Summary: Draco hadn't counted on the other Weasley. Rated for one expletive. Warning: This probably doesn't feature the pairing you're expecting :P
Well, just because this has been here for six years doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a review, because it does.
First, there is the prose quality, the turn of phrase - it is consistent in voice, it's clever, it works.
The repetition is particularly well done - "At least it's not the Weasleys" and he is hoist by his own petard - he told Scorpius to stay away from Rose, and stay away from Rose he had. Draco's blindness to his son's proclivities - to the very possibility that there could be anyone but Rose that Scorpius could possibly have any interest in, sexual or otherwise, is so emblamatic of a family which has always assumed it knows exactly how things do work, and should work, that they cannot see any possibility that things as they plan them might not work that one has to feel Draco and the rest of them have got exactly what they deserve...
It is also typical of Harry that he would deal with this relatively easily - he has always had to deal with things, whether he liked them or not, from life at the Dursley's to Voldemort's presence in his mind to the realization that he has to die to end it all. So to that degree you've kept them in character.
It's a little over the top. Malfoy is a little bit tooo Malfoy, and Harry is a little bit, perhaps, too Harry, and I doubt Draco would have felt faint quite that way. However, as a comedy, it works beautifully.
What happens when you find out your whole life has been a lie? How do you react when the people you trusted, believed in confess to hiding a secret that changes everything you believed about yourself?
Hermione Granger is about to face that situation.
The war is over and life should be simple. She should be planning her future with the man she has loved since she was 11. But now, she doesn’t know who she really is. As she struggles with the grief of lost friends, she also deals with the grief of the loss of everything she believed about herself. Can she open her heart enough to let Ron help her deal with this, or will this secret drive them apart?
It makes sense, and I think you've got Ron's anxiety right in character.
If I can nitpic...sometimes in this story you tell us something happened and it feels rushed to me, I would rather have seen it. A flashback to their conversation would work better for me than talking about how Hermione and George had spoken, for example.
I LOVE the way they fall asleep. I am very much looking forward to them being "caught" at having done nothing and twitted half to death... mwahaha...
What a cliffie!!!!
Ok, now that I've recovered...I read the whole thing through to this point, MBP. I like the plot - I think the writing itself gets better as it goes along. I especially like how you handled the house in Godric's Hollow. Realizing that Harry would be having trouble too is good insight - although I don't think we are really seeing much of whatever trouble he is having. Showing George having the same problem Hermione does is interesting as well - we all know that having been one of the twins Fred's death must have been the very worst on George. I am waiting to see where you take this. I am not sure I am totally convinced you are going to let Ron get her back...
Author's Response: Thank you for your review. This was my first ever fanfiction. I guess as I got more experience, the story just got better. As for showing what Harry is going through, I keep trying to keep him underwraps. I keep telling him he had his story told and this is about Hermione. LOL As for whether Hermione will take Ron back... I don't even know. I am just letting the story write itself. This chapter went somewhere I hadn't intended when I started it. Thanks again. Terri
Summary: Every morning Ron arrives at the shop and wakes up George with a cup of tea. One morning, however, George doesn't wake up.
This started as a 500 word drabble for my DADA class and turned into a 2000 word one-shot instead, before becoming two chapters. The prompt for my drabble was to use an overdose so be warned that this fic is not a happy one. It is actually I lot darker than I really imagine the Weasley family being after the war, but this is what came out when I started writing and I think it is possible.
please note that the warning is for attempted suicide only
An epilogue has arrived and I promise that I have now finished, though I have found this interesting to write so I may carry on with this version of the Weasley family at some point
I had to go back and read this second chapter after what you said - I hadn't realised there was one!
I LOVE that you had Fred say death was hard. I have never understood people optimistically assuming it has to be easier than being alive. I've seen the effects of suicide and attempted suicide on people left behind, and those effects are brutal. I think you did a good job of choosing what to have Ron say, and what to have Fred say about Ron.
One little quibble - I think if Fred had lost that much blood, he would not have immediately felt better again so quickly. I also think the potion would have worked more completely, more quickly.
We know that Ron got his heart going again - the way you have cleverly set this up, with the sun rising, you leave open the possibility that he has JUST stopped breathing as Ron comes in - a key point, I think, as we know magic can't bring people back.
I'm glad you continued this. Fred and George had to have a serious side or they never would have risked their lives making those radio broadcasts. I find your portrayal of that side very believable.
