Penname: Cirelondiel [Contact]
Real name: Chelsea
Member Since: 04/14/06
Website:
Beta-reader: Yes
Status: Member
Bio:

Hello! I'm Chelsea. The range of fanfiction genres I read and write is ever-expanding, and if I stop procrastinating there should be a fair few stories on this page soon. In the meantime, why not check out my favourites lists to find some excellent stories and authors?

I'm a canon shipper, and I also love rarepairs. Minor characters are my favourites to write! I'm addicted to second person POV, and I can't write plots to save my life.

You can find me on the Beta Boards under the same username - I'm not around much these days but if you drop me a PM I will respond. And if you read my fics, I'd be ever so grateful if you let me know what you think - reviews are love :)

One-shots

The Broom Cupboard - Fred/you. An angsty sort of romance, and probably the writing I'm most proud of :)

Chocolate Cheesecake - Sirius/Marlene. Again, a romance set in dark and difficult times, but this time with dessert.

Etched in Gold - Cedric/Katie. Short and sweet with that dash of impending doom that I seem to like to add >.<

Chaptered Fics

The Murder of Scorpius Malfoy - written for the Gauntlet, late 2008. I may or may not complete this someday. =/

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Reviews by Cirelondiel
 

Summary: WARNING! This story contains a jingle-bell antler headband, a shower of potatoes, boy/girl mushiness, underwear karaoke, family trouble, an excessively adorable werewolf, death, the song "Werewolves of London," betrayal, and the word 'Jordan' five times in a row near the beginning of chapter seven.


Twenty-one years after Voldemort's defeat, five fourth-years are faced with a new threat. Will all of the five stay true to the light side? Will they all emerge whole in the end? Will Jordan Potter ever get a life? You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gasp, you'll sigh! Part one in a trilogy!


Well, after much deliberation and consideration, I've decided to submit my future-gen trilogy! This particular installment is three years old, so it's definitely different from my current writing style, but I'm quite fond of the characters.


DH is disregarded. It's a total coincidence that one of the main characters is named Ted Lupin.


Starring Quicksilver Quills 2008 Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, and Emma Weasley, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin!

Five times nominated (once for each member of Potter's Pentagon!) for the Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards, and nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards...


Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 45143 Chapters: 10 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/18/07 Updated: 10/03/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 09/05/07 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7: In Which Hogwarts Gets Its Groove On

Well, first off, the titile of this chapter is great :-) The next one is, too 'in which havoc is wreaked'. I hope that chappie gets validated soon.

So...some comments for this chapter:

~ It's great how you had the ball and then a bit of a twist. I think that's very much like JKR's style, you've got a nice balance of their school lives plus the imminent danger of some villain all throughout the fic.

~ I liked how you mentioned that Hermione was always business-like at Hogwarts, even to her own daughter. That seems quite realistic to me, I think you've got her characterisation just right. The bit where she sticks her head in and informs Ron that he was trying not to cry was good, too. Ron's behaviour in that passage was very him as well.

~ “Jordan’s not the only one here who’s ‘a beast’ and ‘fantastic,’” commented Ted with a mock pout, holding up his Care of Magical Creatures textbook. “Look, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Werewolves are on page 41!”

Author's Response: I\'m really glad that you thought I pulled off the balance of dark-ness and happiness well... I was trying to get the tone of the story to sound like it fits into the Potterverse. ^_^

 
Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 09/05/07 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7: In Which Hogwarts Gets Its Groove On

Well, first off, the titile of this chapter is great :-) The next one is, too 'in which havoc is wreaked'. I hope that chappie gets validated soon.

So...some comments for this chapter:

~ It's great how you had the ball and then a bit of a twist. I think that's very much like JKR's style, you've got a nice balance of their school lives plus the imminent danger of some villain all throughout the fic.

~ I liked how you mentioned that Hermione was always business-like at Hogwarts, even to her own daughter. That seems quite realistic to me, I think you've got her characterisation just right. The bit where she sticks her head in and informs Ron that he was trying not to cry was good, too. Ron's behaviour in that passage was very him as well.

~ “Jordan’s not the only one here who’s ‘a beast’ and ‘fantastic,’” commented Ted with a mock pout, holding up his Care of Magical Creatures textbook. “Look, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Werewolves are on page 41!”

