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Tabletop_Joe [Contact]

I'm 41, father of three, very occasional writer of cookbooks and historical cooking articles. I also work for the government. I could tell you what I do, but then you'd be very bored.

Much love to the Susan Bones Book Club for reviewing and discussing "Wedding Day"!

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Stories by Tabletop_Joe [3]
Favorite Authors [4]
Favorite Stories [2]
Tabletop_Joe's Favorites [6]
Reviews by Tabletop_Joe

Monty Python and the Goblet of Fire by Rosemunde

Summary: "Monty Python and the Goblet of Fire" explores the profound question of what scenes from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" would be like if they were done as Monty Python sketches. Here the fic begins. A parody of the "Swedish subtitles" bit during the beginning credits of "Monty Python and The Holy Grail." Written for a GoF parody challenge. Rated PG-13, because I'm unsure of the language factor. (Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Monty Python, JK Rowling, or the owners of the Unofficial Monty Python site, who helped me out enormously. I'm making no money from this)
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 06/30/06 Title: Chapter 6: The End!

You are a sick, sick, evil, twisted person. Everybody's looking at me because I'm laughing so hard. This was absolutely brilliant!

In From The Cold by Pallas

Summary: When Remus meets Tonks for a drink at the Three Broomsticks, he gets rather more than he bargained for...
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 05/30/06 Title: Chapter 3: Warmth

Oh my goodness. This has to be the definitive Remus/Tonks romance story. There's nothing more to be said, unless you write more. Your descriptions and internal monologues are effortless, and the changes in POV aren't jarring Excellent work! You are going to write more, I presume?

The Upside of Being Down by Kimberley

Rated: Professors •
Summary: *COMPLETED!*What happens when you put a hopelessly "romantic" man-hussy and a girl with a soft spot for bedtime activities (not THOSE activities, silly!) together in a dark bedroom? Well, I don't happen to know either, so I suppose we'll find out together, won't we? Come with me, Tia C. Spencer, on a lovely ride through the countryside... er, lakeside... okay, so we won't actually be riding NEXT to anything, but it will be lovely, I promise you that. How can it not be, with me as your illustrious (and quite possibly mad) companion?

And no, contrary to beliefs very likely impressed upon you by this summary, I'm not a gormless prat.

Well... not entirely.

Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 06/30/06 Title: Chapter 25: Follow the Big Green Arrows, They Know What They’re Talking About

Oh my, that was a wonderful couple of days spent reading. I'm a better, happier person for reading this. You're screamingly funny, you've got the best command of the vernacular I've seen in fanfic, and your *ahem* more intimate scenes aren't gratuitous. You also do an excellent job of describing the hazards of two people sleeping in a school bed. Brava! Bravissima! Several million out of ten!

My Heart's Choice by ElspethBates

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: The War is over, but Remus finds himself fighting a new battle of body and heart. RLNT (One-shot)
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 07/03/06 Title: Chapter 1: My Heart's Choice

Not bad! I like the idea of Remus being forced to choose, not by an enemy, but by his own body. You've got a pretty good command of language as well. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! Keep reading!

Once in a Blue Moon by Kerichi

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Tonks is rich in family and friends, but the wages of a new Auror keep her short of funds. A side job brings something into her life money can't buy.


*Nominated for a Quicksilver Quill for Best Romance- Canon.*


Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 07/05/06 Title: Chapter 1: New Moon, New Beginning

Oh my, such a tasty little fic! I haven't finished it yet, but I couldn't wait. Your style reminds me a lot of Katherine Kijewski. I'm a sucker for a good romantic plotline, and you've done very well with that. The characterizations are brilliant, the in-jokes are excellent, all in all I'm jealous! Can't wait to read the rst of them!

Author's Response: Yay for you not waiting! :D Thanks for the compliments, and for wanting to read more. My day has been rainy, but you\'ve made it sunny. I\'ll have to look up that writer. Thanks again! ^_^

To Be This Lost Inside Ourselves by hpmaniac666

Rated: Professors •
Summary: All Hermione wanted was a cup of coffee. Now she has wet hair, a see-through t-shirt, and a whole lot of unhappy memories. How have the years changed Ron. Now he’s 24 and a successful business man/mechanic. It’s a lot to get her head round. To make things worse, feelings she used to keep locked away are proving harder to hide. She can’t forget about Harry. And she can’t forget her fiancé. Post-war fic
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 07/18/06 Title: Chapter 1: Hermione

You're eighteen, and you're this good? You're going to be downright dangerous when you're thirty-five. This is some of the best writing I've seen in fanfic, anywhere. Frankly, I'm jealous.

