I'm 19 years old and just graduated school, which leaves me with four months of summer holidays until I will hopefully start university in October.
I plan to spend most of that time writing or around the beta boards. I really want to finish Wedding Complications this summer, but other than that I won't make any promises as to what I write. All my plot bunnies pop up randomly and I never know what I might work on next. *giggles*
I'm a member of SPEW and the SBBC over on the beta boards and always looking for new stories to readand review. So if you want me to review one of your stories drop me a PM or write an email and I'll try to review your story within the week.^^
I don’t know what I expected when I clicked on the link to this fic, but that certainly wasn’t it. I like it, I like it a lot actually. Everything just fit together, the small house that is perfect for Harry and Luna, Luna’s question about the Snorkle Pox, Harry’s frustration. All of it fits in well with what JKR gave us in canon.
I simply adore Jon. I wanted to go over to him and hug him the entire time. The way he gets sad when his dad is angry is just plain adorable. I couldn’t wait to find out how he is different ever since you mentioned the girl being afraid of him at the beginning. I’m kind of slow today, so being a Parselmouth didn’t occur to me, not even after you said that it is a power the heirs of Slytherin possessed.
As they died away, tumbling past each other up the stairs, the cottage sagged. I’m not too sure about the use of ‘tumbling’ here. Tumbling to me suggest something falling down, not going up, maybe another verb would fit in better. But this is just me being nit-picky. I love the imagery in this sentence and that’s really why it stood out to me, I only noticed the verb on reading it a second time.
I love the ending. Sarah is just perfect for the job, because someone normal wouldn’t fit into Harry and Luna’s little world. I guess it must be a relief to Harry that she doesn’t hero-worship him. I’d love to get a glimpse of a day in summer when the whole family plus Sarah are out in the garden together^^
"Aside from blood, he didn't believe there was anything left in the world that was truly pure, but Lucius lifted his glass anyway."
After the betrothal dinner, Malfoy's tete a tete with Narcissa transforms a marital arrangement into something more satisfying.
I'm a big fan of Narcissa/Lucius, but there aren't really that many good stories about them out there. I found this one quite by accident, but I'm glad I did. I enjoyed reading it immensely.
I like the truly unique approach you took with this. Portraying the Blacks as kind of poor-ish and the Malfoys as an upstart family who is still trying to gain its status is definitely something I haven't seen before. I like the way you mention all the details that show the Blacks' lack of wealth instead of just saying that they don't have as much money as they'd like others to believe they do.
What I noticed is that you use a lot of 'big' words in the first couple of paragraphs. While this is not neccessarily a bad thing, I had some trouble understanding bits of it because I'm not a native English speaker. I'm ok as long as it's only a word or two, that I don't understand, but when there are too many of them I tend to get annoyed. Perhaps you could try to not use as many of them in one paragraph but distribute them over the whole text for future stories. It would certainly make it easier for non-native English speakers to read.
Lucius is very well done. I like the detached almost calculating way he thinks about his marriage to Narcissa at the beginning. The change of his thoughts after he talks to her and starts to get to know her are very nice as well. His thoughts on Bella are really entertaining, I have to agree with him though, she isn't subtle at all in this fic. He was quite mistaken about Narcissa being pure though, wasn't he?
She does seem to be quite independent and thinks for herself instead of following what her family preaches. Exactly the kind of wife someone like Lucius would need. I loved her evil side. The story she told about her childhood was really cute and showed her strength even as a mere child.
I was surprised that Bella didn't retaliate anyway, though, even if she didn't know for sure who caused her eyebrows to fall out. You make her seem not overly bright but kind of rash in this fic, so it wouldn't have surprised me to see her doing something to Narcissa only to be reprimanded by their mother, for example. Even though this could probably have been changed, Bella was well done as well. 'I enjoyed the games she tried to play with Lucius although they were really obvious, they fit with the image of her character you created in your story.
Rodolphus seemed to be a bit too weak to be a suitable match for Bell, which explains her continuous games with other men. Letting him catch her every now and then seems to be just the thing she might find highly entertaining. she seems to have a twisted sense of humour like that.
The wedding at the end was just so fitting, I really enjoyed it. I always associate the Malfoys with the colour white and with ice, so seeing them have an entirely white wedding was nice. The marriage also didn't seem to be a thing for cpnvenience to Lucius anymore, which was nice to see.
All in all this was a lovely read. Keep up the good work.
