Penname: Periwinkle [Contact]
Real name: Anna
Member Since: 12/19/05
Website: aquapristine.livejournal.com
Beta-reader: 1
Status: Member
Bio:
Thank you to all my reviewers and readers, but I'm no longer adding any stories to this account nor am I a part of mugglenet.
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Reviews by Periwinkle
 

Let The Rain Fall by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 48]

Summary: Ginny's thoughts now that Harry is gone. One shot.

Categories: Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1302 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/07/06 Updated: 05/18/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Let The Rain Fall

Aww, what a sad story!

Really, your penchant for emotion is stunning. You put words in the right places and show, not tell us what's happening. I like that you focused on the ring in the beginning, because it was something for us to focus on. Something that connected us with Ginny. We readers like to see that -- something important to the main character. And if that item is what's causing the character pain or suffering, then it's even better.

My favorite sentence: A mark was left where it had been.

What a beautiful sentence! It's like a reassurance that Harry will always be with Ginny. And nothing can change that. He left her. But she'll always remember. She takes the ring off. But a mark remains. It's like deja vu.

The only nitpicks I could find were formatting/punctuation errors. Nothing too big, though.

Wonderful job!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I\'m glad you liked that sentece; I liked that, too! And I\'m glad you liked the emotion. I think that I did a *relatively* good job with that. Thank you for the very sweet review, dear! *huggles*

 

A Wink Can Tell It All by HPLoverForever
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 37]

Summary: Lily Evans always had felt a strong wave loathing toward James Potter whenever she saw his face. However, one night when Lily is walking along the great halls of Hogwarts, she stumbles upon James doing a wonderful deed for a small first year girl, causing Lily to look at him in a whole different light. What will happen in the end? Read and find out.

Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1254 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/29/06 Updated: 06/04/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 06/04/06 Title: Chapter 1: Difference

Hayli! That was awesome! I LOVED IT!

Author's Response: Thank you Anna my love <33

 

Chocolate Kisses by wandaXmaximoff
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 24]

Summary: A Harry/Ginny one-shot. When Harry and Ginny’s 15 year-old daughter comes asking for relationship advice from her mother, Ginny fondly remembers her and her husband's first kiss.

Categories: Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2000 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/02/06 Updated: 06/09/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 06/12/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chocolate Kisses

Very nice, refreshing story!
I remember commenting on it in the Excerpt section of the forums a while back. I'm happy to see it whole now.

Ginny Potter sat on her double bed; she’d only gone upstairs to put away some fresh laundry, but then a certain photo had suddenly caught her eye. She looked at the moving picture of a couple on their wedding day.

Great intro - you introduce what is going on in the story without extending it and including details that are not needed. It got to the point quickly.

The man in the picture was, of course, Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world.

I didn't particularly like this sentence. It seemed cliched - so many people already view him as such, so there's no need to say it again. It seemed artificial. Harry wouldn't admit that he's the 'saviour' of the Wizarding world. However, Ginny might. He was the one, who ultimately saved them all from Voldemort. So through Ginny, the sentence is justified and less cliche.

In today's modern world, many teenagers wouldn't dare to come out and venture a question so personal to them. This just shows Heather's and Ginny's relationship is quite open, and it appears that they have gotten along well. I like how you write your story and without mentioning it, little details creep up. For example - Ginny and Heather's relationship. You didn't come up front and say it, but we can use clues to figure out that it's quite a good relationship. A nice strength to have when writing.

Moving onto the characters - Heather seems very flat. She doesn't have any spirit to her...it's like she's just another character with no real importance. We both know that isn't the case. She is very important to this story - without her it wouldn't have taken place. I wish you would have spent more time on her. For a one shot, it's ok - it's not so prominent, but it's still there.

This is a very light fic - it doesn't go too deeply into the details. I'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing. Some more description here and there would have helped us imagine the characters and their conflicts. The detail was lacking here and there, but the rest of the story balanced it out a bit.

Heather looked at her mother in quiet wonder. To have found and kept a love that special was real magic, and she was so happy she’d been brought into a family of such love and contentment.

I love this sentence. It furthers the mother-daughter relationship, and gives us a peek into Ginny's past.

Lovely job!




