I am old. Older than Jo. Not quite as old as Voldemort.
In fact, I am exactly Marauder-aged. Which might be why I don't read much Marauder-era. Can't compete with Lily....
I feel dreadful because I didn’t really like her much, and all I wanted was my necklace, but if that body is her, then -” She gulped and her face drained of all colour. “Merlin, this is worse than I thought. All those years of thinking badly of her ... it was my grandmother’s necklace, you see, and ... and ... and she couldn’t have returned the necklace to me, anyway - not if she was dead. Neville, what am I -”
This is so finely handled! Very in-character, very human. What a shock it must have been for her to see it in the paper!
I like the party scene as well - very true to life. Although I think you and I must agree to disagree about Oliver, because in another universe he and I are married and ...I shall be tactful and just smirk... :-)
That's the beauty of the characters who are less fleshed out, isn't it? There's so much more you can do with them, or rather, so much more that needs doing with them.
Lovely, as usual!
Author's Response: Oh, we can agree about Oliver. He says in another fic I wrote, that he's 'discerning', that leaves the field wide open :D .
Yes, the beauty of minor characters, especially more or less non existent ones like Scorpiuswho I have so much fun writing.
Thea, thank you very much for your review and support. I'm glad you appreciated Hannah's 'human' reaction. I think she's feeling a lot of guilt now for feeling badly towards the girl, but nothing is certain ... yet (although I might have just left you another red herring - heh heh heh) ~Carole~
A very interesting take on things. I think you've made Lucius's love for his son believable. I do feel he'd have fought the whole thing much harder, but then, Scrooge only fights so much and no more. And you have put him in a situation where he's been thinking about all this for quite some time.
I can't see why he hates Potter, though, if he regrets his former choices. Does he still wish that Voldemort had killed Harry, or does he blame Harry for his own bad choices?
Interesting story. I'm watching for each chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Hmmm...I considered having Lucius fight the whole thing a bit harder, but it really didn't seem worth it. It's not like he'd find the whole scenerio that unbelieveable given what the norm is for him and the threat of losing Narcissa and Draco really subdued him.
Lucius and Harry. Well, they were never exactly buddies. Lucius would not have prefered that the Dark Lord killed Harry. That wouldn't have ended well for him. He doesn't blame Harry for his bad choices, but he does blame him for the bad affects of those choices. Harry was the reason Lucius went to prison, at least, that's what Draco said in HBP so I went with it. And we all know Lucius didn't do so well in Azkaban. He also wasn't there for Draco and Narcissa when Draco was given the impossible task of killing Dumbledore. He can't forgive Harry for keeping him away from his family at this pivotal time. Hope that clears it up for you. :)
Thanks again for the review.
Yes, Hagrid would look like Santa to a child who was not hung up on externals, because his really is a spirit of giving and generosity , size or no size, chimney or no chimney. I don't see him in fics that often, and it's a shame - he is an amazing character. I think you caught him very well here - good job!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Given that James is six, I reckon Hagrid's approaching eighty, so his beard will be grey. Besides, if a big man with a beard steps out of a fireplace, who else is it going to be? It's perfectly logical. You're right about Hagrid. He should get more use. I'll have to think about that. -N-
But what is life when you have nothing left to live for?
This is Padfoot11333 of Hufflepuff writing for the Inaugural Great Hall Cotillion.
This is a very interesting story.
I'm perfectly convinced that Sirius could have had it bad for James, and this story is a plausible depiction of that happening.
What seems a little awkward to me - and perhaps it was intentionally that way, becausehe is talking, among other things, of what Azkaban has done to him - is the connection between what has happened to his memories, and his actual memories. I find the last paragraph particularly confusing - it seems to come out of thin air. Nowhere else in the story is there any hint of their being too much in Sirius's head - more like too little.
Overall, I'd say this is a very nice job.
I think you showed great restraint - the pain comes through, but no sense of whininess, no clutter, no emo-ness. She really feels starkly, exactly like that."You mean the lovely young man who hasn’t moved from your bedside since you arrived? " I immediately knew it couldn 't have been George - George is a lot of things, but you'd have to be a thousand and ten before you'd call him a "lovely young man." Lovely is not a George word... But it does suit Neville.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) I didn't want her to come across as someone wallowing in despair, but instead someone unable to come to terms with what they've suffered, and I'm glad you felt that came through. Yes, George certainly isn't a 'lovely young man', though it's easy to see why Hannah would have assumed/hoped it would be him. Once again, thank you for such a lovely review! Fenella
Oh, So much to like in this one! I adore the way Lily realizes what her problem will be, and how James is so clueless. I like the sense of humor he shows when he explains how he gets rid of Boggarts, I like his reaction to hearing her patronus is a doe. And I like how surprised he is that he intends to defend her...
