A 16-year-old Ravenclaw girl who is passionate about reading, music, and the beautiful things in life. She loves language, Vienna Teng, films, Doctor Who, and books of all descriptions, amidst a whole host of other things. It would make her very happy if you took a moment to browse her favorites. There may be quantity, but there is most definitely quality as well.
Summary: The hunt for the Horcruxes begins. Harry has to decide who to trust as he moves closer to fulfilling his destiny. Will he be able to find and destroy all the Horcruxes? And at what price? Will he be able to find the strength within himself – the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not – in order to succeed in vanquishing Voldemort? And…can he do it and still get the girl? Join Harry and his faithful friends on their quest to finally defeat a Dark Lord.
"Girly..." LOL. I felt the disgust radiating off the comp screen. That whole scene was completely hilarious. :) And Snot...*snort*
I really love your writing style because it is so vivid, as I'm sure you've heard before, but the pacing for this story seems a bit fast. I just have trouble letting the events sink in as they happen.
Naughty Harry and Ginny under the cloak. But I could totally see that happening if HP wasn't a children's series as well. I can also see Hermione "stamping her foot in frustration, but she seems to be doing that more than a few times in this story. *shrugs* It loses its quirkiness after that.
I'm not too sure about Zacharias Smith being related to Hepzibah either, it seems rather like all those theories that were rampant about Mark Evans before HBP, but it's over and done with now.
The date was sooo romantic, but not so that I was drowning in mushiness. Also, thank you for acknowledging that they almost went too far. I recall that you said that you didn't think teenagers should be doing that, and you thought that the British were even more reserved in an author's note in either CoD or PoE. Good job, Melinda. I really have nothing else to say other than that. I try to tell as many people as I can about your stories.
Author's Response: Well, thank you. I appreciate your spreading the word. I\'m glad you enjoyed it. I don\'t know if Britain is more reserved than the US, but I do think the wizarding world seems to be. I like just allowing them their innocence in this one thing, anyway. Besides, I think it makes it more fun to write. We\'ll see how they progress as the story goes on.
Your story makes me insanely happy. It's inFANity! (Good grief, a pun. lol.) But it's been exacerbated by the fact that my internet has been down for a week. *shudders* I've been going spare.
This is going to be quite a short review, as I don't have any concrit; I know, shocking! Clever use of the mirror, as Jo has confirmed that it will reappear, and great twist with Draco. Maybe Harry will see something in Draco's head that makes him feel sympathy toward him, forming a kind of truce that will prove beneficial in the hunt for the Horcruxes. Hmmm. *looks thoughtful* What humor there was was briliant, and I thought the moment between Ron and Harry about loving Ginny was so very sweet. Like the maturity I'm seeing, too. I could go on listing, but really, it's quite pointless. You're too good. :)
Author's Response: It\'s NOT pointless! I\'ts what I\'ve been trying for with you, lol! A chatper with no concrit! Yay me! Let me enjoy it a bit! Seriously, I\'m really glad you enjoyed it, and I\'m delighted you like the Malfoy doing Occlumency angle.
OMG. I was completely panicking over Ginny--job well done, I suppose. Great writing, great story, so I don't really know what to say. Just keep up the good work! Good luck on your move.
Author's Response: Thanks very much!
Hi. I feel unreasonably bad about missing last chapter, but I think you're doing pretty well in the review department, eh? But I'm going to get to the good stuff now, not chatter on. I had a thought--the thing about Harry never wanting to admit when something is hurting him--it probably is due to the Dursleys. They would see anything that he said like that to be "complaining." Gah. Sometimes I despise them so VERY much.
"He was crushed against Mrs. Weasley’s breast, and he had no idea where he was supposed to look." Priceless. Ginny's right, boys are silly. Though I have to conceed that this is a very embarrassing predicament. ;)
"Shannon!" George shouted, pushing out his chair with so much force it scraped across the floor, causing everyone to cringe." What else would you expect from a Weasley?...I'm sorry you have to put up with my smart aleck commentary, but I have to release it somewhere, lol. Anyway, I really like the idea of Shannon and George. They fit.
I also admire the way you handled the good-bye letter. You didn't take the easy way out and just go on and write a heart-wrnechingly letter--you showed how it really would have played out.
