Penname: GreyLady [Contact]
Real name: Lau(ren)
Member Since: 11/20/05
Website: http://bornofstars.livejournal.com/profile
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Status: Member
Bio:
A 16-year-old Ravenclaw girl who is passionate about reading, music, and the beautiful things in life. She loves language, Vienna Teng, films, Doctor Who, and books of all descriptions, amidst a whole host of other things. It would make her very happy if you took a moment to browse her favorites. There may be quantity, but there is most definitely quality as well.
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Reviews by GreyLady
 

Fool Me Once... by Crickette
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 208]

Summary: “You were the first thing they took from me,” whispered Sirius. “My only happy memory. I haven’t thought of you in fourteen years.”

“And I’ve had to think about you everyday. For fourteen years,” said Miriam, darkly. Her voice trembled. “I win.”

Miriam Daniels had lost everything she’d ever loved the day Sirius Black was sentenced to a life in Azkaban. Now, years later, she needs to find the strength to accept a past drastically different from the one that she had just begun to acknowledge as truth. Will the most celebrated Healer in England be able to nurse back to health a broken heart and shattered dreams? Or will a secret kept locked away for fourteen years drive Miriam even further away from the man who once adored her?

A/N: A/R with aspects of MWPP-era-ness! I hope you like it!

NEW CHAPTER! I really hope you enjoy it.


Categories: Various Pairings Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe

Word count: 62137 Chapters: 18 Completed: No
Published:
05/15/05 Updated: 06/29/07


Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 07/04/06 Title: Chapter 17: Say Goodbye

Errr...that came out wrong. I can't wait to see how it ends, not I can't wait for it to end. :)

 

Curse of the Reapers by deanine
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 308]

Summary: Past Featured StoryA different sort of alternate universe... It is a world under the thumb of an ancient emperor. Muggle society has been oppressed beyond recognition. Wizards rule over all, their only laws defined by power. This is the story of a rebellion, a family, a traitor, and the long road that leads home at last.

Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 132252 Chapters: 25 Completed: No
Published:
05/24/05 Updated: 07/11/12


Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 04/16/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

So...I noticed that someone reviewed who has a very similar penname! Very wierd, since this is a fairly small fanfic community compared to some. But I digress. Before I've even started, lol!

I wish that I could go in-depth for every chap, but I simply don't have time to review a fic that has progressed so far. I'll make sure to leave a thorough one when I reach the last available chap, however.

This fic has me more excited about the actual plot than any since Consequence and Redemption. This is a very impressive start and I look forward to reading the rest.

Author's Response: Thanks for taking a moment to review. :) I hope you enjoyed the fic so far.

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 05/08/06 Title: Chapter 15: Rat in a Trap

I am intigued by your rich AU. Translation: GIMME MORE!
Please?

Author's Response: The next chapter will be out in a few days.

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 05/24/06 Title: Chapter 16: Withholding

I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that you had updated (the good kind of heart attack). Is there a good kind, though, lol? First off, I adore the little "excerpts" at the beginning of each chap. They sound so...I dunno...impressive. They make me feel a sort of vague repungance toward your AU wizarding society, besides putting forth some thought-provoking ideas, even if they are sometimes perverse ideas compared to canon.

Professor Umbridge...nice touch. :) I'm quite proud that I guessed that Umbridge wrote the letter before you mentioned it. *shrugs* "She envisioned her brother going to the toad they had teaching the less promising children, Professor Umbridge, and hexing her pink-cardigan into choking her unless she moved his sister back to the real classes." That was MOST amusing, as was "Tell me someone murdered the Hippogriff that ran me over." You are really great at interjecting humor. :)

Melinda is a wondeful OC. She seems well thought-out and I enjoy reading her. Your imagery is also really pleasant to read because it's not too flowery. Umm. there's was loads more I wanted to say that I can't remember, sorry. Is there any chance for some Remus/Ton--oops, sorry--Nyt? *looks hopeful*
I'll leave you with some light concrit. Let me know if I'm too critical. Thanks.

"Leave the baby first-years alone you brainwashed, nutter."
I felt that the comma was unnecessary in that sentence.

