Penname: songbook99 [Contact]
Real name: Karin
Member Since: 10/04/05
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Since I was in about second grade, I have been an obsessive reader and writer. I have spent many hours reading books late into the night because I just couldn't put them down, and the same can be said about my writing. However, I haven't been able to spend as much time reading or writing stuff for myself lately because I've had to spend more time reading and writing the stuff required in my courses for my Master's degree in English Literature. But, I'm still able to make a little time each day to relax and take a break from studying to enjoy reading something different.
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Reviews by songbook99
 

Forever Yours by harry_potter_star
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 872]

Summary:
sigh.
Okay. Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay


For all of you who wanted an update, I have a proposition. You may or may not like it, but it's all I can offer.
Check review challenge for the last chapter. details there!


James and Lily Potter were possibly the most famous parents in wizarding history. We know alot about their adult life, but what do we really know about their childhood? Even Harry never knew about the Drama, jealousy, danger, friendships, happiness, sadness, resentment,confusion and love that his parents went through as children. Here, their lives, from when the two of them were eleven to when they were brutally murdered at only 21, is recorded. Lily and James Potter were unsung heros. This is their story.



Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 40400 Chapters: 20 Completed: No
Published:
08/29/05 Updated: 07/30/06


Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 10/25/05 Title: Chapter 3: Discoveries

Wow, your chapters just seem to keep getting better. I really liked the little bit of fighting/dueling you put in. It's great the way James comes to Lily's aid and then Remus and Sirius and everything. The relationships between everyone are what drive the story and I think you are doing a fantastic job showing that. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Cool, thaks heaps for all of yout compliments, it's seriously great of you to keep reviewing me like this, I really appreciate it!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 10/25/05 Title: Chapter 4: Late night explorations

This story is just fantastic. I really like how you had the Quidditch commentator say that James and Lily would make a cute couple. I'm sure that couldn't have made Calista all that happy. Also, the way you get into James' head while he's watching Lily write in her diary is fantastic. His musings while watching her seem to totally fit in with his ardent pursuit of her described by JK. Finally, you're ending for this chapter is great! I like how you have the boys finally getting up to some escapade worthy of the Marauders. Plus, the cliff hanger is the best. I can't wait to find out how they actually do get out of the secret passageway, and if they can manage to do it without getting caught! Great writing.

Author's Response: Thaknks for your reviews, I'm glad you like the Quidditch part, because, to be honest, I'm a complete girly-girl, and the thought of trying to make a Quidditch game seem a worthy and interesting part of the story practically put me to sleep,so, I took JK Rowlings approach, and played up on the commentator to make it more interesting for you readers to...well, read. I'm really glad that you liked the cliffhanger, and I really hope that I don't dissappoint everyone with this next chapter. As you can robably tell from the story so far, I am a total and complete drama-queen, and the next chapter gets pretty exciting, But I can place a bet that not everyone will be happy with what happens in it!! I happen to like it, but that's just me, so I am a little nervous about putting this chapter up, because I am sure that there will be a bunch of sexist people reading this story, but, well, yeah, I'm getting ahead of myself, Thanks for reviewing!!!

Author's Response: Thaknks for your reviews, I'm glad you like the Quidditch part, because, to be honest, I'm a complete girly-girl, and the thought of trying to make a Quidditch game seem a worthy and interesting part of the story practically put me to sleep,so, I took JK Rowlings approach, and played up on the commentator to make it more interesting for you readers to...well, read. I'm really glad that you liked the cliffhanger, and I really hope that I don't dissappoint everyone with this next chapter. As you can robably tell from the story so far, I am a total and complete drama-queen, and the next chapter gets pretty exciting, But I can place a bet that not everyone will be happy with what happens in it!! I happen to like it, but that's just me, so I am a little nervous about putting this chapter up, because I am sure that there will be a bunch of sexist people reading this story, but, well, yeah, I'm getting ahead of myself, Thanks for reviewing!!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 04/04/06 Title: Chapter 17: The Second Summer

What a very tense chapter you have written here. From the very beginning, the tension of James’ parents seeps into the feel of the whole chapter and finally culminates in the Dementor attack on the boys while they’re in the backyard practicing Quidditch. You do a good job showing that the Potters are not the only ones who can feel the tension in the air. The scene with all the girls over at Lily’s house also shows that at least one of them, Roxanna, notices odd things are happening. Of course, it’s fantastic that way you use that scene as a precursor to the Dementor attack because it connects the girls to what is happening at the Potters, even if they don’t realize it. Your subtle hint that what Roxanna possibly sees outside might be a Dementor is a very clever bit of foreshadowing.

As captivating as this chapter is, I couldn’t help but notice a few spots that seemed a little odd to me. The first one was in this sentence: James nodded in agreement, brought his knew up to his chest. I’m pretty sure that the bolded word should be ‘knee’ instead of ‘knew.’ The only other things I noticed were some issues with quotation marks during the Potters’ discussion about whether or not to tell James that the Dementors may be after him in an attempt to get to them. In the line, Yes, he’s 13,” he continued. the opening quotation mark should be double quotes instead of a single quote. Next, in the line, JAMES! Mrs. Potter screamed, looking up it. you are missing the closing quotation marks after the exclamation point. Other than those minor things, the chapter was pretty well written and flowed very nicely.