Author's Response: Ack, double-post!

 
Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 09/05/07 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7: In Which Hogwarts Gets Its Groove On

Okay...what happened... it put up my review twice, but only half of it!... If it's still there now anyway... I tried to delete it but it didn't seem to work...
Anyway, what I was going to say was I liked that Ted bit, he reminds me a lot of Remus and it's good to see him getting funny lines (and coping well with his werewolfism...yes I made up a word...I can't think of the real word...)

~ I also liked the bit with Edwin saying he has more charisma than the stiff weedy head boy, he seems a bit like Percy but way way funnier.

~ And I was glad that Emma started to feel sorry for what she said to Tyrone. Also the fact that she can do a Patronus and noticed the Invisibility Cloak really showed that she's an Auror's daughter and niece. I'm pretty sure Invisibility Cloak is meant to have capitals though, which you didn't do, so you might want to check that.

I'm looking forward to reading more. Keep up the good work :-)

Cirelondiel

Author's Response: Harhar, I like to say \"Werewolfism\" and \"werewolfyness,\" because the real word, \'lycanthropy,\" sounds like a cleaning product or something. I didn\'t know Invisibility Cloak was capitalised... for some reason, I only thought it was capitalised when it was talking about the cloak that\'s one of the three Deathly Hallows. I\'m going to have to check on that! Thanks!

 
Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 10/04/07 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

Wow! So much suspense and action and SUPERBNESS! I was totally shocked about Jordan joining the dark side and then shocked about Haley killing him and then confused and finally really relieved when he turned out good! This chapter was one amazing emotional rollercoaster!

Emma blinked. “What--are--we--waiting--for? RUN!” And they did so, out the front door (It was actually supposed to be guarded by a prefect, but luckily, Haley covered the others with an invisibility cloak-- she always kept the cloak in her ‘pockety’ jacket. In any case, the prefect on duty didn’t seem to be there) and out into the moonlight yard.
^ A couple of issues with that section:
- It should say moonlit not moonlight.
- There's some problems with the punctuation in the parentheses... I'm not exactly sure how to fix it but there should be some sort of punctuation mark before you close the brackets...it doesn't look quite right.
Anyway, that detail seemed like a bit of a random 'oh-how-so-...coincidental...' moment but of course we later find out that Ophidias should have been there so it all makes sense, which is great (I read this chappie ages ago but didn't review at the time and now I've already read the last chapter.)

“Where--are--we--going?” panted Haley, clutching a stitch in her side.

“Following--you,” gasped Emma.

“I--was--following--you!” puffed Ivy.

“Me--too,” added Haley.

Emma blinked. “What--are--we--waiting--for? RUN!”


^ So realistic. That happens to me all the time. I love how they get all caught up in discussing where they're going and then are like 'Hey, why are we wasting time?' and rush off again...


The interaction between Ivy and Draco was great. It made me laugh when Draco was all confused and like 'Huh? But you look like Ivy...'. But in all seriousness it was great to see Ivy confronting her father and telling him what she thinks!

Love the chapter title, as always! It sounded like this would be a super-romantic chappie, but -wham- you hit us with all the action and a very differnet type of kiss. Although of course there was the Ted/Ivy 'kiss'- so sweet :-) This chapter ended really nicely.

Now, we’re going to have to move Malfoy’s body--” he shuddered slightly here Understandably :P

Love the detail about Haley's pink sequined ballet flats. (You did write that, right? I can't find the quote now anywhere...) She is such a normal hyperactive girly girl! And that detail contrasts so much with the situation, it's really funny. *Reads other reviews* I love ballet flats too! I got a new pair today :D I'm maybe a little bit taller than average so I can wear them without being miles shorter than everyone else. High heels hurt my feet and I feel a bit like a giraffe in them... tall and skinny... Anyway, end of my random ramble about shoes ;-)

I was disappointed to read the words 'penultimate chapter'. And then I realised that there are more books to come about my beloved Ted, Ivy, Haley etc!! (The words 'book one of a trilogy' in the summary should have been a clue... apparently I forgot about that until nearly the end of this book). So, I'm super excited to see what they get up to next. After the last chapter of this fic, of course, which I shall go review...right now!

