Hi everyone! I'm 15 and I live in Hong Kong. I love fan fiction, especially Marauder stuff, really dark fics and poetry. My forum name is lunaslion (which I should probably have used for my name here, but I had just seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when I made it). Check out my favorite authors, if I've listed them it means I usually love lots of their stories, so they're really good (in my opinion). If I have something to say, I'll leave you a review. Read my stories if they interest you, review if you care enough. Toodleoo!
I thought this poem was very good. I have actually written somewhat similar ones before (but not put them up) and this was much better than anything I could do! Lupin is my favourite character, and I think you did a very good job portraying his lonliness, etc. I especially loved the last three stanzas, and the repetition of the four names. Now, as for the poetry, there were some things I felt didn't flow as well as they could have. I have a weird thing that I don't normally like rhyming, unless there are really no mistakes and it doesn't detract from the meaning. However, most of the time I was fine with this. The couple places that I didn't like as much I think Vader mentioned. The eighth stanza doesn't flow very well, I think it just doesn't work in my head, whereas it might work in yours, which is what makes poetry so difficult. Becuase I tend to slur "alone" into more or less one syllable, the rhythm is kind of thrown off, and also it doesn't rhyme with "gone" so thats a bit awkward. There might be a few other places that weren't perfect, but overall I thought you did a very good job, especially with the story you were telling. 9/10.
I love this story, It's so nice to see a different 'ship for a change! I love that you keep Anglelina's character so strong, we get a really good sense of who she is, and I like that Draco's softer side is coming out. The one nitpick I have is that we don't get much physical description... at least not of Anglelina. I've always (in the actual books) found her difficult to visualize, and I'd like a bit more description in this story. Other than that, I love it! Keep up the great work, I'm waiting with bated breath for the next chapter...
Author's Response: A physical decription, huh? I'll see what I can do.
Thanks for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Brilliant, just... brilliant. All of your stories really inspire me to write, and read more. I love the line "the roll call for the dead began". I don't know why, it's just very poetic and meaningful. Loved the whole thing, as I do all your stories!
Wow, I loved this story! I'm mainly interested in the marauders, and how sad their lives were, so I thought this was just such a great explanation of what happened to Sirius. Obviously, I loved the laughter/cry quote, but I also loved thinking about where memories are lost. Because I suppose its true, the worst thing the dementors can take from you are your memories. Because without memories, you aren't really anything but right here, right now. It really made me think, which I liked so I give it a 10/10!
Author's Response: Hooray! A ten! It was intended to make one think, which is perhaps why I like you so much, since you\'ve actually given so much thought to it. The review gets a 10. :)
Oh wow, I just LOVE LOVE LOVE this story! I know you just posted chapter seven, but I'm already eagerly awaiting the next one! I love how it reminds us that we only see the character's from Harry's point of view, and they could be very different. And its so much more interesting than the same old Harry/Ginny Hermione/Ron stories. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: I Live in a World of Candy? (Very original!) Is that a Willy Wonka reference? Thank you for understanding the view point of our lucious Slytherins. They need to be loved too! Sorry it took so long for me to respond. I'm currently finishing up Chapter Eight. In the meantime, I've started posting another Pansy/Draco fic called Pure & Proud. (BTW I like H/G and Hr/R too, but I do know what you mean! *sniggers*) Thanks for reviewing! -SIW
Ahh sorry, I also wanted to mention how I love that it's obvious you thought it out so much, writing spells and such. It just makes me realize that you actually care, which is great, and it really shows!
Author's Response: Hey! Thank you. I do care very much about the characters, and I love JKR's world. Spells are so much fun...you could say it's 'Fun with Latin', if there is such a thing. I hope you'll read chapter eight when it posts. -SIW
Aww, this chapter brought tears to my eyes!! Seriously, I thought the whole story was really good, funny and thought-provoking. I especially loved Sirius' drunken talking! I love Wolfstar, and I think this story made a very beleivable setting for their relationship. Two thumbs up!
Author's Response: Yay! Glad you liked it; glad-er that you reviewed! *stares sternly at hundreds of others who read and didn't* (Have you read the rest of it?)
