A 16-year-old Ravenclaw girl who is passionate about reading, music, and the beautiful things in life. She loves language, Vienna Teng, films, Doctor Who, and books of all descriptions, amidst a whole host of other things. It would make her very happy if you took a moment to browse her favorites. There may be quantity, but there is most definitely quality as well.
Very good! I thought the fair amount of backstory about the marauders was a tad bit unnecessary, but it's not bad at all, really. I have nothing but good feeling for the rest of your chap! I'm really looking forward to seeing how Harry copes. Keep writing! And I sympathize with you; I am currently hard at work on a one-shot that will be probably titled 'The Legend of Harry Potter' and it will be post-final battle and Voldemort will be dead....but Harry will be dead, too. It gonna be based on a quote by Jaqueline Kennedy regarding her husband who was murdered, "So now he is a legend when he would have preferred to be a man." Please read it when it is posted!
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! Yeah, the Marauder part is a bit unnecessary, but it shows where Remus is coming from, right? It also made the chapter longer. *laughs softly* Um. Yeah. This story does concern Lily, so the Marauders will most likely be tied in as well. Anyways, I hope you will continue with my story after this chapter. I also look forward to reading your story when you post it. It sounds like it'll be really good!
Well, I've finished my second read. What can I say? It was just as moving and generally wonderful as the first time through. And--what's this--people are pilgrimaging to read it?!
Author's Response: Thanks! Glad to hear it\'s worth a second full read!
Oh, VV! I'm so glad I read this, I've been meaning to for a long time. Be prepared for a gushing, emotional review. ;)
Thank you for writing such an addictive, insightful, WONDERFUL fic. I'm amazed at how this fits in with canon; everything is so well explained that it feels like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle coming together. I can't even pick an instance, it was all so perfect. Your wit has also made this an entirely pleasant read while I had been expecting a very grim story judging by the rating and the warnings. But in fact, I spent many a minute grinning madly at the computer screen to the puzzlement of my family. Such wicked humor!
Of course, the tragic power of this story is undeniable. I ached for Severus so many times. Hadrian, Lily, the Marauders...gosh, I'm tearing up now. Your characterization of him is perfect, it's what makes this story, along with the fresh portrayal of Lily. When I finshed reading, I sat for a bit in awe. The hope that Severus feels for Harry brings his story full circle and is unbearably sad. I would ask for a sequel, but somehow this story feels complete as it is. I'll have to make do with the one-shots. =) Thank you, VV. I'm going to scurry over to the forums and start advertizing like mad.
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'ll never turn down a happy review.
I have this firm opinion that grimness calls for balance, and that bad things have to happen to a basically likeable character to really have an impact. The best thing about the Prince, from what we\'ve seen of him in canon, was that he did have a rather wicked sense of fun -- but a fairly harmless one. Really, how bad a thing is it for your toenails to grow a lot very suddenly? It seemed his Dark reputation might have been a bit overstated, since after all that sort of jinx is a lot funnier when it\'s being done to someone else. We mostly have the word of its target when we hear from Sirius. Still, \'that toenail thing\' is the spell from the Potterverse I most wish I could do myself.
As for the grimness, it seemed necessary to make the mischievous Prince into the terrifying Professor. I\'d venture that if it doesn\'t hurt to write the transition, it probably isn\'t being done correctly.
I\'m glad you liked this Lily. She\'s supposed to be a good bit like Ginny and vice versa, so she just couldn\'t be totally sweet, and for her to be friends with Severus called for a certain richness and subtlety that went well with her talent for Potions. I genuinely enjoy writing Lily, and need to do that some more.
Just amazing. You've completely captured the Black family. Actually, I take that back. Everyone is perfect. I really don't think it could have been done much better in that respect, to be quite honest. Stylistically, your writing is a real treat. You're so innovative! Everythig is just so good...the figurative language, the symbolism, everything.
You have a definite talent for description as well. It's just phenomenal word choices; you have a refreshingly extensive vocabulary. For my bit of concrit, I'd have to say you should work on making your writing a little less wordy, not that your wriitng is bad by any means.
Congrats on being featured, and sorry if I sound like a broken record; all I can say is that you are superb
Oh, my. *blinks back tears and adds to faves* I loved it. I don't know what to say. You have the most beautiful, smooth writing style, and dealt with the subject of dementia so tactfully and heart-wrenchingly. And integrating it with Dobby being the last one made it even more vivid. It's just so exquisite...especially all of your wonderful figurative language. I don't know why you don't have more reviews; you deserve them. Please write another story?