Truthfully, I think my favorite thing about this chapter is its subtlety. The scene with James’ parents leads right into the scene where you hint at the fact that Todd has received the kiss from the Dementors, but you never actually state that as fact; you leave the readers to assume that is what happened. Another bit of subtlety you have at the end is the subtle way in which you mimic the need for secrecy in Ron and Hermione’s letters to Harry in the summer before their fifth year at Hogwarts in Jada’s letter to Lily. Jada can only hint at thing without fully explaining anything to Lily, which is very similar to the way Ron and Hermione could only ever hint at what was going wrong for fear their letters might fall into the wrong hands. What a marvelous way to tie the situations together. You have, once again, written a very entertaining chapter where you keep the tension level high and the readers riveted to the story.



Author's Response: hey omg that is such an incredible feel-good review! it really calmed me down at the moment! I wasn't feeling all that great about this chapter considering a few of the reviews Ive recieved for them, but I take alot of thigs personally sometimes :P Thanks heaps for pointing out the mistakes, Ill try to get around to fixing them!! You have an excellent eye for spotting things like that!! Im glad you picked up on the subtlety, which was actually a new approach I was trying, you know, like get the readers interested and hint at things, and then let loose! Youll find that alot of this story might relate to what's happening currently in Harrys world, only with a few obvious changes, the main one being that the wizarding worl simply isn't prepared for all of this, they haven't experienced anything like it before. If you guys want spoilers as to what's coming up, Ive taken alot of the plot lines simply from things the ministery say about what happened in the first voldemort war thingy... Im incredibly glad you liked the chapter so much, and thanks again for the great review!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 04/05/06 Title: Chapter 18: Discussions on the Train

This is such a nice, fluffy, entertaining chapter after the previous one where everything was tense. It is nice to see that while everything around them seems to be getting darker and darker, the kids are able to still see the lighter side of life. I mean, you begin the chapter by having James and recount his encounter with the Dementors but are able to move from that fairly dark moment into the light-heartedness of new teenagers and their crushes in the compartment on the train. However, I really love the way you tie the experience into the books by using it as the explanation for why Petunia would know about the Dementors when Harry mentions them at the beginning of Order of the Phoenix

That scene on the platform led to my favorite part of the whole chapter: the scene in the compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Having Thali’s little sister, Crystal, burst into their compartment and tell them all about Thali’s crush on Remus is absolutely hysterical. I can remember my little sister doing the same thing to me when we were about the same ages. So, I could totally sympathize with poor Thali, even while I was laughing at the whole situation. Of course, part of the humor was the way everyone else in the compartment reacted to Crystal’s revelation about Thali’s crush on Remus and her deciding to not like him so much because of his ‘crooked nose.’ Poor Remus.

The scene in the Divination class is also pretty fantastic. I absolutely love the way you have the Divination professor predict everything that happens in Lily’s life using palmistry only to disregard it as the Muggle version of Divination and, therefore, not accurate at all. That whole situation is really funny and only gets funnier when the Divination professor proceeds to tell Lily she will live to be more than one hundred years old, which we all know is not true. Finishing the chapter with James flirting with Lily by making fun of the professor is great because it shows how he still really likes her, which puts her in a rather awkward situation since she’s dating Robert at the moment. This whole situation is a wonderful way to close this chapter and I definitely look forward to reading the next one.

As for the challenge, I think Robert and Lily may end up staying together for a while as long as he is able to give her at least as much attention as James is giving her now that he is free of Calista's love potion.



Author's Response: aye aye aye aye aye I GOT NO EMAIL SAYING I HAVE REVIEWS! good thing I decided to check and see what happened to all my faithful reviewers! ahem I\'m glad you liked the way I wrote this chapter... I had to be careful writing it because we\'ve juuusstt introduced the fact that a war is starting! In fact, think about kids nowadays. For alot of us, war is starting to affect things, for some of us maybe not just yet, for the rest of us, in small or big ways. I just had a cousin leave to fight in a war, and that\'s all scary stuff, but I still manage to live a normal life, so do alot of kids, and I tried to portray that in the chapter.
Im a little sister myself, and I know juuuuusssttt how fun it is to meddle in big sisters love life! I think I\'m going to enjoy Crystal... As for the divination scene call it muggles-1 wizards- 0 :P Oh. My. God you have no idea ho much I can relate to Lily\'s situations troughout my life! Its seriously as if Im in the never ending story and everything I write comes true for me! like eurgh! Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing!! cya!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 11/07/05 Title: Chapter 7: Christmas Day

Wow, I really like this chapter. The Christmas scene was interesting, especially the compliment from James to Lily. I love the spell you chose to have Sirius use on Snape. I couldn't stop laughing at the image of Snape with an oversize head. However, I did notice a few errors that were probably just typos but I thought I would mention anyway. 1. Roxanna looked a little hurt. “Well, at my house, It’s always my job to wake up the rest of my family on Christmas,” she defended herself.” The last quotation marks should not be there. 2. Roxanna shrugged. “You can hardly lame me! ... The word 'lame' should probably be 'blame' instead. 3. “Got to the Hospital Wing,” he ordered... The work 'Got' should probably only be 'Go.' Also, I was slightly troubled by how easily James was duped by Calista. I thought he would have been a little more suspicious as he had seemed to have a dislike of her before. But, as these are your versions of the characters, that may just be the way he is. Overall, I really liked this chapter. The writing was well done and the story moves along nicely. I'm excited to see what is going to happen in the next chapter with your little bit of a cliffhanger concerning what James has learned from Calista. I can't wait to find out what he does with that information, or misinformation in this case.

