Hi there. Sadie here. :)
Edit: Whoa. I won the QQ Awards?! OH MY GOODNESS! *DIES WITH JOY* Wow! I'm honored, guys, thank you. It was flattering enough just being nominated along with so many other amazing fics. *Bows before other nominees* An extra special thank-you and chocolate kisses to everyone who nominated it, for everyone on the panel who voted for it, and for everyone who continues to support it. You guys are the absolute best readers an author could ever have. *Hugs tightly* Thanks to the MNFF mods for holding the contest and for sending me this beautiful banner as well:
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I'm an English/Political Science major-- sophmore in college. I was a LOTR fan first and foremost, until four years ago when a friend of mine quite literally forced me to read Philosopher's Stone. I'm happy she did, because I can't imagine my life without my beloved Harry.
I'm a bit of a delusional shipper, as it were. Canon does and always will come first, but romance is a personal preference, so really can't be held to the "canon standard." R/Hr + H/G = the monster living under my bed that I've feared since childhood. Every H/Hr story I write is an attempt to slay that monster. ;)
To my "Fifteen Minutes" readers: I'd just like to clarify that I do not believe in suicide. I know this story portrayed it in an almost noble light, but it remains an act of cowardice and selfishness. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and if you experience suicidal thoughts, I beg that you tell someone close to you.
--Avenged Sevenfold: Wow. I can't believe it's been nearly 4 months since my last update. Perhaps, in a response to a review on the upcoming Chapter 15, I'll explain myself. But for now, I'd just like to assure everyone that I'm back in action, and I'll not be leaving you guys hanging. Chapter 15 is now posted.
--Through the Fire: This story is coming along at a painfully slow pace. I do intend on finishing it, but AS is my heart's project and so TtF will be playing second fiddle until AS is complete.
--The Mourning After: This one's undergoing some major construction at the moment, so I've taken it off the site for now. It'll be back in due time.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if the urge strikes you! (My screen name is SecretKeeper87)
Summary: Harry has just returned to Hogwarts to start his 6th year. But this year is destined to be his most difficult yet, and things may never be the same again...
WHOA! You never cease to impress, do you? Where on earth did you come up with the idea behind The Breaking?! TRULY amazing, that was. It was thorough, thought-provoking, original, and best of all, it fit perfectly with the Harry Potter universe. I loved the Restricted Section scene, where McGonagall gave Harry the book. Very witty and amusing. I'm growing more fond of your characterizations every day! You've done a wonderful job in meeting your goal of keeping them In Character. Each chapter fits perfectly with the previous one. Your writing style and plot really complement each other as well. I have a feeling Dumbledore was talking about Snape there at the end. *Ponders* I could not possibly love this any more than I do! And you couldn't possibly update quick enough for my taste either, though you are doing a wonderful job with that. Still 10/10!
Author's Response: Thanks once again, love your reviews...obviously because you think my story's brilliant lol :-D but also because you tell me which bits you like. That helps a lot. Unfortunately, the reason I'm updating so quickly is partly because I already have chapters 1 to 5 written. Am starting chapter 6 shortly so it will tail off a little then, but not too much. The other reason my updates are going through so quickly is because of a fantastic moderator (thanks to Elysa!). I have a Draco/Hermione story to submit, again with the first 5 chapters written so look out for that if you're into that partnership. Thanks for your review SecretKeeper!
Oh, I'm so sorry you didn't get my first review! It was a rather long one too. Anyway, this chapter was just as- if not better- than the last. I think I've found what makes your writing so captivating: syntax. I'm a sucker for it, and you manipulate it well. There's just so much that's wonderful about your story, I don't know where to begin! You have raw talent, for starters. And that becomes more evident with each update. Also, your characterizations of ALL the characters are SPOT.ON. Brilliant work there. You obviously have a great grasp on the series. Harry sounds like Harry... Ron like Ron... Hermione like Hermione... everything. You did a particularly fantastic job with Snape, might I add. You got his dialogue and speech pattern down to a T. Your descriptions and narration is perfect. You don't drone on for hours, yet you're sure to allow for ample visuals and such. Your tone has been masterfully constructed as well. There's still that lovely and enthralling flair of mystery! I'm SO eager to know what happens! I could easily go on, but suffice it to say that- so far- this is definitely one of the best fan fics I've ever read. As always, update asap!
