Yes. Stories have mysteriously vanished. I fiddled, tweaked, rewrote, and several thousand more words later, they were no longer fanfiction, so I sold 'em. Visit Shadowfire Press in late May.
The Severus in Profile series, in order: In the Eyes of Others
Greasy Little Sneak (AU to some of series)
Happy Birthday, Lily Evans
A Flash of Scarlet
The Right Questions
The Amazing and Adaptable, Quick and Accurate, Handy-Dandy Spell-Check Quill
A Different Sort of Peace
The Blue series is alphabetical: Reflecting, Reproachful, Scheming, and (per a request from Masked One) Skies Crossed.
Many thanks to Slian Martreb, Magical Maeve, Poultrygeist, Insecurity, and Ravensgryff for beta-reading, Britpicking, checking my insights on the life of a young professor, and generally letting me know when I am being foolish. I have to throw huge amounts of appreciation to Nat for Brit-law-picking and Andrea for second opinions -- not to mention making sure DSoP makes sense to someone who hasn't read the other brazillion words. A second thanks to the lovely and talented Slian Martreb for story-pimping, review-padding, and putting up with the RatStar! Her author page now includes "Summer Letters," a little something we co-wrote.
I have actually been active on the site lately. Mostly, though, I've been pursuing the elusive dream of real publication (with some small success! Try September 2009 editions of Reflection's Edge, Emerald Tales, and Crossed Genres, or Shadowfire Press) and haven't come back to post on Six Roses or Dumbledore's Delight. I do still intend to finish them. Sometime. Honest.
"History had taught him that heirs had the annoying habit of coveting their father’s place, quite often before said father was finished occupying it." This is going to be a favourite sentence for a long time. I love the idea that this is the Dark Lord's true weakness, and would love to see how the Order could exploit it. What is it about these long-fingered wizards, anyway?
Let's see, a runon, a lack of possessive form, but otherwise passable enough. This is mostly to let you know I've been here, and that I'm not going to your last chapter utterly without background.
Hey,” he said in a horse I just woke up voice I'm sure someone already remarked on that, but it did make me giggle a bit. How about "a hoarse I-just-woke-up voice"? So far so good.
Still reading along. I see you have improved your apostrophe use with time; now if we could just iron out those runons and dialogue errors. Romance-wise, well, it seems to make romance fans happy, and that's all a romance writer can really ask for in life.
I may as well say it publicly, no? I liked the end. And was interested to see how (and if) they escaped, for that matter, and what happened to Katherine. Now I have to try to picture Severus as a father. Interesting challenge.
I've been greatly enjoying this story, you know, and this chapter was worth the wait. You have such a range in here -- the action/jailbreak material, the tedium of administrative details (Y was a really nice touch, especially as I am reading this on my lunch break!), and a glimpse of what it takes to get Severus instead of the professor. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Did you know I've been eagerly checking in for updates on this story? This is one of those chapters that really keeps me coming back. And, of course, I have to compare our takes on Severus (yep, that's the same person) and on Azkaban. Your first few chapters were heartbreaking.
The attack of the mysterious Beta...
I still like the logic of your drunken Sirius, trying to work out whether Remus is trying to kill him, freeze his bits off, or do some other utterly mysterious thing to him.
Let's see, it is the reviewer's job to offer at least one nitpick. Ah. This will do. I stubbornly maintain that "He stared around at the unfamiliar bathroom, his first time in it and left to his own thoughts again, slowly became wretched once more," needs at least one more comma. So there.
Author's Response: Tell me what you think of my tongue. I'm sticking it out at you right now....
You know perfectly well what I think, of course, and where I would put commas that you would not. So you may put that tongue back in your mouth, dear. Great job, and congrats on the win!!!
Author's Response: And now you sound like my mother, thus proving the point you made a few weeks ago. Are you happy now? *smirk* Congrats on being a finalist!
Hah! I'm here first! Not that I haven't already said a great deal about this little story. I'll squee a bit, though, even if I'm not a WolfStar shipper, because I like puppies. And I love the fact that Sirius just never will get around to growing up if he can possibly avoid it.
My only kvetch -- commas! *gives Slian a not-unaffectionate noogying* Always needed to set off the moments when someone is being addressed. "I think, Ann, you've left a window open somewhere." Nag, nag; pester, pester.
Author's Response: *stick out tongue* busy busy; ignore, ignore. You are too letting me get to you: kvetch? Come now, V V.... SIRIUS WILL NEVER GROW UP! It is a physical imposibility. A puppy will remain a puppy forever! There is nothing you can do to make them grow! (Well, the good Lord only knows what Hagrid did to Fang--nudge, nudge; private laugh, private laugh-- but otherwise....)
Amazing where you end up by being curious after a "flames" thread... This looked interesting, I clicked, and -- Nice one! I like your melted Sorting Hat, and this particular bit of dialogue:
Justin: Hey! How come I didn’t get any lines?
Susan: Don’t look at me; I only got to say ‘No’.
I'm always fond of self-referential humour and thought you did it well. And I'd love to see more of your narrator. You aren't really stopping here, are you?
Author's Response: No, I'm not! This little beauty's gonna be a five parter! I'm glad you liked it!