Author's Response: Thankyou so much for reviewing!! I love the fact that you love my story, it really makes me feel better after a crap day (Pardon my language) Thankyou sooo much for pointing out those errors, I went and fixed them straight away, because my Dads computer is really old, and hard to type on, and I usually use my Mums. Yes, James was quite easily duped, but I based his reaction on the magority of boys in my class, and I think that they would fall for that, and they're thirteen. The thing is, James is just an ordinary boy, and however smart he may be, he's quite gullible, and remember, he is only eleven. Also, he would be, off course, a little confuse at Calista's suden change of attitude, and probably a little flattered that Calista liked him all at once, sort of an information overload lol! But yeah, don't automatically assume that he's going to believe her and that's going to be the end of it either...ohh, interesting, I'm making no sense hey? well, in time...you shall see...*smiles mysteriously* cya lata!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/25/06 Title: Chapter 13: Where There's Smoke, There's Fire...

Another fantastic chapter added to a great story. I'm really glad that the Marauders returned to their mischeif making in this chapter. It showed that even near death experiences can't slow them down. Of course, maybe the near death experience is what led James to choose this particular prank, which made some people think they were near death. I laughed so hard at the reactions of the Hufflepuffs because of how badly they overreacted. They were hysterical, in all meanings of the word. Of course, I love the fact that Lily started to figure out it was a prank by the time the other students had broken down the door and started exiting the classroom. I do have a question about it, though. At the end of the chapter, you mentioned the fact that the Marauders had now pulled off two pranks involving the entire school, but I thought that this prank was only for the History of Magic class the Marauders were in. Am I mistaken? I'm just slightly confused about that now. Other than that spot of confusion and very the few punctuation errors I noticed, the writing for this chapter was absolutely fantastic. The whole chapter flowed very smoothly and was great fun to read. Of course, it does bring up a lot of questions at the end when James is so sick. I wonder if he is sick because of whatever Calista did to him on the train - like a spell is wearing off or something like that. As for your challenge, I think I will have to choose Jada as your OC that I most relate to because she has such a take charge personality - similar to Lily's. A lot of times I end up taking charge of a lot of situations because then I know stuff will get done. Anyway, great chapter. It was a lot of fun to read, especially with the laughter it caused. Of course, I look forward to the more serious chapters you have said are coming since I look forward to all of your upcoming chapters.

P.S. I am intrigued by the review posted by Psykotic Potterholics for your last chapter. I am very flattered that they and you like my reviews enough that you think it would be good for me to go to HPFF, which I assume is another HP fanfic site that both you and they have posted stories on. Let me know if you really want me to and I'll see about going over there sometime to check out what you have both posted.



Author's Response: hey, thanks for the review, I'm so glad that you liked it!! Yeah, go Marauders, even almost dying won't stop them from living a good life! lol I didn't even consider that, to tell thje truth, but for the sake of looking like a wise old author, that was EXACTLY why James chose that prank, and good on you for spotting it. lol I loved writing the scene where everyone panicked, because I just sort of let loose hehe. Lily is starting to get suspicious of the soon-to-be-Marauders, and rightly so. rightly so. lol trust you to find every single mistake :P we all love ya for it, I'll change that soon, after I respond to the rest of the thirteen reviews I woke up to! It's good the chapter is flowing smoothly. yes, you always did seem like a Jada in your reviews, funnily enough, I would be very surprised if you chose Thali or Roxy or Calista :P yes, there are definately more serious chapters coming up... the funy thing is though, when I made plans for this story, the entire thing was supposed to be a very serious story about kids growing up in a war, but as you can see, I (without realizing it until my first 30 or so reviews) added some humor. the rest of the story has very little humor planned, but the way the stories going so far, don't be surprise if there is a bit.

yes, we realy really need more of you and those like you on that site, we actually discussed it on the site :P you give these long really informative reviews, and quite literally, on there the reviews say things like "cool." or "update" or "I liked it" You won't find anything new from either of us on there yet, but the chapters are getting accepted so quickly, it won't be long before chapter 20 of forever yours is up :P heres the address. www.harrypotterfanfiction.com pretty self explanitory what that site contains lol thanks again for the LAR! (Long awaited review) :P

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 10/31/05 Title: Chapter 6: Snowflakes

Wow. I really liked the whole bit about snow inside and outside the castle ending in the snowball fight where James and Lily are rolling around in the snow together. However, the one thing I didn't quite understand is if the boys ever went to the hospital wing to get their injuries taken care of. I think part of my confusion is that you jump from them looking bad at breakfast to them being bored and deciding to make it snow without any real indication of how much time has passed in between. It's probably later that same day, right? Anyway, what I think might have been a good addition to this chapter would be to say something about the boys' injuries fading by the time it snowed outside or something, unless they did go to the hospital wing. Another thing that I really liked about this chapter that might be explored more is the way you have Calista and Robert come out to see Lily and James in the snow together. It might be interesting to give Calista and Robert bigger roles to show how they affect the relationship between James and Lily, if they affect it at all. If they are not really going to have much of an affect on Lily and James you may just want to phase them out. Anyway, this chapter was really nicely written and was fun to read. It makes me want to go out and have a snowball fight. I look forward to reading the next one when it is posted.