Author's Response: Thank You so much. THat really does mean an awful lot to me :D wow. I\'m bushing.....thank you so much :) xxx

Touch of the Moon by Kerichi

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: "Remus dreaded the full moon the way men in classical literature feared love." He's been hiding his 'furry little problem' from Tonks, but Remus learns that a secret, like the past, has a way of catching up with you.
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 07/07/06 Title: Chapter 1: Touch of the Moon

Just one question: when is our favorite Classics scholar going to get around to Apicius and Columella? The man should cook a little something unusual for Tonks, don't you think?

Author's Response: Remus isn\'t very handy in the kitchen, but I think Tonks would like one of Columella\'s salads. Apicus\' Ostrich Ragoût, though, is another story. :D

A Wolf in the Moonlight by Kerichi

Rated: 6th-7th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: When her old pal Rory calls in a favour, Tonks searches for a missing girl with the help of her new love Remus and his 'dog' Snuffles

*Sequel to Once in a Blue Moon*

Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 07/13/06 Title: Chapter 3: Promise by Moonlight

Heh... Lee Ho Fook's... I like it. Does Trader Vic's show up anywhere later? (And was I the only one who got the gag?)

Author's Response: You\'re the only one that mentioned it. :D Thanks, and for the review too!

Harry Potter and Hope for the End by Julybug

Rated: Professors •
Summary: Starts where HBP leaves off.

Will Harry and his friends get to live happily ever after? Or will the Prophecy and You-Know-Who be too much to overcome?

This one has it all, folks! Love and lust! Money and power! Hob Nobs and Fairy Liquid! The Beatles and U2! C'mon! You know you want to read it...

Oh, yeah - it's got H/G and Hr/R romantic stuff, plus, you know, that war they're having.

BIG THANKS to my beta, Tabletop Joe (now, go read his brilliant fic!).
Next chapter is IN THE QUEUE. Thank you for the reviews, emails, and continued support of this story!
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 05/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: After the End

You know, I was going to write my own Ron/Hermione romance fic, but you've gone and written the definitive one. There is nothing else to be said on the subject, except for whatever else you come up with. Dang you're good! (guess I'd better write about Arthur and Molly...)

Author's Response: Thanks much! I\'ve realized, though, that I have ignored them a bit in these last couples of chapters, but there is so much more in store. (Bwaaahaaahaaaaa...) These characters are so much fun to write. Let\'s all take a moment and thank Jo for creating them so I can play around with my little fantasies of what could happen.

Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 08/02/06 Title: Harry Potter and Hope for the End

I got to see it first! Neener neener neener! (Yeah, just because I'm beta-reading for her, like I should gloat...)

Author's Response: You are invaluable, so you should gloat. I appreciate your help!

Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 08/28/06 Title: Chapter 13: Ode to Hob Nobs

You just keep churning out these great chapters, it's amazing! Keep going, I want to know how it turns out! (Yeah, I know, I get advance reviews, but still I can beg for more...)

Author's Response: Hey, where would I be without you? Certainly not churning out great chapters - maybe mediocre ones. More is on the way...now, if they would open the queue, I\'ll post chapter 14! Not that you haven\'t already read it...but...

Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 07/03/06 Title: Chapter 12: What Money Can Buy

Good chapter! Nice to see you made it through the mods. Can't wait to see the next one...

Author's Response: Thanks - formatting is a bugger. Once again, thanks for your help.

Of Spirit and Fire and Dew by bredalot

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Songfic in which Tonks compares old boyfriends to Remus. To the song "Tall, Dark, Handsome Stranger" by Heart.
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 05/30/06 Title: Chapter 1: Of Spirit and Fire and Dew

Oh, brava! I love reading about these two characters, and you've got a very good insight into Tonks. Your writing style is mature and well-developed as well. Songfics can be tricky, and you've done well with this one. Keep writing!

Resplendence by Wings of the Morning

Rated: Professors •
Summary: Merope Riddle's final hours, as she thinks about blood purity and ten galleons, and why she doesn't care to live. Oneshot. Rather dark. Rating for minor cursing and situation.

Merope had always hated the darkness, and she knew that tonight would be a very dark night.
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 02/07/07 Title: Chapter 1: Resplendence

That's it, you're going on the favorites list. No questions, no arguments now, you write wonderfully harsh and beautiful, and you need to write more. 'Nuff said.

You're My Best Friend by MaiaMadness

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: “Ooh, you make me live! Whenever the world is cruel to me, I got you, you’re all I see. You’re the best friend that I ever had, I know I’ll never be lonely. You’re the only one. I really love the things that you do. You’re my best friend.” In lonely times when everything seems far away, Harry only has Ron to turn to.