Author's Response: Oh gosh! I think I've been rendered speechless for only the second time lol Thank you, I'm EXTREMELY flattered by your review, especially your comments on syntax and characterisation. It was my aim to keep the characters as close to how JK Rowling wrote them as I could...what's the point otherwise? I'm chuffed that you think I've achieved this. Another chapter will be submitted today (8th). Hope you enjoy it as much!
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! WOW! Amazing writing, for one thing. You really have a way with words. It's nothing I can quite place, but you're truly talented. I still stick to everything I said in my first review (which I hope you got, as it seems to have vanished). Also, I ADORE the fact that your story incorporates mystery as well. It makes it very well-rounded and realistic. All of your characters are VERY In Character, for which I could never thank you enough. The scene in Charms class was highly enjoyable and amusing! Once again, excellent writing. You really have a bit of everything in this story: Humor (Seamus' comment in Charms), Romance (seeing as how it's Hr/H), and Angsty (the ending of this chapter). WONDERFUL job. I'm so thoroughly excited about this fic now. Please update quickly! Whew... still can't get over it. Brilliant.
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so much for your review :-) Am really happy that you enjoyed my chapter so much. Have got all the chapters up to 5 waiting to be submitted, as well as another story I'm writing so updates shouldn't take too long. Thanks again! (I didn't get your first review btw)
How could I have missed this update?! WOW! I'm afraid I'm at a loss for words. You're still doing a terrific job, and everything I've said in previous reviews applies more than ever. This chapter was particularly intense! I was on the edge of my seat as I read, which speaks volumes about your talent. I find you write dialogue very well. Not only is it realistic, but it's (once again!) IN CHARACTER. I don't think I'll ever stop commenting on that. Until, of course, you go astray... which I can't see happening. I finished this update with very mixed feelings on our beloved Potions Master. A part of me (probably the sappy Hufflepuff part) felt awful, as my heart really went out to him. I mean, his sister?! What a horrific memory for him. I can only imagine the pain he must endure. But, at the same time, he did take part in it himself. Also, his unwillingness to help Harry and spare Hermione really shows just how immature, selfish, and egotistical of a person he is. So, like I said, mixed feelings. Either way, your ability to make me feel so strongly about the subject is amazing. I'm hardly ever so drawn-in by a story, but you've got me hooked. 10/10, as always. *Impatiently waits for next chapter*
Author's Response: Many thanks again! :-) Snape, I think, is going to play an important role in this story. And I think he's going to have a much bigger part in the Harry Potter books yet to come. JK Rowling has never addressed why Snape is no longer a Death Eater... why he's now working for the Order... or why Dumbledore trusts him implicitly. I suspect that will all come out pretty soon. In the meantime, this is my version!
Rated: [Reviews - ]
That was a fun little update. I'm thoroughly relieved about the explanation you offered for Harry's OOCness. It seems valid enough, and when I read it, I was literally going, "Oooooh, so that's what happened!" Also, the thought you've put into this is impressive. Too many authors delve into a fiction without any real idea as to what they're going to write, and that becomes clear after only a few chapters. However, you seem to know exactly where you're heading, in terms of plot. I like how the easiest way to reverse the effects of a Fearful Potion is "an abrupt change in, er, emotion." That was quite clever of you. Once again, I didn't spot any technical errors (punctuation, spelling, etc.) so everything flowed nicely. You're doing well with the frequency of your updates, and I hope that doesn't change, because it's a pleasure to read each one.