Hmm...that was a rather disjointed review. Meh, I think I included all of my major thoughts. See you in the reviews page of chapter 10, Schmergo!

(I didn't put many exclamation marks in this review, but I think this chappie deserves some. So here you go: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your lovely review and storms of exclamation marks. I am the queen of typos... I never seem to notice them when I write my own stories, and I hate them on everyone else\'s when I beta! Hooray for hypocracy?

I love ballet flats, though I\'m a shortie like Haley... I have brown ones with gold sparkles, red sparkly ones, black shiny ones with bows, and camouflage ones. I think I like shoes a little too much.

 
Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 10/04/07 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Are Called Just That

Fantastic, as always, Schmergo! My favourite bits are too numerous for me to put them all in here, so I'll just say that overall, this final chapter worked really well. Over the whole story, you've definitely had plenty of character development and this chapter tied up several knots but you've left enough open for the next book, so suffice to say I'm really looking foward to the book 2 to find out all that happens to your wonderful characters!

Oh yeah, and about your OCs:
I really liked Ted, and then probably Jordan (apparently quite a few of the readers of this fic like smart boys ;-) ) and Ivy. Haley is an uber-fun character as well, I find her hilarious.

I think I'm alone here, and I'm sorry to say this, but I don't really like Emma. She had some funny lines which I really liked and as a character she's pretty well-rounded so I'm not saying she's a bad character, it's more that I don't like her personality, she's not the kind of person I could be friends with in real life. So it's kind of like how I think, say, Snape is a FANTASTIC character but he's still not a likeable person. So, that's just my thoughts on Emma. I think I'm just still holding a grudge against her for saying that thing about Tyrone's mother being dead to him. I felt so sorry for Tyrone then :-(

ANYWAY, my point is your characters are all well-characterised and Ted, Ivy, Haley, Jordan and even Tyrone I find totally loveable. If had to pick my absolute favourite it would be Ted and my least fave would be Emma.

So, yeah, overall...GREAT FIC!!!

:-D Cirelondiel

ZOMG! I almost hit submit and then I remembered Edwin Weasley!! I *love* him too!

Author's Response: Oh, thank you very much! I definitely understand why you don\'t like Emma as much, because she\'s very emotionally immature and she can be not-very-tactful. Of the people who read this story (and the other two) before I put it up on MNFF, almost all of them disliked Emma.

Hehehe, Edwin... I like him as welll.

 

Me, Myself, and Viktor Krum? by LUV2READ
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: One-Shot written for Electronic Quillster's NEWT Level Romance class.

Updated from a drabble I wrote for an OWL Level Romance class.
Enjoy!

Categories: School Assignments Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1227 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/19/07 Updated: 06/20/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 01/29/08 Title: Chapter 1: Me, Myself, and Viktor Krum?

Great job! I think you got Hermione's character just right, and Krum's accent too, which can be tricky. I think you did this missing-moment type scene very realisticly.

I did spot a couple of typos, though:
Immediately Madam Pince swooped down on me,
The comma at the end should be a full stop.

Honestly, I think she is a bit of an old maid and rather dread becoming like here.
It should be 'her', not 'here'.

"Great." I reply cheerfully, "I'll see you there."
You need a comma after 'great', not a full stop.

Excellent job though, this was very cute!

~ Chelsea

Author's Response: Thanks, Chelsea! I\'m glad you liked it!

 

A Time to Stand by Karalyn
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 22]

Summary: While Harry if off hunting horcruxes, Neville and the rest of his friends and classmates are not sitting idly by.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4206 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
08/07/07 Updated: 08/21/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 08/25/07 Title: Chapter 2: Hogwarts

Great job! I think you've got the characterisations just right, especially Seamus in this chapter- it's great how you thought about his background and explained his reasons for fighting. McGonagall and Snape were great too.

One teeny mistake in this chapter that I spotted:
"You’re new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Carrow, will see to that..."
The word at the beginning of this sentence should be "your" not "you're".

Looking forward to the next chappie :-)

~Cirelondiel

 
Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 08/25/07 Title: Chapter 2: Hogwarts

Great job! I think you've got the characterisations just right, especially Seamus in this chapter- it's great how you thought about his background and explained his reasons for fighting. McGonagall and Snape were great too.

