Penname: songbook99 [Contact]
Real name: Karin
Member Since: 10/04/05
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Since I was in about second grade, I have been an obsessive reader and writer. I have spent many hours reading books late into the night because I just couldn't put them down, and the same can be said about my writing. However, I haven't been able to spend as much time reading or writing stuff for myself lately because I've had to spend more time reading and writing the stuff required in my courses for my Master's degree in English Literature. But, I'm still able to make a little time each day to relax and take a break from studying to enjoy reading something different.
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Another Side of the Story by Slian Martreb
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 97]

Summary: Everyone knows about what it was like for Harry Potter to enter Hogwarts for the first time and fight the Dark Lord for the Second. But no one knows what it was like for his best friend. No one knows what it was like to continue standing in someone's shadow. No one knows what it was like to always be second-noticed. No one knows what it was like for Ronald Weasley. This is an account of their first year through his eyes, told his way. No warnings, unless you count sibling rivalry as GA. I know the first chapter is long, but it's worth it to set the story off right. Enjoy! Please review and let me know what you thought! Please, please review! Chapter Eleven is up and I beg your forgiveness for being so long with the updating!

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 52532 Chapters: 13 Completed: No
Published:
09/05/05 Updated: 03/22/06


Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/12/06 Title: Chapter 6: School Shopping

Great chapter. You do a great job of walking the readers through Diagon Alley along with the Weasleys. Ron's walk though, was not nearly as happy as he started out thinking it would be. I can understand how disappointing it can be to only get hand-me-downs when you are expecting something new. That's part of what I like about this chapter, though, that Ron is forced into getting used to accepting hand-me-downs. Because he gets used to it, it only makes it that much better when he actually does get something new, like his own wand at the beginning of Prisoner of Azkaban. My favorite part of this chapter was Lee's appearance and introduction to the rest of the Weasleys. I love his reaction to Bill's introduction. Having him ask Fred and George is Bill is anything like Percy was hysterical, especially since I pictured him saying it loud enough that Bill, Charlie, and Ron could hear him. Also, I love the way you slip in Ron's description of Charlie as a 'gentle giant' because of his love for creatures. Little did he know at that point that he was going to be meeting a true gentle giant upon his arrival at Hogwarts. Was that perhaps some very clever foreshadowing??? Anyway, I absolutely loved reading this chapter, especially since I didn't see any typos while I was reading through it. Great job with that! It will be interesting to read the next chapter to see what happens to the Weasleys next.

Author's Response: YAY ME! NO TYPOS! *sacrifices rubber chicken at Stonehege* I would say the 'gentle giant' bit is foreshadowing, except that I dont' really do these things consciously--the story kind of just happens. I mean, I am possessed when I write, so I can't really take any responsibility for this. I LOVE your reviews!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/13/06 Title: Chapter 8: Hogwarts and Harry

So, what's it really like in Ron's head??? I just thought I would ask since you have proven once again how well you seem to understand his character. I love the way you begin this chapter with Ron being less than enthusiastic about sharing a compartment with Harry. It's a good thing for him that he got over it since it led to their magnificent friendship. You also do a marvelous job describing the way Ron really felt about Hermione the first time they met.

However, even amidst greatness I found some things I think you can adjust to improve the chapter. The first two things I noticed were here: 'He slid the door open slowly and stepped it. Sure enough, it was completely of anyone except for Harry Potter.' I'm pretty sure the bolded 'it' should be 'in.' Also, you seem to be missing a word between 'completely' and 'of'. I think maybe 'empty' should be added there, but I'll leave the word choice up to you. Now, I was just confused by this: 'And Ron knew didn’t know what Fred and George...' I'm not sure if Ron 'knew' or if he 'didn't know' what the twins were up to, but I think you probably meant 'didn't know' based on the rest of the sentence. Next, you're just missing a letter here: ' “I tried to turn him yellow yesterday to make him more interesting, bu the spell..." ' This, I'm sure, is just a simple typo where you forgot to include the 't' at the end of 'but.' In this one, you didn't forget to include a letter, but you forgot to include the opening quotes here: 'Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow.” There should be opening quotes before 'Sunshine.' Lastly I was confused while I was reading this: '...Ron fought down a blush as the Draco gave Harry...' I'm pretty sure you didn't really mean to have 'the' right in the middle of that sentence. Okay, that was it. After reading your response to my review for chapter 3, though, I have a question. Would you prefer I sent these typos to you on a feedback form instead of posting them with my review? If you would, I will definitely do it that way. Just let me know.

