Penname: lily_evans34 [Contact]
Real name: Rachel
Member Since: 02/10/06
Website: http://nina-myers24.livejournal.com/
Beta-reader:
Status: Member
Bio:
Hello, there! I happened to stumble across my author page when I suddenly realized... I haven't updated it in two and a half years. So. Uhm. Here we are.

My name is Rachel, and if you're looking at my bio, I'm guessing it's for one of the following reasons. If that's the case, allow me to assist you:

Mod: Though I spent a year and a half working for the site, I am no longer a mod. If you're concerned as to why your Harry/Hermione fic hasn't made it out of the queue, I'm no longer the person to ask.

SBBC: This is a group on the forums which is devoted to discussing fanfiction, also known as the owner of a significant portion of my heart and soul. I was a member of the SBBC for three years and the leader for two, and I will say that in all my time in fandom, I have loved nothing as much as the SBBC. Unfortunately due to time constraints I had to step away, so if you're interested in joining, I am no longer the person to contact. But please, head over to the forums and check out the SBBC and talk to the lovely people who are currently in charge. It's wonderful. :)

SPEW: I am no longer a member of SPEW on the forums. If you still wish to review for me, which I would endlessly appreciate, I would love any concrit on Last Chance to Lose Control, Talk Tonight, Admiration, Candles Burn, The Best Things Are Left Unwritten, Endlessly, She Said, or Christmas Snow. Please don't bother with anything older than that; my most ancient fics are frankly poorly-written beyond repair. I keep them up solely to placate those who've enjoyed them.

Beta: I do infact beta - my name at the PI site is lily_evans34. I am not currently looking to beta anything new, but I'll keep you posted if that changes.

Drabbles: I've taken up drabbling again recently, and you can find my drabbles in The Three Broomsticks forum. I would love any feedback you have to give regarding those.

About me...

I'm a college student, though I was in middle school when I joined this website. Can you believe that?! Though I suppose now is not the appropriate time for nostalgia...

Ahem. Like I said, I'm a college student majoring in Linguistics, slowly working my way to fluency in Italian and French. In my free time I read, play tennis, update my MNFF author page that I'm guessing no one will ever read, and my pie chart of obsessions can be evenly distributed between Harry Potter, Les Miserables, and Doctor Who. There isn't much else to know.

I'm not currently active on MNFF, but who knows, maybe one day I shall return. I love this place. :)

My Fics - oldest to most recent.

This Little Thing Called Love
DELETED FROM MNFF.
Thanks for all the support for this fic, and I'm sorry to those who enjoyed it.

Let The Rain Fall
Harry/Ginny one shot. I've gotten some lovely reviews, but this isn't my favourite. This shows a perfect example of my earlier writing style... I've much improved since then. 'Much' being the key word.

The End
General one-shot about Cedric during the night of the Third Task. Again, shows my earlier writing style off pretty well. Read only if you must.

Bound
A Hedwig One Shot written for the Owls challenge by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw. Not my favourite.

I Never Knew You
Andromeda visits her sisters grave and writes a letter, explaining everything she had ever wanted to say. This is one of my favourites by me. My writing has matured, but I like the concept I had going.

Let Go
Written for the Monthly Challenge: Great Love by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw. James/OC. Not author recommended. Please don't SPEW review this one. Or read it. It's awful. Really.

A Life Worth Living
Angelina is having regrets about her upcoming wedding. Fred/Angelina.
For Mari

Christmas Snow
Ever wonder what made James change for Lily? Fluffy James/OC one shot.
For Bethany

Candles Burn
All Hermione can hear is the darkness. This is probably my most experimental, and I'd love some feedback here!

Endlessly She Said
Written for the SPEW 007 - prompt: "chase". Based on the beautiful song by AFI.
For Emily

FEATURED: 4/22 - 4/30

The Best Things Are Left Unwritten
This is what happens when Lily Evans stays up writing late into the night. Short and sweet Sirius/Lily one shot toward which I have a certain fondness.
For my Sarah

Admiration
Ron and Hermione, the day after the last battle. I would appreciate any feedback you have to offer here.
For my Suya

Talk Tonight
Sometimes you'll find comfort in the least likely of places. A bar-confession story of sorts, about despair, redemption, and hope.
For Suya

Last Chance to Lose Control
Hermione has lost faith in everything, in everyone - except Draco. My first D/Hr in years.
For Suya - Happy Birthday!

