A 16-year-old Ravenclaw girl who is passionate about reading, music, and the beautiful things in life. She loves language, Vienna Teng, films, Doctor Who, and books of all descriptions, amidst a whole host of other things. It would make her very happy if you took a moment to browse her favorites. There may be quantity, but there is most definitely quality as well.
Schindler's List...what a gorgeous movie. A gorgeous reference for a gorgeous fic. This was chilling and bittersweet and longing and fulfillung all at the same. Thak you, Seren.
This is undeniably bittersweet in a most vivid way. It's just so lovely; I can't really point out anything that should be changed. Rhyming usually irks me, but it actually added to the story in a way I can't even fathom. Mallory (btw, a very cute name) seemed to speak in a more sophisticated manner than most girls her age (or the age she appears to be) are capable of doing.
But I would like to think that Harry's daughter is wise beyond her years.
Such a pretty title. I always love the though-provoking ones! This is an excellent little one-shot that does a great job examining how exactly Ginny percieves Harry. The last lines were absolutely inspired. This is now on my Favs! *cheers* Now I'm going to have to check out your other fics.
This is the best Lupin fic I have read to date. No joke. I loved how you played his grief off Buckbeak. With another human, the grief often gets lost in comfort and self-contemplation becomes tedious. The interaction between Moody and Lupin was so so wonderful. It was the last few sentences that really struck me with their heart-breaking, almost strange truth. This story has been placed on my Favorites. :)
The only concrit that I can offer is that it seemed unlikely that Mrs. Black would know that Lupin is specifically a Muggle-born name and that she grabbed Sirius by the hand. Holding a child's hand is generally a more motherly gesture. I would think she would be more inclined to grab ihim roughly by the arm.
But that's it. I loved the poem and was almost tempted to use this review to analyze it, lol. Thank you for a fantasic fic!
I forgot to say something! PLEASE WRITE SOMETHING ELSE! If this is really only you're first fic, any others will be positively formidable, lol. That is all.
Absolutely hilarious. I LURVE the lists! This story is wonderful on a black day and has been added to my Favorites.
I am inclined to pity Snape but for my dear DD. *sigh* But this is a wondeerful idea that was obviously well-thought-out. Brilliant summary. It's always great when someone tries to change things up a bit.
I've never seen this pairing; congratulations. However, I noticed some characterization errors and typos. Pansy, Ron, and Millicent didn't seem to behave at all like their usual selves. It noticed that you portray this pairing like Hermione/Draco, actually--combative. If you kept the characters in character, it would probably be nice story. Good luck with future writing!
I agree that this isn't your best work, but only because of the fact that it might not be as well organized. A lot of the incidents seems a little random, but your beautiful writing makes up for it. The first line is gorgeous, the last few paragraphs awe-inspiring. The truth that you convey by the end is so profound that it brings tears to the eye. And I don't think anything is more worthwhile than that; this is going on the faves. =)
*claps loudly* Bravo, Seren! This is an excellent character study with some wonderful symbolism. You've captured Ginny in a way I wouldn't have thought of, but that makes perfect sense. Really gave some insight into her motives and regrets. You've given her a voice that fits as well. I could imagine her talking (or thinking, I suppose) like this, something remarkable in FF. There were a few instances where the wording felt awkward, however. "The thought satisfies me greatly." That sentence didn't feel like Ginny to me. Sorry. A brilliant title, not too melodramatic, but still impressive. That's hard to come by.
On the whole, a lovely job.
Hey, there! I’m one of the SBBCers that was mentioned in another review. =)
I’ve enjoyed your story a lot so far. This is probably the most original R/Hr that I’ve ever read which makes it much more fun to read. The same old plotlines get tiresome after a while, I have to admit. I also see a great potential for angstiness, so I’m definitely looking forward to that!
I think I like this chapter the best so far. The reaction of the Weasley’s to Miranda was spot-on, as was Hermione’s. You did a good job of conveying her jealously which goes along nicely with what we know of her surprisingly vindictive nature. This can only get worse as the plot thickens, methinks.
The scene where Hannah walks in is absolutely perfect. It’s a really great idea for this to not only be a shock to Ron, but to not even have the blow softened by a warning, poor guy. It makes for a much more interesting story, even if it is cruel, lol.
The only concrit I’ll offer is that your writing is a bit detached. I’m having a hard time connecting with the characters, for whatever reason. This is completed so there’s not much you can do, but perhaps you’ll still find this information useful.
Onto the next chapter!
Hi! I’m back for more!
I really like the connection that the first two paragraphs make to Hermione’s younger self. It makes sense that her inherent logic would not desert her even as she is in emotional turmoil. The comment about books on new girlfriends was very cute and funny.