Now that I've finished my nit-picking, I can get back to focusing on the brilliance of this chapter. Just like the previous chapter, you have done a magnificent job of weaving JKR's words into your story while giving them a different slant so they are seen from Ron's perspective. You are doing an amazing job maintaining that point of view even when you include paraphrasing from the novel. My favorite part of this chapter, like in the compartment scene in the PS/SS, was when Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle tried to pick a fight with Ron and Harry. I love the way you write out Ron's thoughts and have him getting into the fight more for Harry than for himself. Right at that moment you are setting up the friendship that we all expect. Wonderful! I look forward to reading the next chapter to see how you spin it around to Ron's point of view again.



Author's Response: Well, I'd love to tell you what it's like, except that it tends to be more like a character is in MY head than the other way around. (This was in fact, a VERY big problem when writing one of my fics-I was not fit for company for about a week.) So, sorry. But you can feel free to ask Ron what it's like in mine! I'm happy that you liked this chapter because, as hard as it is to write something I have no basis for (all the chapters up until this point) it's much harder to write something she did from someone else's POV. You'll notice on other reviews that some regular reviewers suggested giving more time to Ron's opinion on something rather than simply writing a scene we've already seen with Harry's. I look forward to your review, as always! (Feel free to send them over on the feedback form.)

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/09/06 Title: Chapter 2: Foward to the Future

Opening this chapter with Ron being woken by the ghoul is brilliant. What a great way to jump ten years in the story. You have done a marvelous job portraying every single character in your story, epecially in the dialogue. My favorite part of this chapter was probably when Fred and George barged into Ron's room and played catch with Scabbers. What a great scene! Even with how well written this chapter is, I noticed one spot where I think you might be missing a word. The missing word, which I have added in bold, was here:' "...You had all better [b]be[/b] quiet today!” she said severely, shaking a spoon at them.' Other than that one spot, the writing was pretty much flawless, outside of the commas I will not mention. Of course, the scene with the missing word leads into yet another great scene, the de-gnoming of the garden. I love the 'friendly' competition the twins have going on about who can throw a gnome the farthest. Ending with Ron's gnome flying into an owl was hilarious, especially since it is probably the owl he has been waiting for. This was another fun read and I look forward to the next chapter which I'm sure will be just as much fun. Wonderul!

Author's Response: I will respond to this like a normal human being when my sister isn't being a dumb blonde in purpose four feet away from me. Thanks for the nit-picking.

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/12/06 Title: Chapter 7: Trains and Trouble

This chapter is absolutely amazing in the way you take what JKR wrote and twist it to Ron's perspective. Everything you wrote for this chapter fits so seamlessly with what was in the first book. However, my favorite part of this chapter had to be the beginning where the Weasleys are all rushing around the Burrow trying to get ready. I couldn't stop laughing at Percy's pompousness in trying to get into the bathroom first only to be ignored by Ron and then Fred, who both beat him to it. I love the way you transition from that to the train station and begin weaving your story in with canon.

As well as you wrote this whole chapter to incorporate what JKR wrote, there were still some typos and missing words. I'll try not to overwhelm you, but there were seven places that seemed a little odd to me. The first was a missing space here: ' “Morning Percy!Nervous, Ron?” ' There should be a space after the exclamation point before 'Nervous.' The next things I noticed were in consecutive sentences that made it really awkward to read. I have bolded the typos in these sentences: 'He wiped his hands on his pants, gripped the handles of the trolley again and starting towards the barrier. It wasn’t the first time he’d be going through the trolley, but he wouldn’t be coming back out of it for another year this time, and the reason why was making him nervous.' I bolded 'starting' because I believe it should be 'started' based on maintaining a consistent verb tense with the rest of the verbs in the sentence. In the second sentence, I bolded 'trolley' because I'm pretty sure you meant 'barrier' as I can't really picture Ron going through a 'trolley.' The next thing I noticed was not a typo but a missing period between these two sentences: 'Ron turned around to face the twins; he had gone through the barrier without even realizing it Wizards and witches acted freely...' I bolded the two words between which I believe there should be a period. It would be a really long, odd sentence if there is not punctuation between those two words. I saw another typo in this sentence: ' “How come Percy gets new robes anyway,” Fred asked for what must have been the thousandths time...' There should not be an 's' at the end of thousandth. You seem to be missing a word in this sentence: ' “You know the black-haired who was near us at the station?” ' I think there should be a word, either kid or boy, between 'black-haired' and 'who' which I have bolded. Next, there is a typo in this sentence: 'Ron’s ears started buzzing, so he wasn’t quite sure if he heard Ginny ask if their mother if she could go on the train to see him.' I think it is just a typo that you included the bolded 'if' in this sentence as the sentence doesn't make sense with it there. Lastly, I think you have either an extra word or a missing word here: 'It had taken till about four years to die down;' This was really awkward to read when I read it, and I think you should take out the word 'till' unless you add the word 'later' after 'years.' Okay, that was all I saw. I hope I didn't overwhelm you as that is not my intention.

