I am old. Older than Jo. Not quite as old as Voldemort.
In fact, I am exactly Marauder-aged. Which might be why I don't read much Marauder-era. Can't compete with Lily....
So many people don't get Harry, and it seems you do. I'm glad, because I adore him.
Author's Response: Thank you! I kind of adore him, too :) I'm glad you liked this!
After Jen's careful and rather complex review I can't say much, can I? A very interesting story. I'm sorry I can' t do it more justice than that right at this moment!
Scorpius had never looked forward to anything the way he looked forward to leaving Hogwarts with Rose. He planned a holiday with no friends, no family, and nothing to do but be togetherâ€”until a tampered Portkey changed their destination.
*stares at her copy of The German Shepherd Dog Handbook*
*contemplates dog in her crate who will still not do anything master has tried to teach her, although she has succeeded in teaching master a thing or two*
*sighs and wonders if it is everything on earth you are better at than she is, or only coming up with fantastic plots and dog training.*
Marvelous story so far. And please tell me you can't gunwale a canoe.
LOL at the dog teaching the master a thing or two. I think that's absolutely right. I'm the one trained to pick up "got to go potty" and "thinking about gnawing a chair leg" signals, although, to be fair, Courage will go to the back door and whine to get my attention. He probably figures it's less drama than me going, "GAH! Gross! Outside! Outside!" :D
German Shepherds are less food oriented, aren't they? Combined with high intelligence, does that mean they respond to training when they feel like it? How do you motivate, praise for sitting, etc, and ignoring when acting up?
Thank you for being sweet, and if gunwaling (if that's a word!) is more than holding onto the handle/gunwale/thingies when you carry the canoe, I have no idea what it is!
Well, this is interesting!
I am never really sure I understand anything that involves time travel, undoing the known past, etc - seems to take more physics than I ever absorbed. However, there are a few things here that sort of bugged me, so I will get them out of the way first. I know they may seem a bit petty, but I am mentioning them for a reason - please do read on!
I think the library at Alexandria, if it has ancient writing, as in on the floor, would have hieroglyphics. So I would not put Ancient Runes there. I'd put them on signs, maybe, leading people around. (This may just be me being an idiot - just an idea)
Two, if Socrates does something, perhaps each of the statues should do or be seeming to start to do something. (Again, just an idea, I liked him...)
Three, Ancient Runes and Hieroglyphics work in two entirely different ways. Being good at one is not only not necessary to being good at the other - would probably be irrelevant. Runes are an alphabet, and basically replace the alphabet we know - dead simple, really, unless you want to make it more complicated. Hieroglyphics are pictograms (pictographs? Picto-somethings) They represent ideas. I think he'd been better off at having been good at them in some generic ancient languages study in Hogwarts or Auror training.
They seem older than their late 20's. They seemed old and defeated in the earlier chapters. So I am confused by the timeline you express, but as I pointed out, I am easily confused by these things, it might be me.
The mummy is intriguing. If he's warm, he shouldn't be decayed. Because he seems to be half shark, I am wondering what that's about. And if he's a mummy, he really shouldn't smell. The decay is what makes something smell so awful, and if he was actively decaying, he should be gone and no longer smelly after a few thousand years.
BUT it did occur to me that this might have something to do with the hex itself and maybe I should keep my mouth shut, but, sadly, I am not so good at that... ;-)
Now why mention all these things? They are really nit-picky. I am mentioning them because I REALLY like this story, and they distracted me from it. You plotting is interesting, your OC's are interesting, you owe it to the story to make it absolutely as good as you can, so it will get the loyal following it deserves! And like I said, they might not bother other people, but they did distract me a bit. I'd be happy to discuss it further if you want to - I am also ProfPosky over at the Beta Boards and you can im me...
Thank you for a good read - I am following this story. It is holding my attention and that is a very good thing.