"I’m going to have your father speak to you tomorrow." Ouch. But that was extremely funny. Wil we get a chance to--erm-- hear this conversation?
"You’d best watch your step, mate." Is it just me, or is this some foreshadowing? Maybe all that emphasis on Mr. Weasley being overprotective will actually become important. I mean, he'll have to get used to this if he wants a lot of little mini Harry and Ginny's running around, right?
I felt very bad for Percy, not a tad bit! I'm glad that he got an honorable death, nevertheless. But the prospects are looking bad for Snape--I want him to be good very much, but it seems like you're setting him up as a definite villian. But even that could be a red herring--nothing is certain. *frets* I'll just have to trust you...
"Was there no end to that boy’s stubbornness?" Maybe "this" instead of "that"? Possibly.
Huh. There's nothing else, I guess. Wonderful job as always, I can't wait to see how everyone takes his death. *thinks to herself, "how morbid can you get?" *
Author's Response: Heh - I think of all of us fanfic lovers have a bit of a morbid streak, lol. I mean - we do read and write a lot of Harry-torture. I\'m glad you enjoyed Harry\'s letter. I hemmed and hawed a lot with that. As for the talk with Mr. Weasley....well...there will be other things more important happening so that\'ll get pushed to the side. Sorry.
Sorry I've been Conspicuously Absent for awhile. RL is going icky. But I get to review a great chapter, so I guess that's an improvement! Your writing is wonderful as usual, and you always manage to keep the tension--well--tense. I'm really looking to seeing how you deal with Horcrux!Harry. It's sure to be a spectacular climax! Have fun with your writing! Sorry this was so short.
Author's Response: Aww, thanks much, and I\'m thrilled to see you\'re still following.and enjoying and that I haven\'t lost you!
*pant pant...* FIRST REVIEW! Although, I really have nothing to say because I already reviewed this...I'm such an annoying individual. Happy writing!
Author's Response: Aww, you're not annoying - I appreciate the double support on each site. Thanks!
OMG. That's all I have to say. I love everything, and have no issues, so I guess I have nothing to say besides--please be good, Snape! *cries* Poor Harry. He has good reason to be claustrophbic, thanks to the Dursleys...
Author's Response: Thanks! Oh, no! You\'re still holding out hope for Snape? *shakes head* I think a lot of people are willing to excuse him anything, lol. Gulp.
YEAH! You're posting on MNFF too! I think I'll just review here from now on...but only if you get caught up in posting! If it's not a priority, I understand, but it WOULD make things easier. Anyway, I'm looking forward to chap 5 immensely, Melindaleo!
Author's Response: I'm trying to get caught up, but the updates are always a little slower here. Chapter 3 has been submitted, I'm just waiting an approval.
Melinda, you're a miracle worker! It can't have been more than a week since you've updated! *looks amazed*
You do such a wonderful job with the Weasleys, each and every one of them. This is probably sacrilege, but I personally think that they are even more vivid, warm, and funny (excepting Percy) in this fic than we've seen in canon. Ginny, in particular, has more depth than she's ever been given in canon, yet still fits with the image that Jo has given us. Of course, I don't mean to say that Jo *couldn't* write this, but like I said, we haven't seen it to this extent. So here's a :) for a job well done.
But Pansy is the most gosh darn annoying character I've ever had the displeasure of meeting.
I'm not too sure that including Pansy wearing a crest is necessary, as this only ever occurs in the movies, but I can understand your motive in trying to give *some* sort of hint as to who it was.
About that little slip up of Harry's--you really do like to lay on the angst at every opportunity, don't you? *grins* No complaints here. I had a laugh the other day when I was flipping through an FF terms dictionary of sorts and came across this under angst: "Warning: Highly Addictive."
Oh, and Sirius's cell. The drawing reminded me of something in another fic--don't remember if it was one of yours or not--in which Ginny discovered Harry's cupboard and found the drawing of a birthday cake with candles added in progressively for each year. *sob* The similarities really are astounding, though. You did a great job of describing it, because I'm actually a bit depressed after reading that. But it may be because I was listening to the soundtracks for Angela's Ashes and Schindler's List at the same time--dead depressing, the both of them. But it's still mostly down to you, which I suppose is a compliment...(?)
And it appears I'm finished. Sorry I had so little to contribute this time. And I'm afraid that I'll have to review the second half in about three days, as I have a huge test coming up. *looks stressed*
Oh, and my essay went...okay. *makes face* Wish I had started earlier...the story of my life.