Even with all the stuff I nit-picked about, I really loved reading this chapter. The way you wrote the whole train station scene reminded me of 'Rosencrantz and Gildenstern Are Dead' which is Hamlet through the eyes of two other characters. You are doing such an amazing job of taking the canon information and twisting it so we get to see the way everything was for Ron instead of Harry. Very nicely done! I am anxious to read the next chapter and see their first meeting through Ron's eyes.



Author's Response: Rosencrantz and Guilderstern? That's the one with my puppy right? Oh. *dreamy-eyed* *delicate cough* Excuse me while I collect myself... I forsee you loving the start of the next chapter, typos nonewithstanding...

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 02/09/06 Title: Chapter 11: Broomsticks and Battles

This chapter was one I was definitely looking forward to reading since it is another side of one of my favorite chapters in Philosopher’s Stone. You do a really good job twisting the action and everything from the book to show it all from Ron’s perspective. I love all of the times when you write what was going through Ron’s mind while everything was happening around him – you capture his personality really well. Not only that, but you have made good use of the other canon characters, even though most of them are in the background. Of course, probably my favorite part of this chapter was seeing more interaction between Ron and Hermione and his reactions to it, especially since we know what happens in their future.

As lovely as I think this chapter is, I think there is one scene that doesn’t seem to be as much from Ron’s perspective as I think it could be. Although the scene with Harry flying up on his broom to face off with Malfoy is nicely done, it doesn’t really feel like it’s coming from Ron’s perspective. Maybe you could focus more on what is going on on the ground while Harry and Draco are up in the air. Something like Ron following the exchange between them with his eyes while ignoring Hermione’s muttering or whatever else might be going on in the small crowd on the ground. I mean, how easily would Ron have been able to hear their conversation and see their facial expressions? Even if he can hear their conversation clearly since they’re yelling at each other, it might be nice to see more details about what is going around him instead of in the air, like maybe Ron hearing Crabbe and Goyle cracking their knuckles at Harry’s comment about them not being in the air to protect Malfoy. Other than that spot, though, you did a great job changing the rest of the scenes over to Ron’s point of view.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. Your writing was as good as ever and it made this chapter that much more enjoyable to read. Now that Ron has survived his first foray into rule-breaking, I am looking forward to his other adventures with Harry because I know I can trust you to portray his point of view really well. I also look forward to watching you portray the change in Ron’s perception of Hermione as this story progresses. You did a great job of planting the seeds of their future friendship and eventual relationship, as long as JKR lets them get that far in book seven, through your version of their midnight adventure. It will be interesting to see how you handle Ron and Harry’s rescue of Hermione on Halloween because I think there is a lot that can be done with Ron’s thoughts during that little incident, especially since that’s when their friendship really started to solidify. Very satisfied reader who is looking to be more so when the next chapter is posted!



Author's Response: You're a SPEW-er, aren't you? Thankful as always for the very detailed reviews. That's actually a very good idea you have about Ron's perspective. It's hard sticking in new stuff, so long after having written it, and only things that make a big impresson on me (like Hermione grabbing Harrys' wand) make it in. Am doing my best for Halloween....Till later K!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/24/06 Title: Chapter 10: Classes and Curiosity

This chapter is a great blend of what is in the book and your own writing. I think you've done a wonderful job here in adding more of your own stuff and branching away from what's in the book as much as you can. Part of the reason for this seems to be that you put a lot more of Ron's thoughts into the chapter. He seems a lot more real in this chapter than he had in the previous two where most of the writing seemed to come almost directly from the book. Some of the best parts of this chapter are your descriptions of the teachers from Ron's point of view; they were all quite funny and spot on. Another part I really enjoyed while reading this chapter was the conversation between Ron and Hagrid about Charlie. I love the way you tie the conversation in to your earlier chapters at the Burrow. I am definitely looking forward to your next chapter to see your spin on what happens next. However, I will be patient as I completely understand how hard it can be to find time to do stuff around a 9-5 job since I have one myself. I will still keep my eye out for it. Good Luck.

Author's Response: As always, glad you liked it! Thanks for the review and the luck!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/09/06 Title: Chapter 1: How it Happened

