A 16-year-old Ravenclaw girl who is passionate about reading, music, and the beautiful things in life. She loves language, Vienna Teng, films, Doctor Who, and books of all descriptions, amidst a whole host of other things. It would make her very happy if you took a moment to browse her favorites. There may be quantity, but there is most definitely quality as well.
This is a lovely little story, it really is. I can see how the last chap is necessary, but it doesn't stick out. I suppose that's just as well; it was just meant to tie up loose ends, give a sense of closure, and so on. It succeeded wondefully in that way and I think that this will be my preferred parallel Remus/Tonks for quite some time. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
This is a really sad fic. Really sad. But I love the theme of a lost childhood and you're imagery. The last three paragraphs were positively exquisite. This has been put on my Favs and I will always treasure it. Only concrit I can offer is that the middle section seemed to drag on with Hermione's reactions and Harry and Ron's subsequent comfort. *shrugs* But that could just be me. Excellent one-shot, Seren!
*squee* I was uber-excited about this chapter; sorry it took me so long to review.
Right off the bat I was captivated; the imagery of the red and gold bees with the connection to Dumbledore was the perfect way to start, especially because you are so talented with description. All of the five senses were appealed to, but sight most of all. It’s very easy to tell from your writing that you are an artist!
It’s also very easy to tell that you are a firm canon shipper. But be careful not to get sucked into cliché; the playful argument between Ron and Hermione sounded more forced than it should and seemed to drag on. While this contention is part of their relationship, it’s important not to overdue it.
Aside from that, the characterization is superb. I’d swear that the trio stepped straight out of canon, along with Ginny. You’ve avoided a lot of the traps that other fanfiction writers fall into, in that they take known traits of the characters and that’s all that they portray. You have retained their complexity. Harry has his guilt complex, but was still willing to change his mind about Malfoy. I also liked that you didn’t have him behaving obsessively about Ginny, as some people do. He isn’t a clingy or needy person, and I’m glad that you didn’t write him that way.
Actually, I was taken aback but pleased that it took so long for him to notice that she wasn’t there. It adds a breath of fresh air to the H/G romance, not to mention that his discovery of her on the window seat was just a good dramatic moment. I find it incredibly sweet to think of Harry watching her sleep; kudos to you.
A couple lines that I absolutely adore:
“And in the end, you were exactly where you needed to be.” –This just summarized what Harry is for me. His entire life has been preparing him for his destiny and now he has fulfilled it. Short, sweet, and to the point.
“I happen to know she’s not a morning person. Just ask Fred and George about the ‘Breakfast Bogey Incident’…” --Very funny. =)
“We’re free...” --That was probably the most affecting line I’ve read in a Harry/Ginny fic, and it was not sentimental in the least. *hearts*
“Their scars, seen and unseen, began to fade.” –Just lovely, is all. It’s a very unsentimental line too, a pathos instead of bathos sort of thing.
Some more concrit:
"Krikey, has it really been a week?” –Harry’s never said this before, and
I thought it was an Australian saying anyway. It just threw me off and didn’t seem characteristic of Harry.
"Come to that, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Neville as well, don’t I?" –“Debt of gratitude” is very formal for Harry.
“Harry reached up and pealed the bandage off of his head.” –“Peeled” instead, perhaps?
“For a moment, I forgot where I was; in this house, you three sound so much like James, Sirius, and me,” –I just didn’t like this. It didn’t ring true for me, and felt more plastic than anything. Sorry!
The last paragraph didn’t go down too well for me either, but don’t worry about it. Everyone deserves a little fluff once in a while. ;)
I can’t wait for the epilogue. All I can say is that I’m eternally grateful that I discovered this wonderful story because I truly love it. More please!
Author's Response: Holy mackeral, that\'s a long review! Thank you for all the comments and concrit to snack on. :) I actually went in and addressed a lot of what you brought up - those that I opted not to change were actually things I injected from my personal experiences; ie. Lupin\'s line and the fluff at the end. I gotta admit - the shipper in me reared its ugly head when I wrote this! I figured, meh, JKR probably won\'t go the romantic route in Book 7... but then again, she\'s not writing this, is she? ;) Anyhoo, thanks again - I hope the epilogue doesn\'t disappoint!
