Hello, there! I happened to stumble across my author page when I suddenly realized... I haven't updated it in two and a half years. So. Uhm. Here we are.
My name is Rachel, and if you're looking at my bio, I'm guessing it's for one of the following reasons. If that's the case, allow me to assist you:
Mod: Though I spent a year and a half working for the site, I am no longer a mod. If you're concerned as to why your Harry/Hermione fic hasn't made it out of the queue, I'm no longer the person to ask.
SBBC: This is a group on the forums which is devoted to discussing fanfiction, also known as the owner of a significant portion of my heart and soul. I was a member of the SBBC for three years and the leader for two, and I will say that in all my time in fandom, I have loved nothing as much as the SBBC. Unfortunately due to time constraints I had to step away, so if you're interested in joining, I am no longer the person to contact. But please, head over to the forums and check out the SBBC and talk to the lovely people who are currently in charge. It's wonderful. :)
SPEW: I am no longer a member of SPEW on the forums. If you still wish to review for me, which I would endlessly appreciate, I would love any concrit on Last Chance to Lose Control, Talk Tonight, Admiration, Candles Burn, The Best Things Are Left Unwritten, Endlessly, She Said, or Christmas Snow. Please don't bother with anything older than that; my most ancient fics are frankly poorly-written beyond repair. I keep them up solely to placate those who've enjoyed them.
Beta: I do infact beta - my name at the PI site is lily_evans34. I am not currently looking to beta anything new, but I'll keep you posted if that changes.
Drabbles: I've taken up drabbling again recently, and you can find my drabbles in The Three Broomsticks forum. I would love any feedback you have to give regarding those.
I'm a college student, though I was in middle school when I joined this website. Can you believe that?! Though I suppose now is not the appropriate time for nostalgia...
Ahem. Like I said, I'm a college student majoring in Linguistics, slowly working my way to fluency in Italian and French. In my free time I read, play tennis, update my MNFF author page that I'm guessing no one will ever read, and my pie chart of obsessions can be evenly distributed between Harry Potter, Les Miserables, and Doctor Who. There isn't much else to know.
I'm not currently active on MNFF, but who knows, maybe one day I shall return. I love this place. :)
My Fics - oldest to most recent.
This Little Thing Called Love
DELETED FROM MNFF.
Thanks for all the support for this fic, and I'm sorry to those who enjoyed it.
Let The Rain Fall
Harry/Ginny one shot. I've gotten some lovely reviews, but this isn't my favourite. This shows a perfect example of my earlier writing style... I've much improved since then. 'Much' being the key word.
General one-shot about Cedric during the night of the Third Task. Again, shows my earlier writing style off pretty well. Read only if you must.
A Hedwig One Shot written for the Owls challenge by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw. Not my favourite.
I Never Knew You
Andromeda visits her sisters grave and writes a letter, explaining everything she had ever wanted to say. This is one of my favourites by me. My writing has matured, but I like the concept I had going.
Written for the Monthly Challenge: Great Love by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw. James/OC. Not author recommended. Please don't SPEW review this one. Or read it. It's awful. Really.
A Life Worth Living
Angelina is having regrets about her upcoming wedding. Fred/Angelina.
Ever wonder what made James change for Lily? Fluffy James/OC one shot.
All Hermione can hear is the darkness. This is probably my most experimental, and I'd love some feedback here!
Endlessly She Said
Written for the SPEW 007 - prompt: "chase". Based on the beautiful song by AFI.
FEATURED: 4/22 - 4/30
The Best Things Are Left Unwritten
This is what happens when Lily Evans stays up writing late into the night. Short and sweet Sirius/Lily one shot toward which I have a certain fondness.
For my Sarah
Ron and Hermione, the day after the last battle. I would appreciate any feedback you have to offer here.
For my Suya
Sometimes you'll find comfort in the least likely of places. A bar-confession story of sorts, about despair, redemption, and hope.
Last Chance to Lose Control
Hermione has lost faith in everything, in everyone - except Draco. My first D/Hr in years.
For Suya - Happy Birthday!