Author's Response: You make some good points. I'd been mistaken on the exact nature of runes(vs. hieroglyphs), but now that its been pointed out, i'll have to make some edits. I'm glad for your opinion on matters - in of the opinion that criticism is always good - and i'll use the comments to (hopefully) make future drafts better. Cheers.
OOh, marvelous. Two OC's, both of whom are looking credible (or are they names mentioned once in canon? Anyway, close enough to OC's even if they are) a Muggle Library and a Wizarding Library built in essentially the same space - favorite trick of mine for schools and Prisons - and an few interesting new bits of magic, never mind the very well drawn picture of two men whose time has passed way too young...
Well, I'm waiting - go update!
Well, this is very good. Whether Remus is in character or not is hard to say. Things can change people, and it is possible that Remus changes, not drastically, but somewhat, as life goes along, and perhaps that makes him difficult to pin down. I like Hetty but I'd have changed the order of the names in her last sentence.
You DO realize you've afflicted me with a very AU Ginny/Remus bunny....
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Characters do change, you're right, especially someone who faces everything that Remus does. As for AU Ginny/Remus -- that's never occurred to me in any way, but I'm glad I could inspire you somehow! ;)
I found this more interesting than James, but then, I find Remus a more interesting character.
The whole Remus/Chocolate thing is cliche, but since it comes at the end of a pretty interesting piece, you get away with it... :-)
Author's Response: I had actually written the chocolate poem when I had finished typing the other poems, and had realized that it was so dark... and yeah, I'm not quite satisfied with James's poems, and I think that I'll re-write it... Thanks for the feed back, Nymphie THE Original
while rather brief, there is a lot of good in this story. I think you have the emotions right, on Harry's side, at least, and maybe there is enough of something in Snape to smile just a little bit at Harry at this point. I like the way you did not explain too much about the alternative action with Snape and Voldemort, and now that you mention it I have to wonder why a man with a Basilisk and a snake didn't go after a dragon as well in canon...
Your diction in the first few paragraphs is not as smooth as in the later ones. I think the prose quality improves as the story goes on.
You also ended it well. And Bless you for not making Snape too warm and fuzzy to be believable. Or Harry too eloquent.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the constructive feedback. I really appreciate it. Originally the story I wrote was much longer, but I wanted to keep everything as believable as possible with respect to J.K. Rowling's original characters. I could not thus create a longer story because of the context of the Deathly Hallows. This was extremely difficult to write because of Snape's personality. While originally I did not think that it would be possible to write a story about Snape and Harry with anything except animostiy, readers really don't have any idea of how Snape would behave towards Harry after the war. Thus, this is the element that rescued the storyline. Nonetheless, had his smile been any more than 'barely discernable' it would never have been believable, and I am so gratified that you found it so. Thank you!
Such a delicious idea...
Author's Response: Hahah! YUM... Thanks so much for the R&R. It means a lot!
Oh my Godric, I know you are Canon Queen, but really, can't he have Hermione? PLEASE!!!!!
Author's Response: Ummm, well, I might get hexed by Natalie and Lori - hee hee. I was sorely tempted to go AU with this, but in the end I just wasn't sure it could work. Perhaps there's an epilogue ... ~Carole~
E-chick - I've been reading this right along, and as much as I adore getting reviews, I really haven't been able to write any - I've just been absorbing this through my pores. I think you've got Hermione, I think you've got a plausible Malfoy - I find him a difficult character, myself - and a very plausible Ron. Unlike some of the situations I've seen Hermione put in, this does not stretch my credibility too far. And I am dying to see what comes next...
Now on to particular things I liked here - I liked Bill being in charge of the hiring, and being fair to Draco - I think that is very Arthur Weasly of him. I like that you've got Draco figuring some things out a little bit at a time - like he might not get another chance, and he wants one. I love that they are both so confused and conflicted - for me that is very realistic.
Oh - and I adored Draco's cooking - both that he had no clue, and that he didn't give up. Very good detail there.