Wow, that was certainly a new way to open a story! To begin, I'd like to say that this fiction appears to have great potential. You have a nice writing style that combines description with flow. It's a hard task to keep the plot moving while being thorough and descriptive, but you accomplished that well. You gave enough background information/scenes for the reader to be comfortable with the setting (ie: Hermione's age, whereabouts, tone, etc.) yet you didn't rant or bore us to death. Well done!
When I first read that Harry was running from Malfoy, I became extremely skeptical about your characterizations. I thought, "But Harry doesn't run... least of all from Malfoy." I thought you'd made Harry very OOC. But then you rectified that, so to speak, and pointed out yourself that Harry would never do such a thing (unless under very odd circumstances), so I was happy to read that. I'm intrigued to learn what made him run, and what was going on.
Also, I usually dislike stories where Harry and Hermione kiss immediately. I feel that there should be a climax, and that if they're "together" in the beginning, there's really nowhere for the author to go. (Nowhere interesting, at least.) Typically, I think it's a big mistake. But once again, you've crafted this in such an original way, I don't think it'll be a problem. Because though they kissed, they're by no means "together", which leaves you plenty of room to narrate and create your climax. I'm excited to see how you plan on doing this! I'm positive you'll do well.
I like that there were several tones to this chapter. First, there was a feeling of calm and peace... but that was quickly interupted and replaced with tension and urgency. You did a terrific job with making this difficult transition. Then, at the end, you left us with a sense of mystery and wonderment, which was a wonderful device for getting us hooked!
I'm no professional, but I didn't catch any grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors! You seem to have a good grasp on the English language, which really helped make this first chapter such an enjoyable read. Kudos to you!
In all, I end on the same note with which I began: there's amazing potential here. This was a lovely first chapter. Well-written, steady plot movement, nice characterizations... everything seems in place. I'll be checking for more updates!
Author's Response: Thank you for your compliments! As to your question as to why Harry's acting a little OOC, that will be answered in the 3rd chapter. Keep reading and reviewing!
Summary: Their silly little worries—her tantalizing lips, his maddening behavior—drew them together in something much deeper, longer lasting…something that changed lives, righted wrongs, and opened new paths…something that could bring oil and vinegar together in a startling web of care and hope, of understanding and reasoning, recklessness and piercing emotions…
WOW. That was amazing. I- I'm not even sure what to say... well, firstly, I loved how you set it up at the beginning. Though this was only a one-shot, somehow you found a way to make it capture a lifetime, and this was far better than just about any other one-shot I've ever read. The character development was insanely rich and believable. I felt the story climaxing, as if I were apart of it myself. You did such an excellent job with keeping everything (the scene, the characters, the dialogue) accurate to Potterverse. I simply adored the scene in which Hermione and Ron argue, for innumerable reasons, but mainly because of the little flashes you granted us into the minds of Harry and Hermione. It's typical for those two to bicker like that, but you put such a unique and well-crafted twist to it that I find myself admitting I like your version much more! The agony, confusion, and doubt was all portrayed brilliantly, and mingled flawlessly with the backdrop of Love. You have a talent with words, my friend, and I have confidence that if you wanted it, and worked for it, a future in writing could be yours. I look forward to reading other stories by you, and encourage more one-shots! Great job.
Summary: Living life means getting scars. Some scars are visible, others run much deeper. Everyone needs that someone in their lives who can force them to look at the scars and gently heal them. The past is as real as the scars, but scars are also reminders that healing is possible.
