The part about the curses and the blocking was a bit confusing... But this was still a great chapter! Does the next chapter include the detentions Lily has? I would like to see those... I can't wait for more! Update soon!
Awwwww this was such an adorable chapter! The part with Frank and Alice was just so sweet. I also had a right nice time imagining James and Sirius swimming... ;) I love it and I can't wait to read more, especially the detention! Please update soon! Oh, and I'm sorry I took so long to read and review this chapter -- just been really busy. 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you! I had a nice time imagining that too, hehe! Don't worry about being a bit late: you have the most faithful and thank you very much for that!
I really loved this. Ever since HBP I've been a bit interested in Blaise and I think you've characterized him very well. His thoughts seem like those of many Slytherins, an uncertainty about himself. I especially liked his thoughts about Draco and Pansy, very true. The mention of the torture chambers was neat as well; it's something I can see Hogwarts having. Nice work!
Author's Response: Thank you for your comments. It's very encouraging to see other people like Blaise. Maybe I'll write some more about him in the future.
This was wonderful. I think you've captured Remus and Tonks very well. I also think you've portrayed their relationship nicely. This was a pleasure to read! Keep it up!
Author's Response: I try, I try.... thank you! :)
Oh, Noldo! This was amazing, simply wonderful. I loved your use of longer sentences throughout. It really added a certain strength to the whole fic. However, sometimes it was a bit difficult to follow. I needed to do a couple of re-reads on a few sentences, but overall it was perfect. I'm a fan of the present tense, and this fic proved to me that I was right about it -- it really can enhance a fic. You also demonstrated the good way to write an AU fic. It doesn't have to be Harry has a twin sister! You've given me a new appreciation for AU fics. Thanks for such a great read! *goes to add this to favorites* 10/10
This is great! I love how you've written Lily and James. I am very excited to see more of this! Update soon! 10/10
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really like this chapter because it contrasted Lily's and James' very different childhoods. Chapter 2 should be up very soon, I submitted it today, so keep an eye out!
I love this fic! You've written Lily and James (as well the others) very well. I especially liked the Sorting Hat's description of James. It fit him. I also liked how Lily already doesn't like James but how he already has a crush on her. Perfect. Can't wait for more! Update soon! 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you thank you thank you! I really appreciate the feedback. Update shouldn't be too far away, but I want to see a couple more reviews, so hang in there.
I like this very much! I think you've written the Marauders very well. Just two things: You said Remus had been a prefect since fourth year, but prefects are chosen the summer before fifth year. Also, I noticed that you had used Peter's nickname, Wormtail, when referring to him, but you had used the others' regular names. I just thought that maybe if you are using regular names for the others, using Peter's nickname kind of doesn't go... unless that was the point, separating him. Does that make sense? I liked the little comment about James still having the bruises from Lily... that was funny. Anyway, I'm excited to see more of this! Update soon!
Author's Response: thank you for being the first to review. i'm sorry to say that i missed that and i'll fix it asap. as for peter/wormtail, he always seems to be singled out in those types of things, although if i want to make this as normal-looking as possible i think your suggestion fits stunningly. so yes, i'll change it accordingly. thanks for the review, it was a lot of help.
Author's Response: also, the reason i never incorporated peter's real name was because i never found the opportunity to introduce it, seeing as i thought the first thing james would call him was wormtail, and no one addressed him after that.
This is pretty good. But I do think that there is room for improvement. One thing that I thought I should point out is this: "I honestly believed he had stopped liking me, but then today happened. Then..." You have two 'thens'. You don't need both, as you are repeating yourself. I also don't think that Lily and James could have gotten together overnight. It probably took a while for Lily to warm up to him. This has the potential to be very good, maybe if you just worked on it a little more. I hope my review has not discouraged you, I only mean to be helpful.
Author's Response: Thanks, I didn't even notice the two thens. And don't worry it doesn't discourage me, it's very helpful when people point out my mistakes.
Brilliant. This is so well written and such an interesting storyline. I can't wait for more! Please update soon! 10/10
Author's Response: Chapter 3 is nearly done, I just need to get it beta'd
I love this! Anything and everything to do with Sirius Black catches my attention, and this sounded so interesting I just had to check it out. And I must say I was not disappointed. I can't wait to see what happens next! Please update soon! 10/10
Author's Response: Thanks! This is my first fanfic and I'm so excited that people actually like it. I will update within the next day or so.
Ok I have no idea why you have only one review! This is great and I can't wait to see more! I don't really know what to suggest so the only other thing I have to say is: 10/10!
It's New Year's Eve, late at night, and most of the world is out and about, except for two people. One person is lost emotionally, perhaps beyond all mortal repair, and another one is up, unable to sleep, just sitting. What happens when the two meet?
Excellent! I think Remus was a nice choice for Harry's redeemer (if that's what you would call it...). I wish you luck!
