Summary: James Potter: Marauder. Lily Evans: Prefect. They're both seventh years at Hogwarts. They're also about to have a pretty interesting year--complete with a few detentions, pranks, confusion, and laughter--in which they get through school, make some trouble and maybe, just maybe, sort out their feelings for each other.
Thanks to all you who have made it possible for this story to be in the Top Tens. It was a very happy moment when I first saw my story on the list, and I love being able to go back and see it there now. Still. Yay!
Throughout the latter half of 2010, and the first half of 2011, I re-edited this story. The changes were mostly to fix stray (and annoying) grammar and spelling errors, but also to rework some plot points in an effort to stay truer to canon. I also updated the style; having written this story so long ago, my writing has definitely developed (and I would say gotten better), so I edited to reflect that. (I apologize for the errors that were in the story before all this editing. I found them immensely distressing when I reread my chapters. Heartbreaking, really.)
Big “thank yous” go to the three people who helped edit/nitpick the first edition of this novel: violagirl, fairiesandcream, and Omagus.
And yes, this story is up on Fanficition.net under the penname: Io.Sono.Emilia.
Of course, as a disclaimer, I’m not JK Rowling. The Potterverse does not belong to me, but I am in it and love it.
Great! I especially loved how you showed the contrast between what James and Lily thought of each other. Hope the next the chapter gets up soon! And if you would, please, check out my story! I have no reviews...
Author's Response: Well, I have added *your* story to my favorites list, and am hoping to read more! Thanks much, and the next chapter has been submitted!
I just knew something like this had to happen during their detention! This was great and so sweet! I look forward to more and I am going to check out your other fic! Update soon! 10/10
Awesome chapter! I too got a bit confused with all the doors and stuff, but it sounded pretty darn cool. Some things I liked in particular: when James moved down a seat for Monica and Samuel. That was cute. Ever need to get a detention? Call on James Potter and his crew of pranksters! That was funny as well. I loved James's comment on how someone was going to start some stupid organization about house elves. Also very funny. Thanks for explaining the whole 'swish' thing. I was scratching my head at that one... but I liked it. Update soon!! 10/10
Author's Response: HeHe! Thanks very much Dory, I do like the Sliding bit too! I am sorry that the layout of the room was a bit confusing! I'll try and post a "blueprint" of it on my author's page- I'll tell you if I get it up! Thanks again and I have submitted the 4th chapter!
The part about the curses and the blocking was a bit confusing... But this was still a great chapter! Does the next chapter include the detentions Lily has? I would like to see those... I can't wait for more! Update soon!
Awwwww this was such an adorable chapter! The part with Frank and Alice was just so sweet. I also had a right nice time imagining James and Sirius swimming... ;) I love it and I can't wait to read more, especially the detention! Please update soon! Oh, and I'm sorry I took so long to read and review this chapter -- just been really busy. 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you! I had a nice time imagining that too, hehe! Don't worry about being a bit late: you have the most faithful and thank you very much for that!
Summary: At Slughorn's Christmas party, Blaise Zabini's mind dwells on the cobwebs of his past. Can an unlikely accomplice cause Blaise to step outside his comfort zone and overcome his greatest foe: himself? This is in response to the quote challenge dealing with Walt Disney. Silly55Lady: A Proud Hufflepuff
I really loved this. Ever since HBP I've been a bit interested in Blaise and I think you've characterized him very well. His thoughts seem like those of many Slytherins, an uncertainty about himself. I especially liked his thoughts about Draco and Pansy, very true. The mention of the torture chambers was neat as well; it's something I can see Hogwarts having. Nice work!
Author's Response: Thank you for your comments. It's very encouraging to see other people like Blaise. Maybe I'll write some more about him in the future.
Summary: Classical romance.... this time, for Remus and Tonks. (The point of view changes from that of Remus to that of Tonks with each verse.)
This was wonderful. I think you've captured Remus and Tonks very well. I also think you've portrayed their relationship nicely. This was a pleasure to read! Keep it up!
Author's Response: I try, I try.... thank you! :)
Summary: No one knew, and no one guessed, what little Peter kept suppressed.
A wildly AU one-shot exploring the scenario: what if Peter had never turned traitor? (Mild HBP spoilers.)
