Summary: READ & REVIEW! ! !
Harry Potter has borne pain that no being was ever meant to suffer. We have walked with him as he has fought for light and hope. Now, let us walk as him through this little poem as he reveals the lessons he's learnt, relieves the pain he's felt, and gazes out as to what lies before, behind, and ahead.
I found you're poem very well written and insightful. The only thing you really need to watch out for is your word choice.
Though you’ve lost the last of light,
Your hope for others won’t be smite. in this line the ending was a bit akward. You use light a lot in you're poem, but this was a nice effect to the whole of the poem.
Author's Response: Yes, I seem to be getting ALOT of responses as to the confusion of the poem, so I\'m currently working on a \'translation\' that I\'ll post soon...maybe...eventually? anyhoo, thanks aton for the review , THe advise and support is always appreciated!
Summary: “So how could it have gone so wrong? How could such friendships fail?” ~The Sorting Hat
Everyone knows the story of the Four Founders of Hogwarts; the tales of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin are legendary. But did everything happen in the same way that it has always been told? Did Salazar Slytherin leave strictly because of differences concerning the purity of blood? Did friendships suffer and fail because of arguments concerning the running and ruling of Hogwarts? Or was there another reason? Could the story of a romantic relationship between two of the four friends have been lost to time? And did such an event cause more damage to the school than the beliefs in blood?
Written for the “February One-Shot Challenge” by megan_lupin of Gryffindor.
Edit: Received an Honorable Mention!
I have read this story before, but I obviously neglected to drop a review. This story was very poignant and tastefully done. The point where Helga and Godric discover the romance between Rowena and Salazar is a bit overplayed, but other than that this story isn’t over the top at all. Did you model Godric after Harry? Because I can see Harry in this intensely stubborn, my way or the highway attitude. Also, I very much liked Salazar’s wanting to have her come with him and his internal argument with himself as to whether or not to ask. You really deserved the honourable mention… Congratulations!
Summary: A storm. That's what their love had been…
Helga had known from the start that their relationship was doomed to fail, her obstinance and Salazar's pride too much for even love to overcome. But had it really been love? As time passed she became less confident on the matter. She could only speak for her own heart... and she knew it would never find peace until she faced him one last time. She had to brave one last storm. Rating and warning for brief, rather vague mention of past relations.
Okay... this story is quite different. It is okay, but it has room for improvement. It feels a little melodramatic and it has a bunch of spelling errors that made me stop and go huh? what are you talking about? I think you should have made it a bit longer and smoothed it out a bit. And was Godric in love with Helga? Or was he just a brotherly figure? I did like your opening with Helga and the closing of your story was pretty good too. Overall it was kind of iffy to me. It just didn’t have that wow factor.
Author's Response: Well hi there... yes, it is melodramatic. Trust me, I usually hate soap operas but given the era of the piece and the characters involved in the twisted love affair, I decided to schmultz it up a bit. Feel free to read my other stories, I think you\'ll find that though my scenes are very intense, I\'m not so much a melodramatic writer typically. And no, Godric didn\'t love Helga that way. I thought it was clear in the story, he doted on her like a big brother.
It has been brought to my attention that my previous review could be considered a flame. I had no intention for it to be that way and I must apologise. I reread your fic today and discovered that I should never let my brother watch television in the background while I'm r/r. Now that it is a bit quieter, I realise I was completely wrong in posting my previous comment. Your fic was beautiful and I feel like a total snot in not paying attention to it. These are just a couple lines in your fic that I particularly liked:
but she could not help but find Rowena's persistence foolish; an insult to her vast intelligence.
I can only sort of see her doing this in real life, but I find I like the way this sentence sets Rowena apart as a lovesick fool when she is more often than not a wise, regal figure. It showed that there is another side to characters and one that we all wish we didn't have. That hopeless, I-feel-this-way-and-god-let-him-feel-the-same-or-I'll-throw-myself-off-a-tower side.
You did a good job at telling what Helga thought would happen as a result and I love how you showed that more often then not, people don’t let go of what we want even if it could hurt others and ourselves.
that the rabid hatred now choking her life was once an unfathomable nightmare, rather than a cruel, gripping reality.
I just really love this line. Adjectives are great and I liked the placing of it. I must admit, it was a little dramatic, but it fit quite well in the place that you put it.
Did you mean to do something symbolic with the arrangements of Helga and Salazar? Because I noticed that you always have Salazar move to meet Helga. Aside from going to see him (which is more for herself than him anyway) she never bends or stands or moves for him, and he is the one who moves to meet her. And I love how you reversed the positions at the ending making him sit and be submissive to anything she said.
There is only one thing I don’t quite understand. Why is Salazar in a cottage? One would think that he’d be in his own private castle. (Or did he spend all his money on his basilisk?) ;) He is a founder and he probably had money. Is there a reason he is not living it up a little?
I also admire your word choice--I actually had to look up word! And that in itself says something good. I now know what belie means!
Overall, this fic was immensely better than I initially thought and I hope you will erase my previous review with no thought to it.
Author's Response: Why hello again! I will admit, when I read your first review I was having a terrible night to begin with and it about set me over the edge. But, it\'s alright, not everyone can love my story. I need to learn this, so no worries. Now, new questions/comments. In terms of Salazar and Helga\'s placement in different scenes, I sort of see them fitting with their natural symbols. Slytherin is typically tied to water, and as such he\'s more fickle and free flowing. I think he would be much more likely to move in and quickly away than stand and wait for Helga to move. And, since Hufflepuff often is represented with earth, the more steadfast of the elements, I think its fitting that she holds herself steady. Now, as for Salazar in the cottage. I sort of picture it being his old stomping ground, perhaps a small place he used to escape from the world before setting to build Hogwarts with the others. Yes, he does have wealth and power, but he\'s also turned away from the other three, putting himself on the limb alone. I think at this point he\'d be more likely to hide out rather than making a huge show of his departure. I sort of took the view with his character that he\'s just as human as the rest of them, he just suffers from excessive pride and, well, prejudice.
