My name is Jasmine, I'm fourteen-years-old and I attend a Catholic school by day, turning into the author who dubs herself "dragon" by night. I don't really write or read too much fanfiction anymore, though, although I enjoy slashy goodness (D/H, D/R) or a good D/Hr fic any day! I enjoy Cocoa Cola, sunflower seeds (f**k the orthodontist) chocolate, and a whole lot of Harry Potter.
I loved it! You knew I'd say that though, huh? But it's just that when you make Original Characters, you make them more believable than how most people do them. Keep writing, Kat!
Author's Response: Yaaaay, that's good! I know what you mean, people make up characters and a lot of times they are incredibly unrealistic (too perfect, doesn't fit in the story at all, etc). I'm really glad you like it! All comments keep me going, but fellow-writer comments from FF-writers like yourself are what really lift me up! ~Kat Ayanka
Poor Draco! I just wish I could kiss him and make him feel better. Okay, now that I got that out of my system, let me start my "professional" and "articulate" review. I really liked this first chapter. This story seems to have a lot of irony in it, something I often like to incorporate. I will be looking forward to Part 2!
You have to love this story. There's no obvious romance and it is very IC. Plus it's a play with a plot!
This first chapter was very well written, although I think it would've been best if you said in the summary that it was AU, because people like me don't always understand why this is happening until it dawns on them that this isn't a more canon-based story. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Ah you're right...apologies, I've added it now. Thanks for the review though :)
Don't read if you are offended with rape and abuse. Contains events that will be quite offensive and possibly "disgusting". You have been warned.
Runner Up in the Dangerous Liaisons Awards and He Had It Coming Awards.
~The story is now Complete!~
Thanks for reading!
This fic is brilliant! You are a very good author and I love Mr. Draco "sadistic" Malfoy. You have got to continue. Rape is a horrible thing, but darkness always leads way to light. Hm, I'm guessing there might be a child in the future? Plus, I don't think you should "tone it down" unless Mugglenet makes you. I think people need to see how horrible rape is.
Author's Response: I agree with you fully but I have to tone things down. Unfortunately. You can always read the un-toned down version in Adultfanfiction under the same penname if you want. Anyway thanks for liking it! A child... *laughs like a lunatic* no pregnancy. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm hoping that you won't tell anyone who this girl is because there are truthfully at least two major options... Okay, otherwise this was pretty good. The rape and following wedding is...interesting, I guess one could say. I haven't heard of too many people who marry the people who rape them.
Before I review, let me clear some stuff up a bit.
The only reason I dismissed females from the challenge is because two of the secret judges hate slash in general while the third and fourth just aren't into femmeslash. *Shrugs* I don't like femmeslash personally but a good fanfic is a good fanfic. Eventually I had to give into my friends. Apparently they had bad experiences with slash and just don't want to meddle with it.
Okay now onto the review! I am going to be extra articulate since I issued this challenge.
I do like the way you are luring Hermione to the dark side. Usually in Bad Hermione fics, Hermione just goes all badass and slutty on us in one day. In your fic, you created a reason.
I had also wrote up the challenge with a man in mind. Mr. Draco Malfoy! You must've caught onto the hints. ;-) Now, you must continue posting up this story. So far you're the only one who has a link!
Author's Response: Alright, that's what I thought the reasoning behind the no femmeslash rule was. I just wanted to be sure, that's all. I personally have nothing against slash at all, and that's why I was wondering. Anyway, yes I caught the Malfoy/Hermione undertones of the challenge, but you'll just have to wait and see who it is! *evil giggle* Thank you so much for the review, it really means a lot to me! I'll be sure to keep posting, as I really like this idea, and I'm never one to back down from a challenge!
It is a good plot, just way too OOC when it comes to Draco, Hermione, and Harry. I can believe Hermione and Draco revealing things to one another when they're drunk, but it's just really unlikely for them to just reveal their feelings all of a sudden. Plus you haven't really explained how Draco and Hermione came together in the first place. The only way I can imagine Hermione and Draco getting together in this type of fic is just so Draco can get some. Another thing is that you seem to rush along. Go into more detail. Explain their feelings more. Then you'll be fine.
Another awesome chapter! I really enjoyed reading this. I can't wait until chapter five so keep writing! Oh, and I wanted to say that adding in Nagini was really quite interesting and very creative. Nagini's cool. Okay, well, I'll be back for the next chapter!