Author's Response: Thank you for your comments. I never really noticed it before, but now that you point it out, I see that a lot of the things you said were true. Heather does seem kind of flat and I realise now, I could have added more detail. hopfully this will improve with my chaptered story though. Again, thank you for your review. It was nice to see positive comments along with good constructive criticism and I hope it will unable me to improve my writing.

 

The End by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 33]

Summary: This story is told in Cedric's POV before, and after, he dies. One shot, taking place the night of the Third Task.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1494 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/04/06 Updated: 06/08/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: The End

A wrenching portrayal of what Cedric must have gone through. You've set up the mood wonderfully -- right from the beginning to the end, making us readers feel what you wanted us to feel from the start. The anguish, the pain, the sorrow. The unexplainable feelings -- so many of them! -- that must have coursed through Cedric's mind.

You took a moment; a moment that was so full of emotion and unselfish actions and turned that into a fic -- and you did a marvelous job with it.

At first, I merely clicked on the link because the summary interested me and I wondered how you would pull it off. How Cedric felt in those last moments can be interpreted numerous ways. It's sad that he really didn't have any time to think -- to say what he wanted to. You're great at transporting the emotion to the reader.

Superb job!

Author's Response: Thank you, Anna! I\'m so glad you liked it! Thank you for the comments; I\'m pretty proud of the emotion in this one, also. It was the only thing that I had in mind when I was writing it, so I\'m glad that it got transported to the reader so well. Thanks so much for the lovely reviews!

 

Worn Away by Cherry and Phoenix Feather
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: "He never did anything hastily anymore. He had been hasty in his youth, and now all he had to show for it was an empty heart and an empty cabin."





Written by cherryandphoenixfeather of Hufflepuff for the May Monthly Challege #1--Pilgrimage.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1077 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/05/06 Updated: 06/06/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 06/14/06 Title: Chapter 1: Worn Away

What a lovely story you have there, Liz! =)

The way you start describing the country is quite effective in easing the reader in a complicated story. For your story is quite complex, and that makes it interesting and different than other fics. I like how you alternate from past to future and back again. It's a great way to let the reader see the story from both sides, and make their own opinions and judgements. Doing it this way also foreshadowed the end. We knew in the second before last section that the main character is one of the Four Founders, but we never would have expected that it be Salazar.

He's an often overlooked character. Not many people write him, because he's so distant to us, so strange and surreal. We don't know how to get on with writing someone like him. He was a Slytherin, we know that. And he had some blood racism going on too. But apart frrom that, there's not much that aids us in writing him. You've approached him splendidly, and have gone far and beyond in capturing his feelings and views.

You also have an advantage in using strong words that convey those feelings. You have a nice play on words going on, and you say what you want in a short amount of space. You control the story; you don't let it control you.

Many authors fall into their story, and they want to make things work out so much, that they'll try anything to perfect it. Eventually, their story disintegrates, and they lose it. You, however, have control over your story, and you don't let it restrict your writing.

I can see that you've spent quite a while on your story, because that seeps through it and we readers can tell. You must have done either a lot of planning to have it flow through, or it came naturally.

The close of this beautiful one shot is final, satisfying and truly inspiring.

Fantastic job, dear.

 

The Curtain by Slian Martreb
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Sirius is dead and the four people who knew him best have what to say about it

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Slash

Word count: 1268 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/05/06 Updated: 06/07/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 06/14/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Curtain

Interesting one shot. It's truly unique - I can safely say that there's no other story quite like it out there in cyberspace.

It was a clever tactic, one that might have been accidental, to start with Harry and end with Dumbledore.

Harry is the main person - the prime. He's the one who's had it tough all his life, and that will no doubt continue. And all of a sudden, when he thought things were brightening up, Sirius dies. The feelings that you portrayed in him are very realistic, you've got his section down well. Starting with his section did not only give that Bang! that a story needs in the beginning, but it also defined the point that I just mentioned - Harry is ultimately the one who has it the worst.