Author's Response: My goodness, you really do like your angst, don\'t you? (And yes, it is highly addictive.) Squee - yes, the birthday cake was mine in CotD, and I\'m doing a happy dance that you remembered it. Good luck on your test, and I\'ll be looking forward to hearing your response to the rest of it. Oh! BTW, I didn\'t write this ALL this week. I\'m ahead of you on chapter count, but I felt bad for the cliffie so I posted it quick :)
The charging was in rather short supply, I'm afraid. You see, I finished the last review and looked at my clock...and lo and behold, it was something like nine o' clock and I had an essay to write for the next day! Yikes! But I'll shut up about my woes and move on to the fun part.
"Of course, Moody generally suspected that everyone was up to something." Enough said, I think. :)
That part about getting in and out of Azkaban...wasn't that on the W.O.M.B.A.T test? I'll bet you're one of those people who made me turn an interesting shade of green because you recieved "Outstanding." And, speaking of Azkaban (and Outstanding), outstanding job on description! "It looked as though the walls were crying." I don't know about you, but I loved the imagery of the stained glass window crying in the GoF movie.
Ron and Malfoy take the prize for comedic relief, however, lol.
"Once they’d reached level five, Moody informed Malfoy that he wouldn’t be able to see his father alone. Moody said he was going with him. " To be quite frank, I don't see why you couldn't just write that as dialogue.
"Ron and I will be waiting here." Didn't feel like Moody; perhaps "Weasley" instead?
"Ron looked extremely hesitant to let them go." I love Ron. It's as simple as that.
"If Lucius attempted an escape, they would all be trapped within the wards." Then why would Moody let Harry, of all people, go in there?!?
Draco with his father was utterly pathetic...good job. LOL. Sorry, but it's just so curious how something so wrong can be so right. When will Harry learn to stop being reactionary? *exasperated sigh* Malfoy was obviously lashing out in pain, not that it excuses him. Although, Harry isn't very perceptive, is he? But I have to say, Malfoy's comment was spot on. "What do you know about it?" Malfoy asked bitterly. "You don’t even remember having a father. You think the way those miserable Muggles treated you gives you any right to say you understand how a family works?" This completely discredits all of those fics where Harry and Draco bond because of their abuse. But the situations really are very different!
"Malfoy ignored him and continued his rant as he strode forward." I would have expected the rant to sort of be there, as if in the background but...it doesn't matter. Btw, what a perfectly evil cliffie, Melinda!
This is completely unrelated, but I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for Snape with relish.
Author's Response: How\'d the essay go? Well, I hope. Was the Azkaban thing on the WOMBAT? I don\'t recall. I didn\'t score an Outstanding - I got an Exceeds Expectations though, and was quite pleased with myself. Do you know I wrote that Azkaban scene originally BEFORE the GoF movie. I was stunned by the crying window, then I was so mad because I thought it would look like I copied it, lol.
Hey, Melinda. Sorry I'm late...I have a fantastic amount of work right now.
The Daily Prophet makes me mad. Nothing new, but it still stings a bit, lol. It's good to see Harry helping the wizarding world in a less obvious way, though. It is very endearing how he just tries to do "the right thing" and ends up making all the difference, almost all the time. I love it when fanfic authors show that aspect of his character.
I'm also very pleased that Harry's, indeed, making progress. It is a bit annoying when a story takes thirty chaps to get to the first Horcrux. Actually, it's very annoying, so good job. Please keep it up!
Ah, Ron. *looks rueful* When will he learn? Never, probably. But it is apparent that he has matured, shown by this line, "Surprisingly, Ron had shouted at Fleur – with whom he’d always been smitten– to leave her alone and went tearing after Hermione," which I think you may have intended it to show. But in contrast, I could completely imagine his sympathy being misguided in the long run. You're amazingly insightful as to how all of these characters would react towards any situation. It's most impressive!
And that brings me to Hermione. What a wonderful opportunity for some angstin'! I think you did a marvelous job with the imagery of her hiding amongst the books. It's one of those ideas that I wonder why I never imagined it because it seems to fit so well.