Update quickly, please!
Author's Response: Thank you Prof P! I amd glad this is plausible because that was my aim. They needed a good reason to be together and not just because they met one night and felt lustful. I've always seen Bill and Arthur as the reasonable Weasleys. Much as I love that family, the others are often quick to judge and also have tempers on them - must be the Molly in them - ha ha. I will be updating very soon, just tweaking the last chapter. Thanks again ~Carole~
Oh. VERY. Nice.
It passes my test for a good HP poem - if you''ve never read the books, it still means something.
That final stanza is stunning.
Author's Response: PROFESSOR!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :D:D:D:D Glad you liked it.
I really like some of the things you've done here. The pacing of the poem, the way you narrow it down, physically and literally to Love and then from love open it all back up again reinforces the theme. Also, it has the feel, especially in the last line, of Anglo Saxon alliterative gnomic verse, which is thematically resonant as well.
(I know that may sound craptastically overintellecutallized, but I read it over. It is literally correct. Although it may be spelled wrong.)
I totally feel for Molly here, but I think the ending is perhaps unintentionally ironic. It seems to me she is working very hard to make ends meet. She is planning to show her children the real values in life. And yet, she is giving credit for whatever will happen to fate.
While fate is tossing her problems, I think she is being very proactive in meeting them, and while circumstances may or may not defeat her (Of course, knowing Molly, we know they don't,) I think this last line gives fate too much credit.
The question is, of course, does Molly really think it's fate? Is she really resigned to whatever fate hands out?
There is an English poem about people on an insignificant income trying to survive, and it has the line
"And they fall face forward fighting on the deck."
that's more the impression I have of Molly.
The Anglo Saxon stuff I mentioned is very fatalistic and sort of "Why didn't these people all just drown themselves,they sound like they want to." (Well, they lived in what we would think of as large unheated uninsulated garages/barns without indoor plumbing or netflix, really, why DIDN'T they all drown themselves? Must say something about humanity...) Molly does not strike me that way, and yet maybe she has to be. Well, maybe just something to think about...
Author's Response: Thanks Thea... this poem was initially written because of some real life things. I just twisted it a bit to work in the Potterverse. :) I thought of all the characters, Molly could understand the most. Thanks for the great review! Cyns
Ah! Well, this is quite interesting.
I dare you to keep me from pining over that lost Moody opportunity, though... for a second, I thought Moody might come see Draco...
Author's Response: Hopefully it will become more interesting when I reach Chapter 1. Thanks for reading and reviewing. As for Moody ... why don't you write it? (heh heh heh)
Oh, this is LOVELY. So many twists and unexpected turns, so in character, and yet so fresh. I especially like Astoria, and the hint you leave that Astoria is, for a pure-blood his father would approve, a very normal girl, one who might make him personally happy.
I've been reading right along and haven't always known what to write, so I have not reviewed as I should. This is really a masterful story, Carole. With so many opportunities to be cliched or maudlin or banal you skirted every single one of them. I like how you dealt with the suffering Draco witnessed and his coming to terms with the victims.
One has to wonder if Lucius ever felt badly about what happened to Ginny, and if he did, how if at all, he came to grips with it - I hope you write that one some day. It would not be at all like this. I despise Lucius, but I suspect that if anyone could show me a side of him I could understand at all, it would be you.
Congratulations on a MARVELOUS story.
Author's Response: OH, well, I do plan to write that Ginny/Lucius dilemma (not a pairing I assure you) It should feature in High at some stage, but I did write a drabble for D/A class this year which provided one angle. Thank you very much for the review and I'm glad you liked the story ~Carole~
Well, and a stunning story, too. Very nicely done. You get Harry and Snape in one blow... clever, that Lily... -)
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. ~LiLu
Very interesting. I'd like to b more specific but it's 1:38 am and that's the best I can do, for now. Waiting for an update!