I was a bit taken aback at Hermione’s seemingly submissive attitude toward Ron, as in this line: “Hermione was surprised he forgave her for keeping Hannah a secret, and she made a mental note not to get on Ron's wrong side for a while.” Hermione is not a person to tread lightly around people, especially Ron. She’s always been really strong and unafraid to make him angry. But since this was written before HBP and the unveiling of her vindictive side, it’s not a huge deal. When she defended herself against Miranda she seemed much more like herself. (I really enjoyed that scene!)
As with the stuff about Remus, the background info on how they defeated Voldemort seems a little irrelevant. However, I don’t know if it will figure later in the story, so I’ll just keep my mouth shut about it after saying this.
The changes that we see in Miranda are…interesting, to say the least. They were quite subtle at first, like her getting Hermione’s name wrong and her not so supportive attitude toward Ron. What I find most intriguing is how easy I find it to reconcile her new, nasty side with the nice person she seemed. You’ve done a good job with that.
Just a little side note, but I fail to see why they took a plane. Isn’t floo more efficient, time and money wise?
But anyways, good job, and I’ll review the next chap soon.
(This review focuses on the last three chapters.)
I had a lot of trepidations when I set out to read this, mainly about clichés. But you have proved me wrong, from the unique plot to the sweet and realistic nature of the romance.
The late night scene in the kitchen was just adorable. It’s so typical of Ron to be eating food, and for it to be the first thing that he comments on, not to mention that it draws a grin from the reader! The interaction was simply genius, because even while there was tension and awkwardness, there was an underlying feeling of rightness and comfort existing between them. Ron’s question about how she felt about the pregnancy was an awkward one and yet, he still felt like he could ask it. You did a lovely job with their interaction. That last line, “What Hermione didn't hear was the faint wish, ‘I think I do too,’" minutes later,” had a great effect as well.
The birthday scene was also wonderful. The necklace was a very romantic touch, and I liked the imagery of Hermione coming downstairs to see Ron feeding Hannah like it was nothing, hesitate, and then act like it wasn’t a big deal. It shows an enormous amount of emotion with just a single action. They’re both accepting that it’s right for them to be a family without even consciously doing so.
This is a great way to convey something subtly, but there are many times in this story when you don’t do this. For example: “A mix of emotions broiled inside her, starting to make her feel physically ill: gratification, happiness, anxiety, tension, relief, anticipation and a strong sense of lust for a certain redhead.” Instead of listing what a character thinking or feeling, try to show, and not tell. It makes for a richer and more gratifying story.
However, in other places your writing is very touching! I loved these two lines:
“Sure, it was going to be hard, but the tougher the situation, the sweeter the reward. Ron was worth it.”
“Why is this so hard? Ron broke up with Miranda, so logically there should be a happily ever after with a big stage kiss. Too many lies have been told, too many secrets kept and as much heartache as I can stand.”
Just beautiful. =)
The reconciliation was just as beautiful. The walk between the bedrooms seeming abnormally long to Hermione was perfect for the situation, and then all the surfacing of old emotions and insecurities being soothed…loved it. The entirety of their interaction was tender, uncertain, and sweet in good measure. Not to mention that priceless line…”Ron looked scared.” ;)
I had to be the most apprehensive about this epilogue, and yet it was one of the best parts of this story, which truthfully shocked me. Usually they are repulsively fluffy and sappy, but yours was an amazing portrayal of what marriage can be. They’re not as visibly infatuated, but there’s that air of playfulness, knowing each other, and love that pervades the scene. They’re having their third child, for heavens sake! I thought Stephen was incredibly cute, by the way. “She’s little. I like her.” Teehee. And Ron is the typical dad, planning his children’s life out at a few days old and being overprotective. ;) Keep an eye on your best friend, indeed…
“Not feeling very tired herself; she decided to have a glass of warm milk to help her sleep.” Should be a comma instead of a semicolon.
“Taken aback by his question, Hermione's eyes widened."OH!" The “OH” comes of a little strongly…lower case would be more appropriate.
“Though next time, I'd prefer it if I was a little older and living more stably, rather than here - not that I don't love it here, it's just not how I pictured things would turn out after Hogwarts, y'know?” “y’know” is a bit too informal for Hermione…
“The minutes ticked by so slowly and all Hermione wanted was for him to tell her what he's thinking about.” I got confused by “he’s”…it would work better as “he was.”
“He didn't like to think of his baby sister as a sexual person he had lived in the hope that she and Harry had remained virgins throughout their marriage, but the birth of their son Sirius the previous October had soundly shattered that illusion.” There needs to be a comma after “sexual person.” =D It's hilarious, though.
Thank you for sharing this story with us. I enjoyed reading it, and while it isn’t one of my favorites, I can certainly see why it is so widely loved. You’ve tapped into the common human dream of building a good life and family with someone you love, despite all obstacles, and it works well.
