Hi, I'm Evie. I'm fourteen and I live in Suffolk, England. I have loads of plot bunnies bouncing round my head, so I doubt I'll ever stop doing this! :D Have a read of my stories - go on, you know you want to! :p
I have many more original stories over at the-red-chair under the name apollo13 (which I also use on the forums) so please go and check them out.
I am available to beta, so just email me if you want something done - no slash or student/teacher pairings, please.
[Thank you to Abbi, Nikki and Amy!]
[Thank you Suzie/Crazy-purple-hp-freak!]
[Thank you Abbi/babekitty92!]
[Thank you Claire!]
[Thank you Colores!]
Teddy - have a read, go on!
Good story - little hint, though, in your summary you've spelt prophecy with an s, instead of a c.
Author's Response: Thanks for catching that. I have gone in and fixed it.\r\n\r\nDeej
Hmm. Well, it was a pretty good start, but I'd just like to comment on a few things.
Firstly, it all seemed very rushed. Considoring your summary, I would have thought that there would be a problem with Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny getting back together. It all seemed over very quickly. I romance fic can't really just be *BANG* the couple's together, it has to be a bit slower than that, and there have to be obstacles to overcome. Think Pride and Prejudice - it would have been rubbish if Lizzy and Mr Darcy had got together at the first ball, bnecause then the entire plot would have been over.
Secondly, I think it unlikely that Harry would just march up to Ginny and snog her - he'd probably be a little wary, and worried that she was with someone else, or had given up on him and no longer liked him.
Apart from those two points, I think you have a nice fic shaping up. Your grammar seems to be pretty good, and I liked the way Voldemort was... dealt with... *Grins evilly*
Look forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Thanks alot. I assure you there is a reason that everyone got together so fast. It will come eventually. Harry kissing Ginny like that was a reference to HBP. Also in HBP and DH Ginny made it quite clear that she was going to wait for Harry. I am glad you liked how Voldy was dealt with, I really enjoyed writing that.
Er... doesn't term start in September, not June? Other than that, good, interesting start.
Author's Response: Thanks. Didn\'t notice that one, but I guess this year it can start in a different month. =]
Gaunt - wouldn't be related to good ol' Voldie would he?
Author's Response: I\'m afraid you will have to wait and see - thanks for the comment :)
This was a really lovely, sweet, fluffy idea. Harry seemed to be mostly in canon, but Ginny not so much. She doesn't seem the type that would cry so easily, over a silly comment - maybe if it had been said a week after, but not a good few months.
Also, there was a repeative grammar mistake - when a character is speaking to another, a comma should come before the name or term of endearment, eg:
"Happy birthday, Harry."
"Sure, hunny," And since when does Mrs Weasley call Ginny hunny?! That's something that young mothers or American mothers usually call their children, not quite an old English woman. ;)
Apart from those little nit-picks, I really enjoyed it, and look forward to your future works. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your suggestions! I have made a few changes, but as for Ginny being in cannon.....I think that when someone you love dies, it takes a very long time to recover. Ginny is a very strong character and wouldn\'t cry for just anything, but I think Hermione\'s comment brings about the reality of her brothers death, but that\'s just my take on it. Thanks so much for your honesty!
Ipswich!?!?! I live there!! :D Well, near there. ;)
Lovely story, really sweet.
Author's Response: Lol, cool! Thank you!
I think that this story has the makings of being something wonderful, but I have one small crit. I think that the dramatic speeches and such that the characters say aren't really IC. They seem too thought out, too wise for something spur of the moment, and they are only teenagers, even if they have seen a lot. While I think these speeches are perfect in essentials, I do not think it IC for the characters to say them - they would think them, sure, but things like this:
“I can never thank the two of you enough. You stuck by me, all the way through the end. I don’t think I would have survived without you… in fact, I am confident I would have stood little chance. You were both brilliant, and you have my undying gratitude and love.”
I think that would have worked well if you had just stopped at "I don't think I would have survived without you," and just had Harry think the rest. It's not really quite like Harry to wear his heart on his sleeves like that, and those speeches plus the constant crying seem a little odd.
Apart from that (Yes, I know, it's just me being fussy;-) ), I cannot wait to read more, and I find your story pretty darn believable. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review, Evie! When I read your review (and others) I too noticed that Harry was a little OC. In my mind (as stated in my previous response) Harry has grown enough to be freer with his emotions through the series. However, I may work to bring him more IC as the story progresses. Thanks again for the review! -- TheJester
Wonderful leahsm2! You make Slytherin proud! :D
Aw, so sad! Great job on this, Cheslin - both Molly and Andromeda seem to be in character, which is nice. ;)
Very believable, dear.
