A 16-year-old Ravenclaw girl who is passionate about reading, music, and the beautiful things in life. She loves language, Vienna Teng, films, Doctor Who, and books of all descriptions, amidst a whole host of other things. It would make her very happy if you took a moment to browse her favorites. There may be quantity, but there is most definitely quality as well.
Lovely and hilarious, as before. There's really not much else I can contrbute in the way of praise, but I do have some concrit.
"Merry Christmas" ...Shouldn't it be Happy Christmas?
I didn't really understand why Fred and George started speaking in Cockney or whatever that accent is called...was it just a whim? "Alroit" and "wo'ss"...
Anyway, good job, and good luck with the final chapter.
Author's Response: ^^ Hola! Thank you for reviewing. To answer your questions... Happy Christmas? Where I am, it\'s always been \'Merry Christmas\' and \'Happy Easter\'... I guess it\'s a missed British-ism. Coming to think of it, you\'re probably right. I suppose the Weasleys are part Aussie O_O Erm.. yeah. I\'m a sucka for whims. In my household random accents are very common... so again, a random guess, the Weasleys have an oddly accented family member or something... Excuses, excuses, eh? I really appreciate the thought put into your review, ~MOM
Oh, that was so cute! I'm not a Luna/Harry shipper by any means, but you pulled it off really well. The humor was perfect, especially that added by Ron and Hermione in their brief appearances in the one-shot. I really feel like you got the dynamics of their relationship just right. I don't have much else to say, really, except good job, I loved it.
Really, I have no complaints except that I wish that there had been more. I think the effect of the piece as a whole would have been better with even more build-up. But that's irrelevant now, so don't worry. It was lovely and witty and I loved it. (Even though I don't like dramione at all!) So congratulations are in order. *congratulates* I'll be looking forward to any of your future writings.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I was afraid that if I stretched it out too long it would lose some readers intrest, particularly if they were not fond of the ship. I really just meant it to be a bit of a lighthearted joke. Thanks again.
WOW! I'm thoroughly impressed. Your prose and figurative language is very nice indeed. I decided to read your fic because there were no reviews and that's always sad, and I'm glad that I did. Your ending was extremely poignant, and reminded me of "Bittersweet" (see my Favorites). There's no real plot similarities, just a similar feeling to the emotions and style. However, there were a few things that I just didn't like about your fic. I don't think that Order members will accompany Harry and his friends; that's the whole reason JKR killed off Sirius and Dumbledore, to leave Harry no one to protect and shelter him. I also dislike the terms "final battle" and "golden trio." They reek of fandom, not canon, which I am a stickler for. No more qualms, though. I respect that this is your story, mind, so you don't have to actually apply my CC. Maybe you could write something else as well? Please?
You did such a good job! The rhythm works great, and you really created a unique mood. I almost fancy I could see where it was going, because it seemed so inevitable. I like how it starts out so innocently but turns quite sad without even using any fancy advectives. I loved it.
What a lovely title. It drew me in right away.
I think that this is a very dramatic situation that you’ve set up, and I like it a lot. I did feel a bit detached reading this, however, so more emotion would be welcome. Try to make descriptions more personal and in-depth.
Knight of the Turnip Table
Author's Response: I\'m always looking for ways to improve and I will certainly consider your advice once I get the time to write more stories. I hope you will go on with reading the other chapters and I thank you for your review. I appreciate comments so much!
This really is a cute story, but I can't help feel that there's a little bit of a sad tinge to it as well. That can be attributed to my ever-present tragic sense of life (*cough*), but I think there's something there besides that. The fact that Snape feels a measure of fondness for Draco even while the boy treats him rather trashily is pitiable. Poor man--does anything ever go completely right for him?
The style of narration is curious, to say the least. It gives this entire one-shot a very uncertain feel. Almost like Severus is trying to deny that he would ever do something like this and show such kindness to Draco. I like it; callmehermione is right, it really does draw the reader in.
I don't really have much else to say, as I haven't found any errors whatsoever. The choice of stories that Severus told Draco were great, and the characteriztions stunning. young!Draco meshes perfectly with what we know of his older counterpart, and Severus is love, as usual. Lovely work, VV.
--The Order of Ravenclaw House Elves
Author's Response: I don\'t think I could write a cute story without a little darkness in it too, at least not on purpose. Truth is, this was bunnied at least in part by a discussion on the old boards about why nobody wrote in second person. It made me want to try one. The answer is, it\'s difficult, and you need a certain sort of scenario for it, but it\'s very much worth trying sometime. /Duelling Club answer
Thanks for the review, o ye of the Ravenclaw House Elves! Delightful as always. (And yes, if something is going right that\'s just not quite Severus.)
