumed he was the DADA or potions professor - you know, a somewhat darker subject. Thanks again! xx

 

As the Dawn Breaks by MerrryD
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 10]

Summary:

Love.

Love is healing. Love makes the world go ‘round. Love is all you need.

Yeah, okay.

Whoever said that, obviously forgot about the part where it could destroy you, leave you empty and worthless, numb to everything, except the suffocating pain of knowing you aren’t good enough.

Hate.

Hate is strong word. Hate destroys us. Hate is an ugly thing.

Says who?

Sometimes, it’s our hate that drives us. It fuels us, pushing us through the past, forcing us to accept what we have. It gives us a reason to move. It motivates us into action.

Sometimes, hate is all we have.

Lily/Sirius



Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 5977 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/29/09 Updated: 04/05/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 04/09/09 Title: Chapter 1: As the Dawn Breaks

Oh, Mere. This was very, very good. Very real, very evocative. Angsty, but not excessively so, with a hopeful ending and a few light touches to balance it.

You seem to have a gift for characterisation. Even Marlene, without really appearing in the fic, has a personality - caring and mischievous. She just leaps off the screen. Lily's emotions when she's in her flat before going to the bar are very realistic to me, too, her grief and utter desperation. You really made me feel what she was feeling. Later on, as well, when she's feigning being okay and almost babbling - that was an excellent touch, and would be humourous if it wasn't all a cover for Lily's immense pain. James - oh, I felt sorry for him, poor sweet naive James. You were true to his character: trusting in his best friend and so in love with Lily that he didn't notice anything between them. And Sirius... well, you managed to avoid making him a total cliche, while still having him as a seducer. Well done! He was complex, too: I wasn't quite sure whether to be charmed or repulsed. The latter, I think. The way he seemed respectful to Marlene but then seemed to be not just celebrating her memory, but actually taking advantage of the Lily's state to seduce her... he wastes no time, and it seems to be a calculated move, not one fueled by alcohol, which makes him quite a jerk, really. And then his claims of having to end things with her because he loved her - well, it's impossible to know how truthful he is there, hmm...

You come up with fantastic metaphors, as well. I loved the band/headache one. However, I must say it seemed a bit awkward having that play such a prominent role in one passage of the fic (especially as it's quite Muggle-ish) but not appearing anywhere else - it could have been really effective if you'd woven it in earlier and had music as a theme tying the whole fic together. Anyway, I also adored this passage:

Determination, anger, and hatred surged through her, powering her up out of her chair and into the shower. She washed off a week of sweat, tears, and heartbreak. She scrubbed away the drowning grief of Marlene’s murder. She rinsed off the life-sucking power of Sirius’s sugar-coated, I-love-you break up.

Just... *loves*. The repetition of 'she' makes it cohesive, but the different washing-related words give it variation... wow, it's just really well-written and empowering.

You captured the passion of Sirius and Lily's encounter very well without being graphic, too.

Unfortunately, there were a few spots where I thought the writing could be more polished - things could be clearer and more eloquently expressed. For example, in the opening passage, I think you overused descriptions of eyes to refer to the characters. And in the very first passage, 'group' and 'seemed' kept appearing - I don't think the last sentence really needs to be there, actually. Perhaps you need to focus a bit on keeping your writing simple - your expressiveness and wonderful plot and characterisation will still be there even when you cut out a few words.

I loved how you used the quote and the pairing and came up with this fantastic unique fic that puts James, Lily and Sirius into new lights - and fits with canon! You explored the fine line dividing love and hatred, and I like that in the end Sirius' behaviour provided the means of Lily coming to appreciate James.

All in all, Mere, your storytelling is fantastic. This was a well-constructed fic with excellent characterisation and grasp on emotions. Chipping away just a tiny bit more will make your gems sparkle even more brightly :)

&hearts;

Chels

 

Unwanted Gifts by jenny b
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Lily Evans and Severus Snape were best friends. Always had been, perhaps always would be. But there is a thin line between them – a line that has always held Severus back from showing Lily how he really feels about her.