Author's Response: thanks for your review, And thanks for your letting me know about your confusion, because I actually was being forecd to type up that chapter within an hour, so I know that it didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped. calista and Robert...well I wont give away too much, but i will say that I'm not letting them fade away anytime soon. I have already written to yeasr 4, and trust me, even if things may seem a little confusing, I know what I'm doing and where this is all going!! As for snowball fighting, count yourself EXTREMELY LUCKY!!!! i live in quote *The driest city in the driest state in the driest continent, South australia* which means, while all you guys are running about in the snow, which by the way, I have never seen in my life, Im hiding under shelter in 45 degree heat!! Anyway, I won't take it out on you, or any other lucky people who have seen the snow!! keep readin and reviewin, I love both!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 12/16/05 Title: Chapter 9: Second Year: Everything's Changing

That's definitely an interesting way to begin everyone's second year. I have to agree with everyone else about James, though. I can't believe he would willingly go out with Calista. I think it all has to do with whatever happened to him on the train, because you make a point of showing that until he jumped up and out of the compartment, the other Marauders thought he was fine. Hmmm, it makes me wonder. Like heartachin4harry, the first thing I thought of was a love potion, especially given the way Ron reacted when he ate the Chocolate Cauldrons that Romilda had put the love potion into. As it's your story, I guess I'll just have to wait and find out what is really going on before I decide what to think about James. Although I really like this new chapter, I was slightly confused by this sentence 'Lily remembered the smug look that Calista had given him when she and James had walked into the Great Hall, hand in hand.' Was Calista giving James a smug look or Lily a smug look? I thought it would have been Lily, but if that's the case, the 'him' should be 'her' instead. Other than that, and James going out with Calista, I really enjoyed this chapter. Well written! I am looking forward to the next one.

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for your usual extra long review that I look forward to!! It's great to see that people have been noticing the way that I've written thingsm there are actually alot of clues hidden througjout that chapter! yeah, sorry that sentence was a typo, it was supposed to be Lily Calista gave a smug look to. Its; great to know that you ebnjoyed this chapter!! I suppose it was worth the wait then?? cya!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 12/20/05 Title: Chapter 10: Mixed Feelings

Nice chapter. I like the way you are dragging out the mystery of what Calista has done to James to make him like her. Of course, I was very happy to find out that I was right in thinking that it happened on the train just before he jumped up and ran of the compartment he was sharing with the other Marauders. I'm still leaning toward a love potion, but if that really were it, I think the other Marauders might have put it together by now because Calista would've given James something to eat or drink right before he went after her. However, the fact that he goes after her as soon as she leaves the compartment is very similar to Ron's immediate reaction to eating the Chocolate Cauldrons full of love potion. That love potion was probably stronger than the one Calista used because, as is pointed out in HBP, love potion gets stronger the longer it is around, and we know Harry had had those Chocolate Cauldrons for a while. Moving on. Other than some minor errors with a few spots in your dialogue, there was one sentence during your description of the Quidditch match that really made me pause while I was reading. That sentence was: 'He played aggressively, though not violently, and the Ravenclaws quickly learnt to stay out of his way when he flew.' I'm pretty sure 'Ravenclaws' should be 'Hufflepuffs' since that is who the Gryffindors are playing. At least the rest of the description of the Quidditch match refers to different Hufflepuff players and the end result was that Gryffindor beat Hufflepuff. Aside from that, and my theory on the love potion, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I can't decide on a favorite part because I am torn between two scenes. The first of which is the hilarious scene between Lily and Calista at the end of the Quidditch match where they are just screaming at each other. The second is the very touching scene you use to close the chapter where Lily removes James' glasses and tells him 'goodnight.' Lovely! I am anxious to see what will come in the next chapter and whether we will get more clues as to what Calista has done to James, since I'm pretty sure it can't just be what she said to him based on your description of what his reactions to seeing Lily with Robert are and how there is something 'deep down' that tells him he doesn't like it. Alas, I fear it will be quite a long break without any update and a lot of speculation.

Author's Response: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just spent ages replying to that, and after clicking submit,it said to log in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, here we go again! I'll go backwards this time. Hopefully the wait won't be toooo long, but if it is, reviews inspire me!! *hint hint* Ohhhh, I love those two scenes that you described!!! This is one of my absolute favourite chapters!! I hope that i don't sound full of myself saying that, I just loved writing it! Tha mistake was simple : The match was originally written to be Ravenclaw vs Gryffindor, but I changed it as the other first match of the year was Ravenclaw vs Gryffindor. I guess I missed one name change though. :( I just have to say, that you mustn't always believe what my characters say unless I wrote the actual scene that they describe. In other words, my characters tend to exaggerate occasionally. hey, they're only human! It's really cool when you realise that you were right about somethinbg huh? Ok, thanks again fotr the great review!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 10/28/05 Title: Chapter 5: Trapped!!

