Since I was in about second grade, I have been an obsessive reader and writer. I have spent many hours reading books late into the night because I just couldn't put them down, and the same can be said about my writing. However, I haven't been able to spend as much time reading or writing stuff for myself lately because I've had to spend more time reading and writing the stuff required in my courses for my Master's degree in English Literature. But, I'm still able to make a little time each day to relax and take a break from studying to enjoy reading something different.
Snape washing his hair and wearing something other than his long black robes? Interesting, very interesting. But you seem to have pulled it off. Your portrayal of Snape has really intrigued me. He is one of my favorite characters, but it was always his nastiness that made me like him before. Here, you have me liking him for his ability to be a little less mean, except for when he cuts in on Draco's dance with Alexandra. Of course, my favorite part of your whole chapter has to be your descriptions of Snape and Alexandra getting ready for the ball. It just makes me laugh to picture Snape looking at himself in a mirror debating whether or not to tie his hair back - what a great image! I also really like the end of this chapter because it shows that Snape really does care about Alexandra and she about him. I always hoped that Snape would one day find someone to truly care for him as I think that each person deserves that. So, seeing that at the end of your chapter made me happy. There were a few spots I noticed where you had some misspellings that were probably typos. But aside from those minor errors, your writing was simply wonderful and it complements the story you're telling quite nicely.
Wow. What to say about a story like this? One that conveys such an emotionally draining subject with such clarity. The whole time I was reading this, I really got a good sense of what Remus was going though. It is always hard to lose someone so close to you, and you do a wonderful job of conveying exactly how much it hurt Remus to have lost Sirius for a second time. I love your theme of doing anything to get through the night - it is definitely a mantra people going through the same thing would repeat to themselves. However, I was slightly confused by the sentence: I have things to do, people to see. Then go home ... and get yourself through the night. From the way the rest of your story is wirtten, this sentece just seemed really odd. Personally, I think the word 'yourself' should be 'myself' to make it really feel like it belongs in the rest of the story. I was definitely surprised by the end of your story. What a shocking revelation to learn that Sirius had been in a relationship with Hestia just before going to Azkaban. However, I really liked the idea because it made her the perfect, and pretty much only, person for Remus to unburden himself to. I was very happy to see that he had finally come to the right moment with the right person and the right words to work through his feeling of loss - he really deserves to find happiness. And, just in case my review hasn't made it obvious, I want you to know that I absolutely loved this story, even though it brought a lump to my throat.
Author's Response: Thank you very much indeed. I was trying to evoke his sadness and bring a lump to people's throats, but still finish on a positive note, so I'm glad that worked! As for the line you mentioned: I think I was referring back to the "get yourself through the day" line just before when he was talking in generalities, third-person as a form of distancing yourself from what you're saying? Glad Hestia worked too -- she's one of those background characters who doesn't show up in fanfic often, but when I wrote this she seemed like a reasonable choice.
Oh my goodness. Your story is absolutely hysterical - so much so that I don't mind so much the huge liberties you have taken with some of my most beloved fictional characters. I couldn't stop laughing the whole time I was reading this. Snape as a puffpuff fairie? That's just too much. Of course, the thought of a naked Dumbledore is more than slightly disturbing, but it fit in so well with the totally tripped out story. Who knows, maybe that was just a hallucination the trio had together on their way out to hunt the puffpuff fairies in the Forbidden Forest. At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself. What a great way to add some humor to even the most dreary day. Thank you.
Yet another hysterical story/chapter. I'm not sure the Marauders really needed any kind of incentive to act crazy, but you have done a great job with the idea. Of course, one of my favorite lines comes before they take the Sugar Potion. I laughed so hard when I read: James rolls his eyes and mutters “stupid werewolf PMS…” That is such a funny line. Of course, I also really enjoyed your description of Remus' speech in the Great Hall about wheelbarrows - it is so fitting for his character, even though he is on a sugar high. I'm very happy to have stumbled across this as it made me laugh when I really needed it. Nicely done.
