Penname: The Savant [Contact]
Real name: Giuseppe "Joe" di Martino
Member Since: 11/11/04
Website:
Beta-reader: 0
Status: Member
Bio:
I was born a poor black child--
Whoops, obscure movie reference.
I was born a poor Roman Catholic in a small town in Campagnia. I still have a bit of Italian in me. I came to America when I was threeish. For a while I had a bit of autism or ADD- forget which one it was, perhaps a combination of both- but I overcame that and I like to think of myself as clever and witty. Of course, others may have more valid opinions upon analysis. I'm currently sixteen years old, a sophomore at Brooklyn Tech High School.
I love to write humorous fanfiction. Comedy will always be a part of me. It flows through me and from me, like clockwork. And that burrito I just had. (Just kidding. It was a normal taco.) Though my pockets are shallower than a porn star in a bucket of air, my imagination punches through puny limits like Mr. T does foolishness.
However, when I'm serious, I'm very serious, and don't mistake my affinity for comedy to lend itself to being slow to anger. I love sushi, Seanbaby.com, and anything that's cool. I hate Bush, feminism, chauvinism, and Oprah.
Well, that's all I've got to say, really. Oh wait, I should warn you that I have a writing style that uses commas A LOT. And if anyone's interested in donating to the Make Me Rich Fund, do so.
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Reviews by The Savant
 

Summary: Hermione describes her Ron troubles in this series of hilarious journal entries, notes passed in class, and lists. And...Mrs Norris is a duck?

NOTE: This was written quite some time ago, in my younger years. It was my first story...which should explain a lot.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 5282 Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/12/04 Updated: 11/25/04


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/26/05 Title: Chapter 4: Detention isn't always bad

Ah... I remember my first fanfiction vividly... I remember writing it on scraps of paper on the train... I remember it was extremely good. Like, Stephen King good. I don't remember what it was or where I put it. [sigh] Probably in a landfill by now. But enough reminiscing. This is an insanely cute fic, and enormous props go to anyone who incoporates ducks as a major plot device. I am humbled by your remarkable prose and astonished that mt first fic wasn't nearly as good. (Quirrell. Ugh. I spit on it.) Where was I? Ah yes, I was saying how much golf isn't a sport. Or was I? I forget. Anyway, gnarly first fic.

Author's Response: Personally, I wasn't a fan of this one, but I'm not the one reviewing, am I? And golf...hmm...personally I cannot see the fun in wearing rather peculiar clothing while smacking a little ball towards a tiny hole far away while people politely applaud me on the sidelines, but to each their own. And...do not spit-ith on Quirrell! I enjoyed that one, thank you very much! You didn't sink low enough to write a cutesy fanfic to please people like I did...blaargh. And in Pennsylvania it is illegal to sleep outside on a refrigerator, did you know that? Must be why the cops chased me down the street that one night...

 

Summary: Hermione decides to stop being such an old fuddy-duddy! Love ensues!


a/n: a little OOC hermione, but nothing that she won't soon grow into... >:) also, described as "almighty fluffiness" by the kind-enough-to-review Ella Norman!
a/n2: this story has had over a thousand reads, and only 13 reviews! c'mon people! do you love it? do you hate it? please please gimme some feedback! just let me know!

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2139 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/14/04 Updated: 11/14/04


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 01/08/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

I heard you needed more reviews. So here you go. Nice story, but very OOC. Then again, what story isn't, right? The idea that they hook up after a spiked-punch party in which neither really attended was really novel- I applaud you for that.

 

A Day with Life by ByMerlinsBeard
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: Bode, an Unspeakable, has recently been promoted to the Life Subdepartment of the Department of Mysteries. Unfortunately for Bode, Life is a pain and his subordinate is having problems.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2104 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/17/04 Updated: 11/17/04


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 04/28/05 Title: Chapter 1: A Day with Life

Deep, man. Deep. I feel like a hippy after reading your story. And that, my friend, is no mean feat. I award creativity and ingenuity above all else. Lately when I scroll down the aisle of fics you see: The Power of Love by OMGRupertRadcliffe!----- It's Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts, and he finds love in the most unexpected places! Sorry, bad at summaries. Reviews:543 The Heir of Gryffindor's Fate by SeamusDumbledore---- Lily and James have travelled through time to Harry's trials to become an Auror, only to discover his terrible, dark secret and be forever changed. AU. Reviews: 65 You see what I mean? Thank you for keeping up the creative writing, and may karma and kudos be yours.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. And thanks for the karma and kudos. And yes, it was kind of deep. It didn't start that way. It was just supposed to be a humorous story about what would happen if a man could actually TALK to life. But I guess, if you're going to talk to LIFE, you might as well talk about something important. And I definately know what you mean. It is rather irritating that many times, the number of reviews and reads do not seem to reflect the quality of the story. I've read some good stuff on here that's received very little attention.

