NITPICK: I felt a shiver go down my spin that had nothing to do with the cold. >>> Should be spinE.
Kritchen. I loved this chapter. The tension and emotion you created between the pair was unbelievable. When they were hiding in the niche, I'm pretty sure my heart was pounding just as hard as theirs >.< I love the Ted that you have created throughout these first four chapters. He's absolutely wonderfully amazing in every way! I can't wait to see what chapter five holds!
Author's Response: I\'m surprised no one caught that sooner. I must have read that chapter through a million times. Oh well, it\'s fixed now. Thanks darling. I\'m soooooo glad you loved it. I simply love this story. :D I think somone is falling in love with Ted as well. ;]
Hello! Just dropping in to say that I love how this has turned out, from what it started as, to what it became is truly spectacular! Your charactrization turned out very well. :]
Author's Response: Thank you Kat! Its all thanks to you and the other betas that it\'s got this far! Thanks again!
Hello dear Manu!
I really enjoyed this! I've never actually read a Rose/Scorpius story, but I rather liked it a lot. Especially how you introduced it with Draco and Ron forbidding their respective children from talking to the other, and low and behold, they talk!
The POV changes made the story really interesting to read, though I must admit I agree with Euphrates. It would be nice to see a bit more description added to each segment.
This was really loverly, Manu, I can't wait to see some more!
[[prods in direction of my author's page]]
/my shameless self promotion!
Author's Response: :D I\'ll check it out in a little while! Promise. I\'m glad you enjoyed this. Yep, I agree with both of you about the POV too. The first chappie is going to be as detailed as you wish. *sly smile* *huggles*
Wow, this is really good! It's so sad to see this from Andromeda's POV. May favorite line: Death is as flighty and unpredictable as the wind — the one thing that everyone can rely on.
That was a really brilliant line :] Wonderful writing, my dear!
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I\'m glad you liked it! Stay tuned for the next chapters....
As I've said before, you've made me fall in love with this pairing, Olivia! I love how you show Seamus' uncertainty and Dean's so IC I don't even know what to do with myself! *lol* Wonderful job my dear!
Author's Response: Hello Dear! I\'m so glad you like it! Seamus/Dean is a rather unexplored pairing, so I\'m so happy that you enjoyed it. And thanks again for you beta help, I greatly appreciate it! You\'re amazing! -Olivia
I LUB LUB LUB how you write this pair Kritch! I mean, you must know by now. What with my prolific reviews, my constant challenges, and now I've written my own A/T. So, there ya go. As I have said many a-time b'fore, the personalities you bring out in Andromeda and Ted are wonderful, wonderful! I think my favorite part is the controversy between 'Andy' and 'Dromeda'. This is just so scandelous! *lubs* *pets*
Author's Response: Lol, Kat, you\'re silly. Scandelous is a funny word. :D I\'m glad you love my writings so much.
So, am I allowed to copy and paste my discussion in here, because all I did in that was basically gush about how amazing this is. I know you will read this and read that and find many similarities, actually, all similarities, but I will go ahead just so you can get excited about a new review!
This was brilliant. I think that this and Suya's Beautiful in the Morning Light will be the two fics that I will never get tired of reading. Everything about this is just amazing. I think really, after looking back on my discussion and on the story (after reading it for I think the fifth time?), what makes me love this so much is your style. The flow and sentence style and word choice and characterization and just everything is amazing. There is never too much or too little (I'm pretty sure I used that exact phrase in my discussion *whoops*).
The one thing I can say that I gained from this story is the original fondness I had for this pairing. I must admit, I was never one to truly want these two together, but here we are, and I have never liked it in fanfiction. But this story had made me actually want to find those few and far between well written Ron/Hermione stories that make the two characters as perfect as you have. And here I go with 'perfect' again. I'm just going to stop here, and leave with a...
You. Are. An. Amazing. Writer.