This was a very entertaining story based on a very original idea. I really loved the idea that Snape would have done something so secretively for Lily, especially since he knew he could never give it to her or let her know it was from him. You do a really good job of portraying Snape and keeping him in character. I also like the way you build James' discovery of what he was doing into his hatred of James. My only problem with this story was that sometimes the punctuation seemed to make it really choppy. That usually only happened in the short paragraphs, but it did get a little distracted. Aside from that, though, I really enjoyed reading this whole story. It really made me reconsider the way I perceived Snape. Your ending was probably my favorite part of the story because it was so touching and really tied the whole thing together.
It is ambitious Lily Evans' 7th and final year at Hogwarts. She is very excited about being one step closer to becoming an Auror and thrilled about being back to school altogether.
But there is one little annoyance: the Marauders. Specificially arrogant James Potter. He has been pestering her to go out with him, but she has coldly denied his wishes. She thinks this year will be no different to the past six school years.
But life is full of mistakes...::~!~::..
"Just one minute.” Lily noticed footsteps heading in her direction. She saw a hand reach from between the screens and drop a flower onto her bedside table.
“Mr. Potter! Return to your dormitory immediately!”
“Alright, alright…” The hand disappeared.
Once Lily was sure that no one was in the wing, he lifted her head and saw what flower Potter had dropped.
Lily stuffed her head in her pillow and screamed a muffled scream that no one could hear.
This really was a great chapter. I like the duel between James and Amos, especially since James gave him a rabbit's tail instead of actually harming him. Also, Lily's reaction to James' saving her life is totally great. She really shows how little she actually understands him and I think that couple with his giving her the flower might allow her to begin changing her views about him. This story is really going. Keep up the writing.
Beginning this chapter with Sirius beating himself on the head with his bat is excellent. Although, I'm not quite sure I buy the reason one of the other characters give...I think he might just do it out of boredom. He seems the type who needs to be doing something, not waiting around for something to happen. There really wasn't a lot about the actual try-out but everything surrounding it, from Lily figuring out about Julianne liking Remus to her having to face off against James is incredible. I especially like the way you worked in Lily's memory of the first time she rode a broom, it really established her desire to beat Potter at his own game. I can't wait to read the second half of the try-outs to find out how well she did.
Wow, that was some really great flying by James, and Lily too. I like the fact that Lily scored by kicking the ball through the hoop. However, the end of the chapter where James asks Lily out for the 3,001 1/2 time really gets back to the story. It will be fun to see what role Quidditch will have to play in the rest of the story, especially if Lily is named to the team.
Wow, this chapter was absolutely fantastic. The rampant rumors going around the castle are so typical of teenages and you have captured that brilliantly. I really enjoyed reading the very beginning because you gave a glimpse about the way Lily is softening towards James by having her keep his flower. But the ending was probably my favorite part. It's great to see a little romance for Remus, even if he doesn't realize how close he is to having what he wants. I'm so excited to read the next chapter and see if anything does happen between Remus and Julianne.
Wow. This chapter is great. The little conversation between James and Lily was done in such a way that I could really feel how awkward they were behaving nicely to each other. Lily is really starting to come around and James is showing he's not always an immature prat. Fantastic! Once again, however, my favorite part of the chapter is the end. I like the little bit of a cliff hanger you end with where the Slytherin's are sneaking out into the Forbidden Forest. I wonder what they're up to. I'll just keep reading to find out!
Wow, this is a really good start. You use the dialogue very well to establish the characters. The scene with Lily's family was quite touching, and I especially like the description of Petunia as Lily went through the barrier. I think the part with James and Sirius "dueling" on the platform was really funny. However, my only problem with it was the fact that Sirius left James upside down long enough for him to pass out. I know James makes a comment about the whole thing as practice for facing Voldemort, but I doubt Sirius would have done that to James or that Remus would have let it happen. Anyway, it's a really good start and I'm now off to read Chapter Two.
Another good chapter - great follow-up to the first one. I really like the interaction between Lily and the boys at the beginning, especially her part in helping them with James. Your part where Lily's in the compartment having conversations with her friends helps build their characters. However, there were a few very small things that distracted me while I was reading, you wrote 'truck' instead of 'trunk' (which happened in the first chapter as well), and there were a couple of sentences where you change your verb tense within a sentence. I know those are small things, but they impacted the flow of reading. Other than that, though, your chapter was great. Your story is coming along nicely.