The Sun is Gone Before It Shines
This story can be found under the penname 'Katchel'. It's a joint Ron/Hermione fic written by myself and ms weasley for our 'triplet', Kiara.

Please read and drop a review!

[Report This]
Reviews by lily_evans34
 

Take My Heart Away by Hatusu
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 959]

Summary: Past Featured Story Hermione goes back in time with one mission: to kill Tom Riddle before he ever comes to power. A difficult task, correct? An impossible one, she realizes, as a love between them grows stronger than anything she has ever known. Now Hermione has a choice to make. Will she condemn the Wizarding world to almost certain destruction, or will she take the life of the one boy she has ever loved?

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 39417 Chapters: 19 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/27/05 Updated: 12/17/06


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 05/07/06 Title: Chapter 7: Enemies Closer

Ah! I read your whole story in one day, and I am so into it now! God, this is torture to have to actually wait for the next chapter. You better get it up soon!! Now, what do I do in the meantime...?

Author's Response: Read \'Seven\' by Noldo. Great one-shot, absolutely brilliant. Or \'God of the Lost\' by Gravidy on ff.net if D/Hr is your taste. \'The Broken Victory\' by Kate Lynn on fictionalley is a work of genius unsurpassed by anything, its THE Tom Riddle fic of the fandom, in my opinion. Hope that tides you over. Thanks for the great review! :D

 
Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 09/10/06 Title: Chapter 12: Moonlight Masquerade, Part II

*Squees insanely* Of course I had to nominate this; it's my favorite story on MNFF! Expect a longer review later; I just wanted to let you know how freaking awesome your story is. ;)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the nomination... it really made me happy! :D

 
Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 10/01/06 Title: Chapter 14: Price of Immortality

Amazing. As always. Seriously, I'm going to give you a pwning SPEW length review one of these days, but I just wanted you to know that this story's amaaaaaaaaazing!

 
Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 05/07/06 Title: Chapter 4: Of All People

I loved that! It was so well written and believable! *adds to favorites*. But in the last sentence, you should put a space between go and forward. Other than that, great job! *reads next chapter*

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 04/29/06 Title: None

I really liked this! It's really cute in the way they both like each other, but don't do anything about it. Anyway, there's one thing that bothered me. When you said:

"I might have even done you a favor, you ugly little mudblood,"

I looked on the lexicon, and the Weasleys are actually a pureblood family, meaning that Molly couldn't have been a mudblood. Other than that, I loved it! Great work!

 
Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 04/29/06 Title: None

Looks like someone already pointed out the mudblood thing. Sorry!

 

The Vanishing Cabinet by fifthyear
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Arthur Weasley gets thrown into oblivion by Sirius Black's father and Voldemort's future Death Eaters. What happens when you can't Apparate or use magic in the middle of the largest muggle city in the world? Read to find out!

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1045 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
08/15/05 Updated: 08/15/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 05/01/06 Title: Chapter 1: SMACK! and Oblivion...

That was awesome! I just read a fic where Arthur was the most popular guy in his grade, so reading all the different ways that people portray him is really, really interesting. Yes, the cliffhanger was wonderful. So often, people try to leave intriguing cliff hangers, when the plot lines are actually very dull. This one was great, though! I'm really interested in reading your next chapter. You better get it up there, soon!

Great job!

~ lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle

 

The Great Fall by SomberBallad
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 14]

Summary: Only five are left to fight the final battle, where once stood many now stands only a few brave and desperate souls. The Last Battle will be fought on deadly ground, and all lives will be lost.



