>> January 24th, 2010
Newly posted: the tick-tick-ticking of your heart.
>> December 11th, 2007
Spring-cleaning. Or should it be winter cleaning?
All stories have been deleted for now; some of them will be brushed and reposted, some of them won't.
Fly to Dawn
What a beautiful story! And very unique too - it's not just Cedric/Cho, but also a bit of Harry/Cho as well.
The story flows really well, and I love the way you made Cho talk about Harry and other people whilst adding Cedric's layer.
The first part, where Cedric is dead, is written heart-breakingly - it shows us how much Cho loved Cedric. I thought it was very natural of Cho to be shocked by the disaster, and you portrayed her well - though maybe some more description would be nice. For example, how the maze looked, what the Gryffindors were doing...such small details makes it easier for us to relate to the story.
Harry and Cho's somewhat awkward relationship was explained well, though you may want to have added more details, again about their visit to Madam Puddifoots, or what happened to Marietta.
This story really makes me feel sorry for Cho, who is always somewhat bashed around by the HP fandom - good work!
The first sentence is peaceful, but at the same time somewhat lonely, and it made me want to read more - write from the very beginning!
I also like the way how you narrate the story - you don't close in to the characters, nore stray too far away from them.
The rain theme fits the second war beautifully, and you can feel the coldness of the war just by reading this fic.
Severus's kindness made me smile - and I hope that everything will be alright for them during the war....
I enjoyed this fic until the very end - it wasn't too slow or too fast.
The Luna/Ron romance is all very sweet, but a little awkward as well, which I think suits the two perfectly.
Luna was very in-character, and her usually somewhat strange remarks and comments fitted into this story beautifully.
You showed us that romance isn't just kissing...
Heehee. I love the way Ron and Millicent are arguing every time they meet. What will happen next?
Oh, and what's happened to Harry and Hermione?
I thought that the action was a little fast, but the Mr.Weasley part in the second chapter got me giggling....;)
Fluffy and sweet. Albus was charming as always, and McG was just great. I love the idea of how Dumbledore ends up in Minerva's bed.....heehee.
*sighs* You haven't updates in ages...but still, I'm reviewing here so you might update it.... Please update!! There aren't many Fred/Angelina fics around, and this is a precious little find of mine!
Lots of twists, and of course, romance!!
I'd like to make a banner for this fic....please?
Author's Response: sure, that'd be great!!!
This is the best Draco/Gin fic I've read so far at Mugglenet! Keep up the good work, I love your fic.
Lovely. Okay, I've already left a review somewhere, but I can't help write another one...I love the Hogwarts' Newspaper thing.
Author's Response: I think we may take it out because we don't write one consistantly enough...and the more reviews ther better ;-)
*giggles* I ship Andromeda/Ted too. I liked your fic, which was peaceful, but a little sad.
This is the first I've read about Maeve and Severus, but as you said in your summary, it was enjoyable just on it's own.
Your descriptions of spring are wonderful - the sentence about Maeve not having to wear an extra layer was very creative! The long sentences flow really well together, and the movement of Severus touching Maeve's hair was written so delicately - you got me hooked from the very first paragraphs!
The present from Severus was a perfect choice. I wondered what it might be, but a bottle of perfume! It's a wonderful choice.
The proposal caught me off guard, but it was my favourite part of the story..clever Severus!
The Naughty Penguin Society
What an amazing chapter - full of humour, full of fun, and of course full of wonderful writing. The way you write gives a light-hearted, joyful touch to the chapter, though I know some chapters can be very dark. The difference between the two can be even described as shocking - but somehow you can write them both in one story. Also, I think your writing is....modern, if that's the right word. Sort of like pop music if you think JKR's world to be classic music. And I think it's perfect. Of course in reality pop and classic would never go well together as far as I know, but your style, your writing, makes a brilliant Post-Hogwarts' world, and it's still linked closely to the original HP world. Bewitching.
Malicious Intentions is, I think one of the most creative Post-Hogwarts-Next-Generation stories out there. I feel that most of them can be somewhat cliched. And I think that's because many authors tend to have Voldemort killed, dead - and the world is at peace. But in Malicious Intentions, Voldemort's alive, if not a little weak, and that adds the spice to the story.
First, some errors - ".... She picked up her books and returned slowly to the Ravenclaw Common room....." It was just that one. All of the other 'common room's in this story weren't capitalised.
Also, "....Isn’t that the home of kangaroos and Billywigs and crocodile’s?...."
'Crocodile's' should be 'Crocodiles'.
In the last few paragraphs about the teenage girl in her bedroom, I found one typo: "...She dropped here hands to the keyboard.... " 'Here' should be 'her'.
And "Singular. Solitary. Lone. Whatever way you want to put it, Halle Weasley was alone."
Since this story is in the past tense, I think 'want' would be better as 'wanted'.
One last thing...it may just be me, but I feel that this sentence is a bit awkward, with a lot of commas, although I loved the metaphors you used.
"Somehow, the noise from the Great Hall had drifted up several levels, nearly reaching the Astronomy Tower, making Halle feel about as wanted as an ant at a picnic.
I would maybe change the last comma into a dash.
Onto the juicy bits that I loved! The jokes in the first few scenes were very nice, and I couldn't help smiling a it as I read the story. I thought Nick's joke wasn't bad either, although I could really imagine everyone groaning at him! It was a brilliant way of showing us the Christmas merriment, and I enjoyed it as much as the three girls.