Toasted Turnip Review
For the record I already wrote this review once, and the computer ate it. If it sounds a little breathless, that's why!
First off, very nicely done -- it's always good to see Severus redeem himself in fine style. I hope you come back to this and make yourself happy with the bits you feel rushed past. I'm curious to see how that would go.
Mandatory nitpicking: You have a 'Kedarva' in there, and spells should, generally, be italicized. Also, one of the things that is definitely rushed past is the actual canon scene -- there's a lot of dialogue and action missing, including a radical shift or two in the personality of Severus, and he is not the one who lit Hagrid's hut. Too, we lost Buckbeak's attack somewhere, and that might have had a bit of importance to him. Oh, and there were a few shifts of POV tucked away when Severus is explaining himself to Harry. You have Harry introspectively understanding, which can only be done from his own point of view, in the middle of a lot of Severus-sees things. It's subtle and sneaky, but there.
But enough of that. I like your version of accounts, and have this awkward feeling I may end up liking them better than Jo's. There very probably is a good deal of information exchanged when one Legilimens looks into the eyes of another; that was a good solid moment. Your action scenes are vigourous and the character sketches swift and tidy -- plaudits!
Actually, come to think of it, two of my favourite lines are in this chapter. And nobody's gotten either of them yet. I'll heave bunnies at you myself if nobody else wins the right to prompt, just on the grounds of being happily inscrutable. Poor Severus, thinking Hermione is only messing with his mind.
Author's Response: Two of them? I know about the one about the--but can\'t place the second one. You have two favorite lines in this chapter and you didn\'t tell me? Tsk. Please; heave away. And yes, poor Severus indeed.
Hey! I'm finally being a good little beta and leaving you a review! It's good to see this story launched out into the world after all our back-and-forthing. One eensy little quibble -- are you sure you want to wish your readers the same joy in reading as you had in writing after saying it was very disagreeable? Some might consider that a poor advertising strategy!
"And besides, I knew as well as he did that he was right. Ron would have wanted us to be miserable without him." Actually one of my favourite lines also. Ron always did dream of being the center of attention.
There's a funny little formatting thing here at the end, putting a break after the word 'break" which you might want to repair. It disrupts the otherwise nice ending to your chapter.
Yes. My baby is all growed up and out in the world *sniffle* Well. That line is entirely your fault, you know....
I have no idea of what you\'re taking about. Shall take a look.... *kisskiss*
VERY nice. I'll write you some real comments later, honest, but I wanted you to know I'd been here. You probably mean to say the deer have faWns, unless some rather odd things have been going on in the forest, and there's my mandatory nitpick. Otherwise, I think you've done a nice job of getting into Hagrid's head and life. He's a much-underdone character with a lot of potential -- will we see any more of him from you?
Author's Response: LOL! No, I was not thinking of any - er - unusual forest shipping going on. It was just my faulty spelling gene... We might see more of him. I adore Hagrid. I adored him before I knew him - for years I have been thinking that one of the less pleasant aspects of being a grown up is that, well, you are the grown up, there is no bigger person to make you feel safe and taken care of - and then in walks Hagrid, wielding a pink umbrella... To me, Hagrid is the closest thing I can imagine to a talking unicorn. He has his faults, but they are really so forgiveable(I never had to walk or feed a screwt, after all...) and he is so dependable in his virtues. Seeing more of him depends on his sending me a plot bunny that does him justice.. Or one jsut popping up saying \"Psst, you know the guy with the atrocious rock cakes... well...
I had a nice little chuckle over this. Somehow it seems right that a young Minerva McGonagall had to be a troublemaker for the older one to be so good at spotting trouble, doesn't it? Sometime I'd love to eavesdrop on her interactions with Slughorn, just to see if they can get along for more than five minutes at a time.
A couple of the mandatory nitpicks: you have a "Minevra" in there once, which startled me a little. Also the very first phrase -- it makes more sense if he is "new and unfamiliar" or perhaps "[other adjective] and unfamiliar" (odd, scrawny, broad-shouldered, running to fat, duckfaced, whatever you like, but we could get more of a picture here). I'd like a better look at the prat, myself. The goatee is a nice touch, though.
Enough with the nits, though. You have given me a very nice little read here. Well done!
I've been enjoying modding this fic -- you have a nice knack for making the reader want the next chapter to see what somebody is up to, and you vary which somebody is up to something! Both story and writer are developing very well.
Author's Response: thank you so much! i will probably have the next chapter in soon.
Have I mentioned lately how much you need to finish this? I love the idea of Fletcher and Figg together -- two older characters not much wondered about but with all sorts of distinctive traits.
Now I only owe you 1,999 reviews. So there!
A brand-new story from a brand-new writer on MNFF who believes in proofreading -- how could I not leave a review? This was great. I particularly enjoyed Voldemort rudely snacking on snakes.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I\'m so glad you enjoyed it. I never did get this story beta\'d, but I\'m fussy enough about spelling/grammar/punctuation that hopefully it won\'t matter. So is each chapter reviewed by a moderator before it goes up? cb
Hurrah for character sketches! I love the boys as you've drawn them, and the nice smells coming from the kitchen give this a sort of homey and timeless feel that seems to work well with the Dumbledores.