Wow, what a wonderful read! I'm thoroughly surprised that only two people left reviews. This is certainly worthy of far more. First of all, your descriptions were fantastic. You really know how to string words together to create an amazing image for the reader. And the last line, about the darkness becoming only a memory, really carried a double meaning, and I loved that. It was so intense, so resonating and true to the theme of the story. Brilliant. I think my favorite part was when Harry woke up. "What are you doing?" Sounds like such a harsh question, but something I can hear him saying. And his initial reaction that Hermione was disgusted by his scares hit me really hard. I can't describe what I felt, but it was a jumble of sadness and intrigue all at once. I also liked that his scars weren't just from the War, but from Ron and Quidditch and things he loved. It sent the message that the best things in life leave marks too. Though only a one-shot, the moral(s) left me quite enthralled, and the attention to detail only rounded the story off perfectly. Personally, I'm not one for fluff, so some parts were slightly too sappy for my taste. But as is clear from my review, I still loved it, and thought you did a nice job. You have potential as a writer, and I do hope you take advantage of that. 9/10
Author's Response: I am so glad you left a review. I was beginning to despair. 800+ reads and only two reviews... I don't want to complain, but it just seems awfully off. I loved ALL your comments, even about it being a little too sappy for you. Other people have told me the same thing. A good friend went so far as to liken it to a "harlequin romance". But I don't mind the criticism, it is good to hear anything. And I love that you had any opinion at all that you felt anything, it really makes me feel good. I was so happy to see this review that I read it several times just savoring it. Once again thanks for taking the time to review and leave your opinion-- it means a lot to me!
It was full moon when the Dark Lord sealed a part of his soul within a magical amulet, and then broke it in half. One half was left to the faithful werewolves to guard. The other half was tossed into the impenetrable depths of time where no one but him could get it. When the first half has been found, the Order of the Phoenix selects Hermione Granger to go back into the past to search for the missing piece. What is waiting for her is a brutal task that will test her beyond her limits, and an undying love that extends beyond the boundaries of time.
No werewolves were harmed in the making of this story.
Update (9 May): Chapter 17, Burning, is up! Enjoy!
*DIES* ZOMG. OMG OMG OMG.
LJHGKRTG TR 6Y83 43T GJHNSTLJNV Y 4KTBNG EEEEE M GMNE,
Author's Response: O.O *backs away slowly*
OMFG *SPAZ* Astrid, that was-- sweet Merlin! Wow. I mean, I can't get over it!! Beautifully done! I really think this was your best chapter yet!
I've never been so intrigued by the Marauder lot in my life. You wrote them perfectly! The banter, the subtle movements, the dialogue, everything was PERFECT!! Wow, I've never seen such insight into these characters before. It's exactly how I imagined they would be. Lily was great too. She reminded me of a Mrs. Weasley/Hermione hybrid-- sassy, intelligent, thoughtful, and very motherly. Sirius trotted ahead of them, the sureness of his step showing that he knew every nook and cranny of the house by heart. <--I love that kind of attention to detail. It really makes them feel alive, as if I could just reach out my hand and touch them. Also, the hints about Peter were brilliant!! How he didn't show up, and them assuming he had a perfectly good explanation... ugh. It really tugged at my heartstrings, knowing what was going on.
Hermione's reactions to everything truly mirrored my own. Her glimpse into the past is so awkward, yet so thrilling and expertly crafted. In terms of the previous chapter, I adored her facial expressions when she realized she'd landed on young!Lupin. Absolutely priceless! The description of it all, her alarmed caution, her steadfast mentality, her ability to mask her true identity-- it all just felt so natural. Honestly, I'm not sure JKR could have done a better job with that herself. I really can't compliment this aspect enough. Even in this chapter, the dynamics between Hermione and the Marauders/Lily were fabulous! I could really feel her struggle. It was so intense, and I was so thoroughly sucked in by the writing, I felt her anguish at knowing what was to come for these people. You really summed it up with, It took all of Hermione’s strength not to remind herself that the three people sitting with them would die unexpected deaths. Yeah. I grew so comfortable with this new insight into these characters, I found myself trying to forget that as well.
