I am no longer an active member/moderator of MNFF. I will pop up now and then since I do plan to finish DTB but as far as new stories go, this is it for me. Thank you.
I read all three chapters and I must say that the beginning is quite disturbing what with Pansy trying to obliterate Draco from the face of the universe. And chapter 2 was quite interesting - I'll go ahead and say that I liked the ending, but it felt rushed at the same time.
The resolution could have been extended out and elaborated upon. I had no idea why a newspaper article would create such reactions from Draco or Pansy. Even though, you did a good job at humanizing them in the end. They're so wrapped in revenge, anger, and hate that they're like monsters - Death Eaters in their own accord.
However, like I stated before, I felt you could have elaborated upon this story and really delved into the psyche of each character more. Nonetheless, great job!
As for this chapter, I rather liked it the best. I was amused at the gory relationship you paint of this most infamous Slytherin couple since Rodolphus/Bellatrix and Lucius/Narcissa.
This paragraph in particular really caught my attention:
They lied when the other annoyed them. They lied to be cruel. They lied to inflict damage. They lied to save themselves. They lied to give way to their own pleasure. They lied to gain power. With each lie, they would silently tense and loosen their muscles to keep from attacking something, each sensing the other’s alleged ignorance. They were gifted liars, to the point where Pansy thought Draco was a blithering dolt and Draco assumed Pansy was a simpering twit.
You really capture the personalities that JKR seems to have written into them but also put in a flare of your own. I like how you have them banter back and forth so evilly.
This line is pure genius:
The banter continued because Draco and Pansy not only wanted to submit the other to physical pain, they also wanted to torture the spirit of the other.
I think you did a splendid job or not falling into a cliche romance of Draco/Pansy, not that you were going for one, and did them justice as individuals and as a couple. Kudos, my fellow author. XD
oh how sad...I almost cried.
Author's Response: I know, it is sad. I cried while writing it, but do not dismay! Check out the sequal. More angsty I\'d say than this one but centered around our wonderful pairing: Draco and Hermione!
that's all I have to say.
Esmeralda is definitely fun to read. lol.
I love your story btw.
Crookshanks using the toilet or more like flushing?
Hermione teaching the runespoor to write?! wtf?
Where you do you come up with this stuff?
what a smart animal you have there! lol.
I'm so glad to finally read a story where Harry didn't end up being an Auror after the war...so cliche. Kind of weird that he and Hermione aren't friends anymore...but it happens. At least he and Draco appear to be old chums. Love your story.
This is based on Sixth year right? I like it already. =]
lol....funny...you're making Draco so annoying and amusing to watch.
I don't know...it's odd that all of a sudden Malfoy develops an infatuation with Hermione. lol.
"Did you only ask me here so you could snog me?”
The look that came to his pale face was absolutely comical. “Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?”
That quote up there was just comedy. You make Malfoy sound like such a typical 16 year old male...who obviously doesn't what to do when he's suffering from puppy love
this is the biggest oxymoron I've ever read: "a successful, secret relationship with Hermione" lol.
You have such a cute story here...love it
Awww how sad...
It's so cute how you made them each other's "first" and so innocent with their love...
It's also sad that she found out he's a death eater
Ok here's my thoughts...
I kind of have a hard time believe that Harry and Ron would EVER stop talking to Hermione. Gryffindors don't hold grudges like that...I could understand the hotheaded Weasleys but Harry?!
On the other hand it does seem probable...
I did notice that Hermione feels bitter/resentful about her friendship with Harry and Ron in this quote: "Their hero who would have died many times over was it not for me, she thought." Or perhaps she felt resentful that her secret relationship with Malfoy caused the drift. But in all honesty you can't help who you love.
On another note -- I don't take Malfoy for the perseverant type but he is a Slytherin and they are loyal so who knows...as for the letter writing...very cute touch. Totally believable as long as he wasn't stalking her to the point of obsession which it does appear he did for the next five years...
One question...how was he tormented? Was he bullied by the other students?
Now that I've read this I can see why he only wrote letters
It's so sad how she tormented him over and over again by giving him hope of her love until she broke him and saw him at his weakest moment.
you truly are an incredible writer...
you do a good job of making him sound pathetic. lol.
awww so cute!
can't wait to read the sequel
Author's Response: hihi thanks ;D