Hi, I'm Evie. I'm fourteen and I live in Suffolk, England. I have loads of plot bunnies bouncing round my head, so I doubt I'll ever stop doing this! :D Have a read of my stories - go on, you know you want to! :p
I have many more original stories over at the-red-chair under the name apollo13 (which I also use on the forums) so please go and check them out.
I am available to beta, so just email me if you want something done - no slash or student/teacher pairings, please.
[Thank you to Abbi, Nikki and Amy!]
[Thank you Suzie/Crazy-purple-hp-freak!]
[Thank you Abbi/babekitty92!]
[Thank you Claire!]
[Thank you Colores!]
Teddy - have a read, go on!
First off, I would like to say that the brewing of the potion was wonderful. I loved how you did it step by step.
My only crit (and it really is tiny) is that I would have liked to have seen her struggle with it a little more, as I assume that it is quite a difficult potion to make.
Nevertheless, I loved how she was constantly worrying about her father coming back, and what he would say if he knew what she was doing.
I also liked the whole banana bread thing - most would take Dumbledore's suggestion of a glass of water and use that, but you came up with your own idea.
I loved how she was forgetting Mrs Cole's name as well - that was a nice touch! Also, Merope laughing as she was dying was oddly fitting. I didn't think it would work, but, strangely, it does. I can't quite put my finger on it.
All in all, a really nice, well written fic!
Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review! Yes, Merope probably should have struggled a little more with the potion . . . I suppose it was her natural witch instincts kicking in, even before she knew she had them? ;) And the banana bread -- honestly, that was the first thing that popped into my head, and I only remembered that Dumbledore suggested water after sending this fic to my beta. :P
As to Merope laughing as she died, I wasn\'t sure if it would work either. I\'m glad you thought it did! After all, Riddle Jr.\'s must have gotten his insanity from someone, yeah? ;) Anywho, thanks again!
I like this begining - it's very suspensefull. Is that even a word? **shrugs**
Couple of things - I don't think Harry would write down stuff about the Order or the Horcruxes, in case it got into the wrong hands. I also got a bit bored at the top when you ran through who Harry was and stuff that had happened. Yeah, I know that's what Jo does, but everyone here pratically knows the books off by heart.
**runs off to read the next chapter**
Author's Response: Hi Evie. Thanks for reading. Keep going. I look forward to hearting more from you. Jeff >^.^<
That's beautiful! Although, I thought it was "ring-a-ring a roses, a pocket full of posies, atischu (sneezing sound :P), atischu, we all fall down!"? Meh, your version is cooler. :D
Author's Response: *sniff* You are too kind. Yeah, I\'ve heard that version before. *shurgs* I guess there are several different \'Ring Around The Rosies\' songs. Thanks!
aw, Sly! That was beautifull!! I love that whole Sirius thing, it's so sad! Good luck with the Gauntlet.
Come on Slytherin!!
Author's Response: Thanks, Evie. I really enjoyed slipping Sirius in there. He just fit in the prompt about the veil so well.
Anyway, thanks so much for the review and I\'m glad you enjoyed it. Good luck to you, too!
This is beautiful! You've made all us Slyths proud!! Good on you! Seriously, you'd better win after all the effort you've obvoiusly put into this.
I loved that whole "some things should stay a secret" thing - pure genius.
Author's Response: *sigh* I don\'t want to expect anything, you know, in case it doesn\'t happen. But then again, I really poured my heart out on this thing. All day at work today I was anxious to get home and see if the epilogue was validated.
Thanks for the support, Evie. I love my Slyths so much.
- Jacie the Cat
**Squee!** That was beautiful! And so sad at the end when he see's Dumbledore! **tears up**
It must have been so hard to do it from Fawkes POV, you done so well!!
Good luck with the Gauntlet!
Author's Response: Thanks!
YAY! It's up! This was so good - even if it was only four prompts. You made us Slyths proud!
Author's Response: Wow! Yay review!! Thank you so much, Evie! *huggles*
YAY! Another Slytherin Gauntlet entry! This was wonderfull - I loved Declan's little speech at the end!
Author's Response: Evie, thanks for such a nice review. I\'m glad you liked Declan. He has made a cameo in MANY of my stories, starting with one originally about the DOM. Cyns
I really want to read this, because it sounds so cool, but I really can't when it's a mass of text. I did try, but I kept losing my place. :(
Author's Response: Hmmm, not quite sure what happened with the coding. I\'ll go back through and fix it, and contact the mods to see what happened.
**tears up** Harry's dead? **wails**
Actually, I loved that whole, doing it for Harry thing that you wove into the story, it added a lovely touch, although I'm a bit confused as to why she was there.
Not that that's a bad thing - in my Gauntlet the reader doesn't know diddley-squat. :p
This was a really dark, beautiful Gauntlet - good luck, fellow Slyth! :D
Author's Response: Aww! *huggles Evie* I can\'t believe you actually made it through mine =P I\'ve planned to read all the Slyth Gauntlets when I have time (but there are so many! Go us! =D ) I\'m glad you enjoyed my über-long story. Thank you so much! *huggles again* *gives cupcake of thankfulness* <3
Well, I don't want to be rude or moral crushing or anything here, but as someone who has suffered from Anorexia, I think it's all happening too fast.