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 12/07/04 Title: None

I've played Super Mario Sunshine before. Bowser doesn't have a life bar per se, you just have to rocket smash five points in the level. It was pretty easy, actually.

Author's Response: Yes, I know, I know. I was wondering when someone would piont this out. I defeated Bowser with only one try when I played. However, This is no ordinary copy of Super Mario Sunshine. In this one, defeating bowser is much more complicated. You will see later on in the story.

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/25/05 Title: None

If Voldemort needs therapy, then Oigroig needs... uh... surjery! Yes, surjery. Must write that down... Ooo, how can I use aardvarks in my story? I know, I'll have a giant vole/lemur war of... um... doom-like evil and have the aardvarks be the referees! And then Magorian will go to... er... Disney's California Adventure! I am so original it's not funny. And a master of HTML!

Author's Response: Horray for you! Ah, Disney's California adventure...never been there, but this does remind me of the time my family and I were in Canada and my sister got a concussion at a Canadian theme park so we had to take her to a hospital...but we didn't have Canadian insurance so the nurses were all ranting, "THis child is not Canadian!" ...there you go.

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/25/05 Title: None

Okay, that last review was supposed to be funny because it had an HTML tag called "flagrant idea theft" before the first word and after the word Adventure. Apparently, this thing absorbs any tag, even fake ones... Oh well, this gives you another review.

Author's Response: Ah, so sad...tag absorbing...by the way, aren't I supposed to become your wife/mentor?

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/24/05 Title: None

Remember me? Just read the first four chapters of your fic. You've just confirmed my growing suspicion that there might be someone out there, in that big ol' cosmos, that actually shares my sense of humor. I love you. Will you marry me? Don't say you'd pick Tendercheeks over me!

Author's Response: I read all of your stories and thought the same thing, and though Tendercheeks is quite the looker, YES! I'll marry you!

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/24/05 Title: None

Just read up to chapter 8. Forget about being my wife. Be my sensei. Teach me the way of the warrior! The literary warrior, that is. One whose verbiage is matched only by his steely will and sense of honor. Only then will I truly be as awesome a writer as you. In gratitude, I'd give you my ceremonial daisho, including katana and wazikashi, and renounce bushido to take up the quill. Just thought I'd give that review a Japanese theme. No idea why.

Author's Response: Ah the Japanese...gotta love them... Can I be both?

 

Sweet Sixteen Again by Crimsonphoenix1
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 327]

Summary: Post-OOTP. When Voldemort attacks Harry and Dumbledore comes to fight him off, Harry accidentally casts a strange spell that turns Dumbledore and Voldemort into 16 year olds-Harry's age. Now both of them must live with Harry and the Dursleys...Please R&R! COMPLETE!!

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 26129 Chapters: 8 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/30/04 Updated: 02/19/05


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/19/05 Title: Chapter 1: Attack

This story is really quite amusing. This plot bunny could've been a bomb in the wrong hands, but you've proven yourself more than capable of making it smart and engaging. I salute you. Read Magorian, if you wish.

Author's Response: Thanks a whole bunch! That really means a lot to me--I'm glad you think it's turned out well. I'll definitely check it out ASAP. :D

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/23/05 Title: Chapter 8: Transition

A satisfying ending, I would say, to an overall entertaining fic. Those inward reflections of Albus and Tom were really great. I found the Dudley thing at the end a bit unnecessary, however, and there was definitly more room for plot resolution.

Author's Response: Thank you! The thing with Dudley was added for both pure entertainment and also to help with the length of the chapter, which would have been absurdly short without it. lol. By plot resolution...I don't know what you mean...because I'm stupid with my writing terms...hehe..sorry.

 

Summary: Parody of the Harry Potter series written and completed before the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It looks at the lives of some of the major characters as they wait impatiently for book six to arrive. Naturally, chaos ensues. Suitable for all.





Winner of the first annual Quicksilver Quills Award 2006 for best humor fiction. Thank you!



Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 14850 Chapters: 12 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/06/05 Updated: 06/18/05


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/24/05 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter Six: Returning to Hogwarts

I quite like this fic, though you have to use something other than marshmallows in the coming chapters for comical effect. Love the picture. Read Magorian, if you wish.