One Christmas, he steps over the line, and gives Lily a simple gift she did not ask for. A kiss.

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1989 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/22/09 Updated: 04/28/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 04/30/09 Title: Chapter 1: Unwanted Gifts

Ooh, Jen. It’s almost May, but any time’s a good time for a Christmas story, right? And this one had lots of the warm Christmassy feeling I love, but a lot of colder bits too.

Now, to be honest, I don’t think this is your strongest work – but of course, it was written before quite a few of your other one-shots, and you're always getting better and better :) Anyway, at first I thought the writing could be brushed up a little bit. However, soon enough I was drawn in to this sweet and sad little story. The writing and storyline are simple, but they’re also very powerful. This was a very moving and lovely fic.

You captured Lily well – as she was in DH, your Lily is very caring and clearly does love Severus. Sev, too, was true to his young book!self. I absolutely adored this part:

‘Thanks,’ he said, pulling gently at the tape on the ends. He was always meticulous in opening his presents – Lily had never seen him rip the paper. He always folded it carefully afterwards, so it could be reused.

It’s so like him – careful and neat. I really can imagine that he would take care of material things like that, as he probably realised that his family didn’t have enough money to be wasteful. That whole paragraph was a really nice touch.

And mmm, I could picture the scenes perfectly. I could smell the cookies, and see the rain outside and the warm snug house, and feel Sev’s cold hand and Lily’s hot cheeks. I don’t know how you did it, but your writing was so simple yet so evocative. Just mmm.

The couple of issues I had with the writing:

In the beginning, it just didn’t quite flow comfortably – part of the problem was that it seemed like too many sentences were beginning with ‘she’ - which prevented me from getting into the story straight away. As I said before, though, the story quickly fell into place and I happily read along without noticing any more awkwardness.

… er, well, except for a couple of spots where the POV seemed to switch and we saw things through Sev’s eyes, but I can’t find any way to fix them, really, so it’s probably not much use to point them out to you. Well, one of them was this:

Friends. Best friends, actually. And that was enough for now, even for Severus.But I suppose that it could be Lily recognising that Sev’s accepted the situation for now, so it sort of works. Or, (I’m probably going to sound insane here but…) it was a switch from third person limited to omniscient which sort of felt like the final shot in a movie, zooming out from Lily’s face, to the two friends, to them sitting by the river (to all of Spinner’s End to the whole of England to the earth ;)…) [And on a different note, that last line really reminded me of Mark (eep, I think?) in Love Actually, after Juliet kisses him. “Enough. Enough for now.” ♥]

Oh, and one last thing – do Brits say ‘cookies’?

Overall, dear, this really was a lovely warm (but unfluffy) Christmas story about love and friendship. It's *contented sigh*-inducing, and just makes me want to curl up with a blanket and hot chocolate. Really nice work :D

-- Chels



Author's Response: Oh, yay! A lovely Chels review. :) Argh, I completely agree with you on this not being my strongest fic. I don't know if you know, but this was written from seeing the prompts to being completed within a few hours - it was an emergency SSIV when someone couldn't complete one. So I think that explains the not-so-great quality, although I should have probably fixed it up a little more. I didn't even notice the mistakes in POV or the beginning - I mgiht go back and try and edit a bit more. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, though, as I love it to bits despite it's mistakes. It's such a cutesy Christmas story, hee. You're absolutely amazing, dearm and thank you for this review. :)

 

I Still Remember by jenny b
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: As kids, they were best friends. Practically inseperable, climbing trees every day at the Potters. It was always them. Teddy and Victoire.

But things change. And so do people. They grow up, move on. Make new friends, and forget all about lazy summers spent sitting in treetops. For a while.

But it doesn't take much to bring the memories back. And Teddy is determined to do just that.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1897 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/02/09 Updated: 05/09/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 05/09/09 Title: Chapter 1: I Still Remember

I read this a while ago on spewswap, Jen, and I’m sorry I didn’t comment but this really did make me smile (at a time when I needed to!).

