i'm a fan of a writer called 'Pallas' , thus the name and email add =)
This story was really good... when I read the part where Harry said 'I wanna be a little boy again' I was actually tearing... you helped me realise that Harry was just a child who had an adult's burden put on him from the moment his parents were killed. Also you've got some very good points.. themes.. like the part where Ron gets jealous of the attention and love that Harry is receiving, but in JKR's books its always Harry's feeling jealous of Ron.. and so thats interesting. However, it's quite clear from the start that what Dumbledore wants Harry to realise is that Sirius's death isn't his fault, but that isn't very prominent in your fanfic... its like only at the end part that Harry goes and sees all the photos, and then he realises that Sirius's death isn't his fault. I think if Harry had kept insisting that Sirius's death was his fault all throughout the story, and you portrayed the changes in his attitude throughout the story, then he saw the photos and came to a realisation that Sirius's death wasn't his fault, it would be a better fanfic, rather than Harry upon seeing the photos realises all of a sudden that Sirius's death isn't his fault.
hey... the good Harry's back!! finally.... I was getting a little sick(as in queasy, not bored) of reading about the evil Harry.. so is he gonna get back the diaries or what? And.. i'm not the kind who pesters authors for stories, I just want the stories to be good, so.. take your time editing, and make your story a good one, ya?
You're a really good writer.. but in your 'A/N' you said that there were only a few more chapters left. Unless you're going to write a sequel.. I think you should write more about how Harry works hard to regain the trust of his friends and the Order again- I mean, it's kind of weird to have people trusting Harry immediately just after he has turned into a Death Eater, isn't it? It was kind of his own descision although Voldemort must have put all that anger in him... Write more about how Harry's feeling, write about how Harry(this is what I feel) knows that he has made a very big mistake and knows that he cannot simply apologise but must prove through his actions that he is on the good side. Don't end this so quickly by just saying 'Everybody had given Harry a second chance and he was determined to prove himself' or something like that, I think it's bad. Leave the 'Final Showdown' part to later..better still stop this story when Harry regains the Order's and Dumbledore's trust, and put the 'Final Showdown' in a sequel. Or don't write about the 'Final Showdown' at all is also fine, this story can stand by its own and is good enough to stand by its own anyway.
Author's Response: no one is really giving Harry a second chance, Harry hasn't earned everyones trust yet. He's still followed and never left alone for long. As I replied to the last review, things may seem a little rushed but that is because I have a sequel planned that will bring Harry's feelings about himself and his feelings towards his actions to a whole new light. I already have part of it written. Things that aren't resolved or things that seem forgotten about in this story will be amplified in the next. Keep an eye out for it and thanks for the review. :)