Warning.... you are now entering...
THE BOOKWORM ZONE
Hi, I'm mooncalf, and I'm a bookworm. The last time I read a book was about... 0.02 seconds ago.
Within Harry Potter, while I support the usual ships in canon, I prefer to read and write Draco/Hermione, because I find it much more interesting when written properly. By that, I mean the relationship is taken slowly, with lots of character development of both sides, and the plot is original.
If you have any questions about any of my fics or writing in general, please ask them.
My Name is Draco Malfoy... I Think ~ Twelfth chapter in queue.
Let A Serpent Sting Thee Twice ~ On hiatus until probably completion of My Name is Draco Malfoy... I Think, but could be sooner. It will be continued eventually though.
Story Status as of 22/9/07:
The Pleasures of Solitude ~ Completed, but I'm currently planning a sequel entitled 'Prisoner of Conscience'. Again, won't be posted until the completion of my other fics.
Therefore, x + y = Death ~ Completed.
I've just started a new livejournal which will be kept exclusively for writing. I'll post there with my stories so far, how I'm progressing with new chapters and a few sneak peeks of what's coming! Feel free to drop by to have a look, and comments or friends are welcome!
~*Extract from ChapterTwelve (Spiderweb) now posted in LJ*~
Beautiful Draco manip by moonjameskitten
After reading your fanfic for months, I've finally decided to review! I just want to say that it is really good, my fave D/Hr fic. I like how its still kinda gradual about them getting to know each other, not like in some fics where Draco turns angel 2 chapters in. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Hello mooncalf! It's good to hear that you're one of the regular followers. And this time round, thanks for taking your time to review. It's your favorite? Really? Wow, thank you! I have to admit, I do like the gradual pace too. It allows me room and time to let them get to know each other better. To me, it makes sense that way. Anyways, thanks again and hope you'll like the next one!
Again, a good chapter! This was really great, you're doing a great job of developing their relationship. You've also managed to add in some mystery and anticipation to the story. Who tore the pages out of the book? What's Draco going to have to do in return for Hermione being so nice? I can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Hey mooncalf! I'm glad you liked it! Developing their relationship isn’t easy, as you know by now, so thank you so much for saying that it’s working out fine so far. The mystery of ‘who tore the pages of the autobiography’ is pretty important for moving the story forward, so you’ll see how it works out! ;)
Pirkadatka: actually, Sparx is right. Some spellings differ between the US and UK, and Sparx has the correct spelling for the UK, like anyone writing HP fanfiction should.
Sparx, sorry for clogging up your review board yet again. You needn't reply to this since your fingers must be ready to fall of after over 400 reviews!
Brilliant! This was one of your best chapters. You're moving their relationship up a gear but they're not OOC or anything. It also shows how the two characters have changed- before, Draco would never have been so considerate. The only problem (and I'm nit-picking here) would be that some of the dialogue is a little awkward. For example: “There’s no point mulling over such questions now,” Draco told his teammates. Would a teenager use the word 'mulling'? Especially considering who he's talking to. The Slytherin team are not renowned for their intelligence.
Author's Response: Thank you very much mooncalf! I'm glad you liked the chapter. “You're moving their relationship up a gear but they're not OOC or anything.” ----> I was hoping that would show and I'm grateful it did! And yes, I did want to show a certain change in them, but nothing too drastic and unbelievable. About your nit-picking (and I'm glad you did pick on that fact), I realized you have a good point— the Slytherins aren’t the smartest people around. So I did change it. Thank you for bringing that up!
What a lovely, enjoyable chapter, definitely worth the wait. The humour was incredible; I was giggling madly for most of it, and it seemed pretty much in character.
This is another chapter that shows just how close the two have become. This is particularly obvious when Hermione dresses Draco's wound. The fact that she is comkfortable enough with him to do so, and he trusts her enough to let her, is a landmark in their relationship.
Parvati and Lavender's conversation in the bathroom was utterly hilarious. Draco's reaction was spot-on, 'You could practically see Draco’s head inflating by the second. His face was glowing and he gave Hermione a haughty look'. Really, there's nothingcan criticise characterisation-wise.
This review must be cut short, but to finsih up there were a few minor typos and grammatical errors, nothing major. Well done on a great chapter, and I'm looking forward to the next one.
Sorry. That was me screaming at the computer for wiping the huge, long and detailed review I had written for no apparent reason (I mean it wiped it for no reason not the review). I really need to go study now, so you'll have to settle for the abbreviated version. It's good, but be careful because you've now arrived at a place where this fic could quickly become cliched if they suddenly just throw caution to the wind and declare their undying love. It's obvoius that the moment will arrive soon where they will admit their attraction (I won't even mention the L-word) whether verbally or... physically. Dumbledore was good, the piece on the Love-Knot was interesting and showed how much thought you put into your fic. The interaction between Draco and the Dream Team was good, awkward but acknowledging. By the way, as my little sister so kindly pointed out, please don't call Hermione 'Mione'. This only occurrs in canon when Ron has his mouth stuffed with food. As an awful and irritating cliche, it jarrs dreadfully with the originality and entertainment afforded by the rest of this fic. One question: why, through the course of most of this fic, has Ginny accompanied Harry and Ron everywhere? She rarely hangs around with them in the books.