That was really good. You've got Luna down pat, and I enjoyed reading about her childhood; your version seems to suit her. Very sad, however. So sad.
You have a nice first chapter here. I was a little apprehensive when her best friends were mentioned in the very first sentence, because Lily’s best friends in fanfic are usually Mary-Sues, but Carmen and Sarah seem normal enough, as well as funny. Carmen’s fearless, bright attitude is quite fun. =) The interactions between James and Lily were really cute too. I liked the internal argument she had!
Boarding the Hogwarts Express is a logical enough place to being a fic. However, starting a story with boarding the train is a little clichéd, as are many aspects of this story, like Lily being Head Girl. Try to be inventive with your storyline, and even the details of your fic; it’ll draw even more readers.
Also, you’ll reap the benefits if you expand on description and the feelings of the characters. For example, you just sort of throw the reader into the story, instead of maybe easing them in with a description of the scene or the thoughts of one of the characters. It would have been nice if you had shown Lily’s or her parent’s reaction to her leaving as well, even if it’s a small one, to give the story more depth.
As you continue writing, try to remember that Lily is sixteen or seventeen years old and has been denying James for years. I noticed that she was a little OOC and immature. I think that at first she would be resistant to his new charms, suppressing even the thoughts, and not blushing so easily. She’s made of stronger stuff than that. ;)
That said, this is a decent bit of writing; I didn’t notice any grammatical errors. Good luck on future chapters!
Knight of the Turnip Table
P.S: Cool penname. =)
Author's Response: Hi! Thank you very much for your detailed review :D I shall definitely take your comments into account and thanks for all the good stuff you wrote too :P ps. I like your penname too :D
I agree. Very interesting. I NEED fics about Dumbledore. I crave them. He was....IS!....my fav character. I really havn't seen too fics with good ol' Dumbles since he...died*sob* Now I have inspiration for a plot bunny. [GreyLady looks thoughtful] But I won't steal yours, lol. Pleeaasse keep writing!
Author's Response: I'm glad you found it interesting. and I will most certainly keep writing. I think I'm no good at writing (stupid grammar!), but Dumbledore's death has inspired me to write Heaven. I didn't cry when he died. I was shocked that he was gone, just like that. Anyhow, I wish to apologize in advance for any big words I incorporate into future titles (get your dictionaries ready!) and religious stuff in future chapters. Have fun with your bunny plot!
Oh, that was wonderful! Ron and Hermione actually behaved like Ron and Hermione for a change, and I really enjoyed the humor. Nicely done!
Author's Response: heeheee yey. Thank You for reviewing. xxxx
I loved it! *sniff* The rhyming worked phenomenally and didn't ever become too much. I loved the imagery, especially the stanza about the butterfly; that was gorgeous. I have one thing that I don't like, though: the summary. Silly, isn't it? But it completely turned me off, so I'm glad I read this anyway. After "It's November 19 19997 and Ginny Weasley has woken up from a distubing dream," I think it would work better to add something like "I dreamt of Harry..." in italics, because then the reader would know it's Harry/Ginny, and also get a taste of the poem. Just a suggestion. :) But great flow, great poem.
Author's Response: Thank you for your lovely review. I\'m glad you liked it.
I like your suggestion for the summary but the way I write them is sort of part of my style. I rarely mention names in poems and I tend to tell some of the story in the summary instead.
Gah. I meant to also say that it would be better to end the summary after that alteration I suggested. I'm sorry!
Author's Response: :-)
Hello fellow bibliophile! So. Well...I like your style and think you have some good little hints of humor going for you. Me like! I think Harry sounds a bit more intelligent than he does in the books, though. But he HAS been thorugh a lot. Maybe he matured. Keep 'em coming!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your thoughtful review...much appreciated! Yeah, Harry is hard for me to pinpoint sometimes...we usually see his reactions to things, not his thoughts. I am a very character-driven writer so I have had a hard time with him. Obviously, Hermione's been the easiest for me! ;-) Thanks for reading...
Everyone's said all that can be said--but I thought I'd let you know how much I admire this piece of writing. It's...so sad, but also beautiful. You are very talented (with quite a formidable vocabulary!), and this is exactly how I hope Regulus will be shown as a person in canon--a tragic, desperate man who ultimately tried to do the right thing. The structure of it--counting down the days of the week--was absolutely inspired. It might actually be my favorite part.
So, Noldo, I commend you.
Out of all the poetry that I’ve read on this site, yours is some of the most professional. This poem is probably my personal favorite; it’s wonderfully chilling. The rhythm is so smooth and there seems hardly a misplaced word. It was nice to read something with such consistent form, too.