Author's Response: Omg, Kat, thank you! *blushes* Seriously, between this and your discussion, I don't know how much more my ego can take before I become insufferable. Hee. I'm glad this warmed you up to Ron/Hermione... not because I love the ship, which I don't, but because I find that to be high praise from a non R/Hr shipper. ;) Anyway, I responded to most of your points in my discussion [which I still have to finish before posting], so I'll just leave this off by saying, again, thank you! I really appreciate all of your comments, and I'm extremely glad that you enjoyed this! *hugs*
Mia, this is wonderful. I have never seen the Black’s painted as you have done. I have always seen Regulus and Sirius forever being enemies, and Sirius’ parents forever hating him. You have shown The Blacks as an actual family, one that hols love and forgiveness and happiness. I don’t think I’ve ever loved a story written about the Black childhood as much as this one. It only seems to make Sirius running away and being sorted into Gryffindor that much harder.
Your characterisation was spot on as well. Sirius showed his Gryffindor daring as such a young age and Regulus showed his Slytherin cowardice and submission very young too. I was blown away by hose well you showed their traits through such simple actions. Sirius wanting to stay and listen. But Regulus being scared and eventually giving in. Sirius searching for the box and using Regulus to help him. You really did a wonderful job at writing them.
The use of flashbacks was perfect too. I love stories told in second person, and the way you told it made the impact of Sirius running away so real. He was so disconnected from what was going on around him because of the flashbacks.
I don’t think I have one bit of critique—I definitely understand why this is your favorite story. It was simply brilliant.
Author's Response: Kat! SO yeah, you wrote me this review a really long time ago, and I'm sorry to respond to it so late, but I've been going over old writing lately, and old reviews, and I wanted to say thanks very much for sharing your reactions with me. All these reviews really help us to grow as writers. THanks very much!
You did a wonderful job characterizing everyone from the get-go. Lily, a little more rebellious and child-like as the younger sibling tends to be, and Petunia, the protective, rule-abide who thinks she knows what is right and best for everyone. I love how you present them in the story. Lovely job. Even Mrs. Evans seems to be perfect. Typical mother, really. I can relate really well to how she comes across with her two children because I am the oldest and my youngest brother holds a soft spot with my mom. Great job with showing the family dynamics so well, really!
I have never felt so convinced by the setting of the Evans as I have by your portrayal. I have often read the introduction chapter of Lily’s life and been totally unconvinced that it is good, but with your setting of the cluttered, industrial town, I can’t help but be intrigued. AWESOME job on that, really.
BAHA! And the nickname Tuney is just perfect. But now I have a few nitpicks. :]
“MUMMY!” Petunia shouted at the top of her lungs.
“I can hear you, Petunia,” her mother told her, wincing at the volume of Petunia’s voice.
I don’t know why, but this line gave me a LAUGH. Seriously, the few lines of lead up before this part make Mrs. Evans seem simply worn down from the day and kind of out of it. I can just hear her say this in a bored gust of breath. :]
Noting her mother’s breathe of relief and her softening expression, Petunia could tell that she was losing the battle.
Here, I think you might have meant “breath” instead of “breathe”. They both work, in a sense, but I think “breath” flows nicer.
Petunia felt her jaw dropped.
I think that using “drop” here is more common.
Great chapter, now onto the next!
Author's Response: Oh, yes. Curse you, typos! No matter how many betas and mods look over my stories, they always seem to sneak through somehow. At any rate, I'm glad you like the story.
Petunia rather likes sprinting into the kitchen and almost slamming into the counter, no? The way you showed Petunia’s reaction to Dumbledore is wonderful. You have a very good grasp on Petunia’s character, I think. You show much of the developing characteristics we eventually see in her as an adult. Great job. And you know, daughters always carry a bit of their mothers along with them in life and BAM you show that wonderfully through Mrs. Evans . . .
Even their mother knew that now, her swan-like neck craning out to look into the living room and her bright green eyes growing wide with fear
I mean just look at that. And also, how you speak of Petunia reading the gossip mags that her mother loves to read as well.
Your scenes seem so real and tangible. The way you had Dumbledore show up and frighten everyone out of their socks until he calmly explained himself was very IC for him. I have not yet found a moment in your characters’ lives that I have a qualm with. Not one slip up in their characterization which, I must say, is a great feat. Goodness, like here . . .