'A small lie could often set the mind at ease." I would have either un-italisized that comment or made "could" "can" to make it seem more like a thought.

"Are you sure about this," Was there supposed to be a question mark after she says this? Its absence threw me off for a moment.

Thank you for a wonderful update (finally)!

Author's Response: Hi GreyLady!

I\'m so glad you like the chapter toppers. I often put important things in there and then think that I shouldn\'t that people probably don\'t really read them. <.<

Yay, I\'m glad you liked the humor, and there\'s a bit more Umbridge next chapter.

Melinda is fun, spunky, and not always right (as she is soon to be informed). Remus Nyt... <.<... >.> I can\'t comment on romantic entanglements but they are in a lot of the next chapter.

*makes note of constructive comments* Thanks for the thoughtful review!

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 03/29/06 Title: None

*prods author* Are you EVER going to update?!? I know that you said that you were not going to abandon any of your fics, but I think that they're becoming a bit neglected. Think of this as a friendly reminder that you have many impatient readers (but it's really a desperate plea for more chaps). ;)

Author's Response: Eek! Thank you for the gentle reminder. I'm currently in the processes of working through some er...story bugs and revamping some twisted plotlines with a new beta which has consequences for this collection of POVs as well as CaR (but in the long run this will be much much much much much better). My sincere apologies, and I thank you for you understanding and patience. The next chapter for this fic (which has been in disasterous half state of completeness for months) may be rewritten in 3rd person POV and assimilated into CaR. However, not to worry, there are some other Harry POVs that I have saved up for the end of CaR that will definitely get dumped here!

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 02/26/06 Title: None

Wow....that was amazing. It reminds me of "Promises" (see my bio). Your figurative language is superb and the emotions perfectly portrayed. The first lines completely sucked me in. I was VERY suprised when Harry didn't seem more of a tortured soul in HBP, but you've hit the nail on the head (you know, I don't particularly like that expression.....). I think it was either Hermione or Ginny as well, and I was leaning toward Hermione for the first part of the story, but then it seemed to get semi-romantic. Actually.....now that I think about it, I think I'll say that it's Hermione. Yeah. Anyway, this is joining CaR on my Favorites!

Author's Response: Thank you very much, that means a lot. I have to agree with you about our favorite hero in HBP. I felt like JKR was marching Harry in one direction at the end of OotP, but when we caught up with him 2 weeks later in HBP she had spun him around and was pulling him off in a completely different direction (probably bonked him on the head and then kidnapped him, I suspect) ;). So I guess this is my way of having my way with things and angsting it up (hmm, I highly doubt that that is really a word).

 

A Road of Shattered Glass by Ennalee
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 144]

Summary: Three years after Voldemort’s first fall, Tonks and Ninette, a metamorphmagus and a dancer, each struggle to find their own identities apart from the deceptions of mirrors. Meanwhile, in the caves underneath Hogwarts, someone may be searching for things better left lost.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 37788 Chapters: 10 Completed: No
Published:
06/06/05 Updated: 06/29/07


Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 04/23/07 Title: Chapter 8: Purpurea and Peverells

I’m sorry for lagging behind on this, but I’m here, finally!

And Nan, I have to admit that I simply cannot get enough of your writing. The characterizations, the seamless writing, engaging plot…it’s all a joy to read.

I liked how you started the chapter, with Charlie leaning back in a chair, laughing. The pure physicality of this was appealing, and not something that one usually sees right off the bat. It might seem like an odd thing to comment on, but it was striking, and it drew me in.

The interaction between Tonks and Charlie definitely pulled some grins out of me. It’s interesting, the kind of friendship that they have. Charlie treats like “one of the guys,” and Tonks enjoys it because she feels like she’s included. Their banter is great. I liked this line in particular: “Next time, you’re sitting at the other end of the greenhouse. By yourself. Without anything that might explode, or anything to poke it with.” *giggles*

Professor Snith was also very amusing. It’s quite a feat to manage to write dialogue so well that the word “flustered” practically radiates from this woman. She’s so unsure it’s almost pathetic, but I do have a certain amount of fondness for her. You’ve done very well with her, making her as large as life and yet real as Jo herself does.