I didn't like Tonk's section very much, because it appeared quite superficial and mild. Her feelings were not brought forth in a way that made the reader feel something. In all the other sections, I could feel what the characters felt. I could practically perceive their anguish and heartbreak. But reading Tonk's section, I didn't feel anything at all. Her section was almost selfish, in a way. She kept going on how her skills are diminishing, and how much an impact Sirius' death is having on Remus and so on. It would have been better if you focused on her feelings about Sirius' death, rather than her feelings on how that death affects others.
I am only saying that because the other sections seemed to focus on their respective characters' feelings about the incident, but Tonk's is different.

Maybe you meant to do that, and by doing it you only clarified what we already know - that Tonks is divergent. But her section stood out...and didn't quite boost the story much.

Remus' part was profound, and I loved it. You painted a lovely picture of his feelings, and it showed. One thing I want to comment on - you use the phrase 'God' or "Oh, God' thrice, yet there wasn't any mention in the books that Remus, or any other wizard/witch is religious. If you wanted to have some sort of fimiliar phrase, then I think 'Merlin' would have worked better.

Dumbledore's section wrapped things up; made it final. Out of all the sections, I love his the most, because it is true to his character wholly, and I can see him saying something like that. It's final, brings the last blow and ends the one shot spectacularly.

Overall, this was a fantastic fic, and I congratulate you for a job well done!

Author's Response:
*loves on your review*

Let\'s see....It seemed to me that those four would be the most touched, each in a completely different way than each other, by Sirius\'s death. To Harry, it\'s the death of an adult/father-figure/friend. For Tonks, it\'s a family member. For Remus-I\'m reminded of a poem by W.H. Auden called Stop All the Clocks. This is the third stanza: \"He was my North, my South, my East and West/ My working week and my Sunday rest/ My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.\" *shivers* And for Dumbledore...it\'s hard to describe what Sirius\'s death meant for Dumbledore so I won\'t even try.

I would say that Harry has it pretty bad, but the fact is, how long did he really know Sirius? He\'s mourning what could have been and Remus is mourning over twenty years of what was

Tonks was very superficial and mild. I don\'t relaly know how much it affected her. As much as Sirius is a cousin of hers, they were first cousins once removed, Sirius is quite a bit older than her and would have been in Azkaban by the time she was old enough to remember him-if, in fact, Sirius had anything do do with her before. Remember, the Tonks\' were expelled from the Black family. And for all that Sirius was disowned, how much time would that have given them, even before you factor in the age difference? Hers is supposed to be more of an outsider\'s view on it.

I\'ve got many mentions about the \'God\' business in my writing and how much it stands out as being very off-canon. The truth is, though, that I use \'Gods\' (more pagan like) almost just as often, and when God is mentioned, it\'s usually through a Muggle-born or Half-blood, who would probably have been given that kind of an \'education\' more than Pure-bloods. And the fact is that, with that kind of anguish, going \'Oh Merlin\' does not have the same feel as \'Oh God\'

I hate Dumbledore *gaspshockdisbelief* I really do; I dislike his character immensely. But I love his bit because I think that it played very true to that character, and that the last line is very profound and Dumbledore-ish.

Thank you SO much for reading

 

Summary: The war is over, and Harry and Ginny have been happily married for almost a year. Wedding bells are ringing for Ron and Hermione, but will Tonks and Remus ever tie the knot?

Categories: Remus/Tonks Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1139 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/06/06 Updated: 06/12/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 06/12/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This story was gentle, mild and lighthearted.

I loved how you began the story with her dream, then ended it with the same sentences. The repetition there was marvelous.

There were a couple of spelling mistakes here and there, just something I feel I should let you know. Some readers might not mind, but others will find them irritable. It gives off the impression that you haven't worked hard on your fic, and that you don't care, which we both know isn't true.

So, moving on to the story itself.

You should’ve seen the look in Ron’s eyes when he saw Mr. Granger leading Hermione down the aisle.

I don't like the 'you' added here. It gives off a sense of casualty that doesn't belong, in my opinion, to this genre. By directing the thoughts at the reader, it changes the context and the mood of the story; alters it and spoils it. There are a couple other references in this fic that are also casual, like this one:

Whoever it was had just interrupted a very good dream!

It was also slightly choppy and the words didn't flow as easily as they should. The description was also lacking. As readers, we didn't get a good picture of what was going on. You only touched on the subject slightly before moving on.