Wow. That was definitely a dramatic end to the boys' adventure into the passageway. I also like the way you keep the readers on edge about James until he finally emerges out of the entrance all dirty and bloody. I would have liked to know if Sirius got out before or after James and how he looked when he finally did get out. But other than that, I really, really enjoyed reading this chapter. I am anxiously awaiting the next one to see what new adventure the boys are cooking up.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, again, I'm relieved you liked the ending. Sirius came out after James, he was just coming out when James fell down. Once again, I'm going to be picky about my reviews for this chapter, so we've got nine more reviews (Or close to that) to go, and by that time I should have finished typing up chapter six!! Thanks again!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 03/15/06 Title: Chapter 16: Confrontations

I really loved this chapter. Really. Everything moved along nicely from James' waking up fully at the beginning to the scene in the Great Hall at the end. I especially loved the bit with the Howler Calista receives. You have done a great job with each of the characters. Your portrayal of the Marauders while Remus was admitting to his lycanthropy was fantastic. Peter's reaction was hysterical, especially his not knowing what lycanthropy was.

My favorite part, though, has to be the end of the chapter after James had taken the antidote to the potion that Calista had been giving to him. His description of what was going on was very interesting, especially the bit about how he felt his head was being messed with. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him at the moment when he came to the full realization of what had happened while Calista was controlling him. She had stolen his chance to actually get with Lily and ended up costing him many years with her, although none of them know that at this point. His reaction is everything I hoped it would be - it really shows the beginnings of his obsession with her and her indifference to that obsession. Very well done. However, it was during their conversation on their way to common room that I noticed one thing that really bothered me. In the two consecutive lines of dialogue at the end of this sentence, you switch from double quotation marks to single quotation marks, which I have bolded: “I didn’t, James reminded her, turning red. Lily felt uncomfortable. Oh… well, I guess I just, sort of, gave up on you. I thought you were in love with Calista.” Since you use double quotation marks for dialogue throughout the rest of your story, you may want to just go back and fix those two spots

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. Although I did still notice some issues with your comma usage, I figure I have talked that subject to death and will try to refrain from mentioning it again. The overall writing for this chapter, though, was very good. There was a lot of information here that forms the foundation for things that happen in the years to come while the Marauders and Lily are at Hogwarts. I really like the way you have given the foundation here so that you can use it to build the rest of your story. I am looking forward to reading your next chapter when you have it ready.



Author's Response: hey, thanks for the great review! Im really glad you liked the chapter! I had no idea what lycanthropy meant until a few months ago, when I came across it in a story, and i was like what the... I felt really sorry for James while I was writing that part of the story, as I can totally relate to the sort of things he would have been going through, and the injustice of it all would have infuriated him.

Thanks for pointing out about the quotation marks, Ill fix them as soon as Ive answered the rest of these reviews! My next chapter is up at the moment, and I look forward to getting a fantastic review for that one as well!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 03/09/06 Title: Chapter 14: Realizations

Wow. Your story just does not slow down at all. I like the beginning where the only thing that rouses James is the thought of flying - that is very fitting for someone whose life at Hogwarts basically revolved around Quidditch and Lily (although not yet). Of course, having James, Sirius, and Peter flying was a great way to get them outside on the night of the full moon so that they could hear the werewolf howl. Having James figure out that the werewolf was Remus was brilliant, especially as it shows that he was one of the brightest student's at Hogwarts at the time. Of course, I was a little surprised that figuring that out was enough of a shock to knock him off his broom, but I guess it works when couple with the way he was behaving at the beginning of the chapter. You also do a great job with the girls in this chapter. Jada is great as the voice of reason in the face of Lily's emotional reaction to her fight with James. The way their conversation ends with them going to talk to the boys on the Quidditch pitch really sets the stage for the way Lily and James will probably get into petty fights many more times through the years - it's what friends do. I really like the way you work it so that the girls are there to witness James' fall so that you can show exactly how much Lily cares for him - that's great foreshadowing of things to come. As weird as it was for James to end up in a coma, all I can think is that it will end up good for him because he'll wake up from it and no longer be under the effect of whatever Calista did to him. On a nitpicky note, the only thing I really saw throughout this chapter that you should probably work on is still your non-use of commas around the names of the people being directly addressed in the dialogue. I noticed your lack of commas a lot at the beginning of this chapter and just thought I should mention it for you to watch for in your future chapters. Other than that, though, this chapter was really fantastic. The chapter flowed really well and added quite a bit to the overall story. I am looking forward to reading your next chapter - which I'm headed off to do now.

Author's Response: omg you're back, with the longest bloody review I have EVER SEEN! Yes, it most certainly doesn't slow down, I have far too many ideas for it to do such a boring thing as slow down! I suppose james is a liiiitttllleee obsessed with Quidditch, but thats sort of how I see him...which is what you said...so Ill shut up now! There is actually a second reason that James fell off his broom, but the discovery certainly triggered the fall! Im glad you picked up on that as well, because I was wondering how many people would think it was weird that a natural flier would simply tumble off their broom, even if they were surprised and or shocked. lol You make everything I do sound so ...well...planned! I dont know if that makes sense, but you have a way of really picking up on little things that I wrote a certain way, to ease people into something, then spring it on them to see if they were paying attention, you know? You, however, I couldnt imagine being caught off guard! I wouldnt be surprised if you read these stories with a magnifying glass!! (thats a good thing btw lol) yes, I agree, the coma thing maaayyy have seemed a little weird, but as far as I could see, it was the best way to get the upcoming events to happen without confliction. Ill try to watch that coma before name thing, all these rules make my head spin though! Im so glad you liked the chapter, and thanks for the fantsatic review!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 11/21/05 Title: Chapter 8: The first Summer

You really do a good job of making this chapter funny, even though it does have its serioud moments. In a way, I feel a little sorry for Petunia because she is so antagonized by the whole magical world; of course, that's only because she antagonizes everyone associated with it. I really like the way you have broken up your chapter into a section that focuses on Lily and a section that focuses on James. It is interesting to watch their development separate from each other.