After all this strange talk of magic, and wizards, and schools I’ve never heard of, and invisible worlds? I bite my lip. I want, so badly, to say that I trust him. It would have been true up until last night.
I look him in the eyes. I almost think I can see his soul there.
Still holding my hand, he steps forward. I close my eyes and allow him to tug me along.
A Muggle bride's thoughts about her Wizarding groom and the journey that has brought them to this day.
I have to agree, very sweet...
I have also married off a Muggle to a wizard, and it is interesting to see how you've handled the moment of revelation. I just wish it had been less rushed. I'd have liked seeing all this happen more than I liked reading her recalling it, although I did like that.
In my case, I married off Alastor Moody. I'd love to see more of Albus and his bride. I think the problems of Muggles in Wizarding Britain and Wizards in Muggle Britain are very rich areas to explore.
Author's Response: Thank you. I know it was a bit rushed, sorry. This was, originally, supposed to be a drabble, but then it kept getting longer and longer as I wrote it. I had the plot bunny, got it out and submitted it all in the same hour, which is not how I normally write. I agree, Muggle/Wizard relations are very interesting, and fun, areas waiting to be explored.
Very nice job. I can really see a fifteen year old Snape feeling exactly like this. I'd thought he'd taken his mark later, but that's probably based on Chapter 15 of In the Eyes of Others, as I do not believe canon actually gives a particular date.
I find "I gave you my soul; you gave me a ... scarf," particularly heartbreaking. And while she probably did see his interest, I doubt she understood, as a person loved by many people, just what her friendship and love meant to him, a person so isolated and lonely.
You know, as you've written it, you really show what a prick Lily was.
Not that Severus wasn't reading things into the friendship that might or might not have been there. (JKR did apparently say once that if things had been different Lily might have loved him romantically) or that what he said was all right, but really, she GAVE UP on him.
Real Gryffindors do not give up. They throw effort after effort and good money after bad when they've got a "Project" going. "The best way out is always through" is pure Gryff. I think Lily had a very SlytherClaw moment here, and if you look at it a certain way, she ended up paying for it with her life. I mean, what if she had not given up, and Severus had relented just a bit, and somehow he had never ended up being a Death Eater?
Severus may be a _____ (Fill in with word of one's choice) but it is an undeniable fact that the unkindness of other people helped push him in that direction.
Hm...Maybe I need to write another chapter of that Snape!Fluff.
Oh, yeah, great job! Normally I don't read anything like this, but since it was yours I gave it a shot and I am glad I did.
Author's Response: Oh, Now, I disagree. I think Lily had already thrown too much effort at Snape. There are some points where I think you have to give up and I really don't think Snape was worth all the effort - certainly not the way he defended Mulciber and the others. And although he may not have become a DE, how would she have gained? If she'd showed any interest in another man (like James) then Snape would just emotionally blackmail her into chucking anyone decent. Sorry, I just don;t think that either 'love conquers all' or that it was her responsibility to save him. (This is turning into a rant - please excuse me - hee hee) The other thing is that she did pay with her life, but that was partly his fault. He did relay the Prophecu to Voldemort after all, and in my mind I have no doubt he'd have done bog all if Voldy had decided Neville was the threat. (ends rant)
Now, I didn't mean that he got his Dark Mark that night, simply that by the time of the Christmas of year six he'd definitely thrown in his lot with the DE's.
My favourite line is the scarf line - ha ha - scarves are so innocuously awful as a present - if you're a bloke. I think Lily was partially aware of his feelings, but didn't want to encourage them. JKR said that 'she might have grown to think of him romantically, if he hadn't loved the Dark Arts so much' - that's his tragedy. But on the whole, James was hotter (yes, I am that shallow)
Get back to the Snape!fluff - I liked it a lot. ~Carole~
I particularly like this chapter, and your characterizations of future! Fleur and Moody. It is very in character for Bill to go find his drunken wife and bring her home...