Now what is that in the room of requirement - or is it something else indeed, and love the refernce back to Dumbledore's happening on the RoR filled with chamber pots...
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading this! I'm glad you found so much to like. I had fun playing with all the J/L stuff out there and working it in. It's not the RoR but I did make that reference on purpose, so good catch. I hope you enjoy the rest, I'm almost finished. Thanks so much for reading, I appreciate the review! ~Gina :)
Well, I'm very picky about Oliver, and I like him here so far...
Having taught Shakespeare to reluctant Muggles, I must say Charity is doing far, far better than average on her first outing.
There really is something repellent about certain of those Slytherins, isn't there...
Author's Response: Charity is just dabbling with Shakespeare. A small peak at Julius Caesar, it won't be a set text - ha ha. Repellent Slytherins ... hmmmmm, Marcus is a Slytherin, and yes, he's repellent, but have I said which house Dorinda is in? Mwahahahahah. Thank you for the review, Thea and I'm glad Oliver hasn;t annoyed you ... yet. :) ~Carole~
Well, unusual, for certain. I'm not sure Ginny is in character, but then I am never sure about Ginny and anything. And Montague can only be in or out of character with your other story - he's not really explored enough in canon for there to be much to hold him to. The idea of Harry making a Horcrux is interesting - obviously I have to read on!
Author's Response: I'll take that unusual as a compliment, given my oevre of work. ;) Yeah, Ginny is tricky, I think, because we always see her through Harry's eyes and not that often, really. I think she's one of those characters who have some wiggle room, unlike Ron and Hermione. Keeping in mind this is also 20 years later and she's just lost her husband...I'm not sure what would be in character for her or not, it might be entirely subjective. Hopefully she'll seem more in character as it goes on though. Then again, without Harry, she might change. Who knows. How's that for a load of excuses? LOL! And yes, Montague is sort of my own here since we know nothing about him. I imagined the Vanishing Cabinet changing him quite a bit in my other story so I'm trying to stay consistent with that. And since you've read on, I don't need to address the Horcrux issue, hee hee. Thank you so much for reading this, I appreciate the review! ~Gina :)
First, I have to say you handle the meeting between Hermione and Graham with tremendous deftness. He thinks she is nervouse to see him, but actually, she is nervous on Ginny's behalf. It is an especially fitting and delicate touch to have him hand her Harry's glasses, of course because she was always fixing his when they were at school. I am wondering why you've made certain other decisions - I'm sure it comes out in the story, but as it stands now I ask myself why Graham is telling us about Ginny's outbursts, instead of our actually seeing more of them. Is it a considered decision you've made concerning how you want to tell the story? I would suspect so, and I wonder why. Ginny seems to be the focal point, and yet I almost feel you are keeping her from us... A lot to think about, here!
Of course Harry wouldn't make a Horcrux - he'd have had to plan to kill someone and then have all the rest planned and done - and why, really? Unless it somehow formed accidentally, as he himself was a Horcrux formed accidentally, I just can't see it happening. So what is driving Ginny besides grief???
Author's Response: Thank you for reading this and for leaving a good, though-provoking review! Of course Harry wouldn't have done that, certainly not deliberately in any context of this story. When that line came out I was like - what?? Heh heh. But you answered your question, really: what's driving Ginny here is grief, and then anger. She's lost and latched onto the idea that maybe, just maybe, Harry might come back again, like he did during the war. But he's gone. As to why I haven't really shown something like Ginny's outbursts, I'm not sure why. Ginny actually isn't the focal point in my eye, it's the narrator that I'm more interested in and his thoughts and feelings. So it never really occurred to me, to be honest, to write a bit more of Ginny in this chapter since I was concentrating on his reaction to her. Plus I'm not trying to write anything long and exceptionally deep here--just five short chapters, and the titles come from the stages of grief. That's a terrible explanation but I will certainly keep your question in the back of my mind as I continue, and I think there is a bit more of Ginny coming up. I'm glad I at least got Hermione right, lol. Thanks again for reading this and for the great review! ~Gina :)
I find it very interesting that Graham feels so strongly that he has to end things with Ginny. Yes, she sees him as a friend, and it is really too early for her to see anyone as anything else, but why is he so convinced that she could never care for him? It would seem more prudent to wait and see, wouldn't it? Or is he merely cutting his losses and getting while the getting is good, which does seem more Slytherin...