(This is a Dark/Angsty, but not your cliche, Last Battle Story)

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded, Character Death, Violence

Word count: 1699 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/29/05 Updated: 08/29/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 12/17/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Great Fall

Oh, wow, Ashley. I simply adored this. First of all, the beginning. The tone that you started this piece off with was simply stunning. From the first paragraph I could nearly feel the tension that you built up for the characters—the repetition of the words ‘darkness’ and ‘fear’ adding to this ominous setting.

He didn’t want his friends here; he knew he was sending them to their deaths. I love this line, because it seems so true to Harry’s character to want to save his friends. It’s also sad the way you wrote this—that Harry was certain that he and his friends would die. Reading it, it gives me a sort of helpless feeling to know that there was a good chance that they would die.

I also adore the way you wrote Hermione in the beginning. At first this helpless side of her seems OOC, but I like the way you backed it up by saying that she had always thought she could do anything. Where it doesn’t seem like her to act so vulnerable, it is, however, a lot like her to understand her limits. I think the way you wrote her in this fic is very true to her character.

They sat on James and Lily’s rebuilt lot in Godric’s Hollow, perhaps waiting the meet the same sad fate that they had. I think you want to say ‘waiting to meet’, here.

The way you described Harry’s death was just heartbreaking. At first you keep up the fast pace of the story by mentioning it in passing, but after the Death Eaters are gone you show an insight to how Hermione felt about the whole thing. I simply adored the line, Maybe she would die in the fire, then she wouldn’t have to deal with this, and she might see Harry again. This seems so…real, basically. I think that a lot of times when we’ve lost someone, the thought of death seems inviting compared to the pain. I like how you wrote Hermione in this way—she seemed real, and yet, she seemed like the same hopeful Hermione that we know, with the ‘and she might see Harry again’ part.

The end of this fic is just tragic. It makes me feel for Hermione so much, how she was trying so hard to hold on to Harry. The last line is just…wow. *tries and fails to think of a more descriptive word* Even though forgetting would allow her to feel less pain, it’s still so devastating to think about… how one tragic experience made her forget about all the good times that she’d had with Ron and Harry.

This fic is truly moving, Ashley. I haven’t read many convincing last battle scenes where Harry lost, but this is definitely one of them. I can’t wait to read more of your work.

*huggles SPEW buddy*

Author's Response: It\'s been so long since I had a good review on this. Thank you so so much for giving this story a chance no one tries it because it\'s so angsty and dark and I\'m so glad you liked it. This review made me smile so much! I am so happy now, thank you tons Rachel *loves* I only hope I can give a review just as good.

 

From Hermione with Love by mspadfoot89
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Hermione takes the time to pour out her feelings during the war, in a letter addressed to Harry.

***

“You know what the saddest thing in the word is? To love someone who used to love you.”

Categories: Harry/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1502 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/14/05 Updated: 09/14/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 11/01/06 Title: Chapter 1: --

Oh my goodness, Emma! I told you that I would review one of your stories, and no, I’m not forgetful, I’m generally busy. ;) But I was thinking about it today, and I decided to read this story, as Harry/Hermione is just love. Gosh, I’m glad I did! Where do I begin?

The beginning would probably be a good place. I simply adored your opening paragraphs. They set such a mood and a tone for me—it was very easy for me to get in character with Hermione quickly in this story, meaning that I could very simply feel her pain and put myself in her position. I could just feel her exhaustion from the setting you created with the overflowing wastebasket and the sun showing its last rays. I could tell how she wanted to get the letter over with, but she didn’t want to write something meaningless, and she didn’t know if she would be able to do that.

Finally, long after night had fallen, she reached for another piece of parchment and determinedly placed her quill at the top of it.

I just adore this line. What I love about it is how you use the word ‘determinedly’. To me, that seems so…Hermione. I can see her wanting to complete something just because she started it, or because she felt that she had to. I think that Hermione is an extremely determined character, and I simply love the way that you use that word to describe something that she didn’t want to do, but felt that she needed to.

She kept on going, thinking that whatever she wrote had to be better than this everlasting silence.

This was an interesting passage. The thing that caught my eye about this was comparing a finished letter with silence—the way that she thinks that an action can cover up for a sound, or lack thereof. To me, those are interesting variables to compare, but I like how you wrote this, in that Hermione felt that just completing the letter would make everything alright between her and Harry. From this line I can almost feel her need for Harry to be there with her, and her need for him to answer her letter.