Starting the chapter with Lily reading letters from her friends is a brilliant idea. The letters are a good way to bring other characters into the storyline without having them present at that particular moment. Also, I think you did a wonderful job portraying what eleven and twelve year old girls would be writing to each other about. Roxy's letter had me cracking me up; her idea of starting that website is absolutly hilarious. However, I did notice one mistake at this point in the chapter. When you wrote, 'Lily giggled Roxanna’s letter,' you forgot to put the word 'at' between 'giggled' and 'Roxanna's.' Other than that, a very funny beginning to the chapter.

The second half of your chapter is just as funny as the first, but in a wholly different way. You do a good job describing the interactions between the three boys. I love the bit when they're in that cave that looks like the outdoors and Sirius and Remus just look at each other before tackling James. That is such a great funny moment in the chapter. I was a little surprised at James' confession to Remus about liking Lily, but, never having been a twelve year old boy, I can't say that it wouldn't happen. There is a grammar mistake at this point in your chapter as well. When James confesses to Remus, you wrote, 'James took a deep breath. I know this may come as a shock to you, but I really like Lily. A lot.” ' You are missing the first set of quotation marks that should appear right before 'I.' Other than that, it was a great little section that really illuminated the closeness of the relationship between the boys. Well done.

All in all, this chapter is very enjoyable to read. It has a little bit of everything: hate, infatuation, jealousy, anger, and love (well the beginnings of love). This was a great chapter to wrap up everything that happened during everyone's first year at Hogwarts and I am anxious to see where you take the story from here.



Author's Response: YAY!! a long review, my favourite!!! ok, I will try to respoind to everything in order. Um... First off, thanks for your review!! I'm glad you like the way i split he chappies!! I like that as well when I find it in other stories.

I'm glad you like the whole letter thing, I plan to set out every Summer like that. I can't take uch credit for writing those letters as a 12 year old would write them, because I spent most of this year being 12! lol, so it wasn't really creative writing, I'm happy you loved the website thing, that was a spur-of-the-moment joke!

Thankyou soo much for pointing out those typos, because I typed up that chapter on my Dads coputer, which doesn't let you know if you made any mistakes unlike my Mums; I swear, that computer doesn't even think that "it's" is a word it's that old lol.

I loved writing the second half, and I have never been a twelve year old boy either, so maybe some scenes will be a little too feminine. I did try to make that though as if James didn't tell Sirius about it, because he is more of a playful sort of o, whereas Remus James can confide in without the fear of being ridiculed. remus just isn't that sort of kid.

Wow, you really make this seem like an emotional chapter, and it was in a way! It's funny, I am incredibly underconfident in my work, and 73 reviews later I am still astounded and thrilled if someone pays me a compliment on it! That year was so totally the shortest one of all of them, I like to think of it as a prologue more than anything!! Thanks again, keep reading!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/09/06 Title: Chapter 12: Rescue Mission

What a great way to weave tension with humor. I love the way you have James trying to take charge and put people in pairs only to have those people argue with him until they get their way, especially Jada. The whole scene with Thali and Peter looking for Remus and getting caught in the cupboard was hilarious. I feel so sorry for her. Of course, you do a fantastic job of moving from that humor to the very tense and nail-biting scenes outsides where Lily, Robert, James, and Jada are all trying to rescue Remus. The only thing that caught my eye while I was reading this chapter was some missing punctuation in your dialogue. There are three times where you are missing a comma before the name of someone who is being directly addressed by the person talking. Since those three missing commas didn't make it any harder to read the chapter, I decided not to include them here but just make you aware of them so you can watch for that in the future. My favorite part of this chapter, though, was the very end where Lily tells James that she is still not talking to him. The whole Calista thing appears to have done significant damage to their friendship. So, I think it will take James dumping Calista before Lily will start talking to him again, but I don't think they will actually be friends again until sometime during their sixth year. To me, I think them becoming friends again, and eventually more, will occur slowly over time as James gets rid of Calista and appears to slowly mature. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this chapter and I look forward to reading the rest of this story. Keep up the wonderful writing and the great storyline. Nicely done!

Author's Response: Hey. thanks for the fantastic review! Thankyou so much for all of your compliments!! Sorry about the commas, but something was bound to happen, and im glad this time it wasn't so big :P poor thali, the poor poor child. Calista certainly has done damage, and there is far more to come. far more. I'm glad that you like the end bit, oh sorry i am trying hard to answer this in order, and im not doing a very good job lol That's a good guess! thanks for accepting the challenge. Thanks again!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 03/09/06 Title: Chapter 15: Emotions

Your chapters just keep getting better and better. You do a magnificent job of describing what James would have been experiencing as he surfaced from his coma: the voices of his friends, the difficulty opening his eyes, and the complete confusion about what has happened. Very nicely done there. I also like the way Sirius is annoyed by Remus' apparent abandonment of James when he goes to the library with Lily. That was exactly how I pictured he would react because of his fierce loyalty to James.