Author's Response: thankies XD nagini's not a normal snake so i think she could live long, and of course the size would grow X3 chapter five is in queue right now but i think it'll take quite a while to get validated
Another excellent chapter, if I must say so myself. However, I'm beginning to notice how behind I get on some of my favorite stories. I haven't reviewed in what, two chapters? Oh, the horror! Well, I loved the sarcasm Tom possesses. It's kind of scary because I think along similar lines whenever I talk to one of my teachers. I've also noticed that the "F" word seems to be in both of our vocabularies. I should probably go to church more often. Well, I'll be looking forward to your next chapter!
Author's Response: thankies XD lol, i curse at the teachers i don't like when i talk to them too, so you're normal
Ooh, this chapter was really good, just like the first chapter. Tom is very eerie and conceited, always thinking nasty things, isn't he? Kind of reminds me of myself...I don't think that's a good thing. Maybe I should pay more attention during Religion class.
Anyway, I can't wait for chapter three. You have wrote Tom just as I have imagined him, kind of like this fake and smiling boy who is always plotting, always waiting. I'll be watching out for chapter three!
Author's Response: oh~ thank you lol XD flattery is always good =D ch.3 is in queue but i'm going to take the chance to look over and fix things before it gets validated. religion won't help ya, trust moi. i just potrayed tom accordingly to CoS which was tricking everyone.
This is very eerie but very good. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Oh, and sick is always good. :-)
Author's Response: yesh. sick is always good XD thanksh 4 ze review =3
Summary: He lives in the shadows of an off balance life. She catches him countless times bending the rules. So, why isn’t she doing anything to stop him? She’s becoming entranced by his flawless beauty and is slowly being drawn into his world without realization. Passion consumes the weakest part of her before she knows how serious the connection is between them.
This is a great fic. Sad and very angst ridden, I must say, but those are two things that go well together. Can't wait for chapter four!
This would be a good plot, but you have one flaw.
It is just way too cliche, this whole kind of misunderstood Hermione who has been crushing on Draco since basically forever.
You wrote it well...just too cliche for my taste and you got one fact wrong-Hermione hadn't heard the word "Mudblood" since second year, not first.
Author's Response: OH MY, WAS I STUPID!! Thank you for making me notice it ^ ^
Interesting...and well written--what is going on here? Just kidding. I just can't wait to see what happens to Draco so keep writing!
Yeah, that was another great chapter! But hey, what else would I expect from the Queen? I kind of wanted Draco and Hermione to kiss but then I didn't because I have a pretty good idea of how your writing style is (even though Stranded is a lot tamer than Temporary and Delightful Pain, that's including their much toned down Mugglenet versions) and I had the notion that you probably won't make them kiss for a while. Well, post chapter four soon!
Yay! I'm so happy you updated! I'll definitely be looking forward to more! I swear, finding the e-mail in my inbox that there had been an update to my favorites totally amde my day!
Why is it that you've written all of the good D/Hr fics out on Mugglenet? That's not fair for the rest of them! Just kidding. This story is good although I don't think it's as great as Delightful Pain, which I am pleased to say I've read all eleven chapters of. Still, this is you and you're a great author and I can't wait for chappie three! Go Queen of Serpents!
Well...it's good but it's way too cliche. The whole "Hermione changes over the summer into a wannabe slut and Draco Malfoy and the entire male population notices" thread has been done way too many times and it's way too OOC. For your next fic, think up something more original. I understand that this is your first fic so you will have a lot of work to do! I recommend getting a beta and using spell check.
Author's Response: that WOULD mean something to me, except for the fact that you've got the story all wrong. thats not whats going on with her at all-you'd know that if you read it more closely-and for your information, the program im using to type this doesnt have a spell check so-oh well
Author's Response: p.s-nevermind about the spell check comment-im going to use a new program!
"Untouchable, unreachable, A never ending obsession. Too long has this been inside my mind, Too late to end. This is what it is; My eternal fascination."
A story of a unknown boy's fascination of a girl and what that fascination led to.
Wow, this was so good! I knew that putting off anything that you had wrote wouldn't be a good idea! I really liked the way that you appealed to a large audience. Seeing you generally write Draco/Hermione, Hermione/Snape, and James/Lily, it was rather different to see a story not listed under those categories in your profile. However, in my opinion, it's still a Draco/Hermione fic, just because that is my OTP and it all seems to fit. So, in general, I loved this fic! I also wanted to congratulate you on your wins in that contest. You had some wonderful competition and I was kind of curious on how well you'd do. I hope to see some more of your works up there next time around! And I promise you, next time I'll actually vote!