I agree with LadyAlesha; this is indeed getting better as it progresses. I’m getting caught up in the story, definitely. Kudos to you. =)
All the interactions are very well written, especially those between Ron and Hermione. Their entire exchange is very typical for them. Ron is very defensive and says nonsensical things while Hermione’s words are cutting and she tries to appear aloof to the situation. The dialogue in general is just really well done.
I also enjoyed the humor that the puking adds to this rather serious scene; it seems like something Jo would do herself. However, it also confused me. I’ve never known anyone to puke when they receive a shock. Fainting, speechlessness, being dazed, ect. would be more appropriate, I think. But no harm done. As I said, I like the contrast that it offers.
I was a bit taken aback by Ron’s changes in mood, though it wasn’t necessarily bad. It’s a good way to show that he’s grown up a bit because the characteristic irrational behavior is present yet he comes around surprisingly quickly. It really was almost masterful—good job. (As a side note, I’d like to mention that Ron has blue eyes, not brown, so you might want to change that.)
A part of this chapter that I have mixed feelings for is Harry’s little scene with Hannah. It was wonderfully Harry in that he was filled with genuine awe, because he’s really a very innocent sort of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. But when he started saying how beautiful she was it went a little off track. I’ve always got the impression that Harry doesn’t feel comfortable telling people how he feels, so that didn’t ring true with me. I was also a little put off by the lengthy explanation about Remus; it just doesn’t add to the story.
But, yes, overall this is really improving and I’m enjoying it. I wonder how Miranda will take the news…
A great missing moment, and a very appropriate title. I just think that this is a really nice idea and and it was well written and presented. It will definitely be placed on my Favorites. The only concrit that I can offer is that Hagrid's accent does not appear in his writing, he just goofs on grammar and spelling and generally words things simply. But thank you for a thought provoking read! 10!
Oops! I probably should have left a review on CoD...Oh well! I have just recently acquired a penname, but have been reading fanfics for ages and absolutely love your work! You are the reason that I became an H/G shipper! Please read my fic, if I ever even post it! (I use way too many exclamation marks. Giggles)
Growth. Beauty. Poison. Envy. Wealth... Read on as a handful of very different people's lives are complicated as they experience at least some aspects of the aforementioned greenery. Sort of accompaniment to "Red" of my Hogwarts Colours Quartet. Will get a revamp sometime soon...
Haha! More to read! But please tell me that Lily and Snape are not going to have an affair. Kill me now! Just kidding, but I wouldn't like it very much. Was the red haired woman Mrs. Weasley? Am dying to know what Lily bought. Bye-bye now!
Author's Response: Ugh! Definitely no affair - I suppose you'll have read on by now! Yes, I think the red-haired woman was Mrs Weasley.
Whew. I'm pretty sure that what I predicted won't be happening. Lily's plan was so powerful...you handled it so well. I've read books with testimonials from the Holocaust, about Jewish mothers who killed their unborn children so that they would not be subjected to the atrocities of the world. I really think it is the epitome of the degradation of war. Excellent chap.
Author's Response: Yes. What inspired me here is the fact that in the canon the theme of choice is so prominent - and what if our hero's very existence had been the result of a choice made by his mother? She was so young, and I don't think the idea of bringing up a child would be ideal for someone who is actively engaged in challenging a formidable and violent force. I was inspired by similar dilemmas during the second World War as well - like, why would anyone choose to bring someone into an extremely inhospitable world? What are the reasons for doing so, especially when that person might be visciously targeted simply because they exist, on account of class or genetics? Anyway, that's what I was trying to convey when I wrote it - and I hope I did it properly.
This is very heavy stuff, much more intense than "Red," I think. Hopefully you'll update soon, but I can see that the plot is sort of stagnant at the moment (or at least that's the feeling I'm getting). Oh, and I put "Red" on my Favorites, so I'll be watching you! I take a lot of pride in my Favorites, it's rather embarrassing. Happy writing, rockinfaerie!
Author's Response: Yeah, it's a lot more intense, but I suppose it takes place at a different time, when the War has become a lot more overwhelming. Glad to hear you put Red into your favourites - very happy! I hope you enjoy the next installments of my writing - be sure to let me know what you think!
I'm very impressed with your work here. It is chilling and unique. I think that your writing style is very mature (I know that you are...17, isn't it?), but it seems that most people in fanfiction cannot pull off a serious story in a mature way. Not to offend anyone. I know of several talented writers! I love your (or rather Alice's) imagery and I'm off to go read "Green" and "Red" now!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you very much for your kind feedback! I thought the atmosphere of this fic was very important, as the protagonists don't quite know what is happening to them, and yet are caught in the middle of it. I do hope I conveyed it properly - and the imagery. I'm really pleased you liked it, and tell me what you think of the others!