Ginny may have just needed a friend, but her reaction to his declaration may also have had something to do with realizing that, like it or not, she is back on the market. Men will consider her potentially available in a way they did not before her marriage, and she probably has not given that a thought yet.
I find some of hte things he's thinking very believable on a micro level -- he feels silly having implied that she does not know her way around the ministry, for example, or feeling badly that Harry's children will have to grow up without him. He seems like a nice enough man. His exwife is sounding more and more like a twit, which I am sure is your intent, and he seems to be analyzing his past life and finding it a bit shallow - which it was. How exactly that fits with his feelings about Ginny I don't see quite yet.
Hope you feel more human after watching Being Human, and look forward to the next update...
PS - I find it hilarious that while looking at this chapter the ad on my screen was for "Dating for Muggles," an online match site for HP fans. I don't go on match sites for obvious reasons, so why I got that ad who knows - some of them are clearly tied to things I've been looking at, but that one? Then again, I don't want a new washer/dryer combo either, but Home Despot over there on the right seems to want to sell me some...
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate it. I'm glad you've found some things believable. And you've hit others on the head - his exwife being a twit, Graham finding his past life a bit shallow,etc. I think he's overanalyzing things with Ginny because he got burned. He's not ready to take another chance yet. I wonder if you've had a chance to read the end. It went quite differently than I was expecting. Your PS is hilarious. I wonder about these ads sometimes. And did you mean Home Despot, because it is a bit despotish, isn't it? Thanks again for reading this! ~GIna :)
I'm reviewing because you requested it in Gryffindor...
I've always thought filling in the blancs, where there is room to move, but not tooo much room, a very interesting way to structure a fan fic. I like the idea of PoA from Sirius' point of view.
There is a bit more explanation at the beginning of this story than it needs, and specifically for fan fic. We've all read the books, you can count on that - we don't need the general background. so the paragraph about who the dog is could go, and the one about the Dementors, and you'd be into your story that much faster.
There is an awkward transition there between the dog on the rocks and Sirius' memories of the night Lily and James died. A break of some kind there would help.
I like that he has to chose, and chooses to jump in the water. The Dolphins are a very good touch, because I think the North Sea is not exactly a thing you swim through. Whether the northern bits of Scotland or Ireland, or any of the other likely washing - up places he might have landed on have white sand I don't know - that is the kind of thing I would tend to look up, myself.
The dream encounter is good. It seems obvious to me that James has been allowed to speak to Sirius from the other side. As for Remus... I'm not sure what your plan is, but if Time is confined to the created world, then it could indeed be Remus, after he is dead, although that has not happened yet on Earth. Possibly, though, you have an even better plan in mind for how that was possible!
I think you've done a good job here. There are things you've left out, but you don't have to include everything. You've set us up for Sirius' return, and I think you have his mindset pretty well down!
Now... when do we see the next chapter?
Author's Response: I'm honestly not sure if I'll continue. So few people seem interested, and I've pretty much lost insperation for everything. I'm trying though, and just recently got back to it. If I do continue, I want to finish it all first, because I think it's better to have one chapter up and not finish then thirty up. Plus, this can pretty much be read as a one shot anyway...
I've been trying to put a finger on something and I think I have it now - you are actually letting them grow up.
Even writers who show the trio as older often don't let them simply grow up. Which on the one hand fits right in with Sirius and Snape never really growing up, but on the other hand, does not really allow for the fact that none of the trio are under those sorts of extenuating circumstances.
This is really lovely. It's especially lovely because Draco is not ridiculous. He's really in character, and I think it is the commonality in what he and Hermione suffer that draws him to her.
A very satisfying story. Congratulations.
I know this is the prologue, but I think it would be even better if you showed Alice playing with Harry, possibly even Dudley doing something - was he a bully already? Or did Vernon teach him to be a bully by making him hit Harry - I never thought of any of that...
I might show a little of the fight between Petunia and Vernon, too, but it's not my story, so I will sigh and just read on... :-)
Author's Response: You are absolutely right. On both counts. This is my very first attempt at writing fanfiction. One of my shortcomings is my neglect of detail. I'm working on that...
Nice job of working in Lily's Muggle knowledge as well as giving a bit of backstory totally painlessly for the reader.
Very nice so far - I think you've got everyone in character, and I love the bezoar having a furry little problem...
HMMM... Well, what sort of review would you like?