Wow. Even the abbreviated (why is abbreviation, of all words, so long?)version has turned out lengthy. To conclude, my jaw is dropping at the near 300 reviews you have on a chapter which hasn't even been up 24 hours. That's more than three times the amount of the entire review count on mine! You should have a party when the total reaches 2000.
Please excuse anytypos, I have typed this out it about two minuted flat. I will save this so the computer doesn't wipe this YET AGAIN.
Hi sparx, another lovely chapter. Hermione and Draco's conversation in bed was great, it really showed how they have progressed in their relatiopnship without knowing it. They still tease each other, but it's good natured teasing. The Quidditch match was okay, but I just have to point something out. Harry is a fantastic Seeker, while Draco bought his way on to the team and has not been shown in canon to be particularily good at it. It seems a bit unlikely to me that Draco could beat Harry so easily. Also, and I know most others people disagree with me, but Jinx drives me mad. Her whole personality annoys me. I know you like to use her to tell Draco of Hermione's emotions, but couldn't you find some better way, maybe like letting Hermione show her feelings by her actions? Overall, I enjoyed this chapter and wish you luck in the awards
Author's Response: Hey mooncalf! How have you been? I\'m glad you liked Hermione and Draco’s conversation. I thought it’d help in showing their relationship now, as compared to back then, just like you said. And yes, this point I totally agree with. Harry is a much better Seeker than Draco and believe me, I debated over whether to have Harry or Draco to catch the Snitch. It wasn’t easy, but I finally chose Draco, for reasons that will seem quite obvious later on. Haha, yes, I know Jinx can be a pain. She’s the sort of character you either love or hate. But the reason she’s there is because… well yes, now she does tell their emotions, but (I\'m gonna give you a small hint) you’ll see that eventually, maybe they’ll need less and less of her? Anyways, thanks for the well-wishes mooncalf! Your comments really mean a lot to me. =D
Hi sparx, another great chapter. Not quite as good as the last one maybe, but the last one was one of the most important so far, so that's excusable. I never got to congratulate you on your awards. And more coming up! Unfortunately for me, my story has been nominated in one of the same categories as yours, so it's a write off. Congrats, and I hope you win!
Author's Response: Thank you mooncalf! In terms of importance, I would say the last chapter is definitely more important than this one, but I enjoyed writing this one. It was fun. Haha… Thanks, and yup, more are coming up! Pretty excited about that. Oh, don’t say that! I did notice that you had a story up and I have been meaning to read it, but well, I just haven’t gotten the chance. But I will, for sure! All the best to you too at the awards and thanks for the well-wishes! =D
Hi! I think I will become a steady reviewer (don't blame me if I can't keep it up). This chapter was really good, the best you've done in a while. There wasn't really that much happening in the last few, but this latest has some interesting developments and possibilities for the next chapters. Hope you do well in your exams by the way. I finished mine- all A's, naturally :-). Don't you just hate me? Seriously, hope you do great and update soon.
Author's Response: Aha! I finally found your review! Do you know I couldn't find your review for the last couple of days? I just could not find it on my "View Reivews" page in my account. That was why I couldn't reply it. Sorry about that... But here I am now! Hi!! It would be great if you could become a steady reviewer, but it's really OK if you can't keep it up. Hahaha, thanks. I haven't done anything much in the last few chapters, like you said. It was all building up for this chapter really. And yup, this new chapter does have a lot of potiential for later devleopments. Thanks for the well wishes regarding my exmas. Wow, all A's? Awesome! I'll be happy with two A's, I tell you. =D Thank again for the wonderful review and do check out the next chapter!
I'm sorry but I think this is the worst chapter that you've written. I really enjoyed your fic before but I didn't like any of the restaurant part. Hermione seemed to me to be very out of character, especially when she got drunk. She always struck me as a private person, and here she is shouting and making a show of herself in public. I know it was funny, and most people seemed to have enjoyed it, but I felt you sacrificed a lot for a bit of humour. On the other hand, I think you got Krum just about right, and I liked the part about Simone getting paid. Please don't hate me for this, I think most of your fic was fantastic.
I forgot something: you said they were given 'candy' in the restaurant. That's an americanism, 'sweets' would probably have been better. Again, sorry for being picky, but it's little things like that which annoy me.