Oh I like it! I can't imagine why you don't have any reviews! I am very excited to see more of this so please update soon! I think you have captured Tonks perfectly and I am eager to see more of Remus. 10/10
I really like this idea! Doesn't sound familiar to me at all...very original, I think! Nice work! Please update soon! 10/10
*is a Black fangurl* Naturally, I am drawn to any fic that contains either Sirius, Regulus, or Black in the summary. Often times I am disappointed by the lack of character development or of fulfilling my expectations when it comes to the Black brothers, but you have not disappointed me. To me this is a very character centric fic, which sometimes turns out to be a curse rather than a blessing, but not here. Here you very effectively used the characters and their emotions. I felt that you really got into Sirius's head well and portrayed everything he was feeling really nicely.
As always, I adore your use of parentheses. It's very unique to your style and really adds to your writing. There were a few places where I felt maybe the parentheses weren't needed, but otherwise they were fine. The whole thing flows well and your use of long sentences, once more, is wonderful.
Something that caught my attention in particular was the relationship between Sirius and Remus. Most fics focus mainly on Sirius and James, but this one dedicated a lot of time to Remus, which I loved. I liked the bit about Remus's family life and his attempted explanation of cricket. And then the Monty Python. Oh, I love the Monty Python. =) I also enjoyed that Remus had a thing for Muggle music and that that played a role in this, with the tiny bits of lyrics from Hey Jude. I think it would have been nice to continue a little more with the music aspect, but I suppose doing so may have turned this into a songfic. So I guess I get that. I just have a soft spot for music incorporated into writing. =)
In addition to the exploration of the relationship between Sirius and Remus, I also loved the relationship between Sirius and Regulus. Now, this could again just be the fangurl in me, but I love anything and everything to do with Sirius and Regulus. Especially explorations of their relationship. So kudos to a job extremely well done. I liked how you mentioned that they were similar, the same almost. That was great. Well, then again, everything was great.
And now I'm going to wrap up this review because it's getting long and if I don't end it I'm going to go on forever. But thanks for an excellent read and satisfying a Black fangurl. ;-)
This was pretty good. It was an enjoyable read and really presented some great ideas. I did feel, however, that it was a little AU. Peter seemed a little OOC in some parts. For example, in the beginning, this line stood out at me: It was true, he had never been as good as they were, but Oh my God, why Lily? Why James? And Harry only a baby! Peter seemed, to me, too regretful. I didn't understand why he was saying 'why' because he knew why. It was his fault. I understand that you wanted to show the better side of Peter, but I felt that a little more background and support was needed. His regret seemed too sudden me.
I really liked the flashback. It fit quite nicely with the rest of the fic. However, I think you could have made it more clear if you put the flashback in italics. It's not confusing when it starts, but later, I was a bit confused when it had ended. I had to re-read a couple paragraphs to determine where the end of the flashback was.
This was already pointed out, but you have 'McKinnon' spelled two different ways in this. The first time was incorrect and the second time was correct. I definitely suggest fixing that, as it makes for inconsistency. I was also a little confused as to what Andrew's role in this was. Did he know Peter was there, in the closet? I think a little more backstory on Andrew would have been good. This isn't a long fic, and I think you could have added more to it. Sometimes brevity is good, but in this case I think you needed some more explanation.
There were some capitalization issues. Words such as 'Legilimens' and 'Fidilius Charm' need to be captitalized. And I think 'mud blood' is one word, but I'm not completely positive. That might be capitalized as well, now that I think about it.
The night walk was great. You use adjectives and descriptive language very well in this and the night walk exemplified that beautifully. The end is great too. I love the redemption theme there. But I do think you could have built it up more in the rest of the fic. Maybe include another flashback where he has his doubts or narrate some more of his thoughts? I felt that this was almost AU because there wasn't a lot of explanation as to why Peter is feeling this way. Then again, that could just be me. I've always been one for extensive character study type pieces...=)
Overall, very nice. Some wonderful thoughts and ideas. Save for a few grammar and canon errors here and there, well written. Good job!
This was really good. I love how you described Rowena, it's very Ravenclaw-like. I also really liked that you didn't have her stunningly beautiful, as that's something usually attributed to her. I found it really interesting about her being in a Muggle village. And Salazar was great, exactly how I pictured him. Great work!
Wow. This was really great. The imagery is really intense, and that's a good thing. I could picture everything and feel it all happening. It flows nicely and everything is described so well. The only piece of criticism I have is to break up your paragraphs. The first one and the last one is really long. It would work a lot better to split them up. Just easier to read that way. But other than that, this is great. You could leave it as a one-shot, but it would probably be good as a chaptered fic too. Up to you, really.
Author's Response: Thank you! I describe stuff well, because I want everyone to see what I saw when I wrote it. I've decided to leave it as a one-shot because I don't have enough time to wrote the rest!
Well, you already know this, but I really love this fic. It's so sad, but so beautiful. I love Ginny's reaction to Harry's death, it's exactly how I think she would react. This is written wonderfully (I feel like you don't even need a beta). 10/10
Oh yeah, one more thing. Charlie's wife's name is Leanne! That's totally my name (spelled the same way!) So cool. Coincidence?