And then there’s Ninette. She’s one of my very favorite OC’s. She’s realistic in a way most usually aren’t, and it makes it easy to connect to her. I can get very passionate about characters, you know, but Ninette inspires more of a tenderness. She walks a thin line, wishing to control everything, which she does primarily by dancing, but misses out on life at the same time. The line that made this really clear was this: “That was the problem, she thought rather bitterly. She did not know how to do anything besides dance.” It’s heartbreakingly true. I was also very affected by Professor Snith’s questioning of Ninette about her father, because it was so tactless. Her outward emotionless response was interesting, and her strong reaction to being touched a testament to her isolation.

Ninette is such a delicate person (She shows that she knows this herself when she thinks, “She might have been a doll herself”), and contrasts vividly with Tonks. This contrast is a lot of the fic’s appeal. You made a good but unique choice in putting these two characters together in one fic.

Your inclusion of the hints of the outside war are great, and make this fic even more unique. I’m looking forward to seeing what significance Miss Rosier will play, though, I had thought that the only Rosier at the school at that time was a boy, Evan. I was also a bit confused by your use of the name Peverell, because that’s the name of the ancestors of the Gaunt family. I have no idea whether that was intentional or not, so I’ll just have to read on really soon, I suppose. ;)

Since, as Pat once said, you and Lian are probably the most thorough people in the world, I had a difficult time finding anything to criticize, but there was one slight change that I feel could be made. When Ninette thinks “Just like a doll” a little ways down in the chapter, I feel it could have more impact if you expanded just a little and explained how exactly she’s like a doll.

But that’s basically it. I enjoyed ever second of this chapter.

“Thank you,” said Ninette softly, and stepped out into the swirling snow.”

What a beautiful ending line, for a great chapter. Hopefully I’ll get to reviewing the next one soon enough!

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 05/25/06 Title: Chapter 6: Dreams of Spun Sugar

You're making me most depressed, Ennalee! If you've abandoned this story could you please just let us know? I love this story, but if it is no more I can accept that.

Author's Response: I have not abandoned the story - I\'ve just been a delinquent author. I will write more, I promise. Sorry for the long wait.

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 09/08/06 Title: Chapter 7: Voices in the Corridor

I'm so glad that you've updated! *falls off of chair in suprise* Thank you! Sorry it took awhile for me to review; school is running me into the ground.

So onto the review...

I'm loving the backstory that we were given in this chapter. Hermione Dancr is right about it; as I was reading Bill's "story," the writing had such good flow that it seems as though you wrote this effortlessly. I'd imagine that you've done some research on Old Magic in mythology and such, but if you thought up the idea of magic moving in circles on your own, I commend you. The perfect explanation for the fight that Gryffindor and Slytherin had and Hufflepuff's refusal are also especially intriguing parts of the backstory. I just wasn't expecting it to be Hufflepuff that would refuse, but it definitely clicks. You can usually count on a Hufflepuff to do the right thing., it seems. :) Also, this is quite arbitrary, but is it just me, or do rings and temptation always seem to go hand in hand in fiction...?

Other aspects of your writing that I'm becoming very appreciative of are your skills in characterization and dialogue. This story actually requires more work with characterization methinks, because you're starting practically from scratch considering almost all the characters are either much younger versions of themselves or completely original. And they're all wonderful. *shakes head* I don't know how you do it. For me, at least, it is amazingly easy to relate to Tonks and Ninette. (Speaking of Ninette, I'd love to see more of her soon. She's such a lovely character. *hint hint*). I'd like to note as well that I have a feeling that Kevin is going to experience some growth if he continues to be somewhat of a main character. Maybe we will see his Gryffindor qualities triumph over his cautious skeptimism?