It really almost makes me pity Hermione, in a sense. If I were her, I'd feel so guilty for having this opportunity when it should be Harry conversing with his parents. Rational or not, that's how I'd feel. And I think you balanced Hermione's emotions beautifully. It's so difficult, because you want to express her feelings so the reader can properly grasp the enormity of the circumstances, and yet, too much and you'll over-do it. Besides characterization, that's my favorite part of your writing: the ability to balance. I felt myself in Hermione's position, and all the narration flowed without a single hitch! That's amazing! And towards the end of the chapter, when Hermione holds Harry? WHOA!! Man, did that just throw me for a ride! Holding your best friend as an infant? With his dead mother and your old Professor looking on? Wow, Astrid... I can't tell you how impressed I was by that scene. You took something so complex and difficult to convey, and made it seem easy as pie. *worships*
Now, the ending... damn. Lupin, Lupin, Lupin... you silly man. What in the bloody hell are you doing with Tonks?! <--this was my initial reaction, of course, because I'm flying the Hermione/Remus flag. But I can't tell you how glad I was to read this Tonks/Remus scene. Keeping true to canon this way makes your story ten times more believable than it already was. I LOVE that you're keeping canon relationships going, at least for now. It's such a breath of fresh air, this story. If only all authors had the same abilities...
M'dear, you never cease to amaze. I enjoyed a bit of Hermione/Remus before now, but you've really made a true fan out of me. I cannot wait for the next chapter!! I've said it before, and will continue to do so: you're a remarkable writer. The talent is staggering. Clair De Lune will surely become one of the best fan fiction stories I've ever read. Though, the one thing I'm disappointed in is the amount of reviews. *glares at other readers* They are not worthy of chapter six!! I say you not update until you've gotten five new reviews. *humpf* ...well, you can show me, of course, but no one else...
Keep up the fantastic work! *is still worshipping*
*blushes furiously* Oh Sadie, you made my day--again!! This is, by far, one of THE best reviews I have ever gotten in my life! What makes it even more special is that this comes from an author who I worship incessantly--bordering on unhealthy obsession, I think. ;)
I'm glad you liked the Remus/Tonks scene. I was literally cackling when I wrote that. It's fun writing romances that you will demolish in the end. *evil laugh that could rival Voldemort*
I love you, Sadie. *does Islamic bow*
Please excuse my mess of a "review" below. I was rather too excited for my own good. My keyboard, apparently, cannot handle my fangirlness.
This is how I know you've got true, unspoiled talent-- after so many months have passed, you can still pick up this story right where it left off without flaw. I definitely thought this was one of the best chapters so far. What I admire about your writing is how well you keep the story moving while managing to maintain solid character development. I loved James in this chapter. I could see him, hear him, feel hi-- I mean... O.O
Anyway. Yeah. *Cough* You did a fantastic job with James. I loved the imagery at the chapter's opening, too! Goodness, woman! And you compliment mine? Pfft. You're far too modest.
Finally-- the BEST PART EVR-- the end. "Hermione-- Check my father's notes." WTH?! I AM SO CONFUSED AND ANXIOUS AND WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON?? I seriously felt as if my heart would burst through my ribcage too! I must have read the last three paragraphs a dozen times. I think I've got it memorized by now.
Well done. You've reminded me why there's an enormous, brightly-lit shrine taking up the entirety of my closet.
YES! WOOT! OMG, I AM SO EXCITED I COULD FAINT! REMUS/HERMIONE LOVE, I can feel it coming! *ManiacalSiriusAfterPeterEscaped!Laughter*
This was a really great chapter in terms of development! It's exactly what was needed to bring the characters full circle. You have a knack for smooth transitions, as was evident here. You took it from the hectic war-zone scenes to endearing fatherly moments between Harry and James-- there weren't any hitches, it flowed beautifully, and felt totally natural. This sort of talent is what makes your story so believable. I never question any of your plot points or characterization because of it. I innately accept, because you make it feel real.
I LOVED the Remus/Hermione hints! *squee* You executed it so well, through making it mostly Remus' point of view. Oh man, he's so oblivious! I love it!! The dynamic is one I've never seen done in a fan fic before. It always leaves me on the edge of my seat, knowing that Hermione knows everything but Remus knows nothing.... gah! Genius. One of my favorite lines in the whole chapter was, There was a hint of understanding in her eyes that he couldn’t quite place. *DIES*
...Alright, I'm calm. It's coming together very nicely Lei... everything I've said before still applies. It's the perfect blend of narration, dialogue, development... expertly crafted. I'm always SO eager for the next update, and you never, ever disappoint. <3!