Now, I just have to take a moment to bask in the fact that I figured out what was wrong with James way back when he first started going out with Calista. I was very happy to find out that Remus had figured out that James was under the influence of a love potion. However, given what Slughorn says about Lily in Half-Blood Prince, I was a little dismayed that she hadn't put it together as well because she hadn't paid enough attention in Potions. I guess I should give her a little bit of a break since she is only a second year, but I still think she would've paid as much attention in the class as Remus did. Besides that tiny spot where I think Lily might have possibly slipped out of character, I only noticed a few tiny punctuation errors mostly around your characters’ thoughts. For example, the period between the bolded ‘me’ and ‘she’ in the following line should be a comma instead: ‘It’s funny, now that there’s a chance that James could be under the influence of a love potion, I’m starting to wonder whether he really does like me. she mused.’

All in all, though, this chapter was really enjoyable to read. The fact that you finally gave us the answer to the whole James and Calista mystery was a great way to tie it to some of your earlier chapters and show that there is a main storyline throughout all of the chapters. Of course, you did include a very shocking ending to this chapter. I would never have guessed that you would have Lily lean over to kiss Robert, although it does seem the type of thing someone with her strong personality might do. I guess one of the things I’m looking forward to reading in the next few chapters is going to be an explanation of the love potion and whether or not its effects have worn off of James after his accident. It will be quite interesting to read about his reaction to the whole Lily and Robert thing once he is back to normal. I am definitely looking forward to reading more of this story.



Author's Response: hey, thanks for the review! You really think so? thats great!! so do your reviews by the way lol. Im not really sure how I knew about the whole emerging from the coma thingy, just I researched it, and several websites said that victims are conscious of their surroundings sometimes before they actually wake up. I tried to put myself in his place, and I knew he wouldnt go, oh yeah, I must be in a coma, all he would remember is seeing black, and then waking up from what would seem like a long sleep.

Take the moment, breath in, breathe oooouuuuttttt. Well, the way I saw it, Lily has enough on her plate at the moment, with her jealousy of Calista at first, then trying to figure out whether she liked robert enough, on top of homework and stuff, I mean, poor Lily probably didnt even notice anything was particularily suspicious, besides, as written, Lily had considered a potion, but it didnt seem to fit.

Yeah, Im trying to weave a storyline into the years, so there isnt just meaningless events. I loved the ending personally! I had it planned for so long, not long after I started handriting the second year. There isnt much more left to this year, to put it mildly, so a lot of wrapping up will be coming very shortly!! Thanks again for the review!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 12/22/05 Title: Chapter 11: Great Danger

Great chapter. I, like Lily and her friends, was hoping for something else from James when he asked to speak with her privately. Of couse, it would have been a bit of a let down if that had happened with no explanation of why James had a sudden change of heart. That is why I was so glad Remus figured it all out during his walk. Of course, I am now very concerned for the safety of my favorite werewolf. I love all of the confusion about what is going on because it really heightens the concern for Remus. The one spot I noticed a few typos happened at about this point in the story when McGonagall makes her announcement. They happened in the last line: ' “EVERONE IS TO REPORT TO THEIR OWN COMMON ROOMS IMMEDIETLY!” ' The word 'EVERONE' should be 'EVERYONE,' and the word 'IMMEDIETLY' should be 'IMMEDIATELY.' Other than that one spot in the chapter, the writing here was marvelous. Your chapter flowed very well from the beginning to the end, and I enjoyed reading it. Hopefully there will be good news in the next chapter, especially because of the wait for updates. However, I will have plenty to think about since you put in that little thought about a spell when Remus was thinking on his walk. I wonder what kind of spell Calista might have used and what she said during her little time in the compartment with the boys. It also makes me wonder whether or not she had her wand with her at the time but was hiding it from view. I guess I will just ponder all of that over the holidays. I hope you enjoy your holidays.

Author's Response: IT DID IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bloody computer!!!!!!!!!!! here we go a effin gen. I could really feel how Lily and James were feeling, like Lily just sor of snapped from bitter dissappoinment, and James was like wtf?? sorry about the typos!! The confusion is fun to write, I can just imagine being in the middle of all that chaos!! There is virtually a million things that Callie could have done in that compartment, I'm glad it will give you something to think about!! Have a great hols!!!!!!!!

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 03/08/06 Title: None

This story was very entertaining. I love the idea of experiencing Dumbledore's sorting, especially getting to see what was going on while the Sorting Hat was on his head. It was really interesting the way you highlighted the fact that the hat was taking so long to sort him - it reminded me of Harry's sorting. I like the idea that Dumbledore's personality was so evenly balanced that it was hard to place him. However, my favorite part of this chapter has to be your mention of lemon drops. I laughed when I read Albus' memory of eating almost the full bag his father brought home and getting a stomachache. You do such a great job of creating subtle links between this story and the series. The fact that you mention his brother is also very nice. I really loved the whole story. Very well done!

Author's Response: Thank you--I'm glad you liked the sorting! I was worried he seemed too...perfect. I didn't have much of a chance to show his faults; I think he's a little more prideful than the Sorting Hat realized :). Ooh, it does sort of mirror Harry's sorting. Hehe, I'm glad you enjoyed the lemon drops. It was fun to write that. Thank you so much for your review--you're too nice!