Overall, it was a nice story but could have used some improvements. If you could have spent more time on it, fleshing it out, it would have turned into a great story.

All in all, great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate the advice, Periwinkle. I\'ll go back and update a few things. ~JBV

 

Answering Destiny's Call by LadyAlesha
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Bored to death, Narcissa Black embarks on a mysterious adventure leading her deep into a maze where danger and peril await her. Braving one obstacle after another, she finally finds something, she never thought she'd see again.

Third place in the Gauntlet Challenge.

Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 5960 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/08/06 Updated: 06/16/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/06/06 Title: Chapter 1: Answering Destiny's Call

*huggles SPEW buddy* Ilka, this was a wonderful, amazing one shot that you wrote for the Gauntlet.

Everything about it - Narcissa and her boredom, the mysterious letter, the maze, the problems in the maze, potions, herbs, boggarts, people, fairies, birds, jewerly - everything that you included in this fic was fantastic. You are very strong in description and are able to achieve what you want and how you want just by the power of using certain words.

This story doesn't have much dialogue and consists almost purely of description. There were parts here and there that were a bit boring. You could have enhanced them with a stronger focus on Narcissa's emotion. For example, when Narcissa is with the Fwooper, you could have focused on her feelings -- fear, anger, confusion - to add another element and more depth to that certain area.

You do the description and emotion wonderfully in other areas. One of the parts that I most loved is when she's facing her Boggart. You have us a great peek at her thoughts and feelings. We could feel her fear and desperation as her mind sorted out what could be behind the tapestry. That part was the climax in the story and you managed it splendidly.

There are a couple more things I want to comment on. Her Apparation. It's known that a person can't Apparate on Hogwarts' grounds. Even if the maze was so powerful, I don't think it would be able to break the strong spells that enforce that. Hogwarts is very big on security, so the spells for Apparation would be very strong. Also, was Umbridge really there, or was that just a figment from the maze? I'm thinking the latter...

What I really like about this is how solidly you have Narcissa's character down. Throughout this fic, a reader can tell that you know Narcissa well and that shows through. An author takes a big risk when they focus on one character only, because they have to know that character from top to bottom in order for the fic to be succesful. Narcissa is perfectly written.

All in all, wonderful one shot. I really enjoyed it - beginning to end.

Author's Response: *huggles* Thanks for your lovely review! Since reading HBP I really like Narcissa and I\'ve thought about her quite a bit, especially what she was like during her time at Hogwarts. I had a lot of fun putting her through all the obstacles of the maze. The thing about her Apparition is that I really needed a way to get her down to the other path, and nothing else came to mind. So I wanted to move the maze outside the Hogwarts grounds, I\'ll definitely go back and check if I put that in or not. I remember wanting to put a sentence or two in, explaining how the air around her changed and having her think that she had left the Hogwarts grounds, but I might have forgotten to put it in. Umbridge had to be there, I really didn\'t see a way for her presence to be explained, so I just didn\'t mention why she could be there. I don\'t know how old Umbridge was while Narcissa was at Hogwarts, but she certainly wouldn\'t have had any authority then. My prompt said she had to be in it, so I put her in and hoped that it wouldn\'t make the story too unbelievable. I loved writing the Boggart scene, that part was the easiest one to write of the whole one-shot. The words just flowed for that part, whereas at other points in the story I had to rewrite a paragraph or two countless times.

 

Winning Eternal Glory by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary: What would happen if instead of Harry Potter participating in the challenge for eternal glory, it was Tom Riddle instead. Watch as the heir of Slytherin find his way through rows, columns, tasks and obstacles to win the recognition he know he deserves.



Written as a Gauntlet Maze Challenge entry by Cruciatus Love of Slytherin.

Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death

Word count: 9838 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/15/06 Updated: 06/17/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 08/12/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Maze

My goodness, what an enthralling piece! Really, Shayla, you've outdone yourself here! =)

The first paragraph pulled me in and kept me reading, no matter how many distractions came my way [my sister yelling on top of her lungs; I didn't even look her way] which is a feat not many authors make. Sure, they can keep the readers reading, but for how long? Especially for a piece of this length -- all I can say is, fantastic job!

You use nice adverbs and adjectives which spice up the fic; your description is lovely. At first, I had thought the whole piece would be pure description but was relieved to find different alternatives -- the letter, for example.