Going right along with characterization is the phenomenal dialogue. All of it sounds like something you would hear in an average day (albiet free of Harry Potter related terms), but each character is also very distinct. Keep up the good work! Or else. ;)

I notice that you appear to have had trouble keeping Bill and Dumbledore differentiated. I think that this end product works well in that respect despite your difficulties earlier. The only qualm I have is that I have never heard anyone tell such a polished story as Bill did without writing it down or rehearsing. Then again, Bill might be special. :) Don't worry about it, it's not truly important. I just wanted to have *something* constructive to say.

Something I just recalled and am to lazy to incorporate it into the review properly: perfect pacing. Alliteration, yah!

What it's taken me all this time to sayis that you have a great story and a great chapter. I'm looking forward to the next installment of what is turning out to be a high quality fic.


Author's Response: Eek! Sorry to make you fall off your chair. And no, you may not apologize for being slow to review - after all, I took a year to post the chapter! You\'re right about rings and tempation. I don\'t know why I ended up using a ring. In my original version (so long ago) Bill\'s story was the wizarding version of Wagner\'s ring cycle, with Alberich and Napoleon (don\'t ask, long story)...so the idea of temptation was definitely there. The Alberich thing was too confusing and got cut out, but the ring hung around for whatever reason. I\'m surprised (and delighted) to see the number of people who are enjoying Kevin, who was originally a throw-away-character, and I definitely hope to develop him in the future. Thank you for the review, and for sticking around despite my hiatus, and I hope you continue to enjoy!

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 04/24/07 Title: Chapter 9: The Mysterious Miss Rosier

*giggles with Anna about Wizarding fiction*

That caught me completely off guard, but not in a bad way. It’s creative and I liked it. I’ve always wondered why fiction has never made an appearance in canon; all we ever see Hermione reading are textbooks.

In my review for last chapter, I said that the contrast between Ninette and Tonks made this fic appealing, but I think you’ve actually shown how they’re alike in this chapter. When Tonks thinks that “being showered in congratulations would be awfully nice,” it reminded me of Ninette’s feeling of bitterness that, as she says, she doesn’t know how to do anything but dance.

You do give a lot of insight into Tonks in this time around. This line really struck me: “She refused to let her friends’ criticism daunt her, promising herself that they would come around once she was proved right.” In order to become an Auror later in her life handicapped by the severity of her clumsiness >.>, she would have had to have shown remarkable perseverance, and remain optimistic. I also thought the way that you handled her musings on her friendships was well done. She didn’t end up sounding whiny, only lonely; her daydreams about how she would make them love her were entirely characteristic for an adolescent. It’ll be interesting to where her friendships end up by the end of this story.

When it came to her attack of Ninette, I had mixed feelings. Her feelings are completely understandable, because I know I’ve had some exact same sort of thoughts toward other people, out of plain jealousy and inadequacy, but then I was so desperately sorry for Ninette. “She hated Ninette in that moment, truly hated her, for being calm and dignified even when she was being yelled at, for keeping her room immaculate, for always being perfect. For neither noticing nor caring that she had no friends. For being able to be her own person, untouched by the people around her.” That’s a poignant comment—“untouched by the people around her.” I’m sure a lot of us wish for that , and it’s almost ironic that Tonks doesn’t see that Ninette is just as affected by other people as she is, perhaps even more profoundly so.

Nitpicks:

‘Only fancy! An orphanage!’ *gigglesnorts* That’s so horrible, but so funny. But what I wanted to draw your attention to was the phrase “Only fancy.” It sounds awkward to me and could be improved by changing it to “Fancy that.” But yes, I really like the hints of humor in this fic.

“It’s alright, Kevin.” According to my English teacher, “alright” is not a word, and it should always be “all right.” >.> I don’t know if that’s true or not, but thought I’d mention it.

Mavis—when she appeared in the tunnels, I thought it was odd that no one besides Tonks really reacted. I don’t expect that they’d be suspicious, per se, but maybe a little surprised.

Okay, that’s over. Now comes the true gushing.

OMG. Lian is so right—your plot fits together like the parts of a Swiss watch. A hidden ring…Peverells…a Death Eater’s child…I’m astounded by you. *bounces excitedly in chair* I’m not going to make any guesses in case I’m wrong, but just know that I’m in awe of you right now.

Thank you for yet another outstanding chapter!