My name is probably eternally burned into your black book of enemies by now. Oh well- I just couldn't leave these things unsaid.
Author's Response: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs to the corner and bawls and whips out black book of enemies and writes your name in big, red letters* Hahaha, no, I'm kidding. Of course I wouldn't do such a thing and your name isn’t eternally burned into my black book of enemies (which I really don’t have, by the way). I think what’s important is that you told me you didn’t like this chapter and the way I presented Hermione. It would have been worse if you simply boycotted this story altogether. At least this shows that you want me to improve it and (hopefully) that you're not going to give up on this fic (as yet). I guess maybe I did get a little carried away with the humor, but I did have loads of fun with it. But now, I'm going to wrap up this Valentine’s Day portion and move on. On the bright side, I'm glad there are portions you liked! I have changed the “candy” to “sweets”. I didn’t know candy was considered Americanism, so thanks for bringing that up. Again, don’t sweat about the review. You said what you felt, and I'm cool with it. Check out the other chapters when they come up as well; it would be nice to know what you think of them.
Hi sparx, this chapter was a vast improvement on the last one. I really enjoyed it, especially since Hermione seems to be acting more like herself than she has for a while. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Hi mooncalf! You're back! Yay! Right down to business... I'm really glad you thought that this chapter was a vast improvement from the previous one. Since the effects of alcohol had worn off, I decided that Hermione should return to her former self. That would make sense. Glad you liked it!
Yet another lovely chapter for this enchanting story. Unlike many of your readers, I wouldn’t consider this chapter too short. In truth, your chapters are often exceptionally long; you shouldn’t feel under pressure to keep this up. There’s no point ‘padding’ it with extra, unnecessary material. I personally prefer shorter chapters, as long ones tend to make me confused!
I love how you show in so many little ways how their relationship has progressed. Not many authors would think of using a simple thing like breakfast to demonstrate how close two characters are, but it does the job more effectively and believably than a flood of love letters. There are so many cute lines, but one of my favourite ones is “She doesn’t like her eggs sunny-side up, Weasley.”. It just shows how well they have come to know each other, that he can recall little facts about her off the top of his head. It also reveals that he’s been watching her, as I can’t imagine it being an everyday topic of discussion!
I’m glad you finally addressed the war, as it’s something that was previously a rather large plot hole in your story. I was quite surprised when Draco came out with his location; I was expecting the usual “I fought for Voldemort but I’m sorry now” or “I secretly fought for the Order”. It’s great that you turned that cliché on its head. It’s a believable enough twist, too. The obsession with purity probably would be enough for Voldemort and his followers to sacrifice one fighter, especially as chances are he wouldn’t be much use. It fits in well with his character, too, as we all know Draco isn’t exactly Gryffindor material.
I love how you consistently have humour in your story, but it never seems forced or out of place. “So Lucius Malfoy told Voldemort that you would initiate the procreation of future purebloods if anything happened to a majority of the pureblooded population in battle?” That line is just... so Hermione. It’s in character, but it’s so funny at the same time. Probably not meant to be, but I never claimed to have a normal sense of humour.
The encounter at the end was quite a revealing little incident. You’re showing us now that Draco’s feelings have grown strong that he’s even discovered the courage to confront others without his “cronies”, as Hermione termed them.
Showing how alike their thoughts are is another great way that you showed, rather than told, us how their relationship has developed.
As for the end – a cliffhanger? Will he give her the long-awaited kiss? I certainly hope so! I’m eagerly anticipating that next chapter.
There were a couple of grammatical and spelling errors in the chapter – form instead of from, missing commas, that kind of thing. I don’t know if you’re going by British spelling, but if so, don’t forget colors is spelled ‘colours’.
“try some of the eggs, it’s really well done.” I think this should be ‘they’re really well done’.
There were some times as well where it felt a little awkward. For example: ...Hermione bought herself some Butterbeer (Draco did not want any). You don’t really need to explain about Draco, and the sentence would flow better without it. It was not easy talking about the war, but this question had been nagging her for the longest time (well, not for the longest time, but lately more so than before). The same applies here. You could simply say ‘...nagging her more and more lately’, or something similar. Copperhead (his name for now) The humour of this name would be increased if you left off the explanation. It actually confused me more than if there had been no explanation!
I’m not going to go into explicit detail for all the errors, but betas can be fantastic for picking up little mistakes like that. Since I see from your replies to others that you’re looking for one, I’d recommend the PI site or the Beta Guild in the forums as a good place to start looking. I’d love to do it myself, but I’m sure you’ll be inundated with offers from others far superior. :-)
Anyway, to finish up, I really enjoyed this chapter and I hope the writing of the next one goes smoothly. Best of luck!