This was a lovely, lovely little fic. You guide us through Teddy’s happy memories with simple, nostalgic prose, then capture the way friends can drift apart, and the moments that can make you realise you miss someone and you’ve missed out on their friendship. And, of course, the ending is plain and perfect.

I love the tiny touches you added to bring Victoire to life: “wispy”, “breezed in, talking at a hundred miles an hour”, “a long leg and a shimmer of blonde hair”. The way these little things are dotted through the story builds up her character slowly. I also like that she has plenty of Weasleyness in her – being outdoorsy and adventurous, not haughty and cold.

He passed Victoire in the halls every now and then. At first they would stop and say hello. Then that drifted into smiles and nods, until finally there was just ignorance. And it was over.

I can relate… that’s exactly what happens. Poor Teddy and Victoire L I love how you wrote this: no fights or dramas, just drifting apart until “it was over.”

And then, when he saw her again and ‘really looked at her for the first time in years’…

She caught him watching her, and their eyes locked. Only for a second. But that one second was perfectly long enough to bring the memories flooding back from where he had locked them all those years ago. The smell of the tall pine trees. The feel of his sticky hands after eating watermelon. The sound of her laugh. The view from the treetops, and how they had thought they could see to the end of the world.

Then she looked away, and the moment was gone. With a quick goodbye to Harry, Victoire was gone as well, out the door and back into her life. The life that he was no longer a part of; the life that he hadn’t been a part of for seven years.

Like Carole, I just adore that passage. It was like time froze, was suspended, for that moment as all those details rushed in to Teddy’s – and the reader’s – mind. And you wove in different senses, which was just perfect to conjure the scene in my head.

And then…

But any obstacle could be overcome, even seven-year silences.

Again, this really touched me: I believe that long periods apart don’t prevent relationships with the most important people in our lives being rebuilt. If that makes sense >.>

What are you waiting for?’ Albus called up to Teddy. ‘Kiss her!’

And so he did.

afjkhdfa;aaaaawwww! Just a simple, charming ending to a simple, charming fic. The whole thing is nicely non-fluffy: it’s more about their friendship and shared happy memories than romance. I LOVE IT. [/caps lock, sorry *hides*] But I mean, this part here could just as easily be the end of the fic… the kiss is a lovely little bonus (:D) :

She smiled. ‘Best friends forever, right?’

‘Of course.’

She took his hand in her own, squeezing it tightly. He felt a warmth spread throughout his body, and a broad smile crossed his face. It felt as if everything were right again. Then he checked himself. He was sitting in a tree, holding hands with Victoire. Of course everything was right.

Just a couple of typos to point out, and then I’ll be on my way…

Soon Teddy turned eleven, and he couldn’t fall out of trees everyday anymore.

everyday => every day

Teddy waited a week, spending all his spare time at the Potters house.

Potters => Potters’

But all in all, a delightful little fic. I like the way you do next-gen, Jen, making the kids a nice blend of their parents yet clearly unique human beings, and putting them into scenarios which make for lovely stories :)

-- Chels



Author's Response: :) Thank you, Chels. What an amazing review. I am so glad you enjoyed it (and never mind not commenting on spewswap; this is much better!) Yay that you like my description! This is a different style to what I usually write, and description in this was really getting to me. >.< As with the ending, when I was writing it I almost left that part out - like you pointed out, I wanted it to be more about their friendship than the romance. But the song I was listening to (something by Fall Out Boy, I can't remember the title) has "What are you waiting for? Kiss her" in the lyrics, and it just seemed fitting. :) I'll go and fix those typos right now. *hugs* Thanks again for the review!