The scene with Fred and George was so much FUN! I've a certain fondness for banter, so that was just perfect...and that end! *cackles* cheeky!Harry is so very fun. Another very funny part was Fleur's little speech. You've got her down, too.
The hair was a beautiful idea. It reminded me of when Jo sells her hair in Little Women (not “Jo” JKR, lol). It was just an inspired idea on your part. That whole scene had the "Awwww..." factor going for it big time. I wouldn't really imagine anybody phrasing things QUITE like Bill and some of the other’s dialogue in real life, but this isn't real life, now is it? So I’ll let you off. :)
Mr. Weasley’s discussion with Harry was superb. Poor Harry; I think he was so uncomfortable because he’s never had a father-son talk sort of thing before. You’re good at making us feel compassion for Harry, maybe even better than Jo.
"So…you’re dating?" Ummm…didn’t Harry realize that before?!? There was that whole line a while back to the effect of, “They’re probably doing what we were just doing.”
After all, you Gryffindors tend to wear your hearts on your sleeves." Isn’t that something Snape said in OotP? There was another reused joke from the books in this chapter, too; I’d caution you against that. That’s just my opinion.
Everyone seems to be saying that they hate Draco, but I have to say, I found his pompousness to be quite humorous and can’t help being slightly impressed by the suave manner he can pull off on occasion. But don’t think I’m one of those Draco lovers. All I have to say is “ew.” And he saw some of Harry’s worse memories. Fancy that! Do I detect some foreshadowing or am I just paranoid and delusional?
Don’t answer that,..
All in all, I strongly suspect that by the climax I’m going to be jumping up and down in front of my computer excitably. That pretty much shows exactly how much I enjoy this story (which I tirelessly tell you in every review, lol).
Hi! Just when I thought I couldn't last any longer--whew. *relieved smile* That really bites about the word limit. Well...maybe it doesn't. Two reviews for me!
I had a thought, Melinda. I recommended your story to a friend on here--sai--and she said she only hadn't read because of the summary. Maybe you could mess with it a bit when you manage to wrangle some free time? (But believe me, I know what an elusive thing that can be, free time.) Less questions consecutively would help, I think.
I've noticed that the transitioning between your chapters is generally some "scene setting." Now, I haven't attempted this yet, but I suspect that it might make reading this fic all the way through a minorly choppy experience. Maybe it's easy to get stuck in an "installments" attitude about chapters? Not conciously, of course, but still.
We got some HarryGin bonding time this chapter! How perfectly lovely. I've loved your portrayal of their relationship from the beginning in your other fics; in fact, they were my first Harry Potters fictions, as well as my first HarryGinny fics. You indoctrinated me, lol. Especially enjoyed the imagery of Ginny smoothing the lines out of his face. *melts*
However, I thought Ginny's monologue, was a bit too extended for reality. If you had added some comment by Harry in between the two paragraphs it might have been better, but, then again, it might not have been.
"When you tried to break up with me at the end of term, you said being with me was like something out of someone else’s life."...."That was the saddest thing I’d ever heard." I honestly hadn't viewed that comment as such, but now...*sob* I, who look for the sadness in everything! LOL. This adds to my past arguments about your insight.
"and it makes my heart dance." I'm sorry, but that didn't sound very realistic to me. Just something to think about for the future, not a REAL criticism...
I couldn't see Harry demanding Ginny to say that she loved him...that word just had negative connotations that didn't fit with the scene. (Which is the sweetest thing! I also loved that moment in one of your first two fics where Ginny promises to outlive Harry...*sniff*).
Ummm, pardon the indelicacy, but they're not going to be "discussing" as much as...well, anyway. You know what I mean, I'm sure. Maybe some rewording.
Have I mentioned how much I love the way you write Moody? Surely I have. And the funny thing is, I don't even know why, so I can't really elaborate on this point! Although, this was a wonderul line, ""He has a knack for getting the others to agree to things they normally wouldn’t." Teeheehee.
I have a little sneaky suspicion that you are going to change my view of Draco before this is over. Great job with drawing them together (if only for a moment) in shared humor. It's subtle, but that's what makes it good writing. But that vicious jibe of Draco's! You do NOT insult Harry like that! Unfotunately, it's good of you to include it, because it's a big part of his character that he goes on the defensive with insults to stave off intimacy or understanding or whateveryou call it. An I can't say that Harry behaved much better. And, also unfortunately, that is part of Harry.