I also loved your description of the Ravenclaw common room. It sounds very unique and certainly very Ravenclaw-ish. The fact that Da Vinci painted Mona Lisa when he was at Hogwarts' is a nice, magical twist which I loved.
My favourite part of the story was, though, the scene with Miles and Halle. First, Miles is a great person - I would fall in love with him if he ever existed. And he's a clever Ravenclaw, a childhood Shakespeare. “How much did you miss me? Enough to kiss me?” he rhymed playfully. That line is just amazing. Miles is such a great OC!
His stories about Australia were very original, and felt fresh. In fanfiction, you get all these American witches and wizards...but never Aussie! The ancient magic of the Aborigines really makes me shiver....I think you would have to write a story about that too ;)
She loved hearing of other cultures and types of magic.
Halle's enthusiasm for knowledge really shows that Ravenclaw is a good House for her. But of course, she's a true Gryffindor. It tells us how we can have lots of different qualities from each House.
Halle Weasley would be his, sooner or later.
How I love this line! I think Halle and Miles are perfect for each other. *starts shipping*
One thing I wasn't sure of was when the Winter holidays ended and when the lessons started. I was a bit confused there...
The last few paragraphs about Gryffindor Tower getting re-constructed was certainly very happy. It made me smile to see the three girls back safe and sound. The last song was a nice, heart-warming one which was perfect for the occasion.
One question I have...it's about the formatting. (Sorry, I'm curious)
Sometimes you break the paragraphs with the < h r > tags, sometimes you divide them with the three asterisks: * * *
Is there a particular reason for that?
Otherwise, I enjoyed reading this chapter immensely...it's now officially my favourite chapter out of Malicious Intentions!
Author's Response: Dawnie, It\'s taken me so long to reply to this, and I absolutley love you for this review. It\'s kind, helpful and so completley wonderful you\'ve surprised me into silence.
As you know, I\'m fixing Malicious Intentions for the QSQ, and thanks to you, this chapter will be easier than most.
Your suggestion about Aboriginal magic has really got me thinking. I can only say, though, that I wouldn\'t do the true magic justice :)
The * * * and the < H r > tags hve some differences. The * * * means the same people, but a different time, and the < h r >tag indicates new people. I hope that clears it up and I haven\'t slipped too much :)
Again, I cannot thank you enough for this review, you almost made me giddy with happiness... okay, well, you did :) ♥
Haley, this was a wonderful story, and I'm so sad that you won't add anymore chapters to it. But still, it didn't feel unfinished at all, and it was fabulous. The shooting stars scene was really good as well - it just made me sit there thinking about...well, how good life is. (I have to say that sounds cheesy ;-D) This story made me love all of the Harry Potter world even more. A 10/10 from one of your fangirls :)
I love this fic!! *is still searching for right images*
Author's Response: HI Dawn! I tried to put the link up on my bio... it didn't really work. but maybe someone will look at it... You love my fic and I love your banners! horray for being square!
Love this story, especially Olivia. Please update soon, I loved how you made the characters meet like Ron and Harry did.
Author's Response: Oh! are you the one who emailed me about the banner contest? hi! the next chapter is in queue as of yesterday! should be up soon.
Hello joanna ;-)
I loved your story - I've never read a Kingsley/OC either, but your's was really good, and made me smile. Kingsley is a nice guy! I loved Maureen and her efforts to draw Kingsley's attention. *giggles, and goes off to read joanna's other fics*
Author's Response: I quite like this one, this was my first on MNFF. I like Maureen. Many thanks for the review, Dawn!
I'm reviewing ;-)
Because this fic was wonderful. I'll be repeating myself because of the SBBC discussion, but never mind.
First, the title of your fic is just fabulous! I could never come up with something like that in a shower....it's got a nice ring to it, but you can also sense some humour in it...
The characteristics of the Marauders and Lily are brilliant. Lily isn't bookish!Lily, but Lily with a little fun and cheekiness. The last part where she goes up to the boy's dormitories is love. It's so ironic - but at the same time, it fits in humourously with the rest of the story.
I loves Remus's dry sense of humour ('I'll turn into a fluffy puppy next full moon!) and Sirius was funny as well, as being a bit of an idiot at the same time. Peter isn't pathetic, and I think you were very far away from cliches, which was superb!
James's poem for Lily made me smile - and I'll definitely read this story again if I'm feeling down!
I haven't read any fic which is so powerful, so strong as your one is. Remus is ever so polite in the first chapters, just like he is in the books, but his sacrifice for Nymphadora was...just so sad, but not in a simple way. He has to sacrifice love to keep her safe, and that fact just makes me want to forget everything else in the world and think what love means...
I am rambling here, but it's a good sign, seeing as I only ramble when I feel so enchanted by something. And in Wolfsbane's case, I was enchanted by the strength of the story which never ceased to end until the very latest chapter.
Okay...I don't want this review to sound like everybody else's, but I have to say, please update as soon as you can. The last chapter has to be great, (And it will be, I'm sure) so I'll be waiting here...
Whoops, I didn't realise you had already submitted it. Sorry. Side-effects of being enchanted ;-)
The story was great, and I absolutely loved everyone's screennames. Who is that mysterious person? I'd like to know!