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 07/12/07 Title: Chapter 10: Taking Tea in Greenhouse Four

Hello, Nan. Once again I’ve reviewed much later than I should have. It’s rather odd that I do, considering I’m always regretful, because this story—and your writing—are utterly captivating.

I started smiling only a few paragraphs in. Not because there was anything funny, but because it gives me such a thrill to read writing that is as well-crafted as this. It’s so graceful and flowing; not poetic like your other stories, but it has its own beauty of style. Somehow you know just where to elaborate and then move seemingly effortlessly to the next thought, the next action. There is just enough description to give the reader a vivid image of the scenes taking place. I loved this sentence: “She did her homework sitting by the barre, her reflection spinning out infinitely in all directions.”

Ninette was wonderful, as usual. It was great how she related her schoolwork to dancing. (A quick note: in this sentence “Orbis was a ronde du jambe, spinning faster or slower depending on the flick of the wrist, the turn of the ankle,” you were originally missing a space after the first comma.) That though process is very IC. But it is also rather sad. She seems to be sinking more and more into the loveless, demanding world that her aunt has chained her to. “Perhaps no one would notice a silent ghost in a room full of mirrors that no one else ever looked in.” That just broke my heart. And when she smiled! Those two words—“she smiled”—were enough to instill some hope and joy. All at once she appears to be drifting closer and farther away from potential happiness. She’s developing at a slow but interesting pace.

The characterization of the others in this chapter was good. You’re doing very well with Madame’s accent, though I’m not sure that she would say “‘Ave a snowball fight,” only because she’s so imposing and serious that the words “snowball fight” seem odd coming from her. Snith was great; she’s a fantastic character. But I do tend to get annoyed by her. I suppose that’s all part of who she is, but I did notice it more this chapter.

I think you’ll know what I mean when I say that the backstory that Snith revealed is rather like the plot of a Victorian novel, as I seem to recall that’s what you’re studying. Scandals, duels, a lover leaving the country…it was amusing, in a good way. Snith’s last words on that were lovely: “But then again, that’s how it always happens with these fairytale people. Beautiful and wild and tragic, they always are. They’re far above the likes of us, you know…”

It’s all beautiful, Nan. I fervently hope that one day you will publish something; I would buy it in a heartbeat.

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 04/18/06 Title: Chapter 6: Dreams of Spun Sugar

This story feels so familiar and comforting. Do you know what I mean? There's not too much high drama, just characters that are very human and easy to empathize with. (That's a compliment.) The dance aspect is nicely unique, not obnoxious like some stories that try to stand out from the crowd become. You've done a wondeful job of creating a believable young!Tonks with some OC's in the bargain. I very much look forward to your next update. (And hopefully I'll be able to scrounge up some concrit by then, lol.)

Author's Response: I\'m delighted that you think it feels real, even though the characters are in imaginary situations. Thank you!

 

Summary: Patrick Thatcher’s older brother teases him, his mother worries about him, and his father defends him. His family sounds very much like any other, but somehow Patrick’s is far from average. In Patrick’s world, adults disappear into thin air, owls deliver mail, and the most popular sport in the country is played on broomsticks. Not to mention that every member of his family is, and always has been, a wizard. When your grandfather is a famous American veteran, being a Thatcher isn’t the easiest life to live. When his acceptance letter to the most prestigious American school of magic arrives addressed to another student, Patrick’s position in his former world begins to take a tumble—right along with the newly elected President of Magic’s approval ratings. With the Wizarding world’s eyes shifting toward a new wizard, can Patrick figure out just why his first year is off to a rocky start? Inspired by J.K. Rowling’s wondrous Harry Potter Series, Patrick Thatcher’s adventures of wizardry in the United States is a tale all its own while still respecting its English origins. Readers are sure to find that the magic across the pond is just as unforgettable.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 90184 Chapters: 17 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/08/05 Updated: 09/04/06


Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 02/17/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Message Mishap

Hello!