Look, I really don't like reviewing unless it has something to do with the story, but this is pushing it. People are complaing that a chapter over 3000 words long is too short? I can assure you, many authors wouldn't dream of posting anything that long. Sparx might be having a tough time right now, but it's her tough time -- not yours. She does not have to share anything with us, she doesn't even have to update if she doesn't want to. So I think everyone should actually try appreciating this wonderful author, and stop complaining about updates. Thank you.
I have also read the rest of this story on fanfiction.net. I read the first few chapters here, which intrigued me so much I had to read the rest. It was fantastic. The end was perfect. I can't say too much for fear of giving it away, but I think that was the best possible ending. My only criticism would be that the one scene was slightly cliche, but it was necessary formoving the plot forward. Once you put it up on this site I'll give you a better review, I don't want to spoil anything for other readers.
Hey Lian! *waves at SPEW buddy*
First of all, WOW. I knew once I saw that it was Padma that I had to read this fic, but I didn’t expect something as wonderful as this. Both parts of this story are amazing, but I’m going to focus on just the first as it’s my favourite.
Your style of writing is quite unusual. The repetition, the short sentences, even how the fic is laid out (one meal, making Parvati think back) – it’s not the norm. It’s a refreshing novelty to read something written as well as this. The short, sharp sentences lend a sense of desperation to the fic, a tension which is left with the reader even after finishing.Parvati has won her battle. But victory is bittersweet. It is not enough.
Parvati wants to scream at her sister, scream at her and force her to eat. But she does not. Their father did that. It did nothing. She wants to plead with her sister, plead with her and beg her to eat. But she does not. Their mother did that. It did nothing.. I know that’s a terribly long quote, but I just had to take the whole thing. The repetition has a similar effect; it gives the impression that this isn’t the first time Parvati has thought these things and felt this way. It’s a beautiful way of emphasising emotion and distress, and it gives the story an almost musical quality.
Thankfully, I haven’t had personal experience of anorexia, but in my opinion you deal very well with such a sensitive issue. We feel pity for Padma, and sadness that she must suffer this. I think the lines describing her physical condition are particularly harrowing; She sees the hollowness in her twin's eyes, is horrified by the way her sister's elbows bulge out from her skeletal arms. This line is wonderful too: The body Padma sees does not exist; it is no more real than the pudding she never ate. It’s a haunting way of telling us how Padma tries to deceive others as well as herself.
In a way, though, Parvati is nearly more a victim than Padma. We can see this anguish her twin’s illness is causing her: Now Parvati cannot cry. She cannot scream. She cannot hurt where Padma can see. I love how you characterise Parvati in this story. She isn’t the rather flat, giggling character we see in canon; while she doesn’t appear out of character, she is so much more developed and believable. She wants the Padma whose world won't shatter if she, Parvati, is angry or sad. I think this line is incredibly moving. She has lost what everyone comes to need from their siblings; security, comfort, companionship. Instead, she has to constantly prop Padma up. The stress and worry this must cause on a teenage girl is distressing. You do a great job of highlighting this by telling us of Parvati’s reaction to the various traumas she has suffered in her school life.
Usually, I’m quite a critical reviewer, but I can find nothing wrong with this fic – except that I’d like more! While Because of Padma is a lovely fic, it achieve the same heights as this one does. Congratulations on an utterly amazing fic!
Author's Response: Funny, some people have said that the repetition you quoted was their least favorite part of the fic. I\'ve revised it a bit since then, though, and I\'m glad it works for you as it is now.
Yes, Parvati is a victim too. And yeah... it occurred to me at some point that even seemingly empty and shallow people can still feel pain at a very deep level. I tried to show that.
This is really good but why aren't you updating???
I have to say that while normally I don't like D/Hr fics where he falls for her really fast, this is a definite exception. I don't know how you do it, but what he's doing seems natural and in character, and the same with Hermione. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks! And who says that he's falling for her fast? *wink*
One-Shot (for now)
You should definitely keep going with this it is really good. Your descriptions etc are way better than anything else I've read so far on Mugglenet.
Yay lunar! Your best chapter, in my opinion. Poor Ron... that was so sad! And Malfoy is improving. Anyway, submit that new chapter soon (it's currently called 'Forgiveness' for the benefit of those poor readers who aren't the sister of the wonderful author!).
Author's Response: Thanks mooncalf I was really worried about the Ron bit incase it was OTT. I'm submitting the next chapter in a few days I just hope you like it as much as the others.
Hey lunar, I was just rereading this and you still missed some of those commas, and stuck a few extra in. For example: he said fastening- you forgot the comma. There's a few other like that. Overall though, great chapter. I love his list, and the mystery of the misson...
It all adds interest to the plot. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks mooncalf. I know about those commas I absolutely hate them! I can never figure out where to put them. Anyway thanks for pointing that out I\'ll have to go back and edit it soon.