I'm almost-but not QUITE, lol-speechless. This is a magnificent fic, a very rare product of fandom. At first, I found myself unimpressed by the first chaps. But by the time I had read to chap 6, I was completely smitten
(in other words, ADDICTED!). Now, before I give you a big head (which I highly doubt, but I am a horrible gusher) I'll set a few things straight. I found the beginning hard to get through, it is true. And there were several melodramatic/implausible scenes. The actual writing is above average, nothing phenomenal. You seem to stick with action driven prose, but what astonished me was the raw emotion that drove the action itself. I usually find action/adventure mundane because the authors generally don't do enough to make me REALLY emphathize with the characters; you went above and beyond. I was very pleased to see what pains you took to portray Harry's leadership, because that's where I think that a lot of his power lies, in his ability to unintentionally make others love him.
So..I'd like to thank you for an immmensely satisfying read and I hope that you'll post soon; I almost couldn't believe that there's more, this chap ends on such an emotional high! Any word on the prequel?
I love this story! I love Harry! I love Dumbledore! I LOVE YOU!...well, maybe not, as that would be strange. :) A real review will follow shortly, in which I will elaborate heavily on how I happy!cried my way through this perfect chapter. You have no idea how much I enjoyed it. I think there's something wrong with me, lol.
Author's Response: *squee* :) I can\'t wait to hear your thoughts :) Thanks so much!
*starts hyperventilating* You have no IDEA how excited I am for this...it's so ridiculous. Mods, I cmmand you to validate this. NOW!
It's probably a good thing that I had to wait to write this review; otherwise I would have completely swamped you, lol. What can I say? I have a huge grin plastered on my face just remembering this chap and the story so far. It's a good thing that I have the excuse to read it again for this. :) So let's get cracking...
You have absolutely beautiful imagery, that is certain. The ideas must come from the artist part of your brain, but you have a way with words that cannot be explained away as such. The part where Harry is in between life and death had a dreamy feel...but not fake dreamy, just utterly serene and perfect, even when there were particularly emotional moments. And the strange thing is that it almost seemed to make them more poignant, instead of dulling them down. I suppose I'd say there was something melancholy about the dreaminess. There was *something* that struck me profoundly.
Hmmm...walking on water...where have I read that before? I'm just not sure. *grin* It's okay though, I don't think God will smite you for creating a parallel between Jesus, Harry, and Dumbledore, whether it was intentional or otherwise. LOL.
I was quite intrigued by your inclusion of the Mirror of Erised, because it created a kind of parallel between that chapter (which Jo said she really liked, btw) and this. I could go on finding parallels within that parallel, but as I'm not even sure if you meant to do that, I'll spare you.
Dumbledore...ah, Dumbledore. I was so JOYFUL to see him, I teared up! I don’t literally cry when I read a sad piece of writing, so you’ve obviously got something special. Somehow, this was even better than having him alive. My breath caught during those last few mini monologues…the tick and tock of the clock, Harry having a chance to redeem everything, “Harry Potter. You have exceeded my every expectation since the very day you stepped into Hogwarts, “…you are amazing. This story is amazing. Dumbledore explained everything for the last time. *sob*
I’m curious about Harry seeing the future in the Mirror of Erised…Have you seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy? There was one part where the elf Arwen is being sent away by her father to safety, even though she loves a mortal man that she would never be able to see again. On her way there, she has a vision of the man she loves…and her as yet unborn son. He looks straight at the camera, and let me tell you, it’s oddly chilling. She proceeds to turn straight back. It just reminded me strongly of the part with the Mirror, and is in some ways more affecting, but you did a marvelous job anyway. Sorry for rambling. ;)
Some of the concepts that you’ve put across are positively intriguing. Love making you immortal, Harry coming back…This concept I especially liked, “Immortality runs contrary to everything that is right and natural in this world, Harry. In the moment you possessed it, you’d have gladly traded your life to spare yourself from it.” This is the only ending of a seventh year fic that I’ve actually believed possible besides finding interesting. And that symbolism…It’s just utterly fascinating.
Thank you *so much,* Mudblood428. I amrabidly waiting for the next chapter and the epilogue.
*squees* Congrats on being Featured! (Isn't this dorky? I'm insanely excited because some author of a story I love won an award--pathetic, lol). Anyway, you deserved it...but where's the next chap? *sticks out lower lip*
*raises the review count*
I just can't wait!!!!
It didn't disappoint. =) Thank you for writing such a moving story, and I'm looking forward to the prequel. You should be very proud of yourself.
*sob* Good grief, that was horribly sad, but wonderfully written. I don't know why, but I'm reading a lot of war fics lately...really nice monologue. Favorites bound!
Author's Response: Hehe, thank you! Everyone needs a little misery on their favourites ;-) I'm glad you enjoyed the monologue style.