Author's Response: Hmm...I see your point, and yes, the marshmallows to tend to be over-done, but only because they play a major part in Harry's connection to Voldie. Thanks though, I always appreciate constructive criticism, and I'll bear that in mind. Now, off to read your fic...

Author's Response: Err....that should be "do tend." Oh well...

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/09/05 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter Seven: School Days are the Best Days of Your Life, You Know ...

Don't worry about whether a chapter is as funny as the others- any good humor fic needs temperance to be really humorous. A bit of seriousness now and again does not hurt. That being said, I thought that this was not at all less funny than the others. But, as I've stated, marshmallows can't be your major gag forever. 10.

Author's Response: Thank you, I felt it needed to be moved along, and I'm glad you found it amusing nonetheless. Unfortunately, though I have given your point some serious thought, I really don't think I can give marshmallows less status in the story, they've been the reason for Voldemort's and Harry's insanity, and it's come to a point where I actually need them for the plot. I hope this doesn't stop you reading. Ooooh, yay, I just saw the 10!

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/27/05 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter Eight: Secrets of Poetry and Prose

Sorry, I've been a bit out of the fiction loop for a while... So, about chapter 8. Elaboration on Voldemort's sudden urge to become a poet would be greatly appreciated on my part, as would a slight rescinding of the marshmallow thing. There is much potential in the Voldemort/writing storyline, but not much in the marshmallow one, or so I would say.

Author's Response: Hmm, I do intend to develop the Voldemort/writing storyline,and I'm glad you like it. You surely understand what I'm getting at with the marshmallows though, right? They're a plot device, rather than a plot line in themselves.

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/27/05 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter Nine: An Evil Plan - Part Two

Now this is what I'm talking about! Very funny. And just when you needed a good send-off, too. Exceptional, let's hiope the final installment is longer.

Author's Response: Aww, thanks - glad you liked it.

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/26/05 Title: None

I am strangely attracted to this fic. I- I can't pull away! Uhn! Yeerg! It's no use. The bonds of the Good Plot Bunny are indefatigable and cannot rescind its iron grip! Update soon, lest I die of boredom. Oh, and make a little detour and read Magorian while you're at it.

 

Summary: It’s Harry Potter’s Seventh Year in Hogwarts, and Lord Voldemort is close to overthrowing good once and for all. He’s got it all: a goblin desk, Albus Dumbledore’s quill, one billion, two thousand, six hundred and ninety-eight slaves and a secretary…not to mention the entire world. It’s time to put himself into the history books properly - as the evil genius he is. Unfortunately, Lord Voldemort has a bad case of writer’s block…with hilarious consequences.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 9134 Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/19/05 Updated: 04/24/05


Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/01/05 Title: Chapter 4: DO NOT READ THIS BOOK

Well-written, funny and articulate. One caveat, though: Posting an advertisement to review your story in your review section might not be the most intelligent thing to do, especially if it's in caps lock and the exclamation points exceed a reasonable number.

Author's Response: No-one was reviewing....I could have said how wonderful and utterly perfect my story was, but that would sound big-headed. Did I say that out loud? Oops.

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/09/05 Title: Chapter 3: None of that clever talk

It took my approximately 10.42948 seconds to type this review. It is remarkably analogous to the rating I gave you.

Author's Response: Oh wow! Dumbledore clone! *Points finger at*

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 02/24/05 Title: Chapter 1: Don't try to run before you can walk

A good beginning to what will hopefully be a great fic. I liked Voldemort's total inability to be reasoned with. Read Magorian, if you wish.

Author's Response: I could only read the summary before my friend arrived, but I think that it was v good as a summary (if that is possible) because it ordered me to stop reading it...very good so far, will check it out later when I have more time

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/09/05 Title: Chapter 5: To Whom it May Concern (aka you)

Zeta isn't nearly as bad as Oigroig, but it is pretty pathetically bad. You do realize it means the letter "Z", don't you?

Author's Response: Er, yes. I just don't really like the name, and it was a bit different...

 
Reviewer: The Savant Signed
Date: 03/27/05 Title: Chapter 6: The Day After Tomorrow

Hello. Sorry I've been away a while from the swirling mists of the humor section. Damned incredibly long chapter I had to write! (Chapter twelve of Magorian now up, go and review!) Gnarly limerick, by the way. "Husbands with axes I do dread" made me laugh out loud. 10.

Author's Response: Well duh! Husbands with axes are frightening...not to mention dangerous...

 
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