Welcome to my author's page!!! In case you couldn't tell from the huge banner up here, I am the fantabulistic, astronomical, and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious author PadfootBaby!! :D My friends call me Trish, my enemies call me Trish, and my dog calls me Trish, so I guess you can call me... hmm... Trish!!!!! (Waitasecond... something there doesn't sound quite right... I wonder what it is... Hmm...)
I am tall. I have long brown hair. When I was ten years old I had short hair, round glasses, and looked very much like a chubby version of Harry Potter. Which is scary, considering I'm a girl, but anyways... I love drawing in the Japanese manga style, writing, and reading. I am also the GREATEST HARRY POTTER FAN EVER!!!!!! :P
I relate most to Neville and Tonks.
I have written several great and enthralling stories on this site (oh... and I'm extremely modest, too! ;) ) and you should go read 'em! Now! *swishes and flicks pencil*
HP Book: DEATHLY HALLOWS!!!! OMG, that book was AMAZING!!! *squee*
HP Movie: Prisoner of Azkaban
HP Characters: Sirius, Snape, Ron, Fred 'n' George, Neville, McGonagall
Movies: Too many to list, but they include the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Spiderman, Pirates of the Caribbean, Edward Scissorhands, Beauty and the Beast, Howl's Moving Castle, Princess Mononoke, The Princess Bride, World Trade Center, The Sixth Sense, You've Got Mail, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, It's A Wonderful Life, etc....
Books: Waaaaay too many. I'll just list three of my faves (not including Potter): Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, Arena by Karen Hancock, and The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
Musicians: Superchic[k], All-American Rejects, Mariah Carey, Skillet, Howard Shore, Joe Hisaishi
Manga: Fruits Basket, Fushigi Yuugi, Ouran High School Host Club
Anime: Bleach, Claymore, Ouran High School Host Club
Thanks for reading! Now go read some of my stories instead! And don't forget to review!!!
Summary: My eyes do not speak of my namesake like they should. For fifteen generations, black eyes had become one of the many trademarks of my powerful family. Black, they said, was pure and undiluted, just like their blood, and, as such, those opaque eyes became a point of pride in my family. But I had grey eyes. And those grey stormy eyes of mine marked me as different from the day I was born. They were a watered-down black, just like I was.
Poor Sirius. This was very well done, though the way he met Remus was kind of weird. I also didn't like the way he could just trip a girl on the train, I never believed that Sirius was so much like Draco. Apart from that, an excellent take on how he might have felt, being set apart from hiss family like that. Keep writing!! :)
Author's Response: Thanks. :) I kinda liked the idea of Sirius not really being against his family until he was sorted into Gryffindor because before then, in his home environment, he would have no reason to rebel, but being placed in Gryffindor set him apart and made him rebel simply because his family turned against him. Thanks for the review!
Summary: This a poem I wrote in payment for a banner. It was suppose to describe the grounds of Hogwarts, but it does so much more than that.
Hmmm... Very interesting. This poem gave me a lot to think about. I really liked the rhythm of the verses, you put it together excellently. Keep on writing!!! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so very much! I am so happy you enjoyed this poem. The rhythm is one of the most important things to me in a poem. I am working on another poem and a story right now that I hope will be posted soon! Thanks again!!
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
OH MY GOSH!!! FILCH!?!?! *bursts into tears of laughter* This chapter wasn't the funniest, to be sure, but you wrapped it up quite nicely... I'm gonna miss it sooo much... Glad Sirius is alive though! I've heard Bermuda is lovely this time of year lol! *If only... sobsob* I'm SO SAD! Why'd you have to end it... why... *breaks down and shorts a circuit in keyboard with tears* Will there be a sequel? Or something like one? With Filchie (aka HELLOKITTIE! that was so hilarious!) as the new baddie? At least do another humor fic, because I love you and am going straight off to add you to my favorite authors. But anyway, thanks for the laughs while they lasted, and I hope I'll see your name on a fic again soon! Adios! :)
Your deeply devoted fan (and all thanks to a blog, too),
Author's Response: Yeah, I\'m hoping to write a sequel. I\'m really glad you liked the Filch twist, because I always thought he was an extremely funny character, and I may do a Talk Show hosted by Sirius that has Filch among the guests.... ideas for a sequel would rock some socks.