But most of all, you've proved how ruthless and skilled Tom is, even at his age. How powerful he had been then, how fearless! You acquaint the readers with Riddle so splendidly, dear. From the First Task, to the last you have done a amazing job, to which I applaud you.

Author's Response: Thanks, I tried to make this piece more original as it was a Gaunlet submission. Personally, it\'s not my favorite fic of mine, but I must say that teen angst!Tom Riddle is my best character.

Thanks so much for the review.

 

Bound by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 30]

Summary: Hedwig reflects upon her life, and her relatioship with Harry. Written for the One Shot Owls challenge by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 847 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/16/06 Updated: 06/19/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: Bound

Very interesting! Hedwig is the most known owl in the series, so one would think that it's easy to come up with something. Many authors have written from Hedwig's POV for this particular challenge, but you manage to give it your own flair and distinctive touch.

'Bound'. Wonderful title. It can mean so much, you know? Bound for what; bound to what? It's a great title for this story and you reinforce it nicely in the text itself.

I also like how you mention that Harry is distant from Hedwig -- they don't really have an ideal relationship. She doesn't know what's going on in his life, she can only guess.

The last sentence, is again, surprising. I hadn't thought that owls could 'love', or really be 'loved.' I mean, they're not human beings or particuarly playful creatures. But you provide a great background that makes it sound true and we readers can connect to that for a while.

Owls can't really 'feel' -- that's what I thought before reading this. But using description, words, anecdotes and whatever worthy weapon you've got hiding [=)] you make it sound practical. For which I applaud you.

Author's Response: Yay for double review! I feel twice as special!

 
Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: Bound

Very interesting! Hedwig is the most known owl in the series, so one would think that it's easy to come up with something. Many authors have written from Hedwig's POV for this particular challenge, but you manage to give it your own flair and distinctive touch.

'Bound'. Wonderful title. It can mean so much, you know? Bound for what; bound to what? It's a great title for this story and you reinforce it nicely in the text itself.

I also like how you mention that Harry is distant from Hedwig -- they don't really have an ideal relationship. She doesn't know what's going on in his life, she can only guess.

The last sentence, is again, surprising. I hadn't thought that owls could 'love', or really be 'loved.' I mean, they're not human beings or particuarly playful creatures. But you provide a great background that makes it sound true and we readers can connect to that for a while.

Owls can't really 'feel' -- that's what I thought before reading this. But using description, words, anecdotes and whatever worthy weapon you've got hiding [=)] you make it sound practical. For which I applaud you.

Author's Response: Lol, thanks! Yes, this story is strange (mainly because it\'s about an owl) but also because I tend to give her such human-like qualities, like loving and feeling and all that. But the lexicon says that Hedwig is an exceptionally smart owl, and I shant dare to disagree with the mighty lexicon! I decided that this was how I saw her relationship with Harry. Because we really don\'t see much of her in the last two books, so I thought I\'d branch off of that. And though this is one of my least favorite fics, I adore the title. You\'re right, it can mean so much. It can be used in a physical or emotional way, and is up to so much interpretation. The title just came to me, and I loved it right away. (Lol, I\'m sure I\'ve got some sort of writing weapon. I\'ve just got to figure out what it is... I think it may have something to do with emotions...) Thanks so much for the amazing (<--Need help with adjectives, people!) review(s)!

 

Evangeline by pandafan81
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 14]

Summary: Written for the One-Shot Owl Challenge for Hufflepuff House.



I hate my name. Evangeline was once a proud and beautiful name, but I am no longer, “A bringer of good news”. I wish they would change my name. Maybe Deirdra, which means, “sorrowful wanderer,” would be a good choice. Laraine and Lola both mean sorrowful, those would certainly do. Or maybe Dolores, which means, “Lady of Sorrows,” yes, I certainly am a lady of sorrows.



Well, an owl of sorrows anyway.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1219 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/18/06 Updated: 06/21/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 11/10/06 Title: Chapter 1: Evangeline

Panda-Amanda! *giggles and hugs*

I was browsing the story updates in the SPEW forum and came upon your summary for your story. I have a strange obsession with names -- the more exotic-sounding, the better. And those names in the summary sure stood out to me! =)

This is a very solid, strong fic with definite literary terms -- you've covered your 'character', the idea or plot of your story, the imagery, the theme, the climax and rising action -- it's all there. And written in splendidly.