 

Dark Blood by fruitandextranutcase
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: It's 1935, and when Ysabelle Rosier's brother is the victim of a grisly murder, she vows to get her revenge. As her sixth year at Hogwarts dawns, she encounters not only muddled clues and the whims of her N.E.W.T. level teachers but also the unwanted affections of Hyperion Malfoy - not to mention the more intriguing ones of Muggle-born Will Roberts. Unwittingly sucked into the world of pureblood, Mudblood and murder, Ysabelle finds herself sinking helplessly out of her depth…

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 7448 Chapters: 3 Completed: No
Published:
05/14/09 Updated: 07/15/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 05/31/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One - Sermons and Secrets

Hello!

This opening chapter was very well-written and has me intrigued.

So many questions have been raised – who killed Evander (and why), why does his father want it hushed up, why is it such a secret even from the other children? You’ve presented us with an interesting array of characters and I’m looking forward to seeing their journeys as the mystery unfolds.

The description in this fic is just wonderful – detailed but not excessive, and highly evocative. You’re very skilled at using the setting to create a mood, such as in the opening paragraph:

A young man walks briskly down the murky alleyway, his head down and his shoulders hunched. A street lamp nearby flickers ominously before fading out, and the passage is plunged into darkness; the man is visibly unruffled, but his pace quickens slightly as the first feathery drops of rain begin to fall.

This conjures up a clear image in my mind, and I love the description of the rain as ‘feathery’ – unusual yet realistic! A quick nitpick here, though – beginning both sentences with ‘A’ made this feel slightly awkward to me. This could be easily remedied by saying “Nearby, a street lamp flickers ominously…”. Then the writing would flow beautifully right from the start :)

I also adored this passage:

The weather was a shallow mockery of the bleak occasion; almost cruel, I thought, as I forced myself to place one foot in front of the other. In truth, it was a beautiful day, now coming to a close; swelteringly hot but for a pleasant breeze playing among the trees, the carefree twittering of birds constant in my ears. The sun was shining in all its splendour, spilling warm golden light over the neatly shorn clearing, and clouds were perched, fat and fluffy, in the pastel blue sky.

Again, your carefully-chosen words paint a lovely picture, and I like how you juxtaposed the weather with Ysabelle’s grief (that’s a favourite thing of mine to do in writing!).

This chapter very effectively introduced us to the five (remaining) Rosiers – I already feel like they each have a distinct personality and back-story, and there’s a lot to be explored in the relationships between them. I like that you’ve avoided casting them as pure-blood ‘bad guys’, particularly by specifying they’re not all Slytherins; it gives me the feeling this fic won’t be another “rebellious daughter breaks away from family of prejudiced gits”. Still, there are plenty of things that remind us we’re reading about a pure-blood family in JKR’s world. All in all, it feels like this fic will blend very well into the Potterverse while still being a fresh new story. Well done!

This chapter is everything a first chapter should be – a good introduction to the characters and the plot without being slow or dull. Your writing style is just fabulous and I’m really looking forward to reading more – keep up the great work!

-- Chelsea

Author's Response: Thankyouthankyouthankyou for the review! I loved how you cared enough to put so much detail in - makes me all warm inside! :) Chapter two's being beta'd at the moment, so hopefully it'll be up soon. Oh, and thanks for the nitpick - I'll change that ASAP. Ooh, the Rosier family are like oxygen to me. I won't reveal too much, but Silvanus - and Druella, seeing as she managed to produce Bellatrix - is definitely a Bad Egg. I have quite honestly fallen in love with the whole lot. <3 Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy chapter two!

 

Loved and Lost by coolh5000
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 16]

Summary: Past Featured StorySitting in his History of Magic lesson in mid-June, Sixth-year Teddy Lupin has a sudden feeling of unease. Unable to explain it, he pushes the feeling aside, but can't seem to shake the idea that something has gone seriously wrong. Only later that evening does he finally find out what, and then his world changes forever.

This was written for SPEW 007 with the prompt, 'ache' This is quite an angsty one-shot - you have been warned!

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 3028 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/23/09 Updated: 05/23/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 06/30/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hannah, my dear SPEW buddy!

Quite a good little fic you have here, but sad, of course.