And now, I have to go read your epilogue...
Interesting that he wasn't sure when he woke up that he had, at first.
I have no problem seeing the Weasleys a whole lot worse off than this. It has always amazed me how LITTLE angst some of the characters show in Canon,when you figure what they've been through and the fact that psychological help is never really mentioned except that one time the kids met good ole "Magical Me" Lockhart in St. Mungos. (The Longbottoms haven't been helped by whatever they've had done to them, although, again, whatever it is, who knows?)
Overall, a very nice job with a difficult topic and one which, from your comments, seems to have been an unpopular one among some. A nice job, and a responsible one as well. Very good!
I like it. I do have a technical quibble. I don't know that breathing into his mouth would restart the heart - for that you generally need chest compression, I believe. You might want to check on that.
Blowing into his mouth WOULD possibly clear the airway, and would get more oxygen into his lungs. You only have four mintues of no Oxygen before brain damage starts to set in, generally.
I likethe concept of the story in general. I like the combination of Muggle and Magical medicine. II think there is a lot of interesting stuff you can do here. Do we get to see into George's mind, for example?
Also a nice job on Ron, I think.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. You\'re probably right about the resuscitation - I should have fact checked that more thoroughly, I\'ll go in and edit it once I have a moment to redo that bit.\r\n\r\nI\'m not sure whether I will go on to develop this but I can think of several different ways and POVs I could continue (have just had plot bunny as I write this!) I\'m glad you thought Ron was well-done; I\'m beginning to grow quite fond of him as a character. \r\n\r\n-Hannah
Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.
On the edge of discovering a long lost document...
On the edge of the greatest adventure of their lives...
On the edge of finding themselves....
They would find each other...
In The Danger That Awaits.
Sirius Black is called for his first mission for the Order of the Phoenix, but he's going to need a little help. Racing Death Eaters on the search for a long lost ancient text, he not only finds himself in danger, but also falling in love.
This is The Marauding Cupcake and hermybabay82 of Gryffindor for the Gauntlet's sixth run.Second Place Winner in the Gauntlet’s Sixth Run!
Only one of the later chapters earns us the higher rating and we'll give you fair warning when it comes up. >.<
Thank you for wanting htis reviewed! i am enchanted by what you've got so far! I love stories where minor characters are developed, and all we know about Marlene in canon is that she's in a picture of the original Order and that her whole family was killed. I think you have a very clear idea here of what she is like and how she would react.
It is very logical to me that a shy girl who is not generally noticed would be at a loss at how to deal with the Yeaxley and crowd, and dazzled by Sirius. It also seems very logical to me that Lily would have been keeping an eye out for her, and the way the boys line up around her is classic.
Good description and characterization - I have to finish it now!
I know this was the Gauntlet, and I don't know if there was a word limit, but I found this chapter a bit rushed.
I think DD is a bit OOc, because you have him being fairly direct, when we know he is rather indirect. I also find it odd that he does not ask Sirius if he knows the proper spell to copy the document - copying it with enchantments attached should be much more difficult than just copying what you see.
On the other hand, I am not surprised that Sirius doesn't recall Marlene, or even realize that she is in the Order. Although I think I'd like her to know the name of the spell.
You've moved the action along and I know you were working within constraints. I think there is enough information for us to understand what Sirius has to do, and why he seeks out Marlene (I had to chuckle a bit at his asking if they were sure they did not speak Gaelic. Aside from Harry not knowing he spoke Parseltongue, I have not heard of too many people speaking a language and not realizing it... It does show his focus on his very close friends, though, which helps develop the character.
*coughs* Some of us can be bribed with reviews of our own stories*coughs*
I like the interchange between Sirius and Marlene, especially when he embarrasses himself, and I like how he is sort of looking at her before they get started. These poor librarians are not standing a chance - you've made the boy half Veela, so to speak... a little too much, but fun, somehow.
I think they are going to have to break into the library. Rare manuscripts are difficult to get your hands on.
NICE cliffie! And how efficient, to have these two find and copy it for them and just pick up after that .I do like your copying spell!
From whence does Marlene get this sudden siren-like side, though? She does not seem to skip a beat - perhaps that's because it is Sirius's POV?
The interchange between the men is subltly conveyed - nice job. And Travers clearly has no idea what Marlene can get up to, although her being in the Order should have tipped him off.