This chapter was very good. I really like the many varying scenes there are in it. Of course, my favorite was the short little Quidditch scene where Julianne takes Sirius' bat and hits the bludgers towards him. The scene with Peeves soaking both Lily and James is pretty funny, especially since Lily is so ungrateful that James allowed himself to be soaked by the bucket of water instead of her. However, I'm still slightly confused as to why Sirius had to bring his bat to breakfast, even though it is alluded to that it has something to do with the Slytherins. Great little touch by sneaking in the part with Julianne being slightly uncomfortable sitting next to Remus because of her huge crush on him. It will be interesting to see what develops in the next chapter.
This chapter is absolutely fantastic. I really like the way James was standing right behind Lily when she gave him 15 seconds to show up. Their scene together was really interesting, especially the way it ends with Lily acting concerned for James when she had basically given him the cold shoulder the whole time. I like the way you have James discover what is going on and how he immediately guesses some of the more prominent Death Eaters. It will be interesting to see the way he will handle himself around not only Lily, but the Death Eaters as well. For Lily's sake I hope he will be able to act somewhat normally until something can be figured out about how to handle the whole sitution. I can't wait to read through the next few chapters! Nicely done!
Wow, great chapter! Opening the chapter with the whispered exchange between James and Lily was brilliant. I think it's great to see her slowly warming up to him. Her reverie about how he was only able to save her life because she saved his shows that things are slowly changing. The picture of the dementor on the cover of the Daily Prophet was a nice touch. Definitely scary to see at breakfast. However, I was a little confused by the way Maya vehemently denied that a dementor could have been on the train. If a dementor wasn't there, what does she think happened to Lily? I find it hard to believe that Maya is so questioning of something many people have confirmed as actually happening. Is she so focused on the future that she can't see the past and present? It might be nice to see a little bit more development of Maya's character. Anyway, the ending to this chapter is really great because I can hardly wait to see what James will do to Amos. I hope it's nothing really bad.
Okay, I have a hard time wishing pests like ants well, but if you insist. As for your chapter, I think it's marvelous. I love the way you have the Marauders closing ranks around Lily once James tells them about the letter. It's somewhat confusing to me the way Lily does a complete turnaround in her treatment of James from the time at the Unicorn fountain last chapter to the end of this chapter. Her behavior seems somewhat odd because there doesn't seem to be much motivation for her to change her attitude to him. Anyway, I really, really enjoyed reading this chapter, especially the end where his friends mention him smiling like a maniac, as well as the little tidbit about them having blown up the bathroom with Snape in it. I look forward to whatever twist the next chapter has for me.
I really like this chapter because it slows the story down a little and focuses a lot on class instead of just James and Lily. Having James and Remus answer the two questions in the class show that they are just as smart as they are troublemaking. I also really like the description for the griffin and the fact that you created a scale to rate its dangerousness. However, my favorite part of the chapter was the way in which you ended it with James and Lily being encircled together by a chain link fence after they were picked to examine the griffin closer.
Your story just keeps getting better. I was slightly surprised when Sirius was the one to keep James from pulling out his wand, but it ended up working out well. Lily's rejection of Diggory is great, especially since James overhears it. I wonder what is going to happen between the two of them now, especially since she knows he overheard her.
This is a very well written chapter. However, I'm slightly confused by the whole italics thing. I can understand why you started them with Lily's conversation with the griffin and then onto James' conversation with the griffin. The problem with the italics is that they seem to be a little overused and there is no difference when the speaker changes. All of the different speakers without any changes in the written form made it somewhat hard to follow who was saying what to whom. I don't know if this is what you mentioned as being fixed or not but if it's not, then you might want to look at doing something differently in the next chapter. Besides the formatting, the whole chapter was extremely wonderful! I love the story being told in this chapter and I can't wait to see what Lily is going to do with James now.
Your story just keeps getting better. I like the balance in this chapter where it's not so focused on James and Lily, but allows for more on Julianne and Remus. My favorite part of this chapter though, were the tiny little parchment owls sent by Sirius to James and Remus. That was such a fantastic little touch. One thing I was curious about though, was who Lily was partnered with since she was paying more attention to James and Amos than to actually doing the assignment. Sirius was paired with Peter, so it was not surprise that he wasn't paying attention, but I figured Lily would've been at least trying to do it. Oh well, still a very, very good chapter!