Summary: It takes a lot to stop a twenty-three year old man in his tracks when he’s been walking along stubbornly, staring at the ground. Especially when he’s been pondering how to explain to the Ministry of Magic that he is unable give them the names of ten or more wanted men because of the Fidelius Charm, of which he is under. Granted, this is no ordinary man we are about to meet. No, this is one Mister Draco Malfoy, a wizard with white-blonde hair and soft, grey eyes. Five years ago he was described by many to be “steely,” due to his very pale skin, hard grey eyes, and overall rough disposition. However, we do not want to meet the Mister Draco Malfoy of five years ago, do we? No, we want to meet the Draco Malfoy of now.
Sexual Situations are only references. EDIT: And, I must warn you, it is a Dramione.
Okay, Kate, I have decided I’m not sure if I like this or not. It makes a wonderful soap opera. The way you explain things in your story is not exemplary. Think about it this way would you have said, “Hermione Jane Granger, yes, I love you. When I finally discovered that Potter had sent you away, I thought it was because he had discovered our relationship and desired nothing more than to cleanse you of me. So after two years of fruitless searching, I began campaigning. My goal for the past three and a half years has been to clear my name and to make sure that your friends think that I am worthy of you.” in real life? No. A lot of your dialougue is like this. I think it would have been best to use that cunning narrator voice you came up with to explain the plot and use their voices sparingly and shortly. In this instance, it would have been better to show not say.
I kind of like this, but it is not the type of fic I would generally read.
Author's Response: Er, thanks? :) This fic was a sort of experiment for me, mostly with the narration. Showing and not telling has always been a little difficult for me, or rather, find the balance between showing and telling. Thanks for the review!
Summary: A missing moment from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. What was going through the minds of Professor Umbridge, Hagrid, and Professor McGonagall the night Hagrid was fired?
Wand_Waver2006 of Ravenclaw House's entry for the A Different Viewpoint Spring challenge.
This was a highly interesting and believable depiction of the events HArry watched as he stood up on the astronomy tower so long ago. I particularly liked the way you showed the thought process of Dolores. She was just the right amount of evil and snooty.
“It will!” she snapped at him. “We’ll have him begging and pleading by dawn!”
I loved this line. Her misbelief is hysterical. Particularly as I know the final outcome...
Author's Response: Thanks Miki! I\'ll be reviewing yours shortly. (horseback riding. my legs\'ll be jelly by tonight. ><) Thanks for the review! I\'m glad you found that I balanced it--I found out I love writing about Umbridge.
Summary: He'd never forget that day. He'd never forget, and he'd never forgive himself for letting it happen. What happens when the thing you care about most is taken away from you in one mistake? Based on the Pearl Jam song Last Kiss.
Oh my godric. It could be my severely jet lagged state, but that story is making me cry. Particullarly the ending... That was really sweet with the telling them to take care of each other and... *sigh* Oh that was quite good... I had a couple beta nitpicks, but other than that it was relatively seamless and I enjoyed it greatly... I think it was a beautiful portrayal of a grieving man... 8/10
by the way... That jetlagged comment wasnt derogartory... I never cry when I read except while reading flowers for algernon, but that's a tangent I am not going off on.
Summary: In my version of the DH epilogue, set 19 years later. Harry has pushed his family away to protect them from the consequences of his actions. But what will happen when the consequences are different then he thought they would be?
IWhile DH is not excluded, the last chapter is. This also happens to be a part of the Ellie Vicky and Ellie Cathy series, although it is not vital to read "A Potter and a Malfoy."
Your story would probably be better read if I had taken the time to read “A Potter and a Malfoy”. I did not but it was an entertaining read anyways. I only had one complaint through out the whole thing and that was the melodrama that seemed a good friend through out the whole. Read aloud some of the statements made by Ginny and Harry. I always find that it helps. Would you say some of those things in real life? I liked the progression of the fic: it was deliberate and precise and I loved the follow through. Great job and good luck on your entry.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! Actually, it is not necessary to read A Potter and a Malfoy, but I have gotten some reviews talking about how they wish that there could have been more about what happened afterwards, and there are some definite hints in that.
At age fifteen, Regulus Black became sole heir to the largest fortune in Wizarding London. At sixteen, his abnormal intelligence won him entry into the most notorious cult of Dark wizards on earth. At seventeen he made a mistake – one that he would never be able to take back – and his entire world came crashing down.
Enter London, 1979. The story of a boy who managed to defy Voldemort at the height of his regime. But what price did he have to pay?
Hey, so mething I didnt notice in my zillions of comments: Just realized that your characterization of Sirius is rather like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Once you pin down one thing, you cant figure out anything else. Did you do that on purpose?
Author's Response: Wow you would be the only one to notice haha! When I first wrote that passage, I knew there was something in it but I didn't know what. Then later I made the connection myself and I have this whole passage (hand-written) about how if Sirius was a physics concept, he would be the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. XD I just never found a place to fit it into the story, unfortunately. Wow that crazy that you made the same connection! We like think on the same wavelength :D
Maddy, I have just finished rereading this and I think that you have done something absolutely amazing here, just like I did when I got the first draft. I love the way you intertwine Physics and Morality and this fic was just an amazing concept to begin with. I love the changes you made with Elise, it fits much better than your original plan. And your conversation with Dumbledore flowed a whole lot better than the original. I loved your story and I cannot wait for the next one. If you need hundreds ;) of pages of comments, do NOT hesitate to look me up.