The Sun is Gone Before It Shines
This story can be found under the penname 'Katchel'. It's a joint Ron/Hermione fic written by myself and ms weasley for our 'triplet', Kiara.
Please read and drop a review!
oooh, i LUV the song Mr. Brightside, it's on my mp3 player; thats why i read the story in the first place, but it's REALLY good!!!!!!!!!!! I luv how u can c everyone's perspective. I want 2 know what will happen! Keep going! 10!!
That was great! I luv Sam's last name, hehe. Anyway, Great Job! 10!
Ahh... that was so sweet! I loved Ginny's character. Running outside and shouting seems like something she would do. I also loved how you captured her thoughts, and made it so that she was angry, but it was romantic all the same. I also loved how Neville just kissed her, without saying anything about it. he seemed pretty shy, which was very Neville-ish. I loved this! I give you an imaginary 10. Happy writing!
~ lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle
Author's Response: Thank you so much for that wonderful review. I\'m really glad you liked it. *Bathes in the light of the imaginary 10*
That was wonderful! I was actually crying. I really dislike Harry/Hermione, but I think that you've changed my mind. This was beautifully written. I really liked your plot. It was really sweet, sad and dark as it was. I loved the not-so-shippiness of it, while it was still romantic. (And no... I don't tend to make much sense.) I just really liked Harry and Hermione's relationship in this. It's like, they were always there for each other, and just needed to realize it. Their relationship was more based off their feelings that they've always had for each other, and not just some mushy new-found romance. This story was more deep, and very dark. I loved that! GREAT job, overall.
~ lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle
Aww... that was so sad! I nearly cried! That was such a great story. 100/10
Author's Response: Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Written as a Term Challenge: Holidays Abroad submission for Slytherin.
Ooh, I loved that! I've never considered that they'd go anywhere as a couple, but now that I think about it, I doubt that they would just sit at home through their whole marraige. This is a very interesting take on their relationship.
I loved your characterization of both Tom and Merope. I like how you added Tom's feelings in the morning before he got his potion. It's a small detail, but you easily show the reader how crucial it is for Merope to give him his drink. I like Merope, also. Even now, we're begining to see the regrets she has about the potion, but we still know that she cares for Tom, even though he doesn't truly love her.
I can't find anything to nit-pick in this chapter, except, isn't 'hair-tie' a bit of an Americanism? I use that a lot where I live, which is New England (woah! I just realized that where I live has the word 'England' in it!) Sorry, never mind me. Anyway, I think that 'elastic' or 'ribbon' would be better suited, there.
Other than that, wonderful job!
Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I\'m glad you liked it.
Yes, I originally had it as \"ribbon\", but my beta changed it to hair-tie, so I just left it at that.
Looks like someone did their research! I usually don't care much for historical information in writing, but you really had me hooked! And I'm not just saying that! Was all that information about the holiday real, or did you make some up? I thought that it was really interesting. I can really see their relationship progressing. I think that characterization is by far your strong point in this fic. A few nit-picks:
“That’s all we need.” Merope cut in, trying to get straight to the point so they could leave this blonde-haired-beauty. She always hated it when Tom talked to other women.
First, I would use a comma after she speaks, because cutting in is explaining what she's doing when she speaks. Also, I would say 'Merope' at the start of the new sentence, because I was under the impression that you were talking about Sara.
At any rate, lovely chapter, Shayla! *Skips off to read next one*
Author's Response: Haha, have fun with the next chapter. And, this is a real holiday. This story was originally written for theTerm Challenge a few months ago where you had to put a pairing in a different country. All the translations, holiday facts, and things of the like are acurate. Even the name of the hotel is a real one in Romania.
Ooooh, cliffy! Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Anyway, your characterization was, as always, flawless. I think it's interesting how you made Tom a little questioning, but not down-right mean when he didn't take the potion, like I've read in most fanfics with him. I was wondering why Merope was feeling sick so much. I like how you brought on the fact that she was pregnent subtly.
Now, on to nit-pick: I have two things to say about the coffee. One: I think that because Tom is a Muggle, he would have heard of coffee before, even if he's never drank it. Two: (This may just be the most stupid nit-pick you've ever gotten) I think that coffee takes some getting used to. Like, when I first had it I was like 'Bleh!' But now I love it. I just don't think that Tom would like it that quickly. And please, ignore that second nit-pick. I just thought I'd mention it, however.
Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Author's Response: Yes, I actually did realize that coffee thing. Some people mentioned it before, and I agree that Tom would have known what it was. But *sigh* we all make mistakes, right? Thanks for the review!
Aww, that's so sad! I feel so bad for Merope! I think that him being angry is very realistic. I like how you mentioned how the last of the Amorentia had drained out of Tom. I thought that was a very original take on it-- I had always seen it as: Drink the potion and you're in love. Don't drink it, and you're not anymore. I think that twinge of love that Tom still had for Merope was very interesting.
He grabbed Merope’s hand and ran outside dragging Merope behind him.
In this sentence, I would change a 'Merope' to 'her' so it doesn't sound redundant.
Midnight found Merope lying half-asleep in her bed with tears streaming down her face.
Hehe. I loved the sentence. I had to re-read it several times, because I kept thinking that you meant my cat, Midnight. At first I was like 'Wait a second, my cat's in this?' Teehee.
Anyway, I thought that this was excellent. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Author's Response: Yes, I love using inanimate objects as the subjects of sentences like \"midnight\". I\'m glad you liked that. Thanks for the review!
That was so sad and beautifully written! You really made the reader sypathize with Merope. When she broke her wand, I wanted to cry 'No!' Lol! I love your description in the last few paragraphs. It was very moving. The only thing I noticed was:
She had no one to go to, no one to lean on, and no one to go to for help.
You said 'she had no one to go to' twice in that sentence. I would rephrase it once.
*Goes off, humming, to read the big finale*
Author's Response: Enjoy the \'big finale\'. I\'m glad you liked this, as I had originally intended for this to be the final chapter. Thanks for the review!
Wow, I'm so sad it's over! That story was such a joy to read! I like how you had Merope run into Tom. I was always under the impression that they never saw each other again, but I thought that was interesting. The ending was so sad; even though she was Voldemort's mother, I couldn't help feeling sorry for her. I think you wrote her final moments very realistically, and I loved the last paragraph. It's so eerie to think that Merope died loving Tom, just like Lily died loving Harry.
Nit-pick: She again had to several breaths before continuing,
I think you want a 'take' in there after 'to'.
Overall, a truly wonderful story. I'm so sad it's over! I guess reading another story by you will have to suffice! =)
Author's Response: Haha, thanks. I\'m always happy to hear that authors are sad to see a story end. It\'s one of the best compliments. Thanks for all the great reviews!
I am already in love with this fic. I had read HBP recently, and am planning on writing a little something about Merope myself. I thought that this was original and very well written!
It had not come to much of a surprise for her when her brother and father had been taken away.
I think that there should be an 'as' instead of 'to', if I'm not mistaken.
little did he know that his daily ritual had become the only thing to live for another.
I think that you need another 'for'. So it would be: little did he know that his daily ritual had become the only thing to live for, for another.
Other than those small nitpicks, I thought that this was lovely! I look forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Follow Barty as he takes his steps through the Quidditch World Cup in GoF. What parts of the story did you miss while reading from Harry's point of view? This is the side of the story that you really care about.
Wow, Shayla, that was amazing. Barty Crouch Jr. is one of my favorite, and coincidentally long fogotten about characters. I just love reading fics about him! Anyway, my nitpicks are as follows:
I was doing so that would be the problem.
I think you mean 'It was doing so...'
He thinks that he can just talk to Winky as if he in the kind of the world, Barty thought furiously. Well, he's not, and I'm going to show him that. If I only had a wand right now... He saw one sticking out of Harry's pocket. Perfect. Let's see if the foolish boy can even notice if his wand' missing. He lunged forward, hoping that Winky was preoccupied, and snatched the wand from Harry's pocket. Grinning, he twirled it absently in his hands. This wand meant freedom, and it was all part of the plan.
I think that part came on a bit quickly. I found it a bit unbelievable that he finds a wand the second after it crosses his mind. Instead of flat out saying that there was one in Harry's pocket, I would mention him realising that he was in a room full of wizards, and looking around a moment before he sees it. Just so that's it's more believable. Just a personal opinion, though!