In addition, my preconcieved notions are cringing, but I THOROUGHLY enjoyed that repartee.
I liked Harry's reaction to the beach. Not to be callous, but most people move on as best as they can after a death. You've hit a happy medium with the amount of grief Harry now feels. I look forward to the continuation of the newest subplot, too.
I could go on forever praising your writing. However, that's not QUITE feasible...Onward I charge to the next part!
Author's Response: Aww, thanks! I always enjoy hearing your comments - you always give me somehting to think about. That line about it being like somehting out of someone else\'s life just went right to my gut the first time I read HBP. It still gets to me - that and I am not worried - I am with you from DD to Harry. SIgh.
Another review that didn't submit properly. *sigh* I'll just keep it short; a very lovely chapter. Harry's reaction was wonderful, and the ending...the only word I can think of was searing. Those last lines evoked so much emotion you can hardly tell what it is you're feeling. :) I'm not too sure about Wormtail. It seemed a bit cliche that he would be there, but the idea of him striking a deal is fascinating. I was also dissatisfied with his speech patterns; "mutually beneficial" sounds a bit too confident for the situiation and his personality. But maybe I'm just being wierd. *shrugs* Your writing has matured so much since the days of PoE and CoD that it is quite astounding. Can't wait for chap 7.
Author's Response: Thanks! I\'m glad I got the emotional response I was looking from you. I agree, I don\'t think I ever get Wormtail right. I was dissatified with him in PoE, so I thought I\'d try again. Oh, well. I\'m glad you think my writing has grown (I think so, too).
i'm the only one who reviews for this story who HAS concrit, I just realized.
I'm probably delusional. Oh wellsy.
Hermione....genius, just genius. I always thought she should have more apparent things in common in Ron. "Hermione liked her routine, and part of that routine involved avoiding all human contact when she first awoke." You have a real talent for funny little comments like that in the narration.... hold on...*squints a few lines below*.....IT'S THAT DARN MONSTER AGAIN!!! Kidding, kidding. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a (complete) psychopath.
Mrs. Weasley both made me laugh and broke my heart at the same time. And this is completely unrelated, but GO GINNY! That was an inspired speech, lol. Btw, I liked that you hit on one of Ginny's character flaws. "Don’t do anything stupid just to prove yourself." I say "Ha!" to all those who consider Ginny a Mary Sue. "Who says I'm a lady?" *grins*
I thoroughly enjoyed the dragon scene; it gives me high hopes for the rest of the Horcruxes. But for me it felt a bit too close to the First Task. I understand the need to show a bit how Harry's past "adventures" have all been leading up to this but, like I said, a bit too much alike.
If this were not FF, I'd be firmly convinced you were JKR. Seriously. You probably don't realize just how much your style is alike. It's downright creepy.
Now, the to-do list. Not that there's much to change in such a loverly story.
"An Inferius, like most creatures that dwell in the darkness, fear the warmth and the light, so use fire against it. It’s your best protection." It should read "fears" instead of "fear," as you're referring to a single Inferius.
"Hey! I resemble that remark," Hmmm...I think that should be "resent"? LOL. That's something I would do.
You seem to be referring to Arthur being more upset about his daughter numerous times; it is a rather cute idea, but it's starting to get excessive.
"I swore I’d never battle another dragon again as long as I lived. *points to absent ending quote*
Well, that's it. I hope you came out unscathed.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the wonderfully thought out and constructive review! I certainly don\'t mind concrit! You\'ve always been very pleasant and given me things I can use, plus you sound intelligent in your thoughts. What more can I ask? Although, my goal is to give you nothing to critique by the end ;) The idea for the dragon came from JKR herself. She\'s said Harry\'s learned more than he realizes, so I was trying to come up with ideas of things we\'ve seen in the past. The \"I resemble that remark\" must be a regional thing, and I hadn\'t realized it. It\'s a fairly common expression in my part of the world, but there have been others who haven\'t heard it, either.
Summary: Ron's guardian angel comforts his grief with secrets of hope and love. Written for my dear Patrick, aka TheVanishingAct
Hard to pin down, maybe. I've never seen the appeal of R/L, so I don't have many feelings regarding this, but I did LOVE the "a freckle for every act of love" part. You portray Luna beautifully, even if a little different than canon has so far, but it works. I'd recommend that you read "Stargirl," because the main character has some incredible similarities to Luna as you write her. It IS considered a Young Adult novel, but then again, we're all here because we love Harry Potter, a supposed children's book. aren't we? Congrats on being featured.