I like how you've characterized everyone except Moody... He's no social butterfly, but walking off and then walking back to give Alice her note, all that - I think he'd have done it more smoothly - not because he is or isn't smooth socially, but because he's very very slick at being an Auror.
The drinking game got a bit confusing. Then again, it's late, and I'm old and tired, so possibly it's not the game itself.
So far this is worth reading, and nothing annoying is happening with the writing, and I intend to keep reading. :-)
Author's Response: Yeah, you're right about Moody's characterization. Having him come back and tell Alice about the Order meeting was an afterthought on my part, and it shows.
Ah... here we see it.... now how much more of Moody's romance will we see in this story?
Not that I am anyone to complain. I have unfinished things from... er... yes, well, children not yet born at the time are reading now, but let's move on - I like that we're seeing the girls become friendly, and having Alice be a bit older makes it more likely that they'd be friendly now but that we would not have heard of them being friendly at school.
I do wonder what Sirius is heading off to do.
Author's Response: So I've got writer's block with this particular story. I don't know when I'll pick it up again. BUT, I'm currently writing a one-shot about Moody and Dorcas Meadowes. You seem excited about the idea, so I thought I'd give it a go. Wish me luck!
Now it is up to you to choose to leave behind a review! :)
This is good, I think it says what you mean, I might argue with the evil being conquered forever, because so long as the world exists there will be evil in it, but if you mean that it is vanquished forever, then you said what you mean and I can't exactly argue it. ;-)
Personally, I think it could be even better if you tightened construction, took out words which are not entirely necessary, went for a bit of compressed meaning. I think you could ratchet the impact up a little that way.
My favorite line is "The great mysteries/Tip in favor of the light" I've just copied it into my commonplace book which, until I copied this in, was just a small, blank notebook. Please be impressed and gratified. :-)
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I never thought of my stuff as that kind of note-worthy, and I am really impressed and grateful. :) And your comments are really good--I was not particularly fond of this poem because it seemed still too wordy, but I could no longer fuss with it, or my head would have exploded. And, ultimately, I believe that evil will be destroyed, but yes, in this case, it was vanquished and beaten. Nice catch. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Sorry I didn't put quotation marks around your request for reviews in mine - didn't mean to fail to recognize your words as not!mine. I just stupidly forgot.
I know exactly what you mean about reaching a point with something where it has to be "Finished" or the head will splat like a paintball. BTDT have the tee-shirt...
Do you read Gerard Manley Hopkins? There is something about this poem - not the sound, because he uses a lot of alliteration - perhaps the subject matter, or not the phrasing, because his stuff is incredibly densely phrased, but maybe the approach to the phrasing, which reminds me of him, so if you haven't read him, you might like to. There is a sense of "Ahhh, Bright Wings!" here, not a literal sense, but a similar meaning???
Well, whatever. If you've read him, you like him, and if you haven't read him yet, break all ten fingers googling his stuff... you will feel, when you find it, that you still did not type fast enough to get there, that you should have used a time turner to get to it before you heard of it...
Well, I like his work that much. I suppose there is a chance your mileage will/does vary, but based on this poem I suspect not.
An interesting approach, a sympathetic and detailed description of Aberforth, of a younger, colder Albus, of a sister we do not get to know in Canon, and a mother we know little of as well.
Brilliant to begin with Grindlewald playing mind games.
So Bathilda's memory has been altered, and Albus doesn't realize it? Or has Aberforth hit her with something from the sidelines?
Albus making the potion a bit too strong... can we believe that of the young Albus? Can we believe that the emotionless, judgemental, self-involved creep we see here becomes the Albus Dumbledore of the books? Perhaps. Some people go through terrible phases as they grow up...
We have to see, don't we? I'd say you have a very good start here.
Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to read and review! :) I've never tried writing such a story before, in this particular and era and with this complex set of characters, and I do hope I manage and do them justice. Your feedback really means a lot to me! We already know how the whole thing ends from DH, so I'm trying to flesh out the story a bit more, and the characters, and at some point, this fic's going to be treading the dubious waters between canon and AU.
Albus is indeed a lot more unsympathetic, colder and selfish here. In the books he's such the epitome of perfection, isn't he? Brilliant, witty, wise, never wrong, powerful etc. etc. Until DH, at least, where his backstory was revealed, and he suddenly became a more flawed and more human character. I've possibly taken that a notch further and am trying to do something with young!Albus here.
We do have to see, indeed. :) Once again, thanks so much for reading and commenting on both chapters!