A tiny, muffled squeal came from the back of Lily’s throat, and she kicked her dangling feet against the sofa, trying to contain her excitement. Petunia thought her sister just looked like she really needed to use the bathroom
The interpretation you have of both characters is flawless. One, showing Lily’s utter, uncontrollable excitement, and two, Petunia taking Lily’s excitement and turning it sour. However, I am confused by the following . . .
“That’s because Lily is what is called a Muggle-born witch,” Professor Dumbledore explained. “Sometimes, witches and wizards are born into non-magical families, and nobody really knows why. But it doesn’t make her any less of a witch than the rest of the children we send letters to.”
It seems like there is a question before this that is being answered, but there is indeed, no question. There is just a minor lack of transition. Maybe have the father or mother ask a simple question about how this could be happening when they have never known of anything like it before.
I think it is so cute, and slightly sad, how you have the girls staying up late and messing with the spell books. It seems so perfect for Petunia to be very speculative around the others about Lily’s magic, but when the two are together, she lets her wishes free. The encouragement that Lily gives her as the practice is adorable too. You have a great grasp on the dynamics of the sisters and how they would react to certain things. I really have not seen one spot where I would suggest a different characterization or word uttered from either girl. Oh, and the letter! It is really perfect. She seems so desperate improving herself. As if the only thing holding her back is that she was simply looked over when she was eleven. It seems so sad, knowing she’s not a witch. All of this build up is wonderful for how she acts later in life toward magic and the thought of Lily.
Now, oneee nitpick:
“Wingardium leviosar,” Petunia answered confidently.
The spell should be, Wingardium Leviosa.
Erm, onto the next! I love this story, can you tell?
Author's Response: And you sure love to leave me long reviews...and flatter my ego. *blushes* That settles it! You are officially my new bestest friend!
I love your Andromeda from the start. You immediately begin with her showing her individualism by breaking away from the meeting. This is definitely how I see her in the series, so well done there. Not only that, but also you introduce her pride that she inevitably has as a Black with “ Not really,’ I answered, honestly. ‘You were the one who bumped into me.’ That was really awesome. I also really like how she is envious of the friendship Ted and his friends in comparison to the acquaintances she has.
This is really awesome, and through it all, I love the conflict you create with Rabastan, and then how Ted breaks it up! That was so great.
Through this all, I think the apathy you create in Andromeda is an interesting twist on her character. I’ve always seen her as really strong, but in the way you create her, I think the apathy definitely works, like she has gone beyond everything else.
The ending was perfect too, so hopeful for her to feel again. It seems like the apathy is going to do a turn around now that she has some light in her life.
Really awesome story. Did I see a sequel? I might have to check that out… :D
Author's Response: Eep, Kat. What a lovely review. Thank you so much! (and for linking it in the Character Class >.>) I'm so glad you like my characterisation of Andromeda; she's someone I really work at. I've never determinedly made her the apathetic person as she comes across, but she somehow just does. In this particular setting, she'd certainly be drained. Thank you for picking up on the little things about her character :D And yes, there is a sequel, and the first chapter of a chaptered fic thats new, although it isn't necessarily a sequel. *stops self-promoting* Thanks again, Kat :) ~ Cassie
That was so beautiful! I love how it was all narrative, but you conveyed the idea of conversation through the words. This is definitely a different world within the world we know. Something one would never think of. I mean Marlene McKinnon was mentioned only a few times, and you manage to make a whole new story out of her life. Great, great job. It was so original how you divided up the segments by the seasons. It made me excited to see what memory or image would come with each change.
I love the emotions that Julia has. Basically just hopelessness to the point that she can’t even believe she is being adopted. Her want and need of parents is almost desperate. When she still hopes for them to come get her after she finds out about their death, I felt so sorry for her. She was almost too hopeful in that moment. Many betraying emotions which seems to fit perfectly with the confusion of living in an orphanage.
One thing I noted was that at first, her husband’s name was Jacob, and then throughout the rest, he was named Peter.
I really enjoyed this fic. It’s always nice to read something that has never been attempted before.