Great chapter. I love long involved chapters, and they don't get much better than this one. You do a good job balancing out the tension and the humor throughout the chapter. Very interesting take on how the Weasleys found out about what happened to Harry and his parents. There were a few things I noticed that are probably just typos, but I thought I would let you know anyway. The first one is bolded here: ' “She’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Molly murmured.' I think 'he' should probably be 'she' since Molly and Arthur are talking about Ginny. The next one appears bolded here: '...what felt like a stolen moment fo peace and quiet.' I'm pretty sure you meant 'of' instead of 'fo.' This next one was probably the most confusing of them all. It is bolded here: 'Molly leaned up and glared at the twins as she rocked the her daughter ...' You probably didn't mean to have 'the' right there, but it makes this sentence really awkward to read. The last one was also slightly confusing and I have bolded it: ' “Because, if I know you two, and I should think that you do, you’ll both get yourselves hurt,” the reply came.' I think the bolded 'you' should be 'I' because Molly is talking about the fact that she knows the twins well. Okay, all my nit-picking is now done, just a few things I thought I should let you know about. Other than that, I absolutely loved reading this chapter. Your writing, like usual, flows wonderfully well and really paints a picture for the reader. I loved imagining all of the Weasleys in their parents' bed; it reminded me of how my siblings and I used to do that a long time ago when we were all about the same ages as the Weasleys. I look forward to reading the rest of this story because of the interesting perspective you have given it. Nicely done!

Sorry for the double post. I was having problems with my computer at work and certain things didn't turn out the way they should have. Sorry again, I'm going to try and stop doing this. Of course, it would help if my computers stopped acting up.

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/09/06 Title: Chapter 2: Foward to the Future

Opening this chapter with Ron being woken by the ghoul is brilliant. What a great way to jump ten years in the story. You have done a marvelous job portraying every single character in your story, epecially in the dialogue. My favorite part of this chapter was probably when Fred and George barged into Ron's room and played catch with Scabbers. What a great scene! Even with how well written this chapter is, I noticed one spot where I think you might be missing a word. The missing word, which I have added in bold, was here:' "...You had all better be quiet today!” she said severely, shaking a spoon at them.' Other than that one spot, the writing was pretty much flawless, outside of the commas I will not mention. Of course, the scene with the missing word leads into yet another great scene, the de-gnoming of the garden. I love the 'friendly' competition the twins have going on about who can throw a gnome the farthest. Ending with Ron's gnome flying into an owl was hilarious, especially since it is probably the owl he has been waiting for. This was another fun read and I look forward to the next chapter which I'm sure will be just as much fun. Wonderful!

Again, sorry for the double post. I had to fix a few things that my computer at work messed up. Respond to it any time you like; I understand all about sisters as I have one of my own.



Author's Response: Flawless? *tears* Thank you! One day, I promise, I will sit down and edit every single thing you've told me to. You know, that day when I get a life. Or a high-speed/DSL/wireless connection. Whichever comes first...

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/18/06 Title: Chapter 9: Hats and Houses

As much as I agree (to some extent) with Sirius_Black341 about the lack of original writing, I think you are doing a fabulous job of twisting the story around to Ron’s point of view. What you said in response to that review about it being a little hard to change some stuff because of canon is definitely true since Ron and Harry were so close. But, I think you’ll get better at it the longer you write from his point of view. Plus, if you are going to do this for more than just the first book, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to write some interesting stuff when Ron isn’t around Harry. Back to the chapter, I especially love all the insight into Ron’s thoughts during the waiting period before the Sorting Ceremony and while he was sitting with the Sorting Hat on his head. I also really enjoyed the conversation between Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville. You do a great job of writing their interactions and infusing them with humor. I’m looking forward to reading the next chapter to see how you have twisted things around again. Nicely done!

P.S. You’ll notice I didn’t include any of the typos I noticed this time. I will be sending them in a feedback form like you suggested in your response to my review from Ch. 8.



Author's Response: Shall work on the original writing. Really. I just have to find the story, clear out four hours, sit down and TYPE the darn thing. Am stuck in the next chapter right after McG takes Harry away. Ron doesn't seem to want to get into the Great Hall for some reason...I think he needs a good kick... I am quite proud of the conversation, even if I've since found canon things out about the characters, thus making some of it completely AU, but *shrug* I look forward to getting them!

 

Ill Met by Moonlight by Slian Martreb
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 73]

Summary: Curious as to why Sirius always seemed to harbor a special hate for Snape? The answer is here. Set in the time of the Marauders, sixth year, this is a startling revelation into their animosity. Rated R for offensive language, GA, MOL and (eventual mentioning of a) SSP. SSP means SAME SEX PAIRING. Do not read if you are offended by such things.
Edited by mod

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Dubious Consent, Sexual Situations, Slash

Word count: 27771 Chapters: 12 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/06/05 Updated: 12/06/05


Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 11/17/05 Title: Chapter 10: The Madness of Moonlight

Very exciting chapter. There was never a break in the action all the way to the end, which was quite good. I have read all of your chapters and decided this would be the best place to put a review since I think it is your best chapter by far. Even though there were a few small grammatical errors in a couple of places throughout the story, the tension of what was happening kept me from really noticing. I am anxious to read what happens next.