Amazing! (I was going to start off the review with "wow" but the other two already did that. But I think wow does sum up my feelings after reading this) I love it love it love it! So far I've read it about... five times. It took me a while to understand it all, but now I think I do and I LOVE IT!!! Every part. It all seems to fit together so well, even when there is a seemingly random stanza. I love everything, my favorite line is probably the end. It's just so blunt, especially compared to the rest of it, that it's wonderful! Made me think about the character, and made me want to write MUCH MUCH BETTER! You're a really brilliant writer... keep it up. Now I'm off to read it again.
Oh, and also... I just posted a more in-depth review of the poem in the Poetry, Anyone? section of the forums (under LunasLion). That can be found here: http://fanfiction.mugglenet.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=60253#60253
Wow, I thought this was amazing. At first I wasn't sure what it was about (or how it related to HP), but even without knowing it was a phoenix's song, it just seemed to relate to the world as a whole. My favourite line must be
"will fall away,like so many wrappings,insignificant. Can you
Ok, so spacing got a little messed up there, but I just love it. I'm not sure why, I think a lot of it has to do with the seemingly thrown away word "insignificant", because one is able to glean so much more from it if they think about it. Also, I love how you ended on a rhetorical question. Great job!
Author's Response: Actually, in the first place i meant it to be about the world, but that hasn't much to do with HP so i switched it around a little.
Oh wow, you brought tears to my eyes. It's funny, I didn't actually like the beginning. I'm not sure why, but it just seemed kind of boring. Then I got to the line "She saw the laughter leave his eyes
never to return." That actually made me physically hurt. I loved the rest. I loved how it was about how death can affect someone in general- also the list of people who were "gone" was very effective. Very good choice of poetic style as well- free verse, short sentences, allowed us to see emotions very well, as well as her fragmented thoughts. I'm giving too many good reviews today, I must go find a story to hate...
Author's Response: well, seeing as you live in a world of candy, maybe it's hard for you to find a story you hate :) ha ha. Well, anyways, I'm glad it affected you in the way that I was going for. I'm not really sure why I wrote this poem, to tell the truth. I think I was having a random emo moment...
I really enjoyed this poem. I love the repition of the first and last line, as well as the lovely description of the passing of time. Also, the structure of the poem is very good. My one complaint is that we didn't get much story from the actual poem... I feel that I would have been pretty confused without the summary, but I also love the sparse detail, so what are you gonna do? One question- why the dubious consent warning?
Author's Response: Well...you're going to think I'm a bit...stupid but I didn't mean to put the warning 'dubious consent' on this poem. I have no idea what I did or why i put that there. Believe me, I'm laughing hysterically because of it and an error caused by me. Anyway, more serious matters to press...I know i didn't put any of the story in the poem but you see...most poems are like that anyway. In Romeo and Juliet, at the party scene where they both share a dance, has anyone noticed together, they make up a sonnet? That poem has nothing about their story its about one thing...love. Thats what my poem is about, starined love for someone who is far away as plus, isn't it more fun to figure out the poem for yourself??? You know, to find the deep meaning behind all the phrases I used and metaphors. Next time...I might not have a summary at all and people will just have to guess...*laughs ebily*
I thought this was a very good, intriguing poem. A few things to point out: 1. I think there is a typo in one line, it says "I" when I think it should say "in" or something. 2.I found the structure interesting. While there was some definite rules-ie first and third (?) lines rhymed, and four lines per stanza, there were also some places where you allowed yourself more freedom- ie syllabal count. I think this did a good job in conveying Narcissa's emotions, while at the same time being poetic. 3. I love the story! Moving away from the technicality of the poetry, the idea that Narcissa is abused by Lucius and yet continues to love him is, I find, very touching. (not sure if thats exactly the right word, but hey). Overall, excellent job! I'm off to see what else you've written.
I thought this was amazing. Not perfect, no... some places the dialogue or descriptions seemed stilted or unatural, and I felt the newspaper article wasn't very article-ish, but at the same time it made me hurt, if that makes sense. I got that dull pain in the bottom of my stomach- not sad enough to cry, but it depressed me, and I love getting depressed by stories. What's the point in a story making you happy, I say, you won't remember that. So I thought it was very very good. Excellent work.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and taking the time to review; I really appreciate getting people's opinions. You're right in that some of the dialogue and everything seemed a bit unatural, but that mostly had to do with the fact that the story wasn't in the editing and tweaking process for very long. In order to get it submitted to the challenge, I had to do the entire thing in less than two days, but the product turned out pretty good for the short thinking and writing period that it was created in. Anyway, glad you liked it, and thanks again for the review.