I like the way you use his ability to transform and how you have him muttering to himself about Remus. It sort of shows that this was a potentially very serious encounter.
I was surprised there was only one Death Eater there. He must have thought they would be easy pickings.
Why Marlene considers it her fault that Sirius almost kisses her confuses me..I would have though she'd be kicking herself for interrupting him...
Oh! It is so much harder to review when it just flows like this...
All through this story are little parallels to things we see happen later, and here we have Sirius being very Harry-like. How can a man with so much experience be so clueless?
I like the little misunderstandings...he hasn't gotten in touch with her...she thinks he doesn't like her that way..maybe any way... he doesn't know if he should talk to her - she disapparates so quickly because he really hasn't...
But the moment when he is hanging his head in front of her door - *swoons*
Summary: After the Great Battle is over, Pansy Parkinson comes face-to-face with a bitter loss. But even when things seem to be at their worst, Pansy finds a kind spirit.
Brava! Taking two of the most unlikeable people in the Potterverse and making one tolerable and the other actually loveable!
Pansy and the Muggle... Can you just imagine Harry's surprise?
Great Job and interesting challenge you gave yourself. Very you!
Author's Response: Why, thank you!\r\n\r\nYou never know what odd thoughts will wander through the mind when you decide to write from the point of view of a character you\'ve never considered before. \r\n\r\nDoes make one wonder what Harry would think, doesn\'t it?
Summary: When a fatal disease spreads like wildfire around the Wizarding World, it is up to Rose Weasley to find a cure - with the help of no other than Severus Snape. But working with a man she's fallen in love with is much harder than it sounds.
First Place in the Gauntlet's Sixth Run!
Well, I am going to read the next chapter.
Author's Response: Do that! :) *whispers* And review!
Hmm...I like it so far. But, ok, now I have read three chapters, I can't hold it in any longer - there cannot possibly be millions of children dieing of this. There are not Millions of Wizards and Witches in Britain, where would all those children come from? And where are they going to school - there aren't hundreds of thousands of children at Hogwarts?
There. Got that off my chest. I am planning to read it all...
Author's Response: Around the world, not just in Britain. :) Hope that helped.
If Rose does not get Severus eventually, things are going to get ugly on this side of the computer.
Author's Response: Aw. :(
Curiouser and curiouser. Why is Rose so certain she has to hide him? She is a deep thinker, she has thought so much about him, realized so much about her parents, about her uncle and aunt - doesn't she know that if she brings him forward they will be amazed, but they will not stop him curing the children? How could they?
Well, I guess at 18 I didn't know everything either.
Author's Response: IF he can make a cure. :) No, I\'m kidding. More than allowing him to cure the children, it\'s the danger of changing the past and the future and getting in trouble that her parents and aunt and uncle would be worried about - which is why she\'d rather hide Snape.
YEs, around the world does help. I must have missed that.
Author's Response: No problem. :)
Severus is confusing me now.
I know that is not much of a review, but I can see you really want something, so ...that's all I can think at the moment.
Author's Response: :) Anything is better than nothing. I adore reviews. Why is he confusing you? Dumb question, I know, as he is always confusing me. :p
Ok, I am entirely sick of Snape being screwed out of chances at happiness. Really. And Rose really loves him - really him, the way he is. She is never going to meet his equal. How is she going to go on from here?
Yeah, Yeah, I figure his portrait speaks to her, but I was so hoping for something more. Even something a bit more like his going back and not dieing, and making the cure so that no one has to die from the disease.
Well, there is the epilog to go. I won't start campaigning for an "Unahppy ending" warning till after I read it...
Author's Response: Considering that Snape's survival would have meant changing history, a huge no-no, and his remaining with Rose seemed highly unlikely. If you honestly want to know, while Rose loved Snape whole-heartedly, I don't think Severus completely returned her feelings. "Another flower" he was saying. He is still in love with Lily and I would have needed to write much more to get Severus to love Rose back. I think he would have eventually, but it would have taken time - which, this being a Gauntlet, and me being holed somewhat by the prompts was almost impossible. Already this is an extremely long story. I needed a solution for the story that would work. Happy endings aren't my thing either, but I wanted Rose and Severus to get together as much as anyone - considering I wrote this and all. That all being said, I'm having the strong urge to write an alternate ending... I might just do that.