Aw, so sad and happy at the same time! A lovely Christmas tale, Nicole! I loved Fred's reaction to Lily and James! It was perfect. The entire thing was perfect. ;)
Good luck with the challenge - you've made us Slythies proud! :D
Author's Response: *grins* Thanks Evie! *hugs* I appreciate that you took the time to shoot me a review, as promised, hehe. I am still getting used to writing anything involving anyone from the Marauder era so my take on them may be a bit off but I am willing to learn. Have a great holiday! ~Nicole
Aw, this was so emotional and just like Tonks! I can so see Teddy reading this as a teenager or something. My only nitpick is that "mommy" is an Americanism, and should be "mummy", and probably should be capitilized as well. ;)
Apart from that, it's so lovely, and you've created such a brilliant one shot. :)
Author's Response: thanks for the tip! and im happy you liked it.
It's Horcruxes, not Horocruxes.
Author's Response: thank you
Well, I'm intrigued to say the least - especially what she could possibly have done so badly that Harry would disown her.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading!
Aw, lovely, Bella! Really funny in places! :D Look forward to more...
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'ll have chapter two up.... When my brain stops being on strike. Glad you like it!\r\n\r\n~Bella
Awwww! So sweet! I love Teddy so much!
It was very clever, the whole win/victory thing, and it does sound like something Bill and Fluer's daughter would do.
I have a few crtisms (because I'm nasty like that), but nothing too mahor.
1) They live in England, there fore when Teddy is talking about Fluer, he should say "your mum", not "your mom".
2) While the Canadian boy was a nice idea, and certainly a plausiable thing to happen, I was a bit confused about why a Canadian boy would randomly come and stay. I mean, I know they speak French in Canada, but it just seems a little funny, considoring the the Delecours are from France; it would make a little more sense if it was a French boy, and then you could have had a little jealousy with the fact that they would speak only in French to each other, so Teddy woulf be left out and feel threatened that they were talking about him.
3) Although Teddy's speech at the end was really sweet, it was a little unbelievable and (dare I say it) slightly cheesy. Although you managed to balance this off reasonably well with Teddy feeling like an idiot, it is very unlikely that he would just grab her and spout all that off to her. That's just my opinion though.
I LOVED the fact that he was talking to Victoire, and that it is in present tense - it seems to suit Teddy, doesn't it? The movement from memory to "present day" was so smooth and well written.
Author's Response: Thank you!\r\n\r\n1) I changed the \'mom\'. I\'m usually pretty good about it, but I am American, so I do miss it somethings. Thanks for the correction!\r\n\r\n2) Haha. I just had a Canadian boy because an American is a cliche. I didn\'t even think of French! It would have been better. I just wanted there to be someone to make Teddy jealous and show Dominique and Victoire\'s relationship. It came in the form of a Canadian exchange student. :]\r\n\r\n3) Haha, yeah. I can see where that\'s coming from. It is a little cheesy, but I wouldn\'t say completely implausible. I think he knew that was the way to get her. What else could he do but explain his feelings/actions? \r\n\r\nAnyway, thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback! Not many people take the effort to do so.\r\n:D
Aw, so sad! Harry could have had a sister!
Author's Response: I know :[
It's well written, but it seems really OOC for Lily, and also I got the impression from DH that Lily never knew that Snape loved her.
Lily doesn't seem the sort to sneak about having affairs and aborting children. If her marriage was that unhappy, she'd leave it. She seems like a very spirited and determind woman, and playing two men about like is not something she'd do.
This is really good, dear. :) I think you captured Ron's worry very well. I especially like how it started out as a normal day, as if nothing was wrong. The one thing I would crit you on, however, is at the start. You don't need to go through every single step of Ron making a cup of tea. ;) There is good detial and un-needed detail, and this wasn't especially needed. Other than that, really good, and I like how you left the reader hanging. :)
~Evie/apollo13 (Don't ask me why I have different names, it's a long and complicated story.)
Author's Response: I think you could be right about the tea-making - when it started off as a drabble I was heading for an `everything is completely normal` approach before ending with the discovery of George and I think I went a bit too far to emphasise the normality before getting into something a bit more dramatic.\r\n\r\nThanks for the read and review - glad you liked it!\r\n\r\n-Hannah
really really good, although I sometimes think the rhyming was a bit forced - like "tell" and "Shawnelle", which is a very, very, very unusual name, and pretty much unheard of in Britian. but thats me being fussy and english. ;) great work - wish i could write poetry. but i'm not smart enough for that. :(
Author's Response: Yes, well, names are always a tricky spot for anything... I\'m American, so I guess I could use that as an excuse. :) Thanks for reviewing!
Watch out for Americanisms, you had rather a lot there. Other than that, really good, really sweet. A happy ending before the ending. ;) I would have liked to have seen Sirius have a chat with the Dursley's though. ;) ~Evie
Author's Response: Ah, Americanisms, I try to avoid them the best I can, but normally I fail. Seeing as I am American, it's not the worst criticism I could get. Lol. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I thank you for the review. As far as a seen with Sirius and the Dursleys, i'm afraid I would have ruined the story including something like that. Whenever I directly include Sirius and the Durlseys I fear cliches. Thanks again. :)