Evangeline isn't something I would expect in an owl. You've created her just like another human being. If I would have done this prompt, I would have written it in abstract, short sentence to emphasize that this is an owl talking, not a human. But with this story, it works.

The background information you give us on Evangeline is defined well -- she was bought on impulse, basically, yet she's done all this good with the Diggory family. I mean, even Cedric talked to her, let out his feelings. It's sad how in the end, Evangeline is left alone, ignored or looked down upon. She doesn't deserve that. In just mere minutes, you've pulled the reader in, making them see and feel Evangeline's emotions. *applauds* Who could have done a better job?

There's not a lot for me to criticize here:

Already Mrs. Diggory can’t lay eyes on me without bursting into tears; a far cry from the days when she would jump for joy when she saw me glide in the window.

Instead of the semicolon, a comma would be better. Because 'a far cry...' isn't really a seperate sentence; a comma will fit in better.

He keeps the window open for me, but the bedroom door stays shut tight.

The 'tight' at the end of the sentence doesn't sit well with me. It appears almost awkward, in a way. I would rephrase this to: He keeps the window open for me, but the bedroom door stays tightly shut. That, in my opinion, flows so much better.

No one thinks about the bringers of good news, when there’s no good news to be sent.

This sentence had a huge impact on me. You sure do know how to end a story powerfully. I've reread that now, many times. It sums up what the story was about, leaves the reader with something, and also introduces the moral a little bit. Awesome work here!




Author's Response: Peri-Anna!!!! *squees and hugs back* Thank you SO much for this lovely, long and cohesive review! You don\'t know how much I CRAVE those! *giggles* I guess that\'s why we\'re both in SPEW! Thank you for the heads up on the sentence structures. I\'ll definately look those over and make the appropriate edits. *Dances* Thanks love!

 

The Raconteur by The Half Blood Prince
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 15]

Summary: Sirius has always wondered what fear really is like. Told in second person, this is a non-rhyming poem exploring Sirius's feelings of fear.

QSQ Poetry Award Winner.



Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 160 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
06/25/06 Updated: 06/28/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 06/28/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

James, this is really quite amazing.

It's a very complex poem -- the words come randomly, yet they mean so much. The stanza and how it's written is very unique, and your word choice is queer yet perfect for it.

I can't express how awesome this poem is - you have a real talent for coming up with something so original!

Author's Response: Thank you, Anna! And thank you so much for this awesome review. I really am rather flattered. =)

 

A Difficult Choice by RedheadedWeasley
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 25]

Summary: This story is one of a very sensitive nature. Ginny has a pregnancy scare and she and Hermione must figure out how to handle this situation. WARNING: Contains discussion of abortion. If you have a problem with this issue then please do not read this story. I tried my best to keep it non-confrontational, but I would rather not risk the chance of offending anyone. There isn't a sexual situation in this story, but since I do mention sex I added that warning to be safe. Thank you very much.

I also want to say a huge and wonderfully appreciative thank you to ProfPosky for all of the help she gave me on this story. She went through multiple drafts for me and really helped me shape this story into what it wanted to be!!

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 999 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/11/06 Updated: 07/17/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/19/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Difficult Choice

Yes, I clickied on your prettiful banner to get here.

This, m'dear, had got to be one of the most original fics that I've read. What appeals to me the most is that throughout this whole thing, only one subject is introduces. In many one-shots, various things happen. It's very interesting that you've focused on one scene rather than a series of events.

I would have liked to know what Ginny did and how things turned out, but you leaving this at such an ending makes it all the better.

Wonderful job!

Author's Response: Anna, coming from you, that means so much! One of the most original? Thats a hard feat to accomplish these days. Thank you very much. I thought that by focusing on one scene it would make the entire story stronger and more powerful. I tried to write a conclusion that explains what happened but it really ruined everything before it, so I left it out. Thank you so much for taking the time to review and for your kind words!!

