I've sorta disappeared off the whole fanfiction scene, and I'm trying to get my brain to write something good...
It's a cold, rainy day, and Hermione thinks about the Last Battle, and the effects of it on others.
Runner up in the Spring Challenge #2
Wow! Tha was beautifully written! I love how you used the short sentences, and then long ones. It gives the story a very nice effect. I also love how you incorporated the narcissus as a symbol. Symbols are something my English teacher loves... and I agree with everybody else: my English teacher would love you! =)
Author's Response: Thank you, Claire. I really appreciate your review - it's made my day! Thanks for taking the time to write me one. ;)
Wow! You deserve more reviews! This was wonderfully written, and you got Snape's character so right! I love the new side of Draco, still the old one, and yet we see a more destroyed side of him. I really enjoyed this story, and I love the symbol of Merlin!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad to hear that you think I portrayed their characters well. I spent a lot of time thinking about that when I was writing it. Thanks for the review!!!
Wow! That was a wonderful story! I love how you have basically three (or maybe four) small little subplots that blend into one! I find that very hard to do and think of! During some parts of the dialogue, I noticed that Louise doesn't have an "accent" but it's just one or two sentences in the beginning. Overall, great job!
Author's Response: Well, what I wanted to do is to have one huge problem and then six little problems from each of the ladies. Unfortunatly I couldn\'t explore Hermione and Molly as much as I would\'ve liked. Huge wet kiss to you for reviewing! PS: I\'m in a mushy mood today
Wow! That was very nicely written! I love your Lily, and how she saved Petunia. Also, the flashback was very nice, and I liked how you had Lily pondering over it. Petunia seems a bit too quiet though. But otherwise, great job, and I can't wait till the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, I suppose Petunia does seem a bit quiet, doesn\'t she? I\'ll work on that in later chapters. Thanks again for your lovely review! =]
Wow! I loved your style in this! Hermione is so canon, and yet so different! I love how you go through each summer, and briefly describe each one! In the books, it seems that Hermione is pretty close to her parents, and slowly drifts away, and you did a very good job describing it! The only critique I can find is maybe adding a "But" to the beginning of the last sentence, but it doesn't matter if you do or don't. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I\'m glad you enjoyed it. I really like writing Hermione, but I had a hard time with her in this. It felt like she was acting more childish than she would at Hogwarts. But then, I go to a boarding school as well, and I don\'t act the same way around my parents as I do at school. So I guessed that Hermione would have let her guard down around her parents at first, but as the years went on she\'d try to keep more from them, because of the war. Thanks for reading!
Wow! I've never read a Ron/Cho fic, and I liked this, even though I'm not a shipper! Nicely written! The dialogue was perfect! Maybe you could add in some description on what they were doing in the middle. Maybe like "she smirked" or "he rolled his eyes". Also, "That's W-I-Z-A, two more and." should be hyphanated, but I'm being too critical, aren't I? Anyways, great job!
Wow! I really liked that! I loved the character of Isla, and how she seems eviler than Tom, but at the end, it's him that's eviler. I don't know if Tom would say "Say goodbye" but overall, everything was great!
Author's Response: Thanks :D! And about the say goodbye part, it was to show his twisted mind a bit more.
A FINALIST IN THE ONE SHOT BORGIN & BURKES CHALLENGE
Ooh! Very nice! I love the new characterization of Lavender, since most people look at her in a bad way. Maybe, for a bit more effect, you can have the phrase "closed the door" as the last phrase for more effect, but maybe that's just me. I don't think Borgin would say "Listen, kid" but that's not big. Overall, I enjoyed the fic, and it definitely deserved to be a Finalist!
Author's Response: See your point, it is somewhat an Americanism. I\'ll go correct that and that suggestion on the use of \'close the door\' makes plenty of sense. I\'ll do that as well. Thanks for all the advice. Appreciate them.
Wow! This was amazing! I love how it's psyhological, and not physical pain! Most people think physical pain would hurt more, but now you see that mental pain tortures. And the ending is very good, although it's also very sad...
Author's Response: Yes, I think that mental pain can often be far more painful and terrifying than physical pain... and it often has far worse consequences. Thanks for your review! I\'m so glad you enjoyed it.
Wow. I really should've believed you that this was uber sad... you have me a bit teary eyed....
Overall, great job! I'm such a sucker for those fics that use rain, but what I love about this fic is that the whole thing might seem to center around rain, but you only mention it a couple times. I also like how the "rain" is both the rain outside, and the tears that she is crying (or maybe I'm just overanalyzing...).
Hmmm...concrit: this is probably more of a personal thing, but "Harry, too, had fallen. Harry, too, was dead." I really liked that, and I believe you're trying to use repeats? I like repeats, but I usually like working in groups of three so it's known as a repeatition for style. But I guess you can also work with twos... I guess it's more of a personal preference...
But overall, great job! And sorry if I confused you, or just wasted a bunch of space guessing and all that. =)
Author's Response: Nope, your analytical skills are right on the dot! I didn\'t even think about that until i wrote the last line, though. Thanks for the concrit. Yes, I tend to use repeats quite a lot, and I agree that they aren\'t as strong in twos, but hey, I couldn\'t think of a third one. I think it\'s fine, but I apprreciate your comments. And no, I\'m not confused, and all of your guesses are accurate! =)
Hilarious! I usually just smile or giggle out loud when I read humor fics, but this one seriously made me laugh out loud! I love angsty!Harry, cause it's a whole new twist on the cliche that makes it so funny!