Have you seen or heard from Voldemort at all?

I don’t think that this is the best way to phrase this line. It seems like what you meant was Harry and Voldemort were pals, and they talk to each other. *giggles* I think ‘hears from’ is a sort of line you’d say about someone you were close to. I would say ‘Have you seen or heard anything about Voldemort at all?’ Sorry if you don’t see the difference there, but to me at least it creates quite the different effect!

The thing is that after you left . . . after you left that night, I did a lot of thinking, Harry.

You end the letter momentarily here, so you’d need to close that part with quotes.

Someone once told me: You know what the saddest thing in the word is? To love someone who used to love you.

I just adored this line. That’s such a sad thing to think about; realising that you love someone after you’ve lost your chance. This line really makes me feel for Hermione, and it gives me a good idea about her condition—that Harry once loved her, and that he might not love her now.
She fell asleep with her head in her hands, knowing that she would never send Harry the letter that held all of her feelings and emotions-that held her life.

This story brought me close to tears, helped along by this line. I wanted to yell ‘Nooo! Send the letter!’ to Hermione, but I refrained from doing so. ;) It’s so heartbreaking to think about—Hermione’s life could be changed by sending this one letter, but she won’t even do that. She could have easily sent it, but after that, things would be out of her control. Without sending it, she can dream that Harry feels the same way about her, but once Harry gets it, she might learn that he no longer loves her. Even though us readers can tell that Hermione would rather have Harry there with her, she was afraid that sending the letter would erase that option, so she kept it.

This was a truly moving fic, Emma, darling, and I hope to read more of your work soon!

*hugs*

Author's Response: *looks at review in wonder* Holy! This has got to be the longest, most detailed, bestest review ever! *huggles* Aaaaaahhh, I don\'t know where to begin! I\'m so thrilled that you enjoyed it, being an H/HR shipper and all, and even more happy that you really grasped the main idea of the whole thing! I remember I had so much writing this fic, it was actually for a challenge with the line \"You know what the saddest thing in the word is? To love someone who used to love you.\" I fell in love with it at first sight and thus the fic was born. lol. I really, really appreciate your comments, and yes, I shall change all that sounds ... sketchy. Ummm, yesss.... *stares at review more* Thank you soooooo much Rach! You just totally made my day! And it was such a tiring one, at that. And I can\'t even write about it on LJ because my stupid server won\'t let me connect to it. *squishes review and Rach* *and sends love* :D

 

Breaking free by LadyAlesha
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Andromeda Black is in her third year at Hogwarts and the thought of breaking free from her family is the only thing that keeps her going.

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 995 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/04/05 Updated: 10/04/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 05/27/07 Title: Chapter 1: Breaking free

This was a lovely fic, Ilka! Being one to write about Andromeda and her relationship with her family as well, I always love to read other fics about this subject. What I really adored about the way you wrote this was the way it was delivered in such an upfront manner. Like with lines such as: Andromeda loathed her family and wanted nothing more than to break free of them. It’s as though you’re telling the reader “this is the purpose of this story, and I’m not going to mess around in saying that.” This is a style that I always enjoy reading and writing; I’ve really come to appreciate short and sweet fics.

I really liked the tone that you opened this fic with. Just that first paragraph felt so…Bellatrixy. *shifty eyes* I can really picture her saying The stupid Mudblood actually had the audacity to tell me, Bellatrix Black, that I was wrong! in canon. I liked how you stayed consistent with her characterization throughout this fic, by her wanting to keep Andromeda away from Muggleborns. I can see her being protective of her younger siblings, if only to protect her reputation.

