It was good for you're first time writing an orginal fic. You're idea's seem well planned and very different than the usual stories. I'm not hooked as of now, but we'll see what happens in your next chapters! Keep up you're good work.
It's gotten better but still, I don't feel that I'm clinging to each page. You're rushing you're chapters. I know the feeling. It takes a while for each chapter to be added so I understand the want to get as much in as possible but you've got to time out each thing you're doing. Long chapters, while usually contain best details, aren't always best. You're putting a lot in each chapter, but it's not very detailed. You're doing a good job, all the same.
I commend you on the effort, I really and truly do. You're fic was, shall I say, out there. You completely went with your gut and did things the way you wanted, which is absolutly awesome because there are so many people on mugglenet just copying off eachothers ideas. I did find some things that bothered me completely. Polyjuice potion doesn't wear off when you want it to so Harry couldn't stop being Voldemort whenever he wanted. I don't think Petrificus Totalus would elimate all the Horcrux's but that's your call. All in all, good job. Fics are about putting JKR's work into your own ideas, and you totally did. So it's really not my place to say anything bad about it. Keep up you're good work, even though I'm not hooked, I'll still follow you're story.