Summary: The night before the Final Battle, Hannah Abbott thinks about her past, present and future. Will she be able to move on with her life? And more importantly, can she help a person crucial to the war?
What a lovely story you have here.
I liked how you immediately tackled the issue that they don’t actually know whether it’s the “Final Battle.” It always annoys me when all the characters in a fic speak about the Final Battle like they’re in the fandom or something. The “meeting at dawn” part was slightly cliché, but it’s a good opening none the less.
And then there’s that great line: “If I’m going to die I might as well do it in style.” Very cool. I was a bit thrown off by the “polishing the earrings,” though. I’ve never heard of anyone doing that, so it mystified me. I also like this line: “I don’t know how I would survive if I felt like them.” It’s a perfect expression of the entire theme and mood of this story.
The inclusion of her observations of the ant was also wonderful, because it shows the reader that she was calm enough to notice details and have vague thoughts about them; she’s not intense, hyped-up. I really like that idea of strength and calm from grief. It’s very inspirational. The symbol of the snowdrops and the imagery are just great in conveying it, too.
The narration of how she dealt with grief wasn’t as good, though. I think it would have worked better a true flashback, because you could have shown readers what she was doing and thinking and feeling rather than just describing it in her own words.
Harry…I’m of mixed feelings. He’s not by any means a mopey character, but I can see him worrying a lot like he did in GoF, because he’s a “live in the moment” kind of guy. When there’s a sudden emergency he’s your man, but anticipation throws him off. In this way I think you characterization was great. I don’t think anything about it has to be changed.
Hannah was also good. In a way, it’s very Hufflepuff of her to help Harry out by telling him that he shouldn’t dwell on it. And besides, I’ve always thought that Hufflepuffs had a steel core under their nice exteriors. It’s perfect that Hannah turns out to be a survivor.
This could have been more fleshed out, but I enjoyed it. I didn’t see one grammar error! Good job.
Knight of the Turnip Table
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I\'m glad that you liked Harry, I was a bit worried about my characterization of him, becuase I\'ve never written him before! (And I haven\'t written him since) I\'m a huge fan of Hufflepuffs. We don\'t get to see them a lot, but there has to be some more to them. Just becuase their not in Ravenclaw doesn\'t mean they\'re not smart and etc. Thank you so much for a great review! I\'m sorry I didn\'t reply before :)
Summary: Hermione piles it on, encourages it all, welcomes the workload. But when she suddenly cracks in favour of things to better fulfill her life, what happens to the work?
What happens when it all falls part, and life just becomes too much to bear?
I love her thoughts and wonderings in the prologue, and the way they are presented; it’s heartbreaking and fascinating the same time, and you’ve managed to convey such a lonely, truly detached mood by using shorter sentences and limited description. It fits very well, and is continued consistently throughout the entire fic. I also loved this line: “She liked having a point of how the world looked back at her, rather than what she perceived through her own eyes,” and the last one as well. It was a truly intriguing prologue.
I had no idea that Part 1 was a dream until the end—good job in not giving it away! I’m blown away by how IC Ron and Hermione behaved, even while Hermione is going through a traumatic time. A lot of your imagery supports your characterization so well, “Hermione folded her arms across her chest and tried to shake the salt tears from her cheeks. She flopped a lock of hair across her face as a physical barrier.” This tells the reader exactly what she’s feeling without ever saying it.
It was shocking (in a good way) when Hermione couldn’t feel him kissing her. It’s such a subtle, devious nightmare. I don’t think that it was entirely realistic, however. There was none of the fuzziness of a real dream, and many people never hear actual voices when they dream. Unless she’s experiencing a lucid dream? Either way, it was still a fine bit of writing.
It was very lovely when Ron and Hermione got together at the end. It was romantic, but not too much so, and there was a certain feeling of healing. Good, good job Steph. Your description can be beautiful, and yet you don’t use it in excess. Like this line, ““Ron,” she said hoarsely. The monosyllabic word felt like aloe against the sand paper of her throat. She hadn’t used her voice in weeks, and she liked the sound of it.” It’s just perfect. =)
I have a couple of nitpicks:
“She simply saw herself there, waiting for someone to answer her problems, someone to tell her what she wanted to her; what she needed to hear.” The first “hear’ is missing the “a.”