I was searching for stories featuring at least one Hufflepuff student for the SBBC when I stumbled over your story. It engaged me immediately and didn’t let me go until the end, when it left me breathless and heartbroken all at the same time.
I really like how you switched between Hannah, Ernie and the Death Eaters throughout the story. It makes this feeling of running out of time more pronounced and lets it dominate the atmosphere of the whole story. Hannah and Ernie were the perfect couple for this storyline. I could easily imagine Hermione and Ron in a similar situation, but I think using those two wouldn’t have done the storyline justice. Plus, it’s nice to see some Hufflepuffs being important and doing something to help the school for a change, they are vastly underrepresented in fanfiction.
When Yaxley mentioned the Inferi for the first time, my heart nearly stopped. I didn’t think the teachers could stand a chance against a whole army of Inferi and I was sure Hogwarts was doomed. Especially since you had mentioned before that the new defences weren’t fully in place yet. The protection spell, that makes Inferi burst into flame as soon as they enter Hogwarts was very well thought out, it shows that Harry shared his and Dumbledore’s experiences in the cave with McGonagall, or she probably wouldn’t have thought to put such a spell on the school, because she didn’t even know that Voldemort had Inferi at his disposal. Very nice way of working that part of HBP into the story, if only indirectly.
Hannah and Ernie were very nicely characterised. There was enough in there for us to recognise them, but you also took them and developed them a bit, seeing as you needed to make them seventh years. I found it adorable that Hannah still wears her hair in pigtails like she did when she was in first year. Ernie’s wish to fight and prove himself to Hannah and to the teachers was exactly what I would have Ernie expected to want to do. Hannah’s concern and worry were very nice as well. Hannah in particularly displayed the Hufflepuff trait of loyalty, when she defended Ernie against Adney in the end and then died for him. She also displayed bravery, that isn’t usually associated with Hufflepuffs, but that I have always thought closely associated with loyalty.
One thing I noticed that made me pause were these lines: Hannah hadn’t been in Dumbledore’s office since he died. It was still the same circular structure, but the unusual objects and items were gone. I know that we haven’t heard a lot about the Hufflepuffs in the books, but I can’t imagine Hannah having been to Dumbledore’s office while he was headmaster. As far as I always understood it, not even the prefects, the Head Boy and the Head Girl have been to the office and it is highly unusual for Harry to have been there not once but several times. I might be wrong, but I find it highly unlikely that every prefect should have been in the headmaster’s office, so Hannah wouldn’t know the differences between now and before. I realise that you were trying to show the differences between McGonagall and Dumbledore as expressed in the different ways they furnish and decorate their offices, and I liked the way you did it, I just don’t think Hannah would notice these differences.
Now, the ending, that just broke my heart! Finally they have the courage to admit their love to each other and then Hannah dies! It’s sad, but in a way it’s perfect for this story. I fell in love with Hannah and Ernie while reading and I would have loved to see them happy and together in the end, but this way the ending was much more emotional for me, it’s tragic and that makes it all the more moving than it would have been if you had put in a happy ending.
This story simply doesn’t give you the chance to not feel and I loved it for this in particular, but for lots of other reasons as well. Lovely!
Author's Response: Thanks for such a long and lovely review! I\'m glad you enjoyed it.
I don’t think I’ve read another one of your stories before, so I have no idea if your writing style is always the way it was in this story, but I liked it a lot. I do enjoy reading authors who have a more elaborate, even convoluted style, but every now and then I love reading something that’s pretty straight forward and to the point. It’s refreshing and it was exactly what I needed when I read your story, so I’m glad we’re discussing it in the SBBC this week, or else I probably wouldn’t have read it.
At first I was confused as to who Helga is talking to, for a while I actually thought she was talking to herself, but then it becomes more and more obvious that she’s talking to the Sorting Hat. I love your choice of confidant for Helga in this situation. I don’t think Godric or Rowena would have been of help to her or been able to make her feel better, because as I understood it, they didn’t even know about her relationship with Salazar and wouldn’t have understood it if she had told them. The Hat is the perfect choice, because it contains a little bit of her friends, her love and herself, and it won’t judge her. I could, for example, see Godric trying to make her see that Salazar is bad and just used her, because after his argument with Salazar, he probably wouldn’t be in the mood to listen to Helga’s pain and be understanding. Rowena would probably have her own problems to deal with and not enough time to provide the support Helga needs. The Sorting Hat on the other hand, doesn’t share Godric’s hard feelings towards Salazar, or Rowena’s busy schedule and he can just listen to what Helga has to say and thus let her get it off her chest, which is what she needs.
