Summary: How could one night change a life so drastically? Something as simple as choosing to take a walk could ruin a life forever.
Nell is a fifth year at Hogwarts, but she's not like the rest. She's been through more than most could even dream up.
Hey Gabby! I'm finally reviewing this, sorry it took me such a long time. I'm a horrible friend, I know. Any way, I'm doing it now and that's what matters.
The plot is very good. You seem to have evrything planned out which is great. I'm very confused on who the mystery guy is. I thought it would be Sirius, but if it was Sirius then Nell would be in love with him because he is oh so charming. I'm starting to think that maybe he's Snape. *wonders* He's creepy enough.
You've done a good job with Nell's characterizations. In the four short chapters we know who she is, how she looks like, what she likes and her habits. I'm sure there is a lot of room for her to grow and I'm sure she will. My only problem with Nell is that (at least to me) a bit too angsty. I must be honest a couple of parts where a bit tiresome to read because she's too angsty. Maybe you could bring it down a bit? Or is she like this because something terrible that we don't know happened to her? After this chapter I'm starting to think that maybe she was raped.
I like the narration. Nell has a voice of her own. It keeps you guessing and keeps you in your toes. You never know if the creepy guy is going to show up from her back and kill her or something. I've watched way too many scary movies.
So, here comes the not so nice part of the review. I caught a little typo in chapter 3, somwhere instead of saying 'calm' it says 'clam' but it's nothing to worry about. I would like to see more descriptions in the story. I loved what you did in this chapters with the dungeons. I don't mean setting, but the characters. Describe them a bit more. Like for example, Addie, we don't know how she looks. Like her hair color and stuff. Or did you explain it and I just forgot? If that was the case then I'm sorry, I should pay more attention.
You have a good idea in your hands, Gabby. I'll keep an eye on this fic and see where it goes. Good luck!
PS: Poor Remus. Doesn't Nell know he's like one of the nicest guys around?
Author's Response: FINALLY!!!! First off, THANK YOU!!!!!!!! Now... I told people in the first few reviews who the mystery guy is... if you really want to know, go check the first few reviews, but I recomend finding out later. I\'m glad the characterization is good except for being too angsty... but I don\'t think she is... did you not read the chapter? it says right in it... “You never notice just how many boys there are in this world until one of them rapes you…” *eyeroll smiley* Way to be observant. Zut! Je déteste les \'typos\'. It better not do that weird spacing thing when I try to fix it, because if it does, I don\'t think I\'ll bother fixing it... it\'s one letter... and to just change one letter, I don\'t have the 1/2 hour to spare. I think I forgot to include Addie\'s description... I\'ll see what I can do! Thanks again for the review. PS... No, she doesn\'t... BUT... *coughyouwishyouknewwhatIwasabouttosaycough*
Summary: Luna’s not feeling well, but she’s having a bit of trouble figuring out why. Could it be from doxy droppings? The dusk-blooming sun rose? Or is it something even more bizarre? This story was written for expecto_patronum_this for the SPEW Secret Summer Story Swap. Post-Hogwarts, fluffy Harry/Luna.
Hey Lian! I know I've been a terrible Spew buddy, the least I could do was leave a review. I finally got to do it.
First of all, I love the title. I think it's very cute and original. When I read the summary and saw the story was about Luna it all made sense to me. I've always thought that Harry and Luna would make a cute couple. Everytime since I read HBP. This is the first fic I've read of them as a couple.
I think that the characterizations were fine. The only problem I had was with Harry's line in which he said "Luna-love" I think is a bit out of character for him, but he's grown and I guess he's changed. I love the interaction between the two of them, it seemed very plausible and they felt like a real couple. I especially like the part where he sends him to water the plants and the final scene where she tells him that they're expecting a child.
The story flows rather nicely, exploring the diferent aspects of Luna's sickness (is not a sickness, but you know what I mean). The things that bothered me where the # between scenes. You've probably heard this before, but those aren't really necesary. The reader understands when you swich scenes. That's just a little nitpick of mine.
Overall this a was a really sweet story, I leaves you all warm and fuzzy inside. Something that we all need every once in a while.
Author's Response: You\'re right that Harry isn\'t really one for nicknames, but I liked that play on her last name so much that I couldn\'t resist. Bad of me, I know. And the breaks between the scenes are something that I translate over from academic papers... bad habit on my part, and something I really should be beyond by now.
Thanks so much for the constructive comments, and also for reading and reviewing!