Other than that, it was lovely!
Without so much as a second thought, he yelled into the air "MORSMORDRE!" Suddenly, a green jolt of light erupted from the end of the wand, protruding into the sky a Dark Mark. Barty quickly dropped the wand and Disapparated, leaving the wand behind. He would not be caught-- not again.
This was my favorite part as well. I could practically feel his need to not get caught again. It was wonderfully written!
Absolutely amazing job, dear!
Author's Response: I\'m not surprised that so many people liked that last paragraph. I wanted to make sure it was just right-- and I\'m glad you thought it was.
I have no idea what I meant on the first part, but I\'ll go check it out and try to fix it. Thanks!
Wow, that was amazing. The writing was wonderful, and the epilouge idea was great. My favorite part was, "Lives are like alcohol, Moody had once told him. The more you take, the more you can tolerate. Pretty soon, you don’t feel it at all. Better that lives don’t become so little to you, boy. Leave the killing to the people who don’t have any souls. Leave the killing to the hell-damned anyway. Leave the killing to people like me."
That was great. It was so original. Did you come up with that, or did you read it somewhere? I would have never been able to come up with a metaphor like that. Mine tend to come out rather lame, lol.
In one part, I was a bit confused, however. How exactly did Fudge know Sirius by name? I don't think he was introduced, or it was mentioned that they knew each other previously, as far as I can remember. Maybe it was, though, I'm not quite sure at the moment...
Anyway, all in all, amazing story. I really, really enjoyed reading this whole thing.
And yes, I would REALLY appreciate to read the final (final) ending, if you have one in mind!
Author's Response: Thank you and thank you again. I\'m really glad you liked it, because I was very apprehensive that people would say \'oh, that\'s not as good as the first parts\'. Yes, I did come up with the metaphor myself, those are hard for me, too, but if you keep practicing and noticing things in life yours will get better, I promise. I\'m not exactly sure how Fudge knew Sirius... but, you know, anything can happen. Maybe I\'ll write another story about how they meet and so on. It\'s an interesting idea... Oh, and I\'ll try to get to the final-final ending soonish, but it might be a while because of exams and so on. Keep reading!
That was superb. I loved how you captured Sirius's emotions and whatnot. This was very well written, though I do agree with Neville_is_my_hero about that one grammar line. This was very entertaining, while not nessisarily action packed. I loved how you wrote Sirius's emotions when he found James and Lily dead. You also did a wonderful job explaining his actions and portraying his character. Wonderful job, all in all! I read the second chapter, and I think that an epilouge would be great! While not nessisary, I think that it would be VERY entertaining to read. I would read another chapter to this great story! Good job and happy writing!
~Lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review, and I\'m extremely glad you liked/ like the story. Since we all know what happens, in the end, I\'m very glad you were entertained and enjoyed it. If you\'ll look closely, the line is \'Remus had shown HIM once at Remus\'s house\'. The \'him\' in the sentance is Sirius, of course, and if I put another pronoun in the sentance it will get very confusing. The first part of the epilogue is up. I hope you enjoy it as well as you\'ve enjoyed the first part of the story! Thank you for reading, and keep reviewing!
hey again. I realized that i didn't make sense before, by saying 'another 10' when that was my first review. i'd borrowed my friend's account to review before, and i forgot i was on my own account when i reviewed your 3rd chapter. (I know, I don't make sense; i never do.) anyway, 10!
Author's Response: Lol no worries :D Thanks for your reviews! I've run into a bit of a brick wall regarding the next chapter (exams aren't helping) but I hope to continue over the Spring holidays!
I hate running into walls! (Literally and with writing.) That's what's happening in with about 5 of my stories, so I can sypathize. Best wishes for your fic!!!
Wow, that was REALLY good!! I liked how you threw in people we've met, like Regalus, and 'Padfoot'. I thought this was great! Another 10! anyway, thanks for the chocolate... lol!