Oh, Noldo! This was amazing, simply wonderful. I loved your use of longer sentences throughout. It really added a certain strength to the whole fic. However, sometimes it was a bit difficult to follow. I needed to do a couple of re-reads on a few sentences, but overall it was perfect. I'm a fan of the present tense, and this fic proved to me that I was right about it -- it really can enhance a fic. You also demonstrated the good way to write an AU fic. It doesn't have to be Harry has a twin sister! You've given me a new appreciation for AU fics. Thanks for such a great read! *goes to add this to favorites* 10/10
Summary: Everyone knows the story after that Halloween night that Harry Potter became an orphan... but what about before? James Potter and Lily Evans are two young people with an extroadinary story of bravery, friendship, and love. Join them throughout their seven years at Hogwarts and see how the past affects the future.
This is great! I love how you've written Lily and James. I am very excited to see more of this! Update soon! 10/10
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really like this chapter because it contrasted Lily's and James' very different childhoods. Chapter 2 should be up very soon, I submitted it today, so keep an eye out!
I love this fic! You've written Lily and James (as well the others) very well. I especially liked the Sorting Hat's description of James. It fit him. I also liked how Lily already doesn't like James but how he already has a crush on her. Perfect. Can't wait for more! Update soon! 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you thank you thank you! I really appreciate the feedback. Update shouldn't be too far away, but I want to see a couple more reviews, so hang in there.
I like this very much! I think you've written the Marauders very well. Just two things: You said Remus had been a prefect since fourth year, but prefects are chosen the summer before fifth year. Also, I noticed that you had used Peter's nickname, Wormtail, when referring to him, but you had used the others' regular names. I just thought that maybe if you are using regular names for the others, using Peter's nickname kind of doesn't go... unless that was the point, separating him. Does that make sense? I liked the little comment about James still having the bruises from Lily... that was funny. Anyway, I'm excited to see more of this! Update soon!
Author's Response: thank you for being the first to review. i'm sorry to say that i missed that and i'll fix it asap. as for peter/wormtail, he always seems to be singled out in those types of things, although if i want to make this as normal-looking as possible i think your suggestion fits stunningly. so yes, i'll change it accordingly. thanks for the review, it was a lot of help.
Author's Response: also, the reason i never incorporated peter's real name was because i never found the opportunity to introduce it, seeing as i thought the first thing james would call him was wormtail, and no one addressed him after that.
Summary: Lily tells of her perfect day that she just had.
This is pretty good. But I do think that there is room for improvement. One thing that I thought I should point out is this: "I honestly believed he had stopped liking me, but then today happened. Then..." You have two 'thens'. You don't need both, as you are repeating yourself. I also don't think that Lily and James could have gotten together overnight. It probably took a while for Lily to warm up to him. This has the potential to be very good, maybe if you just worked on it a little more. I hope my review has not discouraged you, I only mean to be helpful.
Author's Response: Thanks, I didn't even notice the two thens. And don't worry it doesn't discourage me, it's very helpful when people point out my mistakes.
Brilliant. This is so well written and such an interesting storyline. I can't wait for more! Please update soon! 10/10
Author's Response: Chapter 3 is nearly done, I just need to get it beta'd
I love this! Anything and everything to do with Sirius Black catches my attention, and this sounded so interesting I just had to check it out. And I must say I was not disappointed. I can't wait to see what happens next! Please update soon! 10/10
Author's Response: Thanks! This is my first fanfic and I'm so excited that people actually like it. I will update within the next day or so.
Summary: What caused Lily to loathe James and James to loathe Lily? How did they come to fall in love? What bumps and bruises did they acquire along the way? From hexing to comforting, this is the way it all started. Endure dangers and hardships, perplexity and mind games, and matters of the heart.
Ok I have no idea why you have only one review! This is great and I can't wait to see more! I don't really know what to suggest so the only other thing I have to say is: 10/10!
Summary: Written in response to Challenge One
"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."- Audrey Hepburn
It's New Year's Eve, late at night, and most of the world is out and about, except for two people. One person is lost emotionally, perhaps beyond all mortal repair, and another one is up, unable to sleep, just sitting. What happens when the two meet?
Excellent! I think Remus was a nice choice for Harry's redeemer (if that's what you would call it...). I wish you luck!
Summary: He looked down at this feet and let out a faint laugh. “You know Tonks, you’ve got a lot in you. I’ll see you around.” And with a smile and a wink of the eye, Remus Lupin vanished.
Oh I like it! I can't imagine why you don't have any reviews! I am very excited to see more of this so please update soon! I think you have captured Tonks perfectly and I am eager to see more of Remus. 10/10
I really like this idea! Doesn't sound familiar to me at all...very original, I think! Nice work! Please update soon! 10/10
Summary: In the beginning of the Christmas holidays, Sirius Black runs away from home and will not return for twenty years. A warning for mild language.