I also really enjoyed your characterization of Andromeda. Where I usually like to think that she’d always had some sort of relationship with her sisters, there’s really no right or wrong way to write her. I also think that her feeling alone and isolated is a good way of characterizing her; it certainly explains her infatuation with Ted. What I loved about the way you wrote her wasn’t that she was lonely and wanted friends, but that she wanted to break away from her family. I think that this really makes sense for her; it shows her as a character who doesn’t look at the big picture, but more one step at a time; she needed to break away from her old life before starting anew. I think this is a very interesting, but also rather accurate way to write her. /slight repetition

Un nitpick: Bella had ensured that she met many of the Slytherins but try as she might, she just couldn't bring herself to emulate their haughty behaviour. I think that the first she would be better suited as an “Andromeda”, just to clear up the fact that that line wasn’t talking about Bellatrix.

This was what kept her going throughout her years at Hogwarts with no one but a diary to confide in. That’s a really powerful note to end this fic on. That’s such an awful thought; having to go through school with no one to confide in, but it’s sadder yet to realise that a lot of people do have to go through this. I really liked how you wrote this story on a hopeful note; where Andromeda wasn’t content with her situation, she had a sort of “this will have to do for now” attitude, which I thought was great. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. You’re a lovely writer, Ilka! ♥

Author's Response: Wow, Rachel. Thanks for the awesome review! It\'s nice to see that someone else who writes about Andromeda liked my characterisation of her. I think I already said it in my duelling club thread, but I\'m still torn over the question of Andromeda\'s relationship with her family. I\'m not really sure I actually believe it was the way I portrayed it here, it just fit in with what I wanted for the story.^^ *hugs*

 

Everything Was Gone by Air Elemental
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: "Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort."

Susan Bones remembers the times she spent with the boy she loved as Dumbledore gives his speech. An unrequited Susan/Cedric story.



WINNER OF CHALLANGE 4 IN THE OCTOBER MONTHLY CHALLANGE 2005


Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1669 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/15/05 Updated: 10/15/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 04/16/06 Title: Chapter 1: Everything Was Gone

That was great! I love anything with Cedric in it! I was crying when I read it. Great job!

 

Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermione make a trip to Godric's Hollow to visit the Potters' graves. There, Harry speaks to his parents for the first time, and in so doing, discovers that the dead are never truly lost. (One-shot. Bring your kleenex.)

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2103 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/16/05 Updated: 10/16/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 05/03/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

Wonderful!! So sad! I really, really liked that. I loved how Harry was sort of awkward and uncomfortable, as I would imagine him to be. This was beautifully written. Great job! Imaginary 10!

 

Sane by immortal_evil
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 25]

Summary: Lying in the shadows of Harry’s and Ginny’s love for one another, Luna has no option but to respect it, despite her feelings for Harry. Confusing times lures Luna to the woods where she finds the peace and quiet of her mind. After an innocent morning in the forest and fields, she emerges with a twist forming in her love life. One-shot.

Categories: Harry/Other Character Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1360 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/20/05 Updated: 10/20/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 04/16/06 Title: Chapter 1: Underneath the Apple Tree

This story was wonderful. I don't generally like Harry/Luna, but this was a really fun read. I loved the imagery. I could basically see the setting. I also loved how you wrote Luna. You seemed to capture her character perfectly. Great job and happy writing!!

 

Despair by Foxy Wolf
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 11]

Summary: After Harry’s death; Ginny find solace in Blaise Zabini. She thinks of the time when she knew him as a Slytherin, as a saviour and as a lover.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 121 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/20/05 Updated: 10/20/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 07/16/06 Title: Chapter 1: Despair

I am now officially hooked on Ginny/Blaise. I've been in a dry spell about thinking of rarepairs, which I adore btw, so thank you for turning me on to this ship!

Right, the poem...

I thought that was amazing. You captured Ginny's emotions wonderfully. I love how you expressed her want for him the way you did. That's such a hard emotion to express in writing, but I think that you wrote it perfectly. The whole thing is so captivating; I was hooked on every word. Your descriptions and emotions were so powerful. This was a really, really well written poem. I'll look forward to reading more of your work; you're a very talented writer! I've read 'Friends In Need' and adored it :)

Author's Response: I\'m glad somebody else likes my favourite rarepair. Thank you for this very lovely review.

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 04/16/06 Title: None

This was excellent!! It was a very entertaining read. I hope you will update this!