Wow, that was... amazing. You successfully made me burst into tears and sob for a straight ten minutes, then call up my friend, and have her read this, and sob for a straight ten minutes. Seriously, though, this was great. Your imagery and explanations were beautiful. Your first two paragraphs are a wonderful example of that, and they set the stage for the rest of the fic very well. You use a very impressive vocabulary, and the descriptions you use are great. From the first sentence, you feel the ominous mood of this story.
In contrast to the restless storm brewing above him, the occupant of cell #6580 showed so little signs of life that any casual observers would have thought him to be dead. This was not true, however. As corpselike as his appearance was, Draco Malfoy was very much alive -- if not uncommonly motionless.
I loved that paragraph. One thing though; I would write out ‘number’ instead of using a number sign. It may just be a personal preference, but it just seems more official when written that way.
The weight of the chains attached to the hackles on Draco's wrists and ankles slowed him down and made it feel as though each step he took was being done under water.
Do you mean, ‘attached to the shackles’? I don’t think ‘hackles’ is appropriate to use in this sentence.
Draco had jumped to his Lord's defence, and thoughts of the brown-haired girl soon became buried beneath everything else clouding his mind.
Spelling error: ‘Defence’ should be ‘defense’.
The Dementors were excited -- they sensed a change, they knew death was about to be handed to them on a silver platter.
In this sentence, I would change ‘excited’. Maybe ‘eager’ or something. Again, it’s possibly a personal preference, but excited is not something that I would necessarily associate with Dementors. It just doesn’t seem like quite the right word.
The execution room is cold and much smaller than the room in which my trial was held. There's a little circle cleared in the centre of it with a chair -- just one chair -- and enough space for me to extend my hands out on either side of me without hitting anything. However, the rest of the room is filled with people. Old men, young Aurors, other Ministry workers, prisoners granted permission to come here -- they're all here to watch me die. I'm just an entertaining show to them.
Here, you change POVs. Before, you were saying ‘Draco’ and ‘he’ but now you start saying ‘I’. Did you mean to do that? I think it was intentional, but I’m just double checking. If not, then you should probably fix that. If it was, could you make it a bit more clear, somehow? I’m not sure how, but it was a bit confusing to me…
I struggle to yell, but my voice is unheard. I can hear the Dementors' rattling breaths drawing nearer. Gathering my last ounce of strength, I try to form pictures, images, memories in my mind from the mist clouding my consciousness. It's hopeless; all that's left of me is regret, hate, fear, desolution...but then I manage to construct the faint outline of her face, and suddenly it's enough. Tearing my head out of the hands holding it back, I open my mouth, tasting my own tears, and whisper hoarsely, 'Goddamnit, Hermione, I love you...'
I love this part. It was so well written, and well, quite sad. Here I started crying. This was really well written.
Years after the Kiss was performed on Draco Malfoy, another prisoner was transferred to his vacated cell. However, he was soon moved out after complaining about his sleep being penetrated by the sound of sobbing and the walls being so covered with proclamations of love that he could not glance at them without getting a headache. Azkaban officials examined his complaints and concluded that they were entirely unfounded, as the walls were untouched and the neighbouring cells were empty. The prisoner was shortly afterwards pronounced mad, but after the incident, cell #6580 was never put to use again.
I love the eerie note you left this story on. It was so creepy, and sad at the same time.
Overall, I thought that this story was really wonderful. I absolutely loved your descriptions, and your story line. Great job!
Ever the same is like my favorite song ever!! This story was really good! I probably would have made the end sad, because I like depressing rather than fluffy, but you wrote it really well. Just one grammer thing: "Harry laughed and splashed Hermione with water too, making Hermione swim away from them." You should say, "Harry laughed and splashed Hermione with water too, making her swim away from them." Just so you only say Hermione once. Other than that, I thought it was great. 10!
Author's Response: You like this song too!? Ooh, nice to hear I'm not the only one. I actually agree with liking sad endings better - but when I wrote this I was in the middle of writing a sad fic and I just really needed something happy. If you want a sad R/Hr fic, just wait till I get my newwest story out. It's uber sad. Anyways, I'm glad to hear a bit of critisism too. You're right, I should change that bit and I'm glad you caught it. Thanks for the review, (it's really cool to get a longer one that consists of more that 'I like this'). :D