Author's Response: Thanks! I had a lot of fun trying out a different style and format. :) I just fixed the Peter/Jacob thing - originally the husband's name was Peter but it reminded me of Peter Pettigrew, so I started to change it, and then forgot to finish. >.> Anyway, thanks for the lovely review, and I'm glad you liked the story! :)
That was… wow. I love the POV you wrote it from. It made it that much better. You did a wonderful job with keeping me guessing about who the main characters were until you intricately wove it into the story. The pain and suffering you portrayed in this story were so tangible. I felt an ache in my chest the whole time I was ready this.
I really love how you showed so many pieces of their lives. The flowers, the hammock, the doorway. You kept repeating time, emphasizing their importance to her. The way they met is so Sirius too. Saving a damsel in distress :D Very nice job at characterizing a character who isn’t even present!
This was so original, so heart wrenching, and just simply beautiful. I don’t think a story has been able to evoke that type of emotion in me in a long, long time. Good luck in your class :]
Author's Response: Hey Kat! I'm glad you like it! Well, to many, Sirius is a knight in shiny black armor ;) Anyway, I'm happy you enjoyed the read! ~Sunray
Oh lawd, child! That was so perfect. You know, Lily and James are a hard couple to pull off but you did it wonderfully. It’s always either Lily hates James until she finally discovers it, or Lily hardly knows James and just detests the idea of him, OR your version. I always have liked the idea of Lily being secretly in love with James. It’s really so much more convincing and realistic.
And you know, I can never resist a second person POV story. They are always so much more fun to read because you rarely ever see them. I think this is my favorite line:
Things are different now. I’m not the twelve-year-old girl who was illogically attracted to a boy who wanted no part of her. I’m seventeen now. Seventeen and no longer bound to Severus, no long a feigned enemy of you. No longer thinking of anyone but you.
It acts as a wonderful transition through the years of her emotions. I simply lub it! I really enjoyed your Lily too much. She was wonderful. The whole thing was wonderful! Grand job :D
P.S. I love how the idiot’s name is Kat. Lovely >.>
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! And sorry about the Kat thing. I'm so happy you liked it!
You like writing in lesser used tenses, don’t you? Second and now first person present. I’ve found that it’s really refreshing to read your writing! This story, first off, is introduced perfectly. Everyone knows that Sirius is notorious for being a deep sleeper, and you make his reaction to being awoken so perfect. Can you tell I’m obsessed with your ability to write the perfect reaction?
I love this part :] It’s so Sirius, and it’s such a half-awake-still-groggy reaction.
The persistent little bugger. I groan and realize that I am suffocating under the pillow. I scoot out from beneath it and inhale the fresh air. Glorious air.
You are rather in sync with Sirius’ character, and Remus’ as well, but Sirius is spot in. His impatience and exhaustion are perfect. The following really shows what I mean.
Remus makes a rather strangled noise that sounds as if he tried to swallow whatever words were trying to leave his lips. I glare at him. Sometimes I think that Remus needs to toughen up.
MERLIN! YOU AND YOUR REACTIONS. >.> No really. I am a total fangirl of your reactions. When Sirius finds out that James and Lily die and reacts with nothing but lack of emotion, it’s brilliant. We see Sirius with that type of reaction to many things, but we also see him as a very passionate person. I would think it would be tough to find the perfect reaction from him because the two you would choose from are on such opposite ends of the spectrum. However, obviously, your reaction was perfect.
Now, bear with me and I quote my favorite part from the whole story:
I don’t believe it. Peter, the backstabbing little rat, betrayed them. I could wring his scrawny neck right now and feel no remorse.
I feel nothing.
James and Lily died last night. Impossible.
“I know!” I shout into the emptiness.
The repetition coupled with the lack of response, and then the final outburst hits Sirius’ character head on. Then him proceeding to do nothing but blame himself is a typical Sirius reaction. We are able to see it many years later in his post-Azkaban self, and you did a great job of making that one of his first reactions.
My heard thuds to what feels like a stop.
Should be heart.
Wow, really, the end was so bitter and emotional. The pain of losing his loved ones is so real. I am just astounded by your utterly amazing ability to hit such emotions so well. You, once again, did a lovely job with your characters and wrote a scene that was very bittersweet.
Author's Response: Guh, thank you! It makes me very happy to think that you enjoyed the characterization and the writing. *squish*
Wow! First of all, I can never resist a story written in second person, and I can also never resist a soft slash fic, so I simply couldn’t stay away. I am happy that I didn’t too; you have such a way with these two characters!