Fourth short in my A Night at the Opera series.
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 06/16/06 Title: Chapter 1: You're My Best Friend

Good to see a fellow Queen fanatic! I like what you're doing with the series; I'll be interested to see what you do with Bohemian Rhapsody. You've got a good command of language and phrasing. If you're this good at 18, you're going to be downright scary at 35. Keep at it!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot! You\'re boosting my ego to the stratosphere, my friend. Hm, not everyone\'s gonna lik Bohemian Rhapsody. It\'s already done; I just want to post them in the right order. Bohemian Rhapsody was the first one I wrote. I\'m not sure everyone\'s gonna like it, because it has strong elements of slash in it. But if that doesn\'t scare you off, you\'re welcome to keep reading! :) Thanks a lot for reviewing; I\'m overjoyed that you enjoyed it.

Harry Potter and the Beginning of the End by Ozma333

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: POST HBP. Harry, Hermione, and Ron start back at Privet Drive for the beginning of the last adventure. A story about the love and friendship needed to end the final task.

Begins with what we know will happen in Book 7 and delves into what we hope will happen...(Warning added due to some slight content in Chap. 5)

UPDATE: CHAPTER 11 IS POSTED... (Some content may be considered...harsh...you have been warned!)

Thanks to everyone who keeps reading and thanks for all the reviews!
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 08/16/06 Title: Chapter 4: Wedding Bliss and Farewell Dances

Welll... I've read through the whole thing and I can only say this: I'm sure you can tell a good story, but this isn't it. Better luck next time.

Author's Response: Sorry you didn\'t like it...but thanks for taking the time to review.

Revelation I:I by Ada Kensington

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: While on the hunt for the Ravenclaw Horcrux, in a secluded glade in the Forbidden Forest, Harry Potter has a chat with Death.
Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 07/17/07 Title: Chapter 1: Revelation I:I

Wow. Very nice descriptions, especially of Death. Your prose is very fluid, it's easy to read and sounds great when read aloud. I liked how you avoided the whole Grim Reaper image of Death and made him closer to WC Fields' "fellow in the bright nightgown". This is some of the best reading I've found on this site in a very long time. Thanks for this!

Hagrid's Heart by Kerichi

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •

Olympe looked into Hagrid's eyes hoping he would confess his love...not call her a half-giant! After storming off, romantic frustration leads her to Hagrid's hut, where she sees beneath the unfashionable suit, and he sees past a French facade.


Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 11/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: Hagrid's Heart

Yet another piece of awesomeness! It's good to see Hagrid as a rounded character, someone with appetites beyond food, whiskey and exotic critters. Manny Hands was particularly well-named. I could just hear the Barry White music in the background. Rock on, Hagrid, ya big Somerset playa!

Author's Response: I said I love you and that\'s forever, And this I promise from my heart, I could not love you any better, I love you just the way you are.

ROFL over \'Somerset playa\'! :D If he wasn\'t seen as well rounded, it was because he never had the chance to show it...and I don\'t just mean taking off his shirt, heh. ^_~

From the Battered Journal of Remus J. Lupin by Kerichi

Rated: 6th-7th Years •

My affinity to the journal compels me to keep it at hand. I, too, am rather shabby, and yet there are pages of my life still unwritten.... Remus reflects on his life and love for Tonks in a companion fic to Moonlight and Shadow that parallels chapter nine onward.

Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 01/19/07 Title: Chapter 1: Reflections...and a Limerick

Oh, more awesomeness from Kerichi! This is really tasty! His prose is more flowery than I might like, but still it's good reading. We don't get enough from his perspective. No wonder you're one of my favorites!

Author's Response: By flowery, do you mean reflective? I hope you don\'t mean pompous and artificial...or the style of the Lovers in Comedie del Arte, speaking in grand, pretentious, flowery language: \"My love for you makes all the diamonds on the earth look like grains of sand, and your beauty makes them all dull.\" I do think of Remus as an old fashioned gentleman, but not that kind! I\'m going for intellectually sophisticated while being authentic and natural. ^_^

Dirty Magic by Wings of the Morning

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: He's got a horrible, deep, sinking feeling that he's just like the rest of his family. They're all a bit insane, and he feels insane right about now, absolutely bloody wild, like he's let some caged beast out, and it scares him.

(Sirius picked a bad night to run away from home. Rating for heavy cursing and situation. Oneshot.)

Reviewer: Tabletop_Joe Signed
Date: 02/07/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Words cannot describe the awesome awesomeness of this story. I've had friends show up on my doorstep in just that manner. You did a great job of capturing the mind and mentality of a scared teenage boy in an intolerable situation. Write more you must, yes!