Helga herself possesses a number of qualities typically associated with Hufflepuffs, but she also shows that she’s not a push-over and that she will stand her ground and stay true to herself and her ideals even if it gets tough. She seems insecure but at the same time sure of the love she and Salazar shared, and I especially like that. On some level she knows that he genuinely loved her even before the Sorting Hat told her he spoke to him of her, but in the situation she is in, after he left, it’s only natural to also have doubts about it.
Now, concrit… I really don’t have any constructive things to say, I think. The format, with mostly dialogue and only a few descriptive sentences, worked well for a story of this length, but if you kept it up for much longer it would lose it’s appeal and just drag on anymore, but that isn’t really constructive…
Oh wait, I found something halfway constructive to say: but she thinks on the last thing the Sorting Hat said to her and decides it is right. I think you have to use ‘about’ instead of ‘on’ as a preposition after ‘she thinks’ here.
Anyway, I liked this story a lot, mainly because it’s straight forward and kept quite simple. *huggles*
Author's Response: It\'s being discussed in SBBC?! *runs over and reads what everyone is saying* Thanks so much for your review, Ilka! Have a most lovely day! *D*
Once again I’m nearly speechless after reading one of your stories. The amount of feeling that this fic expresses is astounding. Remus’s feelings seemed so real, it made me sad to read about them. I love your descriptions and metaphors, your stories are full of nice imagery that truly makes the scenes come to life for me. One thing that kind of hindered the flow of this story was the use of too many long sentences, though. They kind of dragged in some places and would have been more effective if a short sentence would have separated them for a change of pace.
The next time he hears it, he will taste blood, and the next time he grieves, it will be with the remembered taste of lukewarm tea swirling with a sodden teabag, cheap tea and tears tasting like bitter dust; he will grieve with the scent and rustle of newspaper, paper and tea and violins for sadness. This was the first sentence that I had to read twice in order to fully understand and appreciate everything you say. I believe you could have split it into two after “bitter dust” and it wouldn’t have lost any of it’s impact. Other than that I like the way he notices all the details while he grieves, that might have been lost on him otherwise.
Sirius laughed like that, always laughed when he did not know what to do, laughed when something in his life was being destroyed, always laughed because he did not know how to cry.The amount of characterisation you manage to pack into only one sentence is astounding. Your characterisation of Sirius is very well done. I like the way you don’t dwell on it for too long, but manage to give a clear image of what he was like all the same.
Later he will think, bitterly, that he should have known; he will think that it was obvious from the very beginning that Sirius Black was no good, no good at all, that James Potter was a fool - but such a brave, brave fool - for trusting him; now, he tries to reconcile the laughing friend he remembers with the murderer who is. This sentence was another one that is too long for my taste. I would even go so far as to split it in three, not just two other sentences. Instead of separating the parts of the sentence with a semicolon, you could change both of them to a full stop and start a new sentence there. On another note, I love the confusion that is shown in the last part of that sentence. It captures what I think Remus must have felt then perfectly.
Did I say how very much I like your characterisation of Remus, yet? I don’t think I did, so here goes. I think Remus’s thoughts and feelings were very well done. I like the way he smashes all the dishes in his house at the end – calm and controlled. It’s the sort of reaction I would expect from him, I don’t think he would break down and start crying, but he would remain outwardly calm and grieve on the inside, while all his actions remain controlled. I enjoyed reading this fic a lot, thanks for sharing it with us^^
It's a cold, rainy day, and Hermione thinks about the Last Battle, and the effects of it on others.
Runner up in the Spring Challenge #2
Hi Anna! *waves* I read this story a few days ago, then I came back and reread it today. It’s such a simple story, but it’s extremely powerful. I love your imagery. The rain, the brutal wind and the barren trees create the atmosphere of your story in just three sentences. This atmosphere is carried through to Hermione’s character, but in her it isn’t caused by the weather but by her memories. This parallel between Hermione’s inner turmoil and the weather outside her window is very well done. It’s not forced and it doesn’t sound clichéd, which is hard to do, because lots of writers use the weather to show their characters emotions.
Then the flower at the end, the one of many that didn’t let themselves be beaten by the rain, is another beautiful parallel to Hermione. As for her, she strikes me at the type who would want to take charge of her life and not wallow in misery, exactly like you portrayed her. I like how she is the only one who wants to move on with her life and rebuild the wizrading world after the war. I see Hermione as someone who needs to have an aim, something she wants to achieve, or else she would be utterly lost.