You're going to write more after this? Okay, that's good. *calms down slightly* I don't really hate you, I just hate that you're ending this thing! It could go on forever and ever (after all, it is a blog) But if it's over, I guess I can't say or do anything to change your mind... *sigh* Oh well. Hilarious chapter! Waiting for the last one!!! *stares at computer screen impatiently*
Author's Response: Thank you! I was afraid my decision to make this story six chapters long would make me infamous.
Funnyyyy! Oh wow, this is one of the wildest fanfics ive come across since... since... just about ever! You're fantastic! I first came upon this blog surfing around Cosforums, so thank them, you just won yourself another fan! I loved the pirates reference, and the comments are THE BEST! If only people'd really write comments that funny...
HILARIOUS! Update, or suffer my wrath! Bwahahahaha!!!! :P
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I did update the story... I\'m hoping Chapter Three does get accepted this time.
Wonderfully hilarious chapter, Schmerg! My favorite so far, especially the comments which are always like the best part! (almost... I found the dim-witted description of McGonagall very funny). So. I have a question for Lord Mouldy-Shorts: Is it true that you had the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson? Cuz, really... the resemblance is shocking.
And YOU were the one who ate my pet flying pig! I knew it couldn't have just been a coincidence!!!
Anyway, Schmerg, keep up the good work, and update soon!!! :D
Author's Response: Thank you! The eating the pet flying pig part came from a dude I know called Kenton, who is the master of Dry Wit, in caps like that. I can\'t answer the plastic surgeon part in the story, because that\'s actually going to come up later in the blog. [/LAME SPOILER] But yes, the resemblance is shocking! I\'ve always thought so. White skin, no nose, high voice, not to be trusted around children...
Oh, please give Voldemort this message for me, will you, Schmerg?: ~YOU LOSER, YOUR BLOG IS INSANE-- I NOW KNOW THAT YOU'VE GOT ROWENA'S CHARM BRACELET, SO BOOYAH, SUCKER!!!~ Okay, I'm finished now. Hilarious story, your writing is great! Keep it up!!!
Author's Response: Dear PadfootBaby, I am not a loser! As a matter of fact, I believe that I am a winner. Furthermore... WAIT A MINUTE! HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT RAVENCLAW\"S CHARM BRACELET?!?!? --Voldemort
For instance, you mentioned that you killed Santa Claus in a previous entry. While I applaud this decision (surely you know that Santa Claus was the biggest elf slavedriver in the world, and to make matters worse, this fact has been glorified in children’s literature), you completely negated it by employing the elves as your slaves! Have you no shame?
Nice one. It cracked me up so bad, I feel like I'm having a heart attack. I'm sure Mouldy-shorts will be pleased to hear about that. Bella's really getting dirty, isn't she? :D Great chapter, I LOVE this story. And speaking of which...
WHY ARE YOU STOPPING THIS AFTER JUST SIX CHAPTERS?! (sorry, the Capslock Curse took ahold of me there) I love this story, it's one of my all-time favorite fanfics, and after only six chapters you're gonna end it??? I hate you, Schmerg! How could you do this to us?! *goes off into corner to sulk*
Author's Response: You feel like you\'re having a heart attack? Wow, I\'m sorry. I\'m sorry that you hate me, but you\'ll see why this blog stops after six chapters when you read chapter six. I wish I could have written more, maybe done a few extra chapters after Chapter Four, or two rounds of Questions and Answers. I will try to write more humour after this blog is over, though.