Whew. And you think I have issues. Do you know that an author is supposed to be a bit of all their characters? I'm just being strange. I'll shut up. That aside...THAT WAS FRIGHTENING. Please take it as a compliment. Only talent can make a writer able to have their readers feel a range of emotions. This is a really unique fic, and I commend you. Continue! Please? I really am being quite rude lately, but I hope you'll forgive me...I'm just a little unhinged by poor Dumble's death. And your right; he does have a lot of love to give. That's why I loved..LOVE..him. I lament that we never got to see him with someone who was right for him. I've always wanted to have a fic to read with Dumbledore in his younger years and an OC. One last thing before I end this novel of a review; your comment about Hermione's love manifesting itself in different ways is really intriguing. I don't know why. Hmm.
I'd also like to add that you will never know who I, GreyLady, am. Stalkers and such, you know
Author's Response: So, I'm supposed to be a bit like all of my characters? - that's a nice theory - you know I'm actually a blood-sucking vampire by night, and adolescent boy-hero by day. =)
Thank you for giving me Dumbledore [sobs in gratitude]. Is the title of this chap a reference to Maya Angelou? I adore that book! Thank for AU, thank you for Dumbledore...THANK YOU!
Author's Response: Hi -thanks for reading; and yes you're right, it is a reference to Maya Angelou; Harry feels a slave to the will of others & with his terrible past and his bleak future, he sees no hope of redemption unless he goes out and determines his own future --and it IS a great book ~And you're welcome for Dumbly-dore! I love writing for him ...but for how long? dun dun dun!
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! YOU GAVE ME DUMBLEDORE AND THEN YOU TOOK HIM AWAY!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!! Ok, I don't hate you...but you've caused me deep emotional turmoil. I mean, I love Harry but Dumbledore...no words can describe it. Not in a romantic way though because that would be really strange.
Author's Response: I wish someone would like Dumbledore in a romantic way, no one else does! I feel sorry for him sometimes - he has so much love, but no-one to reciprocate with all their hearts; and I'm so sorry for taking him away! I wrote that chapter before Half Blood Prince -to read his death once was enough for even me! But he died saving Harry in the name of love - That epitomises DD for me.
Are you one of those Harry/Hermione nutters?!? I don't hate the ship, but I think that it's utterly IMPOSSIBLE. And you are rather well-read aren't you? Maya Angelou and Milton? And of course HP! Anyway, I better get a response or someone will get hurt!
Author's Response: Why are you grey, oh grey lady? Your violent temperament tells me you should be red, the colour of war..Please don't hurt me! Personally, I'm orange - probably not for such dramatic reasons as yours (Michaelangelo was my favourtie teenage mutant ninja turtle) =P I know what you mean about H/Hr - she's more of a mother-figure for Harry..but there's undeniably love there - it just presents itself in different forms depending on circumstances and can lead to possiblities unexpected and wonderful. Their relationship is definitely just a sideline to this story though, by no means the central plot (I'm not much of a shipper). Keep reading and you'll see where their relationship takes them (but take any anger out on a cushion) ;)
THAT-SONG-IS-PERFECT! Now I need to listen to it! I really liked this one-shot, it had almost an ethereal quality about it, like a dream--or a nightmare. The only part I thought didn't fit was Voldemort declaring himself headmaster--sorry, that was just wierd. But the last sentence (or was it two?) were a perfect close. 9/10 (Only for the Headmaster thing).
I'm not going to analyze everything in minute detail, because I think you're covered for that, lol. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I was awed by this story. Your vocabulary was perfectly Snape. PERFECTLY. It made me feel intelligent to read it, lol. It 's a wonderful idea you have here, too, though I'm on the hedge about Snape. I can't seem to come to any conclusions abouot him. Purely because this is such an impressive display of superior fanfic, i have put it on my Favorites. 10/10!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I\'m firmly in the Snape-is-good category, but there\'s definitely evidence enough both ways. I can\'t wait for book 7 to see if it tells us anything more about what motivates him. Thanks again!
I’ve been meaning to read your fiction for a while, so this is exciting.
I like you how set up the scene describing Susan writing, because it makes the reader undeniably curious about what she’s writing, and why she’s writing it. You prolonged it just long enough before actually showing what’s she’s writing.
The writing itself is very realistic. It never seems like a regular girl wouldn’t write it, because it never becomes pretentious, but it’s still very profound. I loved how she recounted all the small but happy moments that they had experienced together, because that truly is what makes life worth living. The scene that you have her write is real, tragic, and human. Wonderful job.