 

Born on the Streets by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 25]

Summary: A young woman tells the tale of how she started her life completely alone with no one to turn to, and ends it the same way. She describes how she worked her way up the mountain to find everything she ever wanted, or could ever love, and how she was pushed back down it into the same place she started from. Listen to her as she shows you the story of her doomed life.



Written by Cruciatus Love of Slytherin for the June/July Monthly Challenge option three.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3436 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/19/06 Updated: 07/21/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 08/12/06 Title: Chapter 1: Born on the Streets

Wow.

That was my reaction after reading this.

I love how you alternate between third person and first person -- it makes the fic different from others'. You have a knack for beginning strong and finishing strong. Your endings are always powerful and to me, one of my favorite parts of your stories.

You seem to like writing the young Voldemort and your characterization of him is done well. I've always thought that it would be hard giving Tom a personality because he's such a 3D character, but you've made it seem almost effortless.

My only concrit here is for you to have explained the relationship between Tom and Sara in this last section more. We know they got married and lived 'happily' but how did their everyday life go. You've set this relationship up over the greater part of this story and then it's over within a sentence.

My favorite line is the last:

I, like many before me, was born on the streets. I grew up on the streets; I lived on the streets, and I eventually thrived on the streets. I had been given no choice. And because of this, to the streets I would one day return.

I can't find any words to desribe why I like it -- a 'marvelous' job doesn't even begin to cover it.

Author's Response: Wow. Thank you. I appreciate that a lot.

And, the reason I didn\'t give a lot to their everyday life was because that wasn\'t supposed to be the main focus of the story. Plus, Tom was supposed to die because Voldemort killed him, so it didn\'t really need to be explained. But thanks so much for the compliments; I appreciate it.

 

Summary: The House of Black may look beautifully decorated and filled with life through the eyes of someone who had never lived there, but when two boys have spent their entire childhood suffering the pain their family gave them, this same house looks only melancholy and depressing.


Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1383 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/21/06 Updated: 07/23/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 08/12/06 Title: Chapter 1: That Fateful Night

How sad. How horribly sad. You've really captured the mood here -- grim, silent and heartbreaking.

I like the opposites that were going at each other in the beginning of this fic, for example:

However, there was a large chandelier hanging in the center of each room, producing its own candle light. Each room was brightly lit, but was yet darkened at the same time.

Even though it might not seem like it, these kinds of sentences only add so much to the general feel of the story. The reader can connect.

You made me feel for Regulus and even though Sirius is one of my favorite characters, I didn't like him in those moments when he was arguing with his brother. That sort of thing -- when an author can turn a reader's favorite character into something entirely different and for just a moment, make the reader angry or even hate that favorite character -- is done quite seldom and you've pulled it off splendidly. Once the arguement was over, however, I felt sad for Sirius, sad for the whole family.

The emotion just coursed through this fic; fabulous job!

Author's Response: Oh, no! I didn\'t mean to turn poor Sirius against you! Hehe. But, I\'m glad to hear that the emotion pulled you in so much. That\'s what an author works to do.

 

Let Go by lily_evans34
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 26]

Summary: Watching the wedding of the only man she has ever loved from the sidelines, Chloe knows that she needs to let go. But these things are always easier said than done.







Winner of the Challenge 3: Great Love for the June/July Monthly Challenge!

Edited: 5-27-07

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2403 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/22/06 Updated: 07/22/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Let Go

Great story, again!

I like the chronology of the events -- from the wedding, to the sorting, to their last year and back. It's a nice way to tell the story and you did it in an orderly fashion; it wasn't messed up.

Chloe is an OC, right? She seems very fleshed out -- a good girl. It's so sad to see that she loves James, but he doesn't love her. Unrequited love is the worst of all, and Chloe doesn't realize that. She should have freed herself from it long ago, but it wasn't until the wedding that she did.

What James did to her -- leading her on -- was James-like. Did he want Lily to be jealous, to finally see that he doesn't like her anymore? That's what I though his motives were based on.

Even though Chloe loved James, she knew what he was doing was wrong, and that it wouldn't help either of them and hurt them. It must've been hard for her to do so, and you captured the emotion there splendidly. Wonderful job, Rachel!

Author's Response: Yay for double review!

 
Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Let Go

Great story, again!