Yes, I agree, this is very good. I spotted an error, though. There was a sentence that ended in a preposition. Sorry. But I liked the philosophy of this fic. Perhaps you would enjoy the book "A Ring of Endless Light," by Madeleine L'Engle? A few things I think could be better, though. When Neville says "obviously" I think it would be best to just take that word out altogether because it makes it sound too much like Neville is trying to make the reader pity him, and the rest of your fic does not convey that. I dislike the term "Final Battle," purely because I think that JKR will NEVER use it in her own writing, it's just a term we have coined. When Neville tells us about saving Hermione, it sounds more like he is talking directly to the reader, where before it had seemed more like a stream of thoughts. This is a very good idea and more than decently written! (Check out the book!)
Author's Response: I'll definitely take a look at that book, GreyLady.
Author's Response: I'll definitely take a look at that book, GreyLady.
So...here I am! My exam went alright. *sigh of relief*
Nice neat and tidy explanation as to why Harry couldn't feel the locket's evil-ness before. *wink* But really, it had to be done. And it was done smoothly, I have to say.
"This time, however, sitting in a warm room with the cool object clasped in his hand and not a danger in sight, his task wasn’t as clear." Mmmm...funny how that happens, isn't it? Kudos to you for actually writing that, because I don't think many people would have given a second thought to how Harry would approach the Horcrux when he isn't in danger of losing his life for once.
Draco and Pansy...um...really *quite* a disgusting idea. I agree with Harry's sentiments. There's just something about that girl...*shudders*
Okay, I'm laughing now because of the imagery with Draco, Ron, and Harry. That was completely brill. I had this vivid picture, clear as day, pop ip in my mind of them sitting side-by-side with their heads tilted towards the girls, their mouths wide open, complete with the "gobsmacked" expressions. I think that's good...? *furrows brow* (I've always wanted to say that!)
Sirius didn't actually say that there was a rumor that Regulus had been killed by Voldemort, so you either 1) Intentionally made Harry remember it incorrectly 2) Inferred that was what Sirius meant or 3) Made a mistake. Pick a number, any number!
Anyway, it's a little bit of weight off my chest that I didn't even know was there, now that Remus knows. I honestly don't think Harrry would be able to pull it off without some adult help.
"You have to be holding it with your wand," That means that Voldemort was actually *holding* baby!Harry...urgh.
"Ron! Be still," For some reason, "Be still" seemed--awkward--to me........what? Why are you looking at me like that? *mutters under breath*
*clears throat* Interesting idea, about Horcruxes having to be destroyed where they were placed (created?)...very interesting...
Grrr...another cliffie! What are we going to do with you?
Well, that's that. I'm glad that at least *some* of the characters won't be dying, lol, even if I AM an angst lover. Btw, it's quite strange that I'm so callous in FF when I can't stand to see people hurting in RL...*shrugs* I'm just a closet drama queen.
I'm pretty sure that I know whether Harry is going to die...*cough*LetHarryLive.com*cough*...
Lastly, let me apologize for the excessive .......-ing and ***-ing. I'm--erm--lively--today.
Author's Response: Well, Sirius said that he doubted Regulus was important enough to have been killed by Voldemort himself, so yeah, I inferred that was the rumor from that statement. I\'m glad you enjoyed it and particularly the image of Harry, Ron and Draco gobsmacked by the girls, lol.
I meant whether Harry is going to die in
*your* story... :)
I'm having *issues* submitting a longer review. It won't go all the way through the system or something. I don't know. *looks annoyed* I'll try later, but in the meantime, your story has my undying affection!
Author's Response: Aww, bummer! I would have loved to hear our thoughts. Anyway, thanks for being persistent enough to let me know you\'re enjoying it.
Wish this site updated quicker, but having fics moderated DOES make it a more quality archive...so sorry to hear about chap 5! Evil email! DIE! *hemhem* Erm...sorry, I'm passionate about *my* fics, lol. Must...get...more...of...fic...*keels over*
Author's Response: I like the changes they\'ve made to this site, and at least it doesn\'t appear until the new chapter goes up anymore I like that.