Oh! My very own chapter! *Giggles Girlishly* /
And what a chapter it was! You know, I really must point out one thing in particular: Your characterization. It's just... perfect. I think half the reason I love this story so much is because I trust you. I trust that you'll write Harry and Lupin and Hermione properly. I trust that you'll balance the plot and the subtle hints. I trust that your hints will be subtle. Only two chapters in, and I completely trust you with my most beloved series. That is saying something. /
To elaborate on my point of characterization, here is a perfect example: “Tell me again why we have to wait?” groaned Ron, stretching his arms high above his head.
A relatively simple line, but so perfect. That could have been taken straight from the books themselves, I'm certain of it. Your innate knack for this talent is evident in every word of dialogue. You've even mastered the syntax! /
This chapter also explained a lot. We really got to learn much more about where you're heading with the plot, and I love the direction. It's so wonderfully complex and original... once again, something so well thought-out, I could swear a similar idea could be found in the books. /
And, of course, the hints! The hints! The chapter title really set the tone, I don't mind saying. You were clearly attempting to kill me with all of those oh-so-subtle romantic hints. Quick glances... knowing looks... innate feelings... yes. Definitely trying to kill me. *wink* /
So far, it's brilliant. And as annie said below, the fact that this is Remus/Hermione makes it all the more original and definitely adds to the lure. I can't wait for the next chapter, and I'm positive your other adoring fans can't either.
*blushes profusely* Thank you!! :D I... uhm... oh crap, you've left me speechless! *pounces*
*Dies* You've done it. You've killed me with this chapter. The suspense is just too much! But what a wonderfully written sequence!
Your ideas on time-travel were truly innovative. I'm so happy to read a Hr/R which doesn't involve a time-turner. Not only that, but everything I've said in the past holds true. The attention to detail, the flow of the plotline-- everything remained on target, and wasn't in the least bit disappointing. My favorite bit was definitely when Lupin opened his mouth to say something but Ron (*stabs*) beat him to the punch. I don't know, it was just such a funny yet realistic bit of writing.
That ring is rather suspicious... I'm going to keep my eye on any mention of it in future chapters. It seems to me that Lupin knows what's going (or has?) happened. And considering that, in their time, Hermione'll be back within minutes/hours, I felt an underlying anxiety for the poor man. You really wrote Harry's and Ron's dialogue wonderfully, too. That's what I love about this story. Everything is so real.
As always, great work. I am on pins and needles for the next chapter my friend-- pins and needles!! *Pushes you toward computer*
Awww, thanks, Sadie! Your endless support is really, really appreciated; I don't know what I'd do without you. :)
I'm trying my best to write chapter four; Sirius and James's voices are invading my head, it's almost nauseating to hear their voices over and over again. O.O I must be going nutso.
OMG SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!! You always manage to bring out the girly side in me, Lei! I have been giggling for the last five minutes. Non-stop. Seriously-- I loved this chapter!
Firstly, the opening scene was perfect. You dove right into that little flashback, which set the tone beautifully and acted as a hint for the type of chapter it would be. And I don't mind saying, it was the best type! You accomplished so much for your story here-- the silent yet tense confrontation between Peter and Hermione was brilliantly executed [I loved the bathroom scene when she screams into the towel! Lovely touch!] as was the subtle yet steady progression of the Remus/Hermione romance. I about died when Hermione let slip that she knew of his werewolf condition! But she covered it up very well, and the end result was a beautiful, heart-grabbing moment between the two. I love that the romance is strong but not sappy. So far you've found the perfect balance, and as a fellow romance author who knows exactly how difficult that is, I bow to you. *bows low*
The detail of this story never ceases to amaze me. Every time I read an update, I'm struck by how thorough and genuine the plot is. You must have really planned this out, and it shows. Your direction is clear, your development realistic, and your personal flair for story-telling enthralling. I really can't praise this enough, it's simply got me hooked with both hands.