 

Another Side of the Story by Slian Martreb
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 97]

Summary: Everyone knows about what it was like for Harry Potter to enter Hogwarts for the first time and fight the Dark Lord for the Second. But no one knows what it was like for his best friend. No one knows what it was like to continue standing in someone's shadow. No one knows what it was like to always be second-noticed. No one knows what it was like for Ronald Weasley. This is an account of their first year through his eyes, told his way. No warnings, unless you count sibling rivalry as GA. I know the first chapter is long, but it's worth it to set the story off right. Enjoy! Please review and let me know what you thought! Please, please review! Chapter Eleven is up and I beg your forgiveness for being so long with the updating!

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 52532 Chapters: 13 Completed: No
Published:
09/05/05 Updated: 03/22/06


Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/12/06 Title: Chapter 3: Letters and Ladders

Marvelous chapter. You do a great job of showing the many sides of Ron, especially his hair trigger temper. My favorite parts of this chapter have to be the times he loses his temper with his brothers and flies off, literally, leaving them behind. Of course, I do feel a little sorry for Charlie when Ron leaves him in the forest with his injured leg and without his wand. Poor Charlie did sort of bring it on himself by insisting on searching for his oak wand amongst a forest full of oak twigs instead of letting Ron go get their mother for help, but he was in a rather pitiful state at the time. I felt less sorry for Fred when Ron flew off on his broom after Fred and George were being slightly prattish to him about his acceptance into Hogwarts. Another great part in this chapter that reveals quite a bit about Ron is when he lies to his mother about the letter the owl was carrying. The lengths Ron goes to to conceal that letter are rather comical, especially when he climbs out his bedroom window to fly back into the forest. As much as I enjoyed reading this chapter, though, I didn't think it was quite up to your usual standards of editing since I noticed at least 10 typos or missing words throughout the chapter. I won't post them here as there are so many of them, but I just thought you might want to keep an eye on that in the future. Most of them weren't really huge typos, but they did sometimes make a sentence confusing. Other than that, your writing flowed very well through this chapter, which made it so much fun to read. I look forward to reading the next chapter and finding out what Ron will get up to next.

Author's Response: Darling, why don't you just send them to me on a feedback form, letting me know it's from you? Then I can save it on my comp and fix them in the original document and re-post them all at once. Poor Charlie is right. He was being a bit of an idiot, wasn't he? But he's probably lost a bit of blood at this point and hasn't eaten in days, so...we forgive him. With him flying out the window: Well, we've seen in canon that Ron is quite inventive, haven't we? This just took it another way. Besides, he's eleven; probably doesn't realize he might kill himself. Unless he's done it quite a few times before...? Hmm.... *must think*

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/12/06 Title: Chapter 4: Brothers Re-banded

Simply fantastic. The majority of this chapter was absolutely hysterical. You do a wonderful job portraying the close relationships the Weasleys share with each other. I love everyone's reaction to Bill being home because they are so astonished. Of course, the funniest part of this chapter was Bill's gift for Ginny, and Ron's attempt to make it more than it was to bail Bill out. The other part that really stuck out to me was Fred's little slip of the tongue. I can't help but wonder what he might know about Percy that nobody else knows. It would be interesting to find out. Another thing I really enjoyed about this chapter was how wonderful the actual writing was. There was only one little typo I noticed throughout this whole chapter, and it was in this sentence: 'Close to half and hour later, showered and dressed, Ron headed down to the kitchen. ' I believe the bolded 'and' should be 'an' instead as I'm assuming you meant thirty minutes, which is half an hour. Your writing is just so fantastic and it keeps getting better with each chapter. I am looking forward to the next chapter to find out what happens when they all go shopping and Charlie has to go see a healer. What a great twist to add to your story by making Charlie terrified of healers when he deals with monstrous creatures every day. Absolutely brilliant!

Author's Response: You have no idea of how happy it makes me to hear that you think I portrayed the relationship between the Weasleys well. It's very hard to keep characters in, well, character and when you have dialogue going between a family of nine, it only gets harder. I can't believe no one has noticed yet that Mr. Weasley hasn't made a single physical appearence in this yet.... And I'm of the opinion that Ron always looked out for Ginny. That's what the whole bit was about: more trying to keep Ginny from being upset and less trying to save Bill from getting his arse kicked. Heh. I thought it was a nice twist too, thanks!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/12/06 Title: Chapter 5: Fires and Floo

Another fantastic chapter. After all of the family unity of the last chapter, I was pretty happy to see a little sibling rivalry in this one. I love Fred's bit of jealousy when Ron gets to go first when they leave the Burrow. Then, of course, it was Ron's turn to get jealous when he found out Percy was the one getting new robes instead of him. All I could think while reading that was how Ron probably would've said he hates being poor except that his mother was right there. The writing itself was really great in this chapter as well. Just like the last chapter, there was only one typo I noticed, and it was in this sentence: 'Ron stuck his hand into the pot, taking a pinch fo the glittery powder lying at the bottom of it.' I think you meant to put 'of' where you have 'fo.' Other than that, this whole chapter was amazing. I enjoyed it so much, even when you snuck in the young girl from America as Madame Malkin's assitant. You are sneaky. I am looking forward to reading the next chapter. Well done!

Author's Response: Well, I personally loved and felt bad for Ron until the fourth, maybe fifth, book. From thereon forward he became an idiot. (Although he made steps towards redemption at the funeral when Hermione is crying on him...) So. I might have taken that annoyance out on him a bit...*nervous laughter* Am I sneaky? lol and tee hee hee. Thanks!

 
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