Your writing is very detailed and you really paint a picture of an entirely normal (wizard) boy at an entirely normal (wizarding) school, where the teenagers have nothing more to think about than the excitement of the approaching holidays and coming of age – quite a contrast to the drama of Harry’s years! This line was one of my favourites:  Unfortunately, the professors weren’t in the same relaxed, winding down mood as the students, and seemed determined to keep pushing the sixth-years until the very last day. I think every school student knows that feeling! All in all, it’s very easy to relate to this fic.

Opening with the History of Magic lesson both provides the context for the fic, showing what has changed since the war, and adds a bit to Teddy’s characterisation. An explanation of how old Binns was convinced to retire would have been nice ;) , but ‘an afterlife of leisure’ was a nice touch of humour. The whole opening is quite light, which works with that sense of normalcy to provide a setting which greatly contrasts with Teddy’s anxiety.

I really love the emphasis on family and friendship! It’s nice how close all the Weasleys are, and how Teddy and Victoire’s relationship seems completely platonic, at least for now. You didn’t mention Victoire’s looks at all, which helps with avoiding making her a clichéd beauty and lets us see her for her personality – as a strong, good friend to Teddy.

I think you’ve captured McGonagall quite well, with her direct, formal language and clear compassion for her students. I’m not convinced that she would go so far as to theorise about Andromeda’s death, though… perhaps if you’d shown us that the two women were quite close, that would be more IC?

Teddy’s reaction to the news, from the disbelief to the guilt, is all very realistic, and the way Harry and Victoire care for him is touching.

All in all, very nice job. I think you have quite a knack for post-Hogwarts characterisation – I might go check out some of your other Teddy writing now :D

-- Chels

 

Snuffed by Indigoenigma
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: All Bill needed to be perfect was a pretty girlfriend. Young, gorgeous, part Veela, and preferrably French.

It was a real shame, then, that the perfect girl was dating Charlie.

Not that it mattered to Bill.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 1467 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/24/09 Updated: 06/01/09


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 06/30/09 Title: Chapter 1: Flame

Ooh, Kelly, a very interesting little one-shot you have here.

The thing that really stood out to me was the way you made the prompt your own. I adore the use of the candle to represent light and a flame, and the simple yet very effective title. I wouldn’t have thought to make such a dark story out of the quote, but with the pairing you chose it works well, fitting into the canon timeline and putting an interesting new spin on the dynamic between Bill and Charlie. And the fact that we know from JKR that Charlie never marries comes into play in my interpretation of this fic, making your story all the more sad. I love little fics like this - fics that explore possibilities that are never hinted at in canon, but could well fit into the story we know and love.

In the opening flashback, your language instantly painted a picture of a saucy, flirty Fleur, so different to the devoted, maternal one we see at the end of HBP. This Fleur really seems to suit Charlie, from what we know of him as a man seeking adventure and excitement. And later, when Charlie thinks of all the little things that Bill has taken from him (… the laughter and silly teasing…), we see again that the things he’s looking for in a relationship are warmth, fun, happiness. Bill, of course, is presented in a different light to in canon, but he’s not OOC. In fact, it’s believable that he would be used to having everything.

The only aspect of this story that I think could have been improved is that it seemed to end too suddenly (and I’m not just saying that because I wanted to read more :D). Perhaps if some of the second section had been included in the last section the story would have been more balanced overall. [Then again, despite what I said before, perhaps hearing Bill or Fleur’s side of the story would also help to finish off this story, answering some of those unanswered questions which are taunting me and Charlie – how could they do that to him? ;)]

Overall, though, this was a great story which presents characters in original but believable ways. If you ever happen to write more about this love triangle, do let me know!

-- Chelsea



Author's Response: Oh, writing Bill's side of this would be awfully fun. I'll put it on the list of things to think about, definitely. You know, it's actually kind of funny that you mention my prompt. I kind of glanced at it, wrote the story, and then took a better look at it and figured that I misinterpreted. But as I didn't have time to rewrite, I just submitted it as it was. I'm glad that you thought that the interpretation was alright. XD Thank you for the lovely review!

 
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