 

Cruciatus by Noldo
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 29]

Summary: No one knew, and no one guessed, what little Peter kept suppressed.
A wildly AU one-shot exploring the scenario: what if Peter had never turned traitor? (Mild HBP spoilers.)

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe

Word count: 1558 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/01/05 Updated: 11/01/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 06/23/07 Title: Chapter 1: Cruciatus

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but your story’s being discussed in the SBBC! [Which you’re obviously familiar with. *wink*] http://www.fanfiction.mugglenet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10721

Anyway, I must say that this story absolutely blew me away. First off: your writing style. Wow is a slight understatement, but I suppose it will have to do. Wow. As I said in my discussion, this story touches on some sensitive topics (the Potters’ best friend being tortured to insanity, the effects of war, etc), and your writing style fits these themes almost hauntingly. If I was asked to describe the impact that the theme of this story had on me, I would use these words: beautiful and heartbreaking. If I were to describe your writing style, I would say the exact same thing.

(Again, I stated this in my discussion, but that’s going to have to be alright.) In a way, I felt really unimportant while reading this story. And I mean that in a good way, believe me. This just really got me thinking about the effects that war can have on people. And looking at Sirius, not being able to laugh, or James, not rumpling his hair, and how different they are from the Sirius and James that we know… that’s just an image that really moves me. I’ve always been distant from war myself, so this was really interesting to see it in such a perspective. I’m really glad that I got the chance to read this wonderful story.

A few lines that struck me as absolutely incredible:

(The others are dead. That is their tragedy.

Peter is not. That is his.)


This line just… gave me chills. It’s hard to explain, really, what effect this line had on me, but I just loved it.

(They are alive. Still, somehow, inexplicably, they are alive. They are alive and so they rejoice.)

This line is just… guh. I absolutely love this. In a way it seems so tragic; that James and Sirius and Remus have stopped appreciating and rejoicing over the little things in life, but are only rejoicing because they’re alive; because they feel that they have to. To me, this is a really powerful notion. Seeing people who we know as so happy, and rejoiced for such trivial reasons, finding nothing to smile over except the fact that they’re alive is such a tragic and moving thought.

(No one knew, no one guessed

What Peter kept suppressed.)


Actually, I liked how you had it written in the summary: “no one knew and no one guessed, what little Peter kept suppressed”. For some reason I think that line flows more naturally. I think that having more syllables in the second line is really effective in this case. Above, the second line seems sort of chopped off.

Anyway. That wasn’t my point. *shifty eyes* I just loved that line. It’s so haunting; a few times since I’ve read this, that line just echoes through my mind, and I stop to think about it. Excellent work here.

Now, as far as the actual plot goes – I thought it was really interesting. Such a strange thought, if Peter hadn’t betrayed the Potters. That opens so many doors that gets the reader’s mind reeling. “Who would Harry be friends with at school?” “Would Neville’s parents have been tortured to insanity?” “Would Draco’s father have been killed at the end of the war? Who would Draco be at Hogwarts?” The domino effect that this one change of events can have is crazy to think about! I’m usually not a fan of the AU genre, but I love the way you wrote this; there was only one change of events (or two, if you include searching for the Horcruxes earlier), that changed everything; it wasn’t like you had to establish a whole new elaborate world for this to be an incredible AU fic.

Unfortunately, other than what I stated about the line above, I don’t have the slightest critique. This story was amazing, Noldo – you have talent that I won’t hesitate to say that I envy.

 

Self Preservation by Seaspray
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: [ONE SHOT] A year after Voldemort's fall a group of Death Eaters meet in a bar and form a plan that could change the fate of their world. But is there a traitor among them?

Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1538 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
11/05/05 Updated: 11/05/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 04/03/06 Title: Chapter 1:

Wow... that was amazing. I thought that you did an amazing job with the grammer and the technical aspects of it, as well as capturing the emotions perfectly. This was an incredibly well-written fic. Excellent job! 10!