Summary: Amanda wasn’t much different from the other girls at Hogwarts. Except for the fact that she decided to end her life. She also considered Remus Lupin to be her only friend. That’s why when the school is going to hold a service in her memory Remus is the one chosen to write a eulogy. The problem is that Remus barely knew her and doesn’t know what to write. That’s when Sirius decides to help him.
I'm going to start this reply the same way I started Amanda's, I'm so sorry it took me such an unbelievably long time to reply. Your review was just wonderful, I'm so happy you felt all the things I wanted people to feel when I wrote it that I don't know how to put it into words. Just thank you. That's all I can say. Thank you. You've made my night a much better one.
Summary: Isabelle felt a chill run down her spine and whipped her head to the left, looking at the mirror in the hallway. She could’ve sworn...
A young woman is employed as a governess in a very daunting house: The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. (Orion Black/OC)
Written for Anna Fantasium as part of the SPEW Spooky Story Exchange.
Hello Spewbuddy!!! Mar, I have to admit that I usually review the story with the least reviews, but Anna’s banner drew me in. It was just too pretty to say no O.O, and the story didn’t let me down either. I loved it! It was so elegant, decadent, and sad at the same time (all of the things I like). I read the whole piece with beautiful images in my head.
I always start with the characters do let’s do that. Isabelle Bingham is obviously a Mary-Sue (kidding) I actually liked her character very much. In just a one-shot you’ve showed us a great deal of her personality and who she is. At first I was a little startled because she was American, but then I thought, “This is Mar. She wouldn’t write the American cliché Mary-Sue.” So I kept reading and I was happily proved right. I actually like later on the fic the part where she’s comparing the British Wizarding society to the American one. I also liked how she favored her raven quill over the others. It was just a small detail, but I liked it. I think that the small details are the ones that bring a character to life.
I liked the characterization of Orion also. It also helped that I kept thinking of Hugh Jackman whenever he appeared (happy thoughts). Anyway, his lines where among the bests of the fics, for example this one, “I assume you’re smart enough to figure out what else they need, Miss Bingham.” I just love it. It shows his arrogant personality, but also it shows that he just doesn’t think of her as a dumb nanny, he gives her credit. I couldn’t help, but compare Isabelle/Orion with Siobhan/Lucius. Both couples are of similar age difference, and both couples are intellectuals that enjoy having discussions and teasing each other with witty comments. Or course, Isabelle/Orion is much more appropriate for a younger audience.
I think what I liked most about the fic is the setting. The descriptions of the house are just amazing. I’ll say it again, I just love how elegant and decadent everything was. “However, this house was darker. It was furnished in lush, dark greens and soft, black leather.” That description creates a perfect image in my head. The whole house just came to life with those few sentences you described. Another lovely place you described was the garden where Isabelle meets Anne, and I just love the comment on how she wanted to climb up one of the trees.
My only critique will go to the flow of the story. I know that this was the exchange fic and that it could only be a one-shot, but it felt as if the story had been chopped in a couple of places. I would’ve liked to see more interaction between Isabelle and Orion, a bit more of sexual tension. The same thing goes to Isabelle and the kids. It would’ve been nicer to see how they warmed up to her. It must’ve taken a while according to what Orion said at the beginning.
The plot is classic and simple. We’ve seen it before, but you make it work. You wrote it in a way that is refreshing and delightful to read. Something else, I just love the tiny paragraph at the beginning. It makes it all look as if it is almost a dream, something that was taken out of someone’s mind. It was beautiful.
Mar, this is the first thing I’ve read from you and let me tell you that it was a great first impression. I just loved the fic. Congratulations, you did a wonderful job.
Summary: A fun, absolutely pointless parody involving Harry and some shepherds, three kings, Mary, Joseph, and a lot of sheep.
This is dragonwings writing in the Winter Challenge for... GRYFFINDOR!
What a fun and enjoyable little piece of writing. It was cute and humoristic.I don't know the song "the first Noel" but I think this is well written and even if you don't know the melody to the song you can sort of sing it. Maybe it wouldn't be the same, but it's still singable. (just made up a word)
There are enjoyable lines all through the piece, but this one is my favorite. "The first Savior, Trelawney did say,
Was to certain poor Voldy that he’d die one day"
Cogratulations on this nice work and the best of luck for the contest.
Author's Response: Thank you! The FIrst Noel is actually a very very very boring church song. I like to think that mine\'s better ;)