Author's Response: Really? Grammatical errors? You know, if you contact me with them, I can fix them. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I can't wait for the final (what is it now?) three (?) chapters to go through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 12/14/05 Title: Chapter 11: Reprecussions

When you're asking if anyone liked the last paragraph of the chapter, are you talking about the last line where Sirius cries himself to sleep or are you talking about the paragraph before that? Either way, I think both are well written and have a very nice flow to them, just like the rest of the chapter. You do a really good job of conveying Sirius' despondency over the events that immediately precede it. I couldn't help but feel more sorry for him than anyone else in this chapter. Of course, I don't know how that will change when Lupin reappears. There was one sentence that was a little strange and it was when Dumbledore said, ' “No. It would have been the Sirius’s.” ' I don't think the word 'the' is supposed to be there because it doesn't make sense. Other than that I think you have a very well crafted chapter. I enjoyed reading it.

P.S. In response to your response to my review of the previous chapter, I do know all about stunted sentences. I think I was still in my essay writing mode when I went back and re-read the chapter. So, a lot of the corrections I made were more based on how an essay should be written versus a piece of fiction. I know that you can use stunted sentences in essays as well, they are just not used as frequently and are usually discouraged.



Author's Response: It's possible I meant the whole thing, but I dont' remember. And I really do feel bad for him as well. So tragic. I WILL take out the 'the'-it isn't supposed to be there. No problem about your response to my response to your response. (Did that make sense?) Glad you enjoyed it! I am planning a massive re-write though, to make sure it's in keeping with my forty or so one-shots and other chaptered fics I have about them, so you should watch out for it.

Author's Response: It is fixed!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 11/29/05 Title: Chapter 10: The Madness of Moonlight

Hi, I'm posting another review with the grammatical errors I noticed in this chapter since you asked me if I would. I am sorry it has taken me so long to do it. Keep in mind, though, that I am still enjoying your story and think you are doing a good job, even with the grammatical errors. So, here they are:

1. 'The Slytherin was clearly mad with fright and Sirius would have been too, if he hadn’t the experience; a full-grown werewolf was a terrifying thing to be attacked by.' There should be a comma after 'fright' since the phrase before it and the phrase after it are both independent clauses and could sentences by themselves.

2. 'Sirius bounded into the room with wild bark at Remus...' I think you are missing the word 'a' between 'with' and 'wild.'

3. 'Remus drew closer to him, his eyes mad and Sirius knew that if that James didn’t appear soon, they were going to be in BIG trouble.' There should be a comma after 'mad' since the phrase before and phrase after are independent clauses and could be sentences by themselves. Also, you should probably remove the second 'that' in the second half of this sentence. So, the second part of your sentence would begin 'Sirius knew that if James...' instead of ' Sirius knew that if that James....'

4. 'But when something happened to set him off, like it had tonight, he was a savage animal and it needed both him and James to keep him from not only hurting the villagers in Hogsmeade but himself as well.' There should be a comma after 'animal' as the phrase before and after the word 'and' are independent clauses and can be sentences by themselves.

5. 'Remus had his hands around Sirius’s throat and he would’ve have barked a laugh at the irony if he would have had the air with which to breathe.' This sentence is slightly confusing to read because it makes it sound like Remus would have been the one to bark. I would suggest changing 'Sirius's' to 'his' and changing the 'he' after 'and' to 'Sirius' so there is not any confusion as to who would be barking. Also, there should be a comma 'throat' since the phrases before and after 'and' are independent clauses. Finally, in this part of the sentence, 'he would’ve have barked,' you should either have 'would've' and take 'have' out or take the 've' off of 'would've' and leave 'have' in the sentence since you don't need both.

6. 'It was something that was really their alone, allowed them to be physical in a way no one would suspect.' This sentence is slightly confusing in two ways. The first is that you are missing an 's' at the end of 'their' which would make it 'theirs' instead. Also, I think you should take the comma out and add the word 'and' or change the comma to a semi-colon and add the word 'it' in front of 'allowed' so that the second half of the sentence makes more sense.

7. 'He gave Sirius a questioning look and, taking the chance, Sirius switched back to his human form.' You should add another comma after 'look' since the phrases before and after the word 'and' are independent clauses and can be sentences by themselves.

I hope you do not think I am trying to flame you or put down your writing. I think you write fairly well but just have a few small mistakes that can easily be taken care of. Please let me know if you would like me to put the mistakes I notice in your story in my reviews of your chapters or if you want me to leave them out. I will structure my review however you would like me to.



Author's Response: You're a doll, you know that? I can't believe you actually took the time out to do this for me. Thank you. I do not think that you're trying to flame me or what not. I appreciate it, really. Here's my opinion on your notes: On 2, I'll add it. On 3, the second 'that' was probably a typo. On 5, I'll reconstruct the sentence. And the 'have' is also probably a typo. My brain sometimes runs off without me. Or is the other way around...? Lol. On the rest of them (ie: commas and independent clauses and whatnot) they aren't there to maintain a certain feel and flow to the fic. (Even though it's possible that I messed up the flow for otehr reasons, but...) I am a believer in the fact that a sentence can be grammatically correct and read wrong. I also believe that a sentence can be grammatically incorrect and read perfectly. (If you're familiar with Shoebox_Project, you know what I mean.) I would explain the theory of stunted sentences (not fragment sentences, stunted ones) to you, but it would take some time. If you're interested, let me know and I'll feedback-form it to you. I fear I am babbling. Oh well. You can feel free to leave your reveiws however you'd like to. I'd appreciate it either way. Thank you!