 

As the Wall Crumbles by Aequitas
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 21]

Summary: Past Featured StoryShe laughs and turns, eyes set on the door on the other side of the kitchen. Her hand touches the doorknob, cold but inviting. Light envelops her as she steps out into her imagination. Open the door, child, her grandmother once said to her. Your imagination is waiting. On a beautiful summer afternoon, a child learns of her two worlds--reality and imagination--and what she must do only six years later in order to keep both in existence.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2405 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/05/05 Updated: 11/05/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 10/19/06 Title: Chapter 1: As the Wall Crumbles

*Is also a SBBCer*

But you know, even if I wasn’t and I had come across this story, I would have reviewed it. It was just amazing. Different that anything I’ve ever read... but amazing.

At first glance, I wondered why I didn't see any quotation marks, and figured, at once, that I would be very, very confused. However, I then began to read the story, and found it quite enjoyable. I think that the lack of quotations around the dialogue actually makes it more effective. The whole piece flows together perfectly—there aren't many stories that could pull this dialogue off. However, I found that it fit the rhythm and tone of this piece beautifully. You kept the dialogue simple, which was nice in terms of the flow, but it was also meaningful. This story was complex in a way that made me think a lot; not complex in a way that was extremely wordy, so that was really nice.

What I loved about this piece was the theme, and the tone that the story takes. It gives me a sense of something, well, more. A theme bigger than Hermione, and bigger than the story of one girl. It gives me the feeling of knowing right and wrong, good and evil. Of moving on, and changes in one's life, represented in this story by Hermione and her mom’s relationship. Like this line:

She knows her mother can't hear her here, so she allows her tears to spill to the ground, her grief and sorrow mingling with the dirt of the well-beaten path.

This line brought me close to tears. It wasn’t the line itself; it was the knowledge that her mother was gone, and that she could do nothing about it. But it was more than that. It was the rhythm of it, how fast paced it was. It seemed to move along so quickly, in a way symbolizing how quickly death comes after life. I could feel for Hermione, who I could tell wanted to stop time and be with her mother again, but was being moved on so quickly by life, and the choices that she had made long ago, about what she wanted to do in her life.

There is nothing in-between for her. She can raise up the walls again and choose one or the other, or she can live with both. But they have crumbled and fallen and shaken the foundation that was the normalcy of Hermione. The Muggle-turned-witch, as it were.

I adore this line. It again brings me back to the initial thought of the concepts of life that this fic portrays. I think that the life-altering choice that Hermione had to make was so real and so accurately written. By saying that there was no in between, we as readers feel the importance and the impact that this was going to have on her. Saying that there was no in between made the situation so much more real, and allowed us to relate better to Hermione.

I simply love the way that Hermione is portrayed in this. It was as though she wanted to stay where she felt safe, but knew what she had to do for the good of the world. I think that is so in character with how she is in the books. For instance, in the books Hermione never likes to break rules, but we’ve seen it done when it needs to be. I love how you show that in this fic; Hermione would do something if it needed to be done, whether she thought it was the best thing for herself or not. It all comes down to the line in GoF: what is right and what is easy. This fic shows how everyone has to face that decision, and how Hermione chose to handle it. And like I said, I think that she is very in character, in that she would have made that same decision in canon.

Curse this cruel world. It gives her no time to live. To love as she would want to.

That’s another great line. It shows, like I mentioned before, how she chose to do what she felt was right. I adore how you included her doubts in this story. It made it all more real. It showed how these choices aren’t easy, but must be made.

One line confused me a tad. Death, she completes dully. (She is rising inside.) I’m a bit unsure whether this is Hermione or her mom speaking. I think it’s her mom, as the next line is Hermione saying ‘yes’ but I think that’s the only thing that I really needed clarified.

Down, darkness. Up, light.

I just love this. Coincidentally, so many fics I’ve been reading lately have been saying there is no right and wrong, no good and evil. This statement proves them wrong. You’re saying in this story that there only is a clear-cut right and wrong, good and evil. I loved the way that this fic portrayed these simply aspects of life, all thrown together into Hermione’s story.

This truly was a brilliant fic, and I am truly glad that I joined the SBBC, for had I not, I probably wouldn’t have gotten the chance to read this marvelous story.