One teeny mistake in this chapter that I spotted:
"You’re new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Carrow, will see to that..."
The word at the beginning of this sentence should be "your" not "you're".

Looking forward to the next chappie :-)

~Cirelondiel

 
Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 08/25/07 Title: Chapter 2: Hogwarts

Great job! I think you've got the characterisations just right, especially Seamus in this chapter- it's great how you thought about his background and explained his reasons for fighting. McGonagall and Snape were great too.

One teeny mistake in this chapter that I spotted:
"You’re new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Carrow, will see to that..."
The word at the beginning of this sentence should be "your" not "you're".

Looking forward to the next chappie :-)

~Cirelondiel

 

Taxicab Conversations by cto10121
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 103]

Summary: James Potter is about to give up his pursuit of his six-year crush, Lily Evans. But will he change his mind after an enlightening conversation with an understanding taxicab driver? One-shot, R&R!!



Excerpt:



“Have you ever fallen in love?” James asked hesitantly.



“Yep.”



“Have you ever loved her with all your heart and soul?”



“Yep.”



“Have they never requited your love?”



“Yep.”



“Have you ever thought of giving them up?”



“Yep. Did it too. Was without a doubt the worse mistake I’ve made in me bloody life.”




Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2978 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/08/07 Updated: 08/08/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 08/09/07 Title: Chapter 1: Taxicab Conversations

Very clever little fic! I was pleasantly surprised by the ending. This is very nice, keep up the good work :-)

 

Click! by Pussycat123
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 59]

Summary: Before Harry’s fifth year at Hogwarts, he is shown a group photo of the original Order of the Phoenix, back when it was his parents fighting against Voldemort.

But a photo doesn’t show their lives, their personalities, their every day conversations ... or how much organising can be needed to take one single photograph when you have a room full of people – especially when four of whom liked to call themselves “Marauders” back in their school days ...


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1580 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/23/07 Updated: 08/31/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 09/01/07 Title: Chapter 1: Click!

Nice little fic here. You really have provided a lovely snapshot, no pun intended, of the personalities of the characters.

I love how you explained how the Potters possibly got their cat. I just love it when fics have subtle links to canon like that :-)

And like the other reviewers have said, it was tinged with sadness, quite bitter-sweet because we know of the eventual fates of everyone.

I thought your canon-compliancy, clarity of writing and grammatical accuracy were very good. Along with the skilful way that you portrayed the characters by 'showing, not telling', as we're always reminded to do, this made for a sweet, well-thought out story that captures a moment in time very well. You also managed to weave in plenty of humour, which is great :-)

Only one thing jumped out for me to nitpick after a quick reread: Sirius says he's used to living with a House Elf. The capitalisation and punctuation nedds to be fixed there, it should be house-elf.

But overall, great work! I really enjoyed this. Keep it up!

Cirelondiel :-D

Author's Response: Thanks, I\'ll fix that problem as soon as I\'m done answering this. I\'m really glad you enjoyed the story, you seem to have picked up on a lot of the things I was trying to do. I love the long, detailed reviews like this, so thanks again! Although, I love all reviews ... =D

 

A Life's Worth by Hypatia
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Walburga Crabbe prepares to defend her werewolf grandson from any who would hurt him, even the rest of his family.

A companion piece to A Woman Scorned, detailing some moments in Alphard’s childhood through his Granny Crabbe’s eyes and his.


Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2018 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/30/07 Updated: 08/31/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 09/01/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Life's Worth

This is very nice. I love how you keep filling out the characters you developed in the original A Woman Scorned one-shot. Keep up the good work :-)

Author's Response: Thanks, I really love getting to write about the Black family. I\'m hoping to have at least one more story about them.

 

Mischief Never Managed by HellFromPeeves
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 51]

Summary: Mai loves Fred, and Fred loves Mai. They've been dating since their fifth year at Hogwarts, and Mai's been living and working with Fred and George at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes since she graduated. So what happens to Mai (and George), leading up to, during, and after the battle at Hogwarts? And with the surprises that are in store for everyone along the way, life's going to be anything but easy.

Chapter 15 is up! Huzzah!



Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Situations

Word count: 26288 Chapters: 16 Completed: No
Published:
09/01/07 Updated: 08/06/08


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 11/28/07 Title: Chapter 6: An Impossible Reality

Oh my! I've just read five chapters in one sitting, and it stops here! I hope the next chappie gets validated soon, because you really have left me wondering. Poor, poor Mai. I'm absolutely intrigued to find out how she deals with this and what happens with the baby. Good job, Allison, for drawing me so much into the characters' lives. I love this fic :-)

~ Chelsea

Author's Response: I\'m glad you like it. I\'m rather happy with this chapter\'s cliffhanger myself. :D This chapter was actually one of the first ones I wrote, since it\'s so incredibly important.

 
Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 11/27/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue - Before the War

Ooh, a twins story! Gotta love Fred and George.

This looks promising: your characterisation is just right and there are no spelling or grammar errors (that I spotted, anyway).

Just one question: is Mai pronounced like may or like my?

Anyway, this is a great introduction to what is sure to be a great story! Keep it up :-)

~ Chelsea

Author's Response: Thank you! And Mai pronounced like \"my\". :)

 

Seventh Sense by roisin_dubh
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 19]

Summary: A blind Muggle girl shows up at Hogwarts after a run-in with Death Eaters, looking for a solution to her mess and a place to recuperate.
I do not own any of Dante's work, nor do I want to. The former also holds true for Jeff Smith; sadly, the latter does not. I wish I owned his ideas. As it is, I just messed around with them. Please approach this fic with a very open mind; while nothing is particularly controversial, some of the concepts are very, very abstract and possibly arbitrary.

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 10125 Chapters: 7 Completed: No
Published:
09/07/07 Updated: 06/28/08


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 09/20/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oooh, I liked this a lot :-)

This isn't going to be an average Marauder-era fic. Well done on creating something original and interesting.

Your characterisation seems very good - they're well-rounded and not stereotypical.

I'm looking forward to an update! I think I'll put this in my favourites so I now when the next chappie's up.

Cirelondiel :-)

 

Aftermath by cjbaggins
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 51]

Summary: This is a one-shot that takes place immediately after the 36th chapter of DH in which Harry has a few other conversations following his chat with Dumbledore's portrait.

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2334 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/07/07 Updated: 09/11/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 09/17/07 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

Great job- I'm really glad someone wrote something like this. I felt there weren't enough things tied up at the end of the book too. It was particularly good to see George's feelings towards Harry.
One little mistake I spotted- you spelt Gryffindor as 'Griffindor' when Neville's holding the sword. Other than that, good work! I liked this a lot.

Cirelondiel :-)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Such kind words. And thanks for catching the typo. *sheesh* proofread, proofread, proofread I\'m surprised no one else mentioned it. Off to fix it ...

 

A Day at the Spa by Nevilles Girl
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 84]

Summary:
Dear Mister Snape,
We are very pleased to present you with this once in a lifetime offer: A free day at Deena’s Magical Day Spa! Just Apparate to the address below and present this coupon to redeem your prize! We hope to see you there!
Sincerely,
Deena’s Magical Day Spa


Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1143 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/18/07 Updated: 09/26/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 09/27/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Day at the Spa

*Reads I_LUV_MOONY's review... dreadlocks would be Lee Jordan, no?

I loved the twist... the trio tricking Snape into having a makeover, great idea! The originality of this fic is great. The last part is absolutely hilarious. Great work!

~ Cirelondiel

Author's Response: Thank you. Originally the last part wasn\'t going to be in it but my beta (LOVE YOU, SCHMERGO!) suggested it so I put it in. I\'m glad you liked it!

 

Salazar's Story by Pheonixtales
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: What made Salazar Slytherin one thhe the most influential wizards of all time? What drove him to become all that he was? Where di he develop his hatred toward Muggles and Muggle-born wizards? Join me as we learn what made Salazar Slytherin, Salazar Slytherin.

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Violence

Word count: 804 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
09/22/07 Updated: 10/07/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 10/08/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Intriguing :-)

This is a nice start, you've done well in creating two unique characters and providing a basic description of them. This was a bit short though, which is not a bad thing in itself but in this case I did feel you could have provided a bit more detail: maybe you could have told us some more about their personalities, and their relationship as well. It would have been nice to see some interaction between them. Some detail about the setting would be good too. Still, I'm sure all that will come in the following chapters :-)

There are no spelling mistakes! (At least, none that I can see glancing over this again quickly.) Which is great!! Your spelling and grammar seem good :-)

Overall this is a good introduction to the story, you've set the scene and ended on a note which makes us wonder what will happen. The last sentence is good - simple and direct, rather mysterious.