*raises hand frantically* I KNOW! I KNOW! Mundungus won't actually have the locket; he gave it to Aberforth when Harry saw them outside of The Three Broomsticks! No? Ah, shucks. So I decided to leave off the gushing. Any complimentary word that you can imagine will suffice as my positive reinforcement, lol. I'll stick with concrit. "Mrs. Weasley," Harry said, touched by her devotion. She really had been the closest thing to a mother he’d ever known, but she had to understand right now that she couldn’t stop him from doing what he had to do." That felt extremely long-winded to me, like I couldn't take a breath, if that makes any sense whatsoever. *shrugs* I also found Hr, G, and R's reaction to Harry's revelation a bit understated. Or maybe you just didn't linger on it. Isn't that the same thing? Ugh, I'm confusing myself. Happy writing, Melinda! Thank you for the beautiful chap 8 as well!
Author's Response: Thanks! I, of course, appreciate the gushing, lol (who wouldn\'t?), but I also appreciate the criticism when it\'s constructive, so thanks! I did, however, intend for his friends reactions to be sort of understated since his was so dramatic. They just got right down to business and began to think of ways to help. I like to think that Harry has a support system like that. I just uploaded the next chapter here, as well.
*rubs hands together gleefullly* Some very interesting plot progression indeed. I'm completely loving your dialogue; it really reveals a lot about the characters. Moody in particular is fun to read, because for some reason he seems more likable in your fic than canon, but is still very much Moody. Go figure.
Draco is excellent. "Your" Draco's speech patterns remind me of Artemis Fowl, but more...ferrety. I love Artemis......*snaps out of daze* Sorry. Won't happen again.
"Harry’s throat grew tight. This war was killing them all. Voldemort was killing them all, and he had to be stopped." Those were some powerful words. Profound, like. Or maybe it was just indigestion.........lol, sorry. I'm not usually vulgar. Regarding the closure of Hogwarts: I'm not entirely sure that the school will close in canon, because if you look carefully at the page where all the previous books are listed inside each book there is always a seemingly optional subtitle that says, "Year __ at Hogwarts." What would she do with that, say, "Year Seven Abroad"? Just a thought that's been a simmering away, not a suggestion for you because this is a fanfic.
Harry's realization of Aberforth's identity felt a mite bit rushed and sudden. If I was in his shoes, it would all come into place a bit slower for me, and I have to say that I'm much smarter than our dear Harry. The reaction to everything clicking into place needs to start slow and gain momentum until the final conclusion. I don't think that his mind would jump right to the barkeep; he would perhaps think Aberforth was staying there as a guest, get corrected by someone else, and THEN everything would make sense.
"Let her do it, Ron. She needs this," I just...thought that that statement made the scene unreal and melodramatic. People don't ever really say things like that. Don't get me wrong, it IS something she needs (see Chasing Dragons on my Favs!), but it really is more of an unspoken thing (in my humble opinion). You write the H/G ship beautifully and convincingly, and, I hate to say, better than JKR. Does anyone else think she made their relationship seem superficial?!? It's mostly because we (the readers) didn't get to spend too much time with Ginny, I think. (Cross your fingers for book seven!) Ron's reaction was predictable as always; good job.
"Ginny’s eyes filled with the tears she’d held off for so long..." The phrase "tears she's held off for so long" sounds...awkward. Too eager to get the pint across, maybe? A more subtle hint that she's been supressing the emotion would suffice.
That's enough concrit to last for quite some time; my apologies. I really admire the work of the SPEWers on this site, but am not consistant enough to join up, lol.
On that note, until next chap. I'm so very excited about the future of this wonderful fic.
P.S. There's this little voice that keeps piping up, "Snape sure is a good actor." What say you to that?
Author's Response: Hi, thanks for taking the time to offer your opinions - I really do appreciate it. Personally, I think Harry is a lot smarter than he\'s given credit for - he just doesn\'t apply himself. Still, we saw a huge growth in his maturity level in HBP. I was quite proud of him.
Oh. That's...not good. But I actually find Umbridge very entertaining. She just added so much as a villian to OotP (it's my fave HP book, btw). And no, it is a cliffhanger! But I think I've resigned myself to the cliffies by now.You are ruthless, Melindaleo! LOL. Although it was a bit too drawn out, but don't worry about it.
As with Azkaban, you've done marvelously with describing the cave, Inferi, ect. It was quite frightening when they fell into the lake! But who is Rambo? Is he like Arnold Schwartenegger? *His* voice made me giggle through Terminator. ;)
"Fine,' Ginny snapped, sounding extremely put out." Uh oh. Bad Harry! Is there going to be some discussion between Harry and Ginny regarding this? My guess would be that there will be.
I'd also like to take this chance to say that you really do an outstanding job with dialogue. It's very natural and right for every character. I hate reading a fic where all of the characters sound exactly alike, so it's just wonderful.