The choice of words paints very vivid images. The opening stanza is very powerful; I could see the candle burning down agonizingly, and then the sudden darkness. The verb “recoil” worked fabulously—overall, the creepiness of this poem makes it exceptional. The refrains are perfect in adding to it: “I hide my dreams and fearful things, / For who knows what the darkness brings,” and “Shut my eyes, close them tight, / Shield me from this ghastly fright.” They really make it seem like a ghost story. Some of my other favorite phrases in this respect were “I take a breath of darkness” and “They encircle me and my chair.”
Other favorite lines and phrases…
“Open my eyes, and close my mind”—very clever.
“Fingers point to my trembling hands, / Whose palms sketch the word,
innocence.”—chilling, though I don’t know about the verb “sketch.”
”It’s been gone since the good man died.”--another line that emphasizes the ghost story mood well, and I like how it sort of clues the reader in to who this person is and why they are haunted by their memories.
“So I crush the words with a fist, / Search my robes for a dream slayer.”—do I really have to say anything? ;)
But as much as I love this poem, I do have some qualms. In the third line a dash would be more suitable than a comma, I think, and in the fourth stanza I think a comma would be preferable to the semicolon. Also, in the sixth stanza, the first full stop seems like it ought to be a comma, or else the rest of it would become a sentence fragment. The semicolon in the ninth stanza is a bit oddly placed as well. You could remove it without disrupting anything as far as I can tell. The phrase “thought machine” struck me as strange too.
Nitpicking aside, the ending is just fantastic. “Have you ever heard a ghost story? / Marked with lost memories of glory. / Or seen the fawn murder the buck?” The fawn murdering the buck is a brilliant comparison. Deer are a traditional symbol of innocence, and I like the idea of an older/younger comparison, too.
Oh my. That was...incredible! I've always wanted to write a one-shot with a sad sorta twist at the end, and yours is exactly the kind I would be proud to show as my own (don't worry...no plagiarism!). This is Favorites material for sure! Here's your 10. Huzzah!
Author's Response: *Takes 10* Thank you!! Don't worry, I trust you (not to plagiarize)!! I'm so proud that you'd be proud to have it as yours!! But I'm sure anything you do decide to write will be even better! Huzzah indeed!!
Excellent! It's so funny...I must admit, I was a bit put off by the rather cliched title, but the summary was pretty mature, so...*shrugs* What I've been waiting to say since I started reading...LOL!!!!!!!!!! Some explanation: I don't really ever *actually* LOL...I just say I do to get my amusement across. ;) Our little secret, eh? lol. It's just a really entertaining fic...There's some OOC-ness going on in this fic, but it's all for the sake of a bit of fun, so no harm done. :) I'm waiting for the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! We, personally, don\'t really find the title cliche, but that\'s just us. We love the humor too. We\'ll try to get chapter 4 up soon!
Just lovely. The language you use almost has a musical tone to it, the way it flows and the words used. The narration feels more detached than I regularly read, but not in a bad way. I'm interested in seeing how you wrap this up.
Author's Response: Thank you again! This is my little experimental fic so it\'s been fun to mix up words and sentences. I want to thank you, actually, for something else - I kept your last review in mind when I was coming up with Hermione\'s time away. It\'s not as prose-y as the other chapters but I tried to be more heartfelt - not sure if it worked but it was fun to write something new. So thank you. =)
Sorry, wrong chapter.
Author's Response: Not a problem. =)
I play violin. :) This is a lovely story, beautifully descriptive and the allegorical aspect (ooh alliteration) is fascinating. I apologize for this being a non-review, but you can count on me to at least attempt to dig deep for the next chap, lol. In other words, please update as soon as you're ready.
Author's Response: Thank you! lol, if you\'re willing to dig deep for this story, then I\'ll certainly try to get the next bit up before the midweek! ^^;
It\'s so charming to me that a few violinists have actually dropped me a line! ^^;
A very lovely chapter. The interaction between the two was very sweet in a student-teacher way and I thought that you handled it well. They're both amazingly in character for an AU. It relieved me that you got their speech patterns right. Your description remains gorgeous; you appeal to all the sense with just a few sentences at a time. There is only one bad thing that I can say at all, really. This fic is like a picture of a country landscape; pretty to look at, but doesn't evoke strong emotion. I just feel like there isn't a strong driving force. But we'll see what the last chap holds. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks again for your kind words. :) Particularly about Hermione; writing her worried me because it takes nothing to shift her out of character.
Now-- how to give a story heart that doesn\'t already have one? You\'ve posed a tough question, but a useful one! I\'ll try to use it to bring some improvement to the closing! :)