*is a Black fangurl* Naturally, I am drawn to any fic that contains either Sirius, Regulus, or Black in the summary. Often times I am disappointed by the lack of character development or of fulfilling my expectations when it comes to the Black brothers, but you have not disappointed me. To me this is a very character centric fic, which sometimes turns out to be a curse rather than a blessing, but not here. Here you very effectively used the characters and their emotions. I felt that you really got into Sirius's head well and portrayed everything he was feeling really nicely.
As always, I adore your use of parentheses. It's very unique to your style and really adds to your writing. There were a few places where I felt maybe the parentheses weren't needed, but otherwise they were fine. The whole thing flows well and your use of long sentences, once more, is wonderful.
Something that caught my attention in particular was the relationship between Sirius and Remus. Most fics focus mainly on Sirius and James, but this one dedicated a lot of time to Remus, which I loved. I liked the bit about Remus's family life and his attempted explanation of cricket. And then the Monty Python. Oh, I love the Monty Python. =) I also enjoyed that Remus had a thing for Muggle music and that that played a role in this, with the tiny bits of lyrics from Hey Jude. I think it would have been nice to continue a little more with the music aspect, but I suppose doing so may have turned this into a songfic. So I guess I get that. I just have a soft spot for music incorporated into writing. =)
In addition to the exploration of the relationship between Sirius and Remus, I also loved the relationship between Sirius and Regulus. Now, this could again just be the fangurl in me, but I love anything and everything to do with Sirius and Regulus. Especially explorations of their relationship. So kudos to a job extremely well done. I liked how you mentioned that they were similar, the same almost. That was great. Well, then again, everything was great.
And now I'm going to wrap up this review because it's getting long and if I don't end it I'm going to go on forever. But thanks for an excellent read and satisfying a Black fangurl. ;-)
Summary: Everyone thought he was a traitor. A spineless, creature of dirt. They were wrong. Each and every day he regretted having taken things into his own hands, but grief and fear had made him slightly mad. If he hadn't tried to save them, they might still be alive...
And no, this is NOT an angsty fic, no matter what it sounds like. It's about Wormtail, and how it might have happened. You know, that whole thing about him serving Voldemort, and betraying the Potters and that. I don't actually think it was this way, but yeah. There's nothing that actually says it couldn't happen like this, soo... Anyway, thankyou ally mad! I love you!!!.... Well, okay, I don't. But you get the picture. You actually reviewed. I was over the moon. In fact, I'm writing (typing?) this from my space-ship as we speak...
PS IF you believed that then you have serious issues...
This was pretty good. It was an enjoyable read and really presented some great ideas. I did feel, however, that it was a little AU. Peter seemed a little OOC in some parts. For example, in the beginning, this line stood out at me: It was true, he had never been as good as they were, but Oh my God, why Lily? Why James? And Harry only a baby! Peter seemed, to me, too regretful. I didn't understand why he was saying 'why' because he knew why. It was his fault. I understand that you wanted to show the better side of Peter, but I felt that a little more background and support was needed. His regret seemed too sudden me.
I really liked the flashback. It fit quite nicely with the rest of the fic. However, I think you could have made it more clear if you put the flashback in italics. It's not confusing when it starts, but later, I was a bit confused when it had ended. I had to re-read a couple paragraphs to determine where the end of the flashback was.
This was already pointed out, but you have 'McKinnon' spelled two different ways in this. The first time was incorrect and the second time was correct. I definitely suggest fixing that, as it makes for inconsistency. I was also a little confused as to what Andrew's role in this was. Did he know Peter was there, in the closet? I think a little more backstory on Andrew would have been good. This isn't a long fic, and I think you could have added more to it. Sometimes brevity is good, but in this case I think you needed some more explanation.
There were some capitalization issues. Words such as 'Legilimens' and 'Fidilius Charm' need to be captitalized. And I think 'mud blood' is one word, but I'm not completely positive. That might be capitalized as well, now that I think about it.
The night walk was great. You use adjectives and descriptive language very well in this and the night walk exemplified that beautifully. The end is great too. I love the redemption theme there. But I do think you could have built it up more in the rest of the fic. Maybe include another flashback where he has his doubts or narrate some more of his thoughts? I felt that this was almost AU because there wasn't a lot of explanation as to why Peter is feeling this way. Then again, that could just be me. I've always been one for extensive character study type pieces...=)
Overall, very nice. Some wonderful thoughts and ideas. Save for a few grammar and canon errors here and there, well written. Good job!