I love this part. It characterizes Gellert so beautifully. I have been searching thourgh the words to find the ones that I think best fit him, since they all did so well, and it came down to these.
One thing that you’ve always liked about Albus is how seriously he takes you. All of your ideas are considered and appropriate responses are always made. You’ve never found anyone else like him with such raw intelligence. It’s a pity, you think, that it’s wasted on caring for his brother and sister. You could do such great things together.
The way you show his want of power and control is amazing. How he thinks Albus endearing and is jealous of the resources he has if very Gellert. I’ve never read an Albus/Gellert fic, but I am a big fan of slash (particularly Sirius/Remus and Draco/Blaise). You do a wonderful job of hinting that the relationship is not simply one sided as JKR seemed to say. The relationship you have between them is just what it should be—a relationship based on ideas and brilliance. They are attracted to each other’s ideas of power as two brilliant people would be.
The following part is just beautiful. Your wording is flawless and the images and emotions you create are perfect
It is a brief kiss, a gentle kiss, and when it ends, you open your eyes. Albus looks more relaxed, but he is looking at you with uncertainty in his blue eyes.
For the first time in your active memory, you can’t think of anything to say. The silence has fallen again. It’s a pregnant silence, just waiting for something to happen. So, you do something. You stand quickly and walk back home. There’s nothing else you can do.
I love how at the end you have Gellert arguing with himself over his true emotions and this and that. It seems to be the logical reaction. You really have a way with finding the logical reaction to these situations and making them fit perfectly with the characters.
I have one nitpick:
You envy (quietly – you’d never let it show) his mind and his mental faculties.
Do you mean facilities
And GAH! The ending was so, so perfect.
“Albus,” you drawl. “This is for the greater good.”
I love it! It makes the story, really. Endings can be very weak or very perfect, really, and yours is perfect! Awesome job! I have a feeling I’m going to go in search of some more Albus/Gellert stories now :]
Author's Response: *cough* Should you wish to take a look at another Albus/Gellert fic, may I recommend my own "All He Knew"? The SBBC just finished discussing it last month. Thank you so much for the review. I'm very pleased that you enjoyed it.
Ah, Elle, this is going to be very, very interesting! First, rarely do I read anything about Cedric; however, I have though about it a time or two. Second, this is awesome. :] I love the idea of Cedric as a ghost needing to reach his father for closure—a very interesting and original take on the prompt! The whole conflict of Cedric being unable to move on as well as his father being unable is very plausible, and very in character to a certain extent. From what we saw of Cedric in the books, he was caring and loyal as a Hufflepuff should be.
At first, the way you depicted heaven as the usual image of fluffy clouds and singing angels kind of turned me off the story a bit, but as I read on, the image and world of sorts grew on me. In the end, the idea of a Head Halo seemed reasonable, and the little world you seamlessly created perfect for the plotline.
Besides all this, I am basically in love with your writing style and am about to go leave review on your other Winter Snows entry(ies). I can’t wait for the update XD .
Author's Response: *squeels like a little girl*
I was so waiting to get a review on this. It was an iffy idea, actually. Since this was the last Winter Snows prompt I hadn't written, I really wanted to do it. The idea didn't even originate with Cedric. Originally, it was Sirius. I was going to have him trying to get back to Narcissa and Bellatrix, but for very different reasons... However, the more I thought about it, I started thinking about Cedric, and he seemed like a much better fit for the story and the theme of the season. So I just went with it.
The relationship between Cedric and his father is the main focus of the story. I really liked their relationship in the GOF movie, more so than the book. I think I may be one of the only people who didn't really like GOF as a book. Anyway, I thought their bond was perfect for this. They were so close and obviously they would be devestated if parted. Cedric has a connection to his father that every child wishes to have with their parents.
LOL. I'm glad you warmed up to my fluffy clouds. It's an image that has always stayed in my mind, and I couldn't resist using it here. And thank you, for saying a Head Halo is believable. I struggled with that part.
Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm thrilled to hear you want to read my other stories. Really, it just makes my day. *hugs*