In three letters: O. M. G. This was your best chapter, hands-down. (And my question was answered too, though indirectly!) It was very funny, I was laughing the whole time. Are you going to be doing "ask Voldy a question" again? Because it was a hit. Some highlights (for me) were:
What a lovely and timely question! Remind me to come to your place next time I’m recruiting new Death Eaters. I often find it amusing to slump over a lawn chair, pretending to be a scarecrow, and to hold a bowl of treats labeled “Take One.” Invariably, someone will take more than one, and I will leap out of the chair and violently accost that unfortunate child! Ha ha! What a scream! It’s also fun to put razor blades in apples and poisonous powder in the Pixie Sticks. One Halloween, I entertained myself by murdering the Potters (though that ended rather badly.) But the best method of Halloween torture, worse than any of the ones I mentioned, is to give out healthy treats like apples and raisins. You should see the children cry. It’s more effective than the Cruciatus Curse any day.
One of my neighbors does that every year, the scarecrow thing. Love it. Oh, and the Princess Bride reference was good, too. Please do this again!!! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I personally like this chapter a lot, too. Sadly, I don\'t think I\'ll be able to do the \"Ask Voldy\" thing, because this story actually has a plot (it just isn\'t completely evident yet), and there\'s not really space for more questions. But it was definitely my favourite part of writing the fic!
Gimme my access!!! I want to read this chapter so bad, but at the same time I'm sooo sad that it's finally almost over! (feels a bit like I do when I think about Book 7 lol) Hurry it up, moddies!! :D
Author's Response: That\'s exactly how I feel! I want to see people\'s reactions to the story and all, but I\'ll be sorry that the suspense will be over!
Summary: A poem about Hermione after she sees Ron kissing Lavender.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG, that was BRILLIANT!!! *Capslock Harry suddenly and viciously attacks* I love this poem!!! It's so great, I'm going to go put it on my favorites!! Heeheehee... It made me laugh so hard! Great job! :)
Author's Response: Yay!!!! I\'m glad you liked it!
Summary: What to do about your best friend's strange phobias? Remus, Sirius and Peter's method was perhaps not the best, but it had some rather pleasant side-effects...
Hahahahaha!!! Oh, wow, this is so FUNNY! Poor wittle James, scawed of the cute wittle bunny wabbits! :P This is such a cute story! Great job!!!
The Ballad of Lucius Malfoy: An Unappealing Appeal by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 63]
Summary: Lucius Malfoy's appealing to the Wizengamot after being caught in the Department of Mysteries, trying to convince them that he's not evil.
Quite silly, really.
Once again, a perfect 10! *raises glass* Cheers! This one was almost as good as Dark Lord's Blog! (speaking of which, I'm still so mad at you... grr. MAKE A SEQUEL!!!) Ahem. Great funniness! I LOVE ya, Schmerg!
Author's Response: Teeehee, thanks! I\'m glad you liked my ludicrous poem.
Summary: Lily Evans is a cheeky, brainy, hopeless romantic seventeen-year-old Head Girl with a sour temper. James Potter is an arrogant, hilarious, prank-pulling seventeen-year-old Head Boy with an immature head on his shoulders. Lily loathes James and James loves Lily. Blahblahblah.
However, when a mysterious locket and a very wacked Headmaster inform the two of them that their son is in grave danger, James, Lily, and of course, Sirius, are magically transported to the future to meet James and Lily's son and the state that the magical world is in.
A twist of mystery, fun, romance and some Sirius humor! And with a wee bit of J/L, H/G, and R/Hr!
WARNING: Tree climbing Dumbledores, valuable pieces of jewelry, and an ecess of sugar are contained inside - oh, and HBP is disregarded.
See profile for update information.
Woo, Sirius is here, too! Hooray! ;) This is just great, Hannah... Since I'm getting you for a beta, I was curious about your style, so I surfed around... and I love this one already! The plot thickens... o_O Keep up the good work!
Now, on to Chapter Two!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I\'m glad you like it!
"Si, Senor." ...Sirius giggled. *giggles* Cute Sirius. He's going to be a major part of this story's comic relief, I can tell already. And if only Dumbledore wasn't really dead yet... *sigh* This story wasn't at all what I expected it to be. It's so funny, and yet... not. I know it's bound to get a lot more serious, what with the Horcrux hunt and so forth, but for now... I really am in love with this story. I love your writing style, and how the plot is shaping out to be, and just... everything. I think I'll add this to my favorites! (and believe me, that is a major compliment to your writing, as only a select few greats actually get onto that list) Congrats, Hannah! ;) And now... on to Chapter Three!