I like the chronology of the events -- from the wedding, to the sorting, to their last year and back. It's a nice way to tell the story and you did it in an orderly fashion; it wasn't messed up.

Chloe is an OC, right? She seems very fleshed out -- a good girl. It's so sad to see that she loves James, but he doesn't love her. Unrequited love is the worst of all, and Chloe doesn't realize that. She should have freed herself from it long ago, but it wasn't until the wedding that she did.

What James did to her -- leading her on -- was James-like. Did he want Lily to be jealous, to finally see that he doesn't like her anymore? That's what I though his motives were based on.

Even though Chloe loved James, she knew what he was doing was wrong, and that it wouldn't help either of them and hurt them. It must've been hard for her to do so, and you captured the emotion there splendidly. Wonderful job, Rachel!

Author's Response: Why thank you! I\'m surprised so many people like this story; I guess I\'ll stop hating it, now! And yes, you were right on with James\'s motives. Yep, she\'s an OC; it\'s for the OC challenge ;) Lol, anyway, when I was writing her, I saw her as sort of a dreamer-type person, which is why she let go of her love at the wedding, only when she knew that there was no hope left. Glad you liked it! Thanks for the splendiferous review! (I\'m running out of words to use when responding to reviews! I\'ve already used up my life supply of \'glad\'s and \'wonderful\'s! LOL!)

 

I Never Knew You by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 29]

Summary: She had never known what to say to her sister. But now that she is ready, it is too late.

Andromeda one shot.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1912 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/22/06 Updated: 07/22/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: I Never Knew You

I'm very impressed Rachel -- very. I had no idea you could write this well -- you're a great writer for someone who is 14. =) Righty, onto the real reviewing:

The aspect of your writing that astounded me the most was the description. What wonderful, colorful description. Not one sentence in this story is vague, without verbs or actions describing what the characters are doing. Your description is marvelous and altogether enviable.

Characterization is also something I can't let by. How you worded Andromeda's thoughts and her outlook on her sister not only worked perfectly in terms of their relationship, but also described them for who they were.

You really delve into the feelings of Andromeda. You really go deep -- something many authors leave out - they just graze the surface. But you seem like you know her so well, that you go into her mind and write just like she was talking. And this is perhaps, why this story is so appealing. Because it's realistic. It's there -- no faults in the characterization, thoughts or actions.

The only change that I would do is put the letter in italics. It messes up the reader when it's not, also it's easier.

The ending surprised me tremendously - I was sitting there, gawking at the computer. It's a nice ending, nice push to the ending. My favorite sentence is the last one -- such a beautiful way to end your story --
She couldn’t help but feel that it was Bellatrix, even in death, brushing her thoughts away once more.

It summarizes everything up -- to say that you have done a great job would be an understatement. =)

Author's Response: Okay, I was seriously freaked out when I saw all these shiny reviews until I saw the forums! :) Anyway... wow. Thank you so much! That meant a lot to me! Anyway, back to the review: I\'m glad that you agreed with the characterization. Andromeda is a character that we know basically nothing about, so I just ran with this idea as soon as it came. I really don\'t have the slightest clue where the idea came from, or where Andromeda\'s character came from, but I\'m glad it all worked out! ;) (I originally had the letter in italics, but it kept getting rejected for said reason. That\'s why it\'s not.) Anyway, thank you so, so much for this lovely review! I\'m honored! :)

 

Let sleeping wolves lie by Foxy Wolf
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 14]

Summary: A poem of Remus Lupin's first love at Hogwarts. James and Sirius, being the true Marauders they are, tease him about his feelings. Remus ignores his friends and enjoys the secret rendevouzs but knows he'll always be doomed when it comes to loving someone else.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 131 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/23/06 Updated: 07/25/06


Reviewer: Periwinkle Signed
Date: 07/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: Let sleeping wolves lie

Christina, very great job on this poem!

The most obvious aspect is the colorful verbs [blushing cheeks, glistening eyes, tauting words, reticent togetherness] -- they really enhance the poem. I can see the image so clearly in my mind; your word choice is lovely.

Fabulous job, as usual! =)

Author's Response: Thanks, Anna. It\'s means so much to me comming from you. I adore your poetry and writing in general.

 
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