What’s the matter, Wormtail? You don’t trust your new friends not to sacrifice you? You should have stuck with your old ones, then. They never would have betrayed you," What a great line(s)! It's very true in any case.
"This was his chance to finally battle two of the people who’d each taken someone precious to him.' Did you mean "from"?
Snape is making me very, very frustrated in this story. When, oh when, will we find out where his loyalties lie? Not that I expect you to actually tell me, lol. In spite of the fact that I'm inclined to think and hope that Snape will ultimately be redeemed, it was so satisfying when Harry attacked him "the Muggle way." Thank you!
And on that note, good luck with your writing!
Author's Response: Oh, my goodness. You don\'t know who Rambo is? Oi! I\'ve aged myself. He\'s a Sylvester Stallone character, Vietnam war vet with lots of ammo strapped over his shoulders, lol. Glad you think the dialog works. I tend to write conversations all at once, without quotes or who said what marks or anything like that and go back and fix it later to try and get it to flow. Sometimes you\'ll find mistakes of things I\'ve forgotten to add, but I think the conversation flows better. :)
I just lost my entire review. *is very angry* Just know that I loved everything, kay?
Author's Response: Oh! Bummer. I\'m glad you enjoyed it anyway, but I always like to read your comments :(
Hooray for long chappies! This one was great: funny, in-character (Harry and Ginny's dialogue gave me goosebumps because it was so eerily like Jo), and had some nice itsy, angsty moments.
I olnly have two bits of concrit to offer tentatively up to you. 1) "I wonder if she keeps her nose stuck so high in the air after living with Lucius and Draco for so many years? She started looking up just so she wouldn’t have to look at them." That didn't make sense, though I realize what you intended (and it's pretty hilarious). 2) Why aren't Harry and co. just shrinking their belongings or something akin to that? If there's a reason, it's not clear (at least to me)
How is that for length? I think it's less fulsome, but I still get the point across that you're a brilliant writer. And then the obligatory concrit.
Author's Response: You absolutely get the point across, and I always appreciate your reviews. Thanks much! I didn\'t get as much time to answer reviews this time, but I hope to catch up.
"Girly..." LOL. I felt the disgust radiating off the comp screen. That whole scene was completely hilarious. :) And Snot...*snort*
I really love your writing style because it is so vivid, as I'm sure you've heard before, but the pacing for this story seems a bit fast. I just have trouble letting the events sink in as they happen.
Naughty Harry and Ginny under the cloak. But I could totally see that happening if HP wasn't a children's series as well. I can also see Hermione "stamping her foot in frustration, but she seems to be doing that more than a few times in this story. *shrugs* It loses its quirkiness after that.
I'm not too sure about Zacharias Smith being related to Hepzibah either, it seems rather like all those theories that were rampant about Mark Evans before HBP, but it's over and done with now.
The date was sooo romantic, but not so that I was drowning in mushiness. Also, thank you for acknowledging that they almost went too far. I recall that you said that you didn't think teenagers should be doing that, and you thought that the British were even more reserved in an author's note in either CoD or PoE. Good job, Melinda. I really have nothing else to say other than that. I try to tell as many people as I can about your stories.
Author's Response: Well, thank you. I appreciate your spreading the word. I\'m glad you enjoyed it. I don\'t know if Britain is more reserved than the US, but I do think the wizarding world seems to be. I like just allowing them their innocence in this one thing, anyway. Besides, I think it makes it more fun to write. We\'ll see how they progress as the story goes on.
Your story makes me insanely happy. It's inFANity! (Good grief, a pun. lol.) But it's been exacerbated by the fact that my internet has been down for a week. *shudders* I've been going spare.
This is going to be quite a short review, as I don't have any concrit; I know, shocking! Clever use of the mirror, as Jo has confirmed that it will reappear, and great twist with Draco. Maybe Harry will see something in Draco's head that makes him feel sympathy toward him, forming a kind of truce that will prove beneficial in the hunt for the Horcruxes. Hmmm. *looks thoughtful* What humor there was was briliant, and I thought the moment between Ron and Harry about loving Ginny was so very sweet. Like the maturity I'm seeing, too. I could go on listing, but really, it's quite pointless. You're too good. :)
Author's Response: It\'s NOT pointless! I\'ts what I\'ve been trying for with you, lol! A chatper with no concrit! Yay me! Let me enjoy it a bit! Seriously, I\'m really glad you enjoyed it, and I\'m delighted you like the Malfoy doing Occlumency angle.
OMG. I was completely panicking over Ginny--job well done, I suppose. Great writing, great story, so I don't really know what to say. Just keep up the good work! Good luck on your move.
Author's Response: Thanks very much!