(Oh, and I hope I wasn’t repetitive of the other SBBCers… I apologize if I was, but I didn’t read their reviews before I wrote this. And I'm sorry if I repeated myself a bit... but I started this one day and finished it another day, so, yeah.)

Author's Response: Ah! *spazzes* I thought I\'d responded to this a long time ago - or not. Sorry, dear. This is really long – and amazing – but I’ll answer one piece at a time.

Exactly on target with the quote marks. I didn’t want to trip over them, and it sort of removed the perspective. As if you’re seeing the story from behind a veil, like it’s surreal. And it was very wordy at the beginning. I chopped it up and removed a lot, you know.

Hermione had an incredibly difficult choice. She did want to stop time, but she can’t even do that – because that would mean inaction. She can’t slow it down, and she doesn’t want to speed it up. It’s a very hard crossroads to come to. And so, there you go, Hermione on the path finally letting her grief out.

I’m glad that you as a reader didn’t try to come up with “alternate solutions.” I really dislike it when readers say, “This or that should have happened instead.” It always ruins the impact of the story, even on other readers. And hearing that you could really relate is really encouraging. Thank you so much.

“She would have made the same decision in canon”? That is probably one of the biggest compliments a reviewer can pay a writer, and thank you! I didn’t agonise over everything I wrote, trying to see if she would have done it in canon. It’s really restricting, you know, and you start to second-guess yourself. But I always kept it in the back of my mind, letting red flags go up as they came along. So often writers think of some conflict and try to fit Hermione into it, which is like trying to fit mismatched puzzle pieces together – eventually they will, but not perfectly and one will always be out of shape.

Everyone has doubts. About everything. And I will change that line; I think that’s been mentioned before. On the other subject: In our personal lives, we all have different definitions of good and evil, but in the books I really think JKR has been cutting that line very definitely. Harry, good. Voldemort, evil. So I tried to draw that line very clearly here too. And I just liked the light/good, darkness/evil imagery.

You have paid me some of the highest compliments as a reviewer. You shouldn’t apologise – this in itself is beautiful, and it’s so informed and substantiated and in tone, very warm. It’s truly an honor to be given such a review. And you know, all of the SBBC reviews are so amazing. If I had gotten just one over the last couple months, I would have been happy for a long time. But I’m lucky and I’m able to come into contact with some brilliant minds. Oh, and the reason I found I hadn’t replied was because I just saw you made mod, and I was sure you had given me a review. Congratulations! No idea if you’ll read this, but it’s here anyway. Once again, thank you!

 

Dear Dumby by Oppungo
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 715]

Summary: What happens when Dumbledore has his latest "brilliant" idea, to start an advice column, and call it 'Dear Dumby'? Letters from some of our favourite Hogwarts students, some of our not so favourite Hogwarts students, some not even Hogwarts students at all, and, of course, lots of madness!

Pre-HBP for obvious reasons!
Nominee for the Best Humour Award in the Quicksilver Quill Awards! Many thanks to all who voted for it!

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 18182 Chapters: 12 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/09/05 Updated: 09/08/06


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 04/04/06 Title: Chapter 6: Dear Dumby - Issue 3

this is great! Will you have Luna write something? And Snape? That would be funny...

Author's Response: Thank you! Well, Snape's already written in once, but he will be making an appearance in Chapter 9...

 

Pssst... by nightfall00
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 20]

Summary: During their fifth year at Hogwarts, Harry and Hermione share a secret.

Categories: Harry/Hermione Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe

Word count: 1781 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/11/05 Updated: 11/11/05


Reviewer: lily_evans34 Signed
Date: 04/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Pssst...

That was very cute! I loved how you have both Harry and Hermione's POVs. I don't really ship Harry/Hermione, but I love the way you wrote this, like they had to meet in secret, but were reluctant to tell Ron. It's the most canon Hr/H I've ever read, and very well written, too. Great job!

~ lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle

Author's Response: Thanks! I am not a devoted H/Hr shipper but this little plot bunny got a hold of me.

 
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