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you! *giggle* I\'m glad you like Sirius. He\'s one of the awesomest characters to write. :) :) :)
Aww, really, no Snape? I was so looking forward to James' and Sirius' reactions to Snape actually teaching there... oh, well. THIS one is now my favorite chapter! I especially loved the food-eating contest and Lily's "slip"... almost had me worried for a second there. Will they ever reveal their true identities to Harry? (or, more importantly, will that potion wear off before they can? that would be a heck of a development...) Once again, just brilliant! I love your writing more and more, and this story almost reminds me of a humor fic I read once, but I can't think of the name... I like it a LOT. Update soon, Hannah!!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Trish! James, Lily, and Sirius will hear about Snape, but he won\'t (at least, for the main part of the story) be appearing in it. And yes, the trio shall learn about the trio... but not for a while. Thanks so much!
Summary: For Lord Voldemort, life is going swell, and everything is juuust peachy... until a ghostly visitor arrives. EXTRAORDINARILY silly.
EDIT: For some bizarre reason that I can't fully comprehend, this story WON the "Things that Go Bump In The Night" challenge in the Winter's Tale Challenge.
:) I can definitely see why you won. This is just so... "walking my Furby" *snigger* I used to have one of those... Anyway, I loved this fic almost as much as The DL's Blog! (which is saying something) You are a fantastically funny writer, and I hope you're around to haunt us for years to come!!! lol
I love this story. In case you couldn't tell.
Just one question, though: do you have, like, some sort of fixation on Voldemort fics, Schmerg?
Author's Response: Yay, thanks, PadfootBaby! I\'m so glad you thought this was funny. Myess, I do love Voldemort. I think that he\'s the funniest character in the books because he\'s so overdramatic, and as a humour writer (and person who loves antagonists), I think he\'s the most fun to write about.
Summary: A parody, obviously, on "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem," by wicked angel of Ravenclaw. Enjoy and a very happy Holiday to all of you!!
I love this parody. :'( I can definitely see why it won the challenge. Great job, winged angel... and congrats!
Author's Response: haha, winged angel...close enough! :) thanks for the review! i\'m really glad you love it!
Summary: Ron and Hermione are in love, and nothing can stop their relationship. Or so they thought.
A terrible tragedy happens in Ron’s family. The two try to sort out their problems. But Ron just doesn’t have the will to pick up the pieces. Will he have the strength to carry on? And will Hermione help him through it?
She finally pulled away. “Are you alright? Do you need anything? Because I can just-”
Ron shook his head slowly, not even looking at her. He was in a daze. Hermione gave him a weak smile. “You’re really taking this hard, aren’t you?” she asked him gently. She put a soft hand on his shoulder.
Ron turned to look at her with an angry and hurt expression on his face. “Hard? HARD?” he yelled. He pushed her arm away.
Hermione almost gasped. This man didn’t sound like Ron at all. She hadn’t meant to offend him in any way.
This was originally written for the February One-Shot Challenge. I am Ron x Hermione, of Hufflepuff.
How sweet! :)
Author's Response: *giggles* Thanks, Trish! ~Lindsey :)
Summary: He had done the unforgivable, he knew that. Albus Dumbledore had died by his wand. But he was no Death Eater, he knew this, Dumbledore had known it, but worst of all Voldemort knew it. Which left him with but one option, an option he nearly hated more than death. His life had been in debt to a Potter before... Severus Snape's fate lies in the hands of the Boy-Who-Lived.
"So it is no good now to beg for mercy,
You fraud, slime-ball, you’re worse than Percy!"
LOLZZZZZZZ!!! I love this poem! It's so funny! Hilarious!!! I especially like the ending - it was absolutely brilliant! This is going on my favorites!
Author's Response: Aww thank you so, so much!! I was really let down by the few number of reviews I got on this poem but you made me happy =D Thanks a lot!