It’s so wonderful to find such sophisticated writing, because that’s unfortunately not the norm with fanfic. The paragraphs are tightly knit, using varied vocabulary, and the description is excellent. Some writers (*cough*me*cough*) have trouble making a scene seem realistic and “full,” but you succeed well, and have a clever way of presenting everything. “The yards of the many homes kept far from average plants and far from average people and none of the dwellings looked like the ones on either side of it. Each one did have something in common, however; they were owned by wizards.” It strongly reminds me of Jo’s style.

You also appear to have an aptitude for subtle characterization, as Jo does. Hints are dropped about the characters and we slowly get to know them. "If today's the day, then wake me when it gets here," mumbled the drowsy boy through his pillow.” And then: “It was as if there was no way to fill the void of rejection that was resting inside his body. Patrick now regretted his earlier indifference even more than ever.” We learn that Patrick has a tendency to be lazy and indifferent, but he regrets it later and that he can be a little witty, but fears being rejected. It’s quite remarkable that you manage to put this across in details.

The slow revealing of information is present throughout. The pace of your writing is fantastic, because the reader is introduced in a no-nonsense way to the family, but their traditions and the expectation that they have in this chapter become apparent as the scene progresses. The quirks of the family are delightful, in particular. “Aunt Ordna was carrying his letter now and was holding it up to her wand, Patrick supposed, in order to check its authenticity. Her face was furled up in a sort of mystified expression, as though she was trying to solve an incredibly hard math problem.” *giggles*

However, it does get slowed down a bit by lengthy descriptions. I don’t have any instance in particular, but would just like to say that it’s okay to leave some things to the imagination. Also, it’s a little odd to read a fic that sticks so diligently to the format that canon is written in. You do a wonderful job with it, but I’m not sure it’s really my taste.

I didn't risk my neck–talk to me like that, will you?" I don’t understand what he’s trying to say, even in context, so that might work better reworded.

“Patrick had been waiting for the day that all Wizarding children anticipate. Before they turn the age of eleven, wizards are sent their most cherished letter–the letter admitting them to the best Wizarding School in America.” The wording was awkward, and there were some tense errors. It would be better said like this:

““Patrick had been waiting for this day; all Wizarding children anticipated it. Before they turned age eleven, wizards were sent their most cherished letter–the letter admitting them to the best Wizarding School in America.”

That said, lovely work! You have true potential, though I’d like to see some more original work in the future.

GreyLady
Knight of the Turnip Table

 

Summary: Who was the Grey Lady? A group of people meet one night to try to determine the answer to this question. The story they decide upon will be entered into the new edition of 'A History of Hogwarts.' But do they really know?

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 5605 Chapters: 3 Completed: No
Published:
06/09/05 Updated: 08/28/05


Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 03/09/06 Title: Chapter 3: Mr. Richard Eshton

LOOK AT MY PENNAME! Soo wierd. And I chose this one before I ever saw this story! I didn't even know that there was a Ravenclaw ghost. Where can the information be found? I think this is an all-right fic, but just because of the subject I'm adding it to my favorites!

 

Take My Heart Away by Hatusu
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 959]

Summary: Past Featured Story Hermione goes back in time with one mission: to kill Tom Riddle before he ever comes to power. A difficult task, correct? An impossible one, she realizes, as a love between them grows stronger than anything she has ever known. Now Hermione has a choice to make. Will she condemn the Wizarding world to almost certain destruction, or will she take the life of the one boy she has ever loved?

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 39417 Chapters: 19 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/27/05 Updated: 12/17/06


Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 05/08/06 Title: Chapter 7: Enemies Closer

I'm don't feel like an in-depth review, sorry. But the progression is great and I'm looking forward to your explanation of his unexpected nobilty.

Author's Response: Any kind of review is extremely thoughtful! Ahh well how *will* our little dark-lord-to-be explain himself this time? Thanks!

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 04/18/07 Title: Chapter 19: The Beginning

So, this is my review in exchange for the banner that you made me. (It's truly beautiful, thank you!)