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 12/14/05 Title: Chapter 12: Sorting It All Out

Absolutely marvelous finish to your story! Your description of what the Room of Requirement became for Sirius and Remus is fantastic. I love the painting you put in there and the fact that you only hint at what is going on. There was one spot in the second paragrapn of the chapter that I think might be a typo in this sentence: 'He was simple too scared to try, not knowing what the wrong thing may or may not be to say.' I think the word 'simple' should be 'simply' instead. Anyway, that was the only thing that I noticed and it was only a slight distraction as I was beginning this chapter. Your ending is really great and completely different from anything I could have anticipated. Very well written story. I look forward to reading the next thing you write.

Author's Response: Yay! *squee* So glad you liked it. I think that was the most fun for me to right, worries about how realistic it was aside. And I WILL fix the 'simply' as well. I look forward to having you review them. *wink*

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 03/09/06 Title: None

Hmm, well, this was definitely an easy chapter to read. Your writing flowed fairly well and the action throughout the chapter made it just fly by while I was reading it. Even though I'm not a big fan of exchange students at Hogwarts, you do a pretty good job of incorporating Lorelei into a pretty well known part of Prisoner of Azkaban. I like the changes you made to the various scenes, though, especially the part where it is Lorelei that helps Neville with his Shrinking Solution instead of Hermione. The fact that Hermione gets in trouble for it makes the whole situation pretty comical. I also enjoyed the way you described the situations through your character's eyes. However, I was slightly disappointed by how much of this chapter seemed to be almost word for word what goes on in this part of Prisoner of Azkaban. It would have been nice to see some more of your original writing and a little less of JKR's words. Overall, though, this was a pretty entertaining chapter and I enjoyed reading it.

 

Harry and The Love by rockeye
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 624]

Summary: This story starts a few days after the end of HBP. Harry has already had one shock to him, so what are a few more? Mainly H/G with R/Hr and other pairings. AU since its my version of book seven.



Read Bio, important info to be revealed.

Categories: Ron/Hermione AND Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 82158 Chapters: 20 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/11/05 Updated: 03/31/06


Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 02/17/06 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15 Breakfast

The beginning of this chapter was really intriguing for me. I really like the setting you have created for the werewolf community. The idea of a camouflaged magical gate is simply fantastic. You do a wonderful job portraying the tension in that scene, as well as Tonks’ attempts to break the tension by trying to identify with the werewolves by calling Remus her ‘mate’ and their child a ‘pup.’ Remus’ last statement about needing to know ‘no later than tomorrow’ really establishes the sense of urgency the characters are feeling in regard to the upcoming battle and is a great point to transition into the scene at the Burrow. The thing I like the most out of everything that happens in the Burrow is Mr. Weasley’s explanation about why Harry only trusts his peers and not the adults in his life. That is such an insightful statement and it’s great that it comes from the one person that is usually portrayed as slightly comical.

As much as I enjoyed this chapter, I noticed the absence of commas around the names of those being directly addressed in dialogue quite a few times while I was reading. For example: ‘ “I said you are not welcome Remus,” Jerry said through clenched teeth.’ There should be a comma after ‘welcome’ here as Jerry is addressing Remus. Although I used that for an example, I noticed the same thing many more times as I read the chapter and just thought I would mention it.

Besides the missing commas, I also noticed a few places where you seem to have typos or missing words. The one place I noticed the typos was in this sentence: ‘ “The potion allows Remus to recovers a lot quicker than before too. “ ‘ The bolded word should probably be ‘recover’ instead of ‘recovers.’ Also, there shouldn’t be a space between the period and the closing quotation marks at the end of the sentence. Next, I think you are missing the word ‘have’ in this sentence: ‘ “’Mione, listen to me. You have done some amazing things in the years we known each other.” ‘ I have bolded the two words between which I believe the word ‘have’ should be. Without ‘have’ in that sentence, it doesn’t make much sense. I think you have another missing word between the bolded words here: ‘ “Hermione, for once, just believe you have the answer right instead worrying to death about it until you get your parchment back from the professor.” ‘ The word ‘of’ should probably be between the bolded words in that sentence. The last spot I noticed a missing word was between the words I have bolded in this sentence: ‘ “Minister Scrimgeour, I have only one thing you at the moment.” ‘ I think you are missing the word ‘for’ between the bolded words here as I’m pretty sure Harry meant he only had one thing for the minister. Even though the typos in the first sentence I mentioned really didn’t bother me a whole lot, the missing words really made me stumble while I was reading this chapter and really interrupted the flow of the story for me.

