I will no longer be posting on this server. If you would like to read future chapters of "Unwritten", please search for "MeiQueen" at portkey.org or "Mei Queen" at fanfiction.net. Thank you so much for your interest and support.
I'd like to start off by saying that I really did enjoy your story. I've been reading and writing fanfiction for about three years, so you can definitely take that as a compliment. :D
I think that if I were to pick one thing about the story that should probably be worked on, it would be the characterizations of Lily's friends. It makes a fic really "Mary Sue" when we only have two friends that appear once every four chapters to have cute scenes with Remus and Sirius. Yours isn't terribly bad about it, don't get me wrong. But I think that maybe if you elaborated on their backgrounds a little bit, they would feel like a more concrete part of the story.
I would like to close this out by giving you some serious props for having a character (Gryffindor, no less) date Snape. It is original and it enforces the fact that not only Slytherins are Death Eaters, something that a lot of people conveniently forget.
Your story followed the canon very impressively and is all around a fabulous read! I hope you update soon!
Author's Response: Wow. That must be the longest review I have ever had, and I thank you very much for it. *bows* I guess I should rethink the following chapters to add a bit more about Lily's friends. It's a good idea. I am glad that the Stacey/Snape is original. I just needed to...Why did I add that in there?....*thinks* Hm... I can't remember why. Whoops. :-)
lol I really liked this one! It was hilarious! I understand what you meant about the Peter thing now...it is hard to include him. But I usually just try to keep in mind that he probably didn't totally cross until they left school, and then model him as a slightly pudgier and less funny Marauder (lol I can't be overly nice and make him AS funny. That just wouldn't be TRUE. In my opinion.)
I really liked it, and I think that you did Peter pretty well! Try to consciously count how many lines you're giving him in comparison to everyone else so the fic doesn't suffer "MIA Peter" syndrome, tho.
Overall, great, funny story...and I can't wait to see more from you!
Author's Response: Hey, thanks! I'll take your advice on the Peter thing, it's definately something I have an issue with, even though I don't want to. Although, I usually make him out to be more of a quiet person anyway, he probably worries about not being as smart as the other three, and feels shadowed. Or, that's an excuse I hide behind, anyway ...
Great chapter! I really love this idea...I've never seen a fic that deals with what Sirius experienced post-Veil. I really like this and can't wait to see what the second chapter has in store!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I often wondered just what might have happened to Sirius as soon as he passed through the Veil, so I decided to write it myself!
I really liked this one too...in fact, I think I liked this one better than the first, just because it had a cute eleven-year-old Jamesy in it :D. I also give you kudos for the statement by Sirius' mother about aurors- "It depends on what side you're on." It's really true, and I think you put it across with just the right amount of magnitude. It was serious and poignant, and I really thought that this chapter was all-around well done!
Author's Response: Thank you! I love cute James too, and I think it contrasts with Sirius well. Not that they'll stay innocent for long ... :D. Thanks for the thing about Sirius's mum too, I'm really glad you liked that part. Thanks again (I'm very grateful, me)!