This story is also beautiful and quite brilliant. The originality of the plot is refreshing; I loved the irony of Hermione's love creating the monster. Your writing was really lovely in places, especially description, but also the narration; you were often very profound. I liked these lines a lot, in particular: “To put it simply, Tom Riddle exhibited Napoleon’s ambition, Einstein’s intelligence, Adonis’s features, and the Devil’s own charisma […] In other words, there was no stopping the boy.” The switching of “The Beginning” and “The End” was also very clever.

However, there were some clichéd parts that I didn't like all that much. For instance, the Masquerade Ball. It didn't seem to fit well with the rest of the story and is used often in other fics. There were other parts that I was dissatisfied with for this reason, but that was the biggest one.

I enjoyed your characterization of Tom, as you made him undeniably attractive. ;) You make him feel in as plausible way as there’s ever going to be, though after HBP it’s hard to empathize with Tom. There were some romantic gestures that almost became oxymoronic for me, because he is such a calculating individual, no matter how much he loved Hermione. The black rose was one of those gestures, and I can’t say that I liked that part of the story very much. I understand that this was written Pre-HBP, though, so I can forgive some of these discrepancies.

Hermione’s characterization was good, though I was surprised by her lack of grief at Ron and Harry’s death. I understand that she was off-balance because she was in a different time period, but she seemed to settle in relatively quickly, allowing her to be able to grieve, and yet she didn’t. Basically, I felt that that was a weak point to the story, but it didn’t drag it down too much. You did an overall good job at making her a strong heroine.

This is a compelling, original story, and I enjoyed it. Again, thank you!

Author's Response: Thank you for this in-depth and insightful review. It means a lot to me that you paid so much attention to my story while reading it. :) Looking back on the story now, I\'m not actually very fond of some of the ways I characterized Hermione. It isn\'t so much the lack of grief about Ron and Harry\'s death that bothers me, but her lack of a personality in general. I could have done so much more with her, looking back, although I\'m generally happy with the way I wrote Tom. As for the cliches, I\'m a big defender of cliches in writing; I believe it\'s useless to avoid them all just because they\'re labeled \'cliche.\' That\'s just a strange little quirk of mine, though, and I\'m sure others agree with you profusely. ;) Thank you again for this lovely review; it\'a more than enough compensation for the banner I made.

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 02/25/06 Title: Chapter 5: Late Night Suspicions

YEAH! An update on the same day I discover the story! What luck! Tom is nicely in character, though we have nothing much to compare him to....that line about them both being good actors was great as well. I feel so sorry for Hermione; I could never do less than my best in a class willingly! A bit of nit-picking...I think "run in" is actually "run-in"....but who really cares? It confused me some when Hermione was talking about it being easier to go into the future when she was already in the past, though. What does that mean in stupid person words? *grins sheepishly* Do you not give responses? I really love to see them, even if the author tells me that all my conclusions are erroneous. Please? No pressure. Thanks for a wonderful chap, and glad to hear that the fic is already completely written.

Author's Response: Haha well you got me feeling guilty about not responding to my lovely reviewers, so thanks to you, *everyone* who reviewed got a response. ;D I'm glad you like Tom's character, that's rad... the "run in" "run-in" thing is duly noted, I never knew. With the whole "going forward in time will be easier than going back" thought of Hermione's, I deliberately made that non-sensical to give readers a sense of Hermione's fatigue and confusion at that time. It doesn't really make that much sense if you think about it, but I suppose.... well, I don't want to give the plot away. You'll just have to keep reading! :D

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 02/25/06 Title: Chapter 3: Helen Nestowe of Germany

I was going to wait to review until I got to the latest chap, but I am practically bursting with praise, CC, and the like, so I am afraid I will forget it all. I'm in a bit of a hurry, so my sentences won't seem very connected, more of a stream of thoughts. Sorry. I thought that your reasoning behind Tom's hatred for muggles was dead-on. I think that the fact that Tom is getting almost as good as Dumbledore at Transfiguration is slightly unlikely. Tom would have taken years to get to the proficiency that Dumbledore enjoys, even if he is in essence a prodigy. I a big fan of Ron/Hermione, so I was hesitant about reading this, but I find myself drawn to it. I was struck with the irony that both Tom and Harry taught their fellow students, but with such different subject matter. I was confused when Tom called Hagrid little. I am adamant that Tom would NEVER have played Quidditch. To him, it would be a frivolous game. It ruffled my feathers to read Hermione thinking that Tom's grace is like Malfoy's. Malfoy is a petty bully, while Tom is something far more dangerous and predator-like, like a pather. I realize that it sounds like I am attracted to Tom, and really, I am. He reminds me of Artemis Fowl, who I am DEFINITELY attracted to. I was fascinated by the memories of Tom in HBP. Now I was just informed that I DO have more time, so I think I will reread your chapters and leave another review after the latest, and it will hopefully be more flowing.