Overall, though, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter. The part about Fawkes having ‘intentions’ towards Hedwig and Harry and Ginny needing to give them ‘the talk’ was really funny. It made me laugh, much like the characters in the story. You also placed it nicely because, as you describe in the story, everyone needed a little humor at that point to break up the growing tension in the kitchen. One of the best things about this chapter, though, is that you keep the tension level high, even with that one small break, which is fantastic since the battle is getting closer and closer. From the tense scene with the werewolves to the scene on the Hogwarts Express, you slowly build the tension, which is magnificent as I can really picture everyone growing more tense the closer they get to the actual fighting. I am definitely looking forward to the next chapter to find out what is going to happen next and if all the preparations for the battle have gone according to plan.



Author's Response: By now you should know that I always mess up the fine work mugglemomjackson does beta'ing this story. Just can't wait to get it posted.

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/23/06 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12 Trophies

Yet another interesting chapter full of twists and turns in your story. One of the things that really bothered me at the beginning is that Ginny will be teaching the sixth and seventh year DADA classes where some of her students will be older than her. I always thought that Harry would be given the older students because of his greater experience with it and the fact that he has already taught some people, including fellow students who were older, when he was in charge of the DA. Oh well, since Ginny has the ability to access Harry's mind, not to mention her own experiences with the Dark Arts, she will probably do just fine. The new ability Harry has discovered is intriguing. It will definitely help him out in school, but I can't help but wonder about how it will help him in his battle against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I really like the part where Harry tells the others his suspicions about Voldemort keeping his 'trophies' in the Chamber of Secrets and how Harry only made it to an antechamber of the real Chamber. Your ending with the reappearance of Grorn and the additional powers of the RING was also very fascinating. New information always seem to be popping up that can have a huge impact on your story. The only thing I will say is that I noticed a few typos throughout this chapter that made it a little hard to read certain parts of the chapter. They weren't really all that bad, but you may want to be on the look out for future typos. All in all, I am defintely looking forward to reading the next chapter to see how it goes when the Potters and the Wealeys teach the DADA classes.

Author's Response: I think it was a fun twist to reverse who would be teaching which class. I mean, wouldn't you as a first year be in awe if the great Harry Potter showed up in your class to teach DADA.

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 12/14/05 Title: Chapter 10: Letters

Although I thought this chapter started out a little slow, there are so many interesting things revealed in it that I was captivated while reading. I really like your idea of restoring the tapestry, especially the bit about Tonks being the one to perform the spell; it was very touching. You do a very good job transitioning from that fairly solemn moment to the party at the Burrow. I had a good chuckle when Harry kissed Ginny as the door was opening . The rest of the chapter progressed very nicely, all the way through Ginny's lively description of her date with Harry, which is brilliantly funny.

However, I did notice a few places that seem a little weird, most of which are probably just typos, and since you have told me to nitpick away, I will go ahead and post them. They are:

1. ' "...passing our Apparate tests.” ' I think the word 'Apparate' should be 'Apparition' instead since I'm pretty sure that's how they refer to the tests in Half-Blood Prince.

2. In the paragraph about the tapestry being fixed there are two spots that are probably typos. The first one is here: '..., if was like going from night to day.' The word 'if' should probably be 'it.' And the second one is here: '...the color restored to their original...' Either 'color' should be 'colors' or 'their' should be 'it' since 'color' is singular and 'their' is plural.

3. ' I’m so tired. I don’t know if a can wait that long!” Harry joked.' Here you are only missing the opening quotation marks before 'I'm.'

4. When Mrs. Weasley is trying to respond to Ginny's questions about the Order, you wrote, 'Mrs. Weasley actually looked at a lost for words....' I think the word 'lost' should be 'loss.' Also, when Mr. Weasley cuts in at the same point, you have him beginning his dialogue with ' “They membership ..." ' where 'They' should probably be 'The.'

5. Next, during the meeting, you wrote, '...how Dumbledore had envision her role in Harry’s development....' I think 'envision' should be 'envisioned' since you are referring to something that happened in the past.

6. 'Minerva asked for everyone attention....' I think 'everyone' should be 'everyone's' instead.

7. ' "...there was no bodies...." ' The word 'was' should be 'were' since 'bodies' is plural.

8. The last typo I noticed was in Ginny's story about her date with Harry toward the very end of her speech: ' "Harry looks at it then gets red in the face. “I asked him what’s wrong and he tells me…, what was that Harry?” ' There shouldn't be quotation marks before 'I' since it is in the middle of her long paragraph of dialogue.