Oh, and I can't leave [to read this chapter again, most likely] without sharing my favorite line: He and Hermione squeezed through two groups of teenaged wizards while Hermione wondered how he knew about pole-dancing. LMAO! I laughed out loud reading this! You mentioned it there so fleetingly, as if it were nothing more than a mere sidenote in Hermione's head, which made it all the funnier. I read it over at least half a dozen times, and it gave me some very amusing visuals. ;)
In closing, I love you. LOL. That's it. That's the summary of every review: pure love. I don't know what I'd do, or even if life would be worth living without my CDL updates. ;) So keep writing, because you can bank on the fact that I'll be obsessively stalking your author page. >.>
Summary: Dedicated to SecretKeeper, my role model, a writing angel sent from a world where everything is beautiful. Harry must leave for the Final Battle- but there's something... someone holding him back. How can he fight this? His greatest need, his strongest weakness? “…As long as I’m with you, I don’t care about breaking rules or stepping outside boundaries. As long as you’re close to me, whatever comes my way, I know I’ll be fine… just because you’re there with me. I’ve looked death in the face with you at my side, Harry… as long as I’m alive, I’ll be with you.”
*Wow- 800 reads! ...but only a few reviews... can you leave me something to go on before you leave? Thanks to everyone who gave this a chance!*
LBD! It's me, Sadie! I've just responded to your latest review on A.S. and decided it was finally time to read some of your work. And let me say, I am so happy I did.
First of all, I am just-- honored by this dedication. *Blushes* Thank you, it's... overwhelming to have this story in my name. Secondly-- wow. I was thoroughly impressed. I anticipated it would be good, but never did I imagine how touching and moving it would be. Talk about emotion? You have it down beautifully. “I love you…” -- “Please don’t,” he whispered. Geeze! That one tore right at my heart strings, I don't mind telling you. “Swear to me you won’t die." So did that one. I admit, I was rather close to tears. And the way we're left, so unsure as to whether or not Harry dies? Painful! But in such a good, wonderful way. That is emotion. You brought all of it, the entire group dynamic, to life; and made me feel it, so intensely, in ways other writers have yet to do.
I loved how there was Harry/Hermione anxiety. The way Harry was pushing aside his feelings, but demonstrating them all at once, was expertly crafted. The slight tension, the confusion, then the resolution-- too few are incapable of combining all of that in one story, let alone one chapter. Your ability to express and exploit those things, and relay the complexity of the Harry/Hermione dynamic, is further proof of your skill.
Above anything, however, I loved your descriptions. They were clever and original, and I must say I'm a bit jealous I didn't think of some of them first! Here's an example: A strange buzzing, like that of a thousand angry bees, filled his head where his thoughts should’ve been. It's not just the wording, it's the syntax and the structure. It flows. Oh, and this part: I’m not letting anything happen to the people I…” he tried to find words as strong as what he was feeling at this moment, looking at her, “…I care about,” he decided lamely-- it was nowhere near the mounting sensation in his chest. Brilliant! That goes along with the emotion aspect. It was perfectly realistic and believable. Anyway, back to description: As her lips gently met his, the feelings that had been dammed up in his chest burst loose, filling him with a comfort unfathomably deep. For that moment he let go of everything- the anger, the misery, the burden of being trapped inside himself- and just felt. Wow. You see what I mean? So incredibly powerful.
There were some dialogue lines, that if I had seen them out of context, I would have loathed. But somehow, you took cliché ideas, such as "I love you more than life," and made me melt under their weight. That, my dear, is the true mark of a talented writer: someone who can take used and tired phrases/ideals, and turn them into something new and beautiful. I strongly feel you did that here, with this story.
I adore your style of writing. The descriptions, emotions, character interactions, and every little detail, I loved. I feel confident that if you put enough effort into one, you could write a spectacular full-length story. And if you ever choose to do so, know that I'll be first in line to read it.