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 02/25/06 Title: Chapter 3: Helen Nestowe of Germany

I was going to wait to review until I got to the latest chap, but I am practically bursting with praise, CC, and the like, so I am afraid I will forget it all. I'm in a bit of a hurry, so my sentences won't seem very connected, more of a stream of thoughts. Sorry. I thought that your reasoning behind Tom's hatred for muggles was dead-on. I think that the fact that Tom is getting almost as good as Dumbledore at Transfiguration is slightly unlikely. Tom would have taken years to get to the proficiency that Dumbledore enjoys, even if he is in essence a prodigy. I a big fan of Ron/Hermione, so I was hesitant about reading this, but I find myself drawn to it. I was struck with the irony that both Tom and Harry taught their fellow students, but with such different subject matter. I was confused when Tom called Hagrid little. I am adamant that Tom would NEVER have played Quidditch. To him, it would be a frivolous game. It ruffled my feathers to read Hermione thinking that Tom's grace is like Malfoy's. Malfoy is a petty bully, while Tom is something far more dangerous and predator-like, like a pather. I realize that it sounds like I am attracted to Tom, and really, I am. He reminds me of Artemis Fowl, who I am DEFINITELY attracted to. I was fascinated by the memories of Tom in HBP. Now I was just informed that I DO have more time, so I think I will reread your chapters and leave another review after the latest, and it will hopefully be more flowing.

 
Reviewer: GreyLady Signed
Date: 02/25/06 Title: Chapter 3: Helen Nestowe of Germany

I was going to wait to review until I got to the latest chap, but I am practically bursting with praise, CC, and the like, so I am afraid I will forget it all. I'm in a bit of a hurry, so my sentences won't seem very connected, more of a stream of thoughts. Sorry. I thought that your reasoning behind Tom's hatred for muggles was dead-on. I think that the fact that Tom is getting almost as good as Dumbledore at Transfiguration is slightly unlikely. Tom would have taken years to get to the proficiency that Dumbledore enjoys, even if he is in essence a prodigy. I a big fan of Ron/Hermione, so I was hesitant about reading this, but I find myself drawn to it. I was struck with the irony that both Tom and Harry taught their fellow students, but with such different subject matter. I was confused when Tom called Hagrid little. I am adamant that Tom would NEVER have played Quidditch. To him, it would be a frivolous game. It ruffled my feathers to read Hermione thinking that Tom's grace is like Malfoy's. Malfoy is a petty bully, while Tom is something far more dangerous and predator-like, like a pather. I realize that it sounds like I am attracted to Tom, and really, I am. He reminds me of Artemis Fowl, who I am DEFINITELY attracted to. I was fascinated by the memories of Tom in HBP. Now I was just informed that I DO have more time, so I think I will reread your chapters and leave another review after the latest, and it will hopefully be more flowing.

Author's Response: As I said to another review who mentioned that Tom probably wouldn't have liked quidditch, I thought so as well. I really debated making him a Seeker or not but in the end I decided I really wanted to draw paralells between Tom and some green-eyed seeker from the future. I decided that was more important in the end. A Ron/Hermione fan, are you? I love that ship in canon but it just doesn't work for me in fanon because no one can write it as well as JK. :D I'm glad you're *attracted* to Tom though. Artemis Fowl is on my list of Books I've Always Wanted to Read but Have had Way Too Little Time To Even Consider. Shame, really. Maybe I'll read it this summer if Artemis is anything like Tom. ;D

 
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