Other than those few typos, I got a little confused while I was reading the two paragraphs about Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione taking over for Lupin during his transformations. In both paragraphs you switch between 'you' and 'them' when referring to the four of them, which made me wonder exactly what was going on. For example, in the second to last sentence of that first paragraph ('Due to Professor Lupin having to be absent during the full moon, the four of them have been chosen to conduct his classes while he is away from the school.') you refer to Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione as the 'four of them.' However, in the very next sentence ('Professor Lupin has already prepared his lesson plans for the year and you will only have to follow them.'), you refer to them as 'you.' The same thing happens in the next paragraph ('The letters went on to explain that due to the extra work load this will be placing on you, your Prefect badges are being exchanged for these ‘Guest Staff’ badges. You will still have all the privileges and authority as a Prefect. Also, for the period that they were teaching, they would not be responsible for any written work, but all practical work had to be done.') where you switch between 'you' and 'your' and 'they.' Either all of the 'you' and 'your's need to be changed to 'they' or 'them' and 'their's or vice versa so that you are maintaining a consistent perspective when describing what will happen when Lupin transforms. Basically, it is the same issue you had with the paragraph about Moody in the chapter before and can be fixed just as easily.

Okay, hopefully I didn't overwhelm you with the corrections I have listed because I do not want to do that. I want to be as much help to you as I can. But, aside from all that, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter. It was a lot of fun to read because of all the humor you instilled throughout it, especially at the end with Ginny's tale about the date. Of course, part of the humor in that scene is the way Hermione is just laughing uncontrollably and everyone else appears to be only slightly bewildered. That is such an ingenious way to end this chapter. I am looking forward to all of your future chapters because I know they will all contain little snippets that will be fun to read and enhance the overall story. You have done a great job so far and I am anxious to see what is coming up for the foursome as they get ready to go back to Hogwarts as 'Guest Staff.'



Author's Response: Other than the typos, I really glad you like the story.

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/23/06 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13 Lessons of Life

Opening your chapter with Harry divulging his ability to use his mind to locate the rest of their family members was really interesting to me since he had a similar experience with a new ability in the last chapter. Based on the past experiences with Harry teaching the others the new abilities as he realizes he has them makes me wonder whether or not he'll be able to teach the others this one as well. Of course, my favorite thing about this chapter is how much of it is actually set in the classes Harry teaches. I like the way his time teaching starts with him reviewing his experiences facing the Dark Arts and how he survived time and time again. However, the single scene that probably caught my attention the most was at the end of the quartet's stay at the Burrow when you write Molly's thoughts about the non-verbal communication going on between Ron and Hermione. The fact that she and Arthur have the same ability, although it took them longer to cultivate it, really got me thinking about whether or not Harry and the others will be able to aid the others in expanding their abilities so that everyone in the family will be able to communicate with their minds. Of course, if that does happen, they will all have to guard against accidentally barging in on intimate moments like Harry did with Hermione's parents. I love the fact that you slipped some humor into this chapter as well. Once again, all I really noticed that sometimes made me stumble while I was reading were a few typos throughout the chapter. Just keep an eye out so that they number of typos can be decreased with each new chapter. Fantastic chapter. I'm glad I don't have to wait to read the next one!

Author's Response: Like I said before, the typos are my fault in that once I get the chapter back from my beta, I in such a rush to get it posted I don't proof it close enough. Sorry.

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 11/16/05 Title: Chapter 7: Weddings

I enjoyed reading this chapter because of the many unexpected things that happen to your characters. It is interesting to see that Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione can use their mental communication over large distances. I am anxious to see where you are planning to go with that idea. It was also a nice touch to have Moody get new robes at Madam Malkin's so that Lupin doesn't get too suspicious about the request that he get new dress robes. Your description of the ceremony is really wonderful and very imaginative with the way the parchment glows as a physical show of the couples' love for each other. Although there were a few grammatical errors that I noticed throughout your story, I was too enchanted with what was happening to really let them bother me much. I am excited to find out what will happen to everyone now that the marriages have begun.

Author's Response: I have to give credit to mugglemomjackson for the glowing theme, parchment, and book. She is just wonderful! Remus just have to get a gentle push to take that final step. The errors are mine, mugglemomjackson catches every little comma. I have to rewrite a few paragraphs. Thanks for the review.

Author's Response: See! I can't write a simple response without messing it up. "I HAD to...."

 
Reviewer: songbook99 Signed
Date: 01/23/06 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13 Lessons of Life

I'm sorry for the double post, but I noticed a typo in my review. In the third to last line of my original review, the word 'they' should be 'the.' Sorry for the typo, and the double review. I'll be a little more careful.

Author's Response: A type from songbook99, I think my heart just stopped. I didn't even notice. See how bad I am about typos!!!!LOL

 
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