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The Savant [Contact]

I was born a poor black child--
Whoops, obscure movie reference.
I was born a poor Roman Catholic in a small town in Campagnia. I still have a bit of Italian in me. I came to America when I was threeish. For a while I had a bit of autism or ADD- forget which one it was, perhaps a combination of both- but I overcame that and I like to think of myself as clever and witty. Of course, others may have more valid opinions upon analysis. I'm currently sixteen years old, a sophomore at Brooklyn Tech High School.
I love to write humorous fanfiction. Comedy will always be a part of me. It flows through me and from me, like clockwork. And that burrito I just had. (Just kidding. It was a normal taco.) Though my pockets are shallower than a porn star in a bucket of air, my imagination punches through puny limits like Mr. T does foolishness.
However, when I'm serious, I'm very serious, and don't mistake my affinity for comedy to lend itself to being slow to anger. I love sushi, Seanbaby.com, and anything that's cool. I hate Bush, feminism, chauvinism, and Oprah.
Well, that's all I've got to say, really. Oh wait, I should warn you that I have a writing style that uses commas A LOT. And if anyone's interested in donating to the Make Me Rich Fund, do so.

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Stories by The Savant [3]
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Reviews by The Savant

Monty Python and the Goblet of Fire by Rosemunde

Summary: "Monty Python and the Goblet of Fire" explores the profound question of what scenes from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" would be like if they were done as Monty Python sketches. Here the fic begins. A parody of the "Swedish subtitles" bit during the beginning credits of "Monty Python and The Holy Grail." Written for a GoF parody challenge. Rated PG-13, because I'm unsure of the language factor. (Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Monty Python, JK Rowling, or the owners of the Unofficial Monty Python site, who helped me out enormously. I'm making no money from this)
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/09/05 Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning of the Fic

Monty Python is among my three favorite movies of all time- I always love to quote it. The amalgamtion of Harry Potter and Monty Python is pure genius. I cannot wait to get on with the other two (or was it 4) chapters. Read Magorian, if you wish.

Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/09/05 Title: Chapter 3: Defense Against the Dark Arts

I'm shuffling off the mortal coil in laughter. Seek my remembrance and the epitaph secretly inscribed in my fic- read Magorian.

What Would Be A Drill? by Kelsid

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: COMPLETED! When Harry goes to Uncle Vernon's work for the summer, odd things happen, including beating Ron at drill questions, sending millions of letters to Vernon and making Dudley wear a cotton candy outfit!
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/10/05 Title: Chapter 3: Harry and Ron, the Dynamic Duo

Very amusing. Out of a scale of 1 to 10, where 7 is the highest and approximately 4.11 the lowest, I give you pi squared. Read Magorian, if you wish.

Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/19/05 Title: Chapter 4: Owl Delivery

It was extremely amusing; various hilarious tidbits made me smile. Don't make chapters so short, though.


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/19/05 Title: None

This looks promising. Finally, a really original humor fic. I hope the next chapters will be longer, though. Read Magorian, if you wish. 10.

The Power Of Suggestion by FriendsOfSnape

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: "Be careful what you wish for," the old adage goes. So what happens when Hogwarts is under a spell where what you say is what you get?

Chappie 14 is UP! And while it is the end, let us not be sad, but instead read the insanity that has driven so many to review and nearly wet themsleves with delight.
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 04/27/05 Title: Chapter 3: Repetitive noise is a form of torture

An idea: The entire castle becomes a spaghetti western, with people whipping their guns out of their holsters and ordering each other to dance, and duels in every corridor. Or you could simply conjure a flock of murderous pellicans trying to impale eveybody through their stomachs.

Author's Response: I like spaghetti. And duels. As for pelicans: well, I've already got penguins going in somewhere. This is becoming a strange tale of the avian variety.

Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 04/04/05 Title: Chapter 1: That's Hand-y, Hermione.

This looks promising, if the slightest bit unoriginal. Man, I wish I had an umbrella for a head. I could fall off steep precipices and land unscathed. Rain would never bother me again. And should a liscenced assassin be hired to eliminate me, they'd never get a clear head shot. 8.

Author's Response: "The slightest bit unoriginal?" After all those people told me this was original. Well, it's better than ripping off something completely. The only disadvantages I could find to having an umbrella head would be getting bent inside out, or getting ripped, or flying away in a strong wind gust. Not to mention being really funny looking.


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 04/28/05 Title: None

I agree with the previous reviewer. I'm sick of all the stories centered on known characters. Gah! Stories centered on the world Wizards live in is much more interesting. I'm planning a nonhumor fic entitled "HPverse Anthology", a collection of stories on the Wizarding' World's past, and "Reanimator", set in Japan in the distant future, where Muggles have basically gained control of the world with machine, slavedriving wizards. But enough about me. This looks like a very promising fic. (And this time I actually mean it.)

Author's Response: I definately think that fan fiction writers have much more leeway while writing about characters who are barely mentioned/ are not mentioned in the canon books. Many stories that use the Trio or the Marauders seem to have problems making the characters stay in character and making the plot believable. Again, I would like to try moving this fanfic along, but not until I finish Do Be My Enemy for Friendship's Sake. It is a very different kind of story than my Unspeakable stories, but I still enjoy writing it very much. I would like your feedback on that, too, mainly because I think you would cast a critical eye to it (espeically if you are expecting something along the lines of the fics you described in your review of "A Day with Life.") Don't feel obligated to read it, though, especially if Oliver Wood/original character fanfics just not your kind of fan fiction. As for your ideas on the two nonhumor fics, I think "HPverse Anthology" sounds very interesting. It would be cool to see a collection of good stories that deal with characters in Harry Potter who go largely unnoticed. I must say that the "Reanimator" story sounds VERY original (which isn't easy). I would be quite interested in learning how Muggles got the better of wizards by using machines. Definately let me know if you write either of these stories. Thanks for the review, The Savant. And good luck on your stories.

Lost Intentions by Faile

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were all great friends during their time at Hogwarts, but not too long after they left, the friends were shattered apart one fateful night. One dead, one imprisoned, one fled, and one left alone. Two of these stories remain untold, and one can never be. But what of the last? What drove him to tear apart the friends he had spent so long with and instead turn to the one who would ruin them all?
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 05/17/10 Title: Chapter 4: Honour and Horror

Excellent characterization all around. Ah, Pettigrew, that--dare I say it?--rat. You captured the sniveling, spineless snit marvelously. One must wonder, though, why exactly he was sorted into Gryffindor in the first place, considering how craven he is.