“She liked deciding what was happening, when it happened, and what happened.” Did you mean to use ‘what happened twice in one sentence?
“She liked to see peaceful clam in others, and ferociously wished her life was more like “theirs,” “they” being fictional or otherwise.” Typo in “calm.”
“For once in her life, she’d grasped something, been able to keep it with in reasonable reach.” “Within” is one word.
Harry’s letter was very formal, too. That would be my biggest criticism. I know a lot of people have a hard time writing letters in a character’s voice, so don’t feel too bad about it. I know I have difficulties with it. I was also a little disappointed in how short this fic was; I would have liked more! For some reason, I didn’t feel a complete sense of resolution, of wrapping up. It’s not something horrible, just something to think on. ;) You ending was breathtaking: “They would rise up against him in mind, body, and soul.” This fic was a joy to read, Steph. Wonderful work.
Author's Response: REN OMG!! *loves all over you*
I suck at writing letters. Everyone knows it. Guh. My own letters are full of crack, but I could hardly have Harry writing that one >.> I\'ll work on it! (And when I\'ve written a better one, I\'ll put it in >.<) As for winding it up, this was my first attempt at \"finishing\" a fic, so I may very well come back with a continued piece.
Ren dear, thank you SO much for this review!
Summary: This was written in response to the Hufflepuff April Fools Humor stories as requested in the common room. This particular story was written for HP_Ber, who requested her story be written on the topic of a misunderstanding. Ron/Hermione romance.
Oh, dear. Well, it definitely was a Ron thing to do. Good job!
Summary: A young woman's world falls apart as she stands, terrified, in her bedroom, clutching her baby son. She is so desperate to save him that she is willing to die in his stead. A young, lonely man, an intruder, is desperate to save her, but is willing, along with his cruel master, to murder her son.
So THIS is what you've been working on while Red has been in a state of unupdatedness! I had been inclined ot think the worse, lol. But no hard feelings if you're not planning on updating. Wonderfully descriptive passages as always, although you could have broken it up with a bit of dialogue here and there. I noticed a couple of rather wordy sentences. Now, I like wordy, but sometimes it gets a little out of hand. Otherwise I don't have much to say because this is a familiar scenario, don't really have any strong feelings about it. But I can't wait to see how you'll shake it up!
Author's Response: Yes - this is why I haven\'t updated Red as quickly as readers might have liked, but this fic has been on my mind for quite some time! I know it\'s quite a typical fic, but this is my take on the familiar scenario - although Part Two has stuff that I have never seen in this type of fic, which I hope will be received well. Dialogue didn\'t really occur to me when writing this though - usually it would, as Red I think has a good deal of dialogue at times - but really I just wanted to focus on her emotions, and the atmosphere. As for wordy sentences - I do tend to get wordy (it\'s just my way!) - and probably shorter sentences are easier to read or are more appealing. But don\'t worry, Red will be up soon - I\'ve been working on them simultaneously, so you\'ve got two things to look forward to from this author!
Summary: Some people say that you can find anything imaginable in Knockturn Alley. In the dark recesses of one shop, a piece of jewelry, which has haunted history for eons, lies hidden. It is a beautiful piece; striking and elegant in every way. Truly, it is a gift any woman would die for.
Winner of the 'Borgin and Burkes' one-shot challenge.
An absolutely stunning dark fiction! Truly, I love it. It deserved to win the challenge. :) The idea is, of course, brilliant; why are rings always an evil object, though? lol. The seductive power of the ring was very chilling and well written...and the ending! So creepy, but so wonderful. That really makes the piece for me. I have just one relatively minor problem that I'd just like to mention.
"She was sweet, gently, honest, unassuming and frankly, in Quentin’s opinion, thoroughly boring." Gently would work better as gentle.
Anyway, now that I've cleared that up...Good job, and thanks for such a wonderful one-shot to read!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! What a lovely review! Actually it wasn\'t until after I\'d submitted it that it suddenly clicked about the ring being remarkably similar to LotR, lol. I was like \'how could I be so stupid!\' after that! Thanks a lot for that typo as well - I\'d completely missed that!