I'll continue reading this story when the next chappies are up! I wish you luck with your writing, this is not bad for a first fanfic, keep it up!!

~ Cirelondiel :-D

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I was very worried about how this would turn out, especially being my first one. Thank you for the support and advise which i welcome. Hope to have the first full length chapter up before too long.

 

The Power of a Wand by tc015
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Wands - supposedly essential to magic. A wizard wouldn't be a wizard without his wand, would he?

But what about in the past? Were wands always such a crucial part of magic?

As two students travel back in time, they learn a few lessons about wandless magic. But even moreso, they learn a little lesson about power and its effect on the mind.

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 2628 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/28/07 Updated: 10/03/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 10/08/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hmm…this is an interesting and well-written story. You’ve got Tom, Minerva and Dumbledore characterised perfectly – Tom speaking ‘coolly’ and ‘smoothly’, Minerva being clever and takes no nonsense, Dumbledore being calm and reasonable. The way they all interacted with each other was just right as well.

Overall I thought it was plausible as well, apart from the fact that the founders and Minerva & Tom wouldn’t have been able to understand each other so easily due to the language of that time being so different from the English of today. Still, there’s not really any way to get around that in fanfiction, so I think the way you did it, giving the Founders a slightly different accent and vocabulary was good :-)

It also struck me as odd that Minerva and Tom could pick up wandless magic so easily. You seemed to be heading towards the idea that modern wizards only need wands because they think they need wands, in which case I think it would have been harder for M and T to get used to not needing one. But, suppose they did become very powerful and no doubt they would have been some of the most talented students in school, so that can be explained away.

A couple of little mistakes I spotted:
She grabbed his wand, and with a wave of it,, Tom Riddle couldn’t move his legs.
You only need one comma after ‘it’ ;-)

“Yes,” replied Godric. “Why don’t ye try some simple spells while I fix ye devic?”
There should be an e on the end of devic(e)

I liked this a lot, overall. Great job!!

Cirelondiel :-)

Author's Response: Thank you! I had a lot of problems with the Founder\'s language, so I\'m glad that turned out all right. I\'ll fix those mistakes ASAP. Thanks again. ~ Teresa

 

A Pair by electronicquillster
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 15]

Summary: Sometimes what you want is in front of your eyes before you realize it. Sometimes you realize it before you're ready for it, and just because you realize it, doesn't mean that everyone around you will realize it, too. Victoire Weasley and Teddy Lupin have their insecurities, but they also have the potential to be something great.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 5082 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/05/07 Updated: 11/05/07


Reviewer: Cirelondiel Signed
Date: 11/05/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oh, that is beautiful! I love the way you portrayed Teddy, Victoire and their relationship - it's just really nice. Their behaviour around each other was really sweet. I could see that Weasley temper coming out in Victoire when she heard the comment about her father, and that scene also served to show how well Teddy complements her, balancing her temper with his calm 'it's-not-worth-it' logic.

It's great that you had Victoire have that bit of personal conflict and character growth, so the story wasn't just about romance - it was also about her becoming a better person. I liked that a lot.

I spotted a couple of mistakes, though:
~ At the beginning, you specifically said that Victoire can't do magic out of school until Febuary so Teddy had to levitate the baskets - but then at the New Year's party you said that Victoire put up a silencing barrier so people couldn't hear them laughing.
~ When they were going out flying, you said Victoire tugged his scarf and pulled him 'a long'. It should be 'along', without a space.
~When Victoire think 'that's exactly what I want and I'm shocked and thrilled that you want it to?', 'to' should be 'too'.

But overall, this was a really nice piece of writing.

Chelsea :-)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Whoops for the typos, but I still know my betas are amazing. With the magic thing... I\'m sure that when it comes to being that close to her birthday, Victoire is not going to care about the rules anymore... Something I\'m sure her Uncle George would support. -wink-

 
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