I loved the imagery of her writing, “The End” and burying her face in her face in her hands, but I feel like the conclusion could have been better if you had elaborated more on “Writing down her story had taken a toll on her both physically and mentally.” If you had shown readers this rather than just telling it would have a much better effect. That goes for the whole story, actually.
But you still did very well. It was romantic, it was profound, and it explored a minor character well.
Knight of the Turnip Table
Lian, this is a story to be proud of. This is the kind of story where I read it once and think it’s lovely. Then I read it again, start dissecting, and think “Holy crap.” (That’s good, by the way. ;)
The description is one of my very favorite parts. It’s so simple and evocative at the same time that the emotion and imagery fairly leap off of the screen. I love how you threaded certain images through the entire fic, such as the stars, and fire, and stone. My very favorite line of my very favorite part would have to be this one: “Surrounded by stillness and stars and tears, Minerva heard the distant chime of the castle clocks.” It’s just…perfect. But the paragraph about the constellations is a very close second, and I will now quote it because I honestly can’t control myself. : P
“Before her tear-blurred eyes, the shimmering sky looked like a dark fire, the constellations like omens. They surrounded her, dancing far beyond her reach. They mocked her. The omens were not real. They had not been real. They meant nothing more than the constellations; they were nothing more than meaninglessness turned to meaning by the human mind.”
*shivers* This is so powerful. Powerful in the way that it connects omens and the stars, in that it creates a vivid image, and then that it concludes with a relevant and profound thought on top of all of that. I love the last line.
Of course, none of this would mean anything without Minerva’s emotions forming the backbone of the fic. I almost laughed after the first sentence, because you had already begun to set up her character: Minerva wrapped her arms firmly around her legs. I’m fascinated by the depth to which you’ve delved into her character in such a short space, and with such subtlety. It’s almost like foreshadowing in a manner of speaking, because the little things that are mentioned all add up to when she is a grown woman in canon; her mouth thinning into a line, her ferocity, and even her dislike of Divination. I enjoyed the thought of her hair streaming free behind her in the wind, because it offers a new perspective on an exceptionally stern woman, and reminds readers that she was once a girl, after all.
This entire idea of bringing together details into a conglomerate whole is something that you are excellent at--I would even venture to say brilliant. It’s just…everything. Her grief as a result of her parents’ death and losing her faith coupled with the motifs of the stars and the fire omens all come together absolutely beautifully. And even then, there’s the overarching purpose of telling why exactly she dislikes Divination. There is something to be said for that--I’m in awe.
The contrasts and parallels are quite interesting. Between the unpredictability and the stability of the stone, Minerva’s mourning on the Astronomy Tower to Dumbledore’s later demise upon the same place, between her normal day and the tortured thinking that she is forced to. It’s great.
There were some areas that I felt you could improve, too. The paragraph where she finds out that her parents are dead didn’t feel quite right to me. If her shock upon receiving the news had been emphasized more, I think that would have made it more real, and raw. Also, the when she switches suddenly from thinking about Arithmancy to Transfiguration, a transition might be in order; it felt abrupt to me. A little nitpick--“Lunch had been unusually tasty -- large helpings of bangers and mash -- and there had been Bread Pudding for dessert.” Why is bread pudding capitalized?
But regardless of any criticism that I have to offer, this fic was a joy to read and review. The beautifully understated emotion and description combined in the best possible way, and I look forward to anything else that you write about Minerva.
Author's Response: Thank you for leaving me such a nice juicy review! You\'re totally right that the moment with her parents death just doesn\'t work. I wanted to get the story written and so I totally rushed through it, and I never went back and fixed it. I might go back and rewrite that section at some point, actually. But thank you for pointing it out and making some incredibly helpful suggestions. *snuggles*
This is my submission to the 'Letters to Heaven' challenge/extra credit assignment, in favor of Ravenclaw House.
This shows a side of your writing that I had yet to see. From what I've read, you can do romantic comedy quite well, and now I know that you can do angst with style also. With style, I mean that it wasn't just a bunch of crying slapped together. Your imagery was exceptionally vivid, as were the emotions that you protrayed. It seemed that you unflinchingly put to writing what the deepest and darkest thoughts of our favorite werewolf must be under all his composure.
I especially liked the unique take you took on the challenge. Letters to "Heaven".....very clever. And the way he sent it was an ingenious idea. I've said it before and I'll say it again; I want your talent. Gimmegimme!
Author's Response: Thanks again, GreyLady. I wish I could think of something other to say than 'Thanks' to all your reviews, but words fail me when I blush a smile so much. I'm very glad you think so well of Remus' Letter!