Firstly, you do not lose five pounds in one week from not eating. When you do not eat, you body kicks into survival mode because it thinks it's starving, and stores fat, so you do not lose or put on any weight.
Secondly, many anorexic girls do not just decide "I am no longer going to eat." Those girls that do are often rather attention seeking and it only lasts a couple of days. A true anorexic girl (or boy, it happens to boys too) will start off just eating a little less food than normal, and then a little less, and then a little less and so on, because they see themselves as greedy. Or I did anyway.
I hope you don't think I'm being terribly rude here or anything, I'm just trying to help. :)
Author's Response: No I don\'t think you are being rude at all. I completely understand what you are saying. So some things I shall explain. The first five lbs Ginny lost was mainly water weight and food weight, which is why after a week she stopped loosing. Also, I think survival mode is pretty much rubbish. The reason your body stores fat is so it can be used as energy when your body has nothing else to live on. So it really does not make sense. Your second point. At the moment Ginny is not eating very much at all because she does not understand her body and she has got it into her head that if she does not eat anything she will loose lots of weight. As the story progresses she will begin to come up with diet plans and strategies as she begins to understand what she is doing and then she will start to cut down from that even more. I think I have a picture of what Ginny was like before in my head, which can\'t be explained because of the narrative. Obviously I need to find a way to put that in to one of the later chapters. Thanks for reading anyway. And I\'m glad you have recovered. emma x x x
I don't want to be mean, but I find all of the girls very Mary-Sue-ish. Especially scince the main character is called Serena **gags**.
I must say, though, for your first fic it's very good. Just... take the characters to the character clinic on the forums.
Author's Response: Thank you for your opinions. They get more developed as the story goes on (it is only the first chapter)
Author's Response: Also, I just think you ought to know, but Serena is named after me. Just FYI.
This was really good - I love this fic. One nit-pick I have though, is that Sirius wouldn't be able to get into the girls dorms. :) Although it was very funny.
Author's Response: I did wonder at that myself, but then thought that he could\'ve flown or something. I\'m glad you like the fic, thanks for reviewing Jane xx :)
This was a really good first-time fic. It takes a lot of talent to be able to write decent romance for the first time.
“That’s behind us now. Lets enjoy the moment Hermione and look to the future, that’s all we can really control.”
I thought that this was a bit OOC for Ron to say. It sounded too wise... to Hermione like. And also a little cheesy. :o
Also, there should be comma's surronding the name Hermione. :)
I also had a minor problem with the kiss - I know a lot of fics have these sweet, tender kiss including, admittidly, one of my own, but first kisses are usually quite awkward and clumsy affairs, and if you add something like them both tilting their heads the same way, it can make it a bit more realistic.
Anyways, it was really good for a first fic, let alone for a first romance, I was really quite impressed. :)
Really good! Can't wait for next chapter! Slight thing - considoring Arthur's seeming lack of knowledge for all things muggle, is he really the best teacher?! :p But really, this was really good, as usual. You do us Slyths proud. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks!\r\n\r\nArthur\'s main qualification is his enthusiasm and liking for Muggles and their devices. His actual knowledge and competence is less important than the fact that he loves Muggles, and my take on things is that that\'s what the Ministry wants to get across to students, especially after Voldemort.
hey, isn't the part when Harry says "parents shouldn't leave their children unless they've got to" AFTER Remus left?
apart from that, really good, you captured the emotions so well. I love Remus, even if he is a bit silly.
Okay, apart from one thing, this story is the makings of genius. Seriously, it's wonderful in every aspect, apart from one tiny little thing...
HEAD DORMS! GAH! I'm sorry, but I cannot stand them! There's no mention of them in canon, and I doubt that Dumbledore would allow two hormonal teens sleep in such close proximities.
BUT apart from that, I look greatly forward to reading more from this story. It sounds like it has an interesting and orginal plot (that's almost unheard of in Lily/James fics...) and it sounds like it's going to be really funny.
Just watch out for more cliches such as Head dorms.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks a lot! I plan to do a bit more with the head dorms which was the reason that I put them into the story in the first place, but I do respect and appreciate your warnings. It means a lot to me that you think that OAF is interesting and original! Thank you for your nice and helpful comment. :)
Really good - one small note, Teddy's name is not Theodore. While the name Theo is common in Britian, it is not shortened to Ted. Ted is a full name. Plus, if Ted's name was Theodore, Remus would have said so in DH.
I'm going to start off with two crits, 'cause I'm mean like that.
First, Teddy's full name isn't Theodore - it's just Ted. Honestly. I know someone called Ted, and I'm sure if it was actually Theodore, it would be mention in the books, and they would also call him Theo, instead of Teddy.
Secondly, I don't think Harry would exactly know which compartment Teddy was going into. ;) They always search for compartments in the books, so I don't think that they are given one.
It was wonderful! The entire thing was brilliant - my only nit-pick would be that the final battle took place at night, as the dawn rose just as Voldie kicked the bucket. ;)
Other than that, Ginny was perfectly IC, so well done you! :D
Author's Response: Thanks very much, and I\'ll have to fix that! ;)