I have to agree: the sausages part is the funniest!
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'m glad that I made you laugh out loud, because humour is very important! :) Sausages are quite amazing, don\'t you think?
Wow. I loved the end when you summed it all up with short sentences. It shows the biggest events in her life, and it all happened there. And nice first person! The only concrit I have is that the "family summer" sentence in the last few sentences is a bit longer than the rest, and could be shortened to fit in a bit more.
But overall, great job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I wasn\'t completly satisfied with the family summer part, but however I twisted and turned it, I just couldn\'t get my point across. Thanks again!
Great fic! And it's really funny! =D
I like how Hedwig has this attitude, and it's really funny. And I love how she has some self-control, but still doesn't fully control herself.
Funny, and great job!
Author's Response: Awww... Thanks, Claire! I\'ll make sure to review your story... once I get time! :p
Wow! I normally don't read rarepairs, and I thought this was wonderful! I'm not really a fan of femmeslash either, but this flowed so naturally, and smoothly! Maybe you'll write a companion one-shot to this? =)
Author's Response: :D Thank you! I don\'t think I\'ll write a companion to it, I tried and it\'s nowhere near as good. I think I\'ll quit while I\'m ahead. ;) Thank you for the sweet review!
Cute sotry! I love how you did his name! Clever!
I also like how you have him get his "revenge" by annoying Ron. Ron's just one of those people who we love to see annoyed, isn't he? =D
I like how you added the aspect of Pig loving food. You have him mention it a bunch of times. Maybe mention it a bit more just to confirm the fact that he loves it (and maybe a bit of humor?)?
Anyways, cute story and maybe you could add some more? I would love to see some more diary entries from Pig!
Author's Response: I\'m glad you liked it. I never thought about it before, but Ron is fun to annoy. I would love to write more diary entries for Pig, but that isn\'t an option right now, for two reasons. 1) I have some RL issues that prevent me from coming here regularly. 2) I think I should post chapter 4 for Searching Behind the Veil first.
Wow! I love the emotion, that's inside and on the outside of him. Beautiful imagery.
And I like how you repeat "Lifeless soul".
Author's Response: wow thank you so much! this was the easiest poem for me to write. I loved the imagery, it\'s perfect i think!
It ended? Just like that? I would also love for a sequal! I like how your writing style for Hermione is mature, and not very teenish, because she is very mature for her age. I also like how you keep quoting that she has read books on love/dating/guys, which shows that she is in denial.
Crit: It's pretty hard to find something to critisize... maybe take out the "informal, unprofessional" part when describing the contract. I think Hermione might look at that as a big thing.
Overall, great job, and I think a sequal should follow! Or at least another story like this! =)
Author's Response: I\'d love to do a sequel if there is some more material I can use from in canon. I\'m really glad you liked it, and I\'m sorry I couldn\'t think of a ending that wasn\'t so sudden. Thanks for reviewing.
Written for the Harry Hospital Wing Project: The Department of Mysteries by Dumbledore Prince of Gryffindor house.
I really enjoyed it! Particularily all that suspense at the end! Even though I knew what was going to happen, I couldn't help but keep my eyes glued and be shocked.
The last part, as I said was really suspenseful and good. I enjoyed how it was fast paced. =)
The beginning was a tiny bit bland, though. It seemed that you used "Bode" a lot, instead of just "him". But don't worry; it was still really nicely written!
I loved reading those commands and the end. There's just something I can't describe that's just so wonderful about it. Overall, great job!
Author's Response: Thank you for the very appreciative review! I can understand if the beginning felt bland to you; I know there\'s not much emotion, especially in the first half. I think it was kind of necessary for the fast pace ... *sighs*
Hi! I really like how you have a whole different perspective of Harry's first year. I like how you have it as a letter form, rather than a diary, or even a narrative. Also, I like how you added some events that Harry didn't cover. =)
Only constructive crit. would be that you seem to have more plot than character. Now, that's not bad, but it would be nice to know a bit more about Emma, other than she loves her grandfather and is obssesed with Harry Potter (okay, maybe not.. but sort of =) )
And I can see her joining the Harry Potter Fan Club with the Creevy brothers. =D
Any plans for other stories revolving around Emma? Because I (and probably others) would love to read them. Anyways, great story!
Author's Response: Hi Atkarid! Thanks so much for reading this story and leaving such a great review! I am glad you liked it. You hit the nail on the head too - Emma was a bit obsessed with Harry her first year. I wanted that to come through, her first year fascination with the Boy Who Lived. But that does change as the years go by - I even left a few hints in this story. I have the next few years sketched out, and hope to write them someday so that you do get to know Emma\'s character a little bit better. I\'m glad you think someone would like reading it! Thanks so much for the great review, I\'m so glad you read this story and really appreciate that you took the time to leave such kind and encouraging words. Thanks again! ~Gina :)
OMG! That was so good! I love hte use of present tense and how it gives such a creepy, yet exciting feel! The imagery is really nice here! I love how you accociate red with blood and the Gryffindors.
You get into the mind of Snape so well. He's so different, yet in character. Fabulous job!