The only criticism I have, is Ginny’s little speech right before they go into battle. Something about her already knowing that she will die irks me, it sounds like she has already given up, that she has finished with her life even before the battle begins. Instead of her talk as if she knows she’s going to die, I would have her see Hermione look nervous. Then Ginny would want to encourage her friend, tell her that they’re doing the right thing, something like that. Maybe she could say something along the lines of this: “Hermione, no matter what happens out there, this is what we have to do. I can’t promise that no one you love will die, because people will die, but it will all be worth it if we beat Voldemort. By giving our lives today, we are giving those who survive and their children a chance to live their lives in peace. So don’t cry. Everything will be fine.” This is just a suggestion though, the story works as it is now, I just think it would work even better if you changed Ginny’s words to Hermione.
I’ll say again what I said at the beginning of my review, it’s the simplicity that makes this story exceptionell. It’s just Hermione’s thoughts and their parallels displayed in the weather and the flower, but the combination of these have an incredible effect on the reader. The hopelessness in the world, Hermione’s struggle to carry on and then the ray of hope at the end, th flower and her returning strength, they’re all there for the reader to feel. Brilliant!
Author's Response: Wow, I truly didn\'t expect this, Ilka dear. Thank you so much for the wonderful review! Your comments made me blush. :) Thanks for the suggestion - I\'ll certainly keep it in mind. *huggles* Really,dear, you shouldn\'t have bothered. =) But I\'m glad you did!
This story was recommended to me by the lovely Rachel and she even gave me the direct link, but I make it a habit to go back and read the summary first, before setting out to read a story. So I did exactly that with this story, too. Reading the first two lines I though, well this sounds nice. And then this question: Do you believe in ghosts? and I was hooked. I have no idea what it is about this question that drew me in so much, maybe it is that it seems somewhat out of context with the rest of the summary, but I couldn’t not click on the link to read your story after I read this line.
I love the atmosphere of your story. Grimmauld Place, at least I think it’s supposed to be Grimmauld Place, had a very eerie, spooky feel to it. Especially when Andromeda tries to be really quiet when she climbs up to the attic, because she doesn’t want to disturb the house, it makes it seem even creepier. The whole building gives of an air of abandonment, but at the same time it doesn’t seem to be exactly empty. Very chilling.
I have to say I really like how much you tell us about Andromeda, Narcissa, Bellatrix and their relationship even though we just ‘see’ Andromeda wandering through the house for a last time. The dialogue about ghosts between Narcissa and Andromeda while they were children and the way there is one line of it after every paragraph describing Andromeda’s journey through the house, was very well done and told us so much about Narcissa and Andromeda’s less than perfect relationship. I feel sad for Andromeda because she is essentially left alone now that Ted is dead and she tries to reach out to her estranged family in any way she can and Narcissa doesn’t even write her a small note. I like how that last line gave some closure nonetheless and showed that Narcissa isn’t heartless after all.
I liked this story a lot, it was very unique and I enjoyed your writing style, especially the use of present tense, very much.
I became aware of this story back when it was featured and wrote it down as something to look into when I have some spare time on my hands and no story to read. At the moment I’m very interested in different Hermione pairings and as I have never read a Hermione/Snape before I thought now would be a good time to read yours.
I like the first chapter. It’s a very nice opening and shows a lot of Hermione’s character. Her not liking these Ministry events fit her character perfectly. She’s really not a person to want to be in the spotlight and I can see her (and Harry too) being very reluctant about going to these functions, because they serve no real purpose. Lavender on the other hand is just the type of person who would love nothing more than an occasion to talk to the press about how she dated a famous hero.
Ginny’s still around, too. To hear her tell it, we should’ve been dubbed the Unstoppable Foursome, but Harry was right to not have her involved in the end. This is the only character I had problems with. I see Ginny as very down to earth and not someone who would make herself seem more important than she was. I also can’t see her willing to talk about the war at any great length, sorry.
I’m curious how and where Snape was apprehended. He surely isn’t someone easily caught, as you show in your story, because the war has long been over and still he was on the loose. I can totally see Harry twisting whatever was in Hermione’s report so that Snape really looks like the murderer Harry believes him to be and regardless of what Hermione will say, I can’t see him changing his mind. For him Snape murdered Dumbledore and Harry has been known to carry grudges, especially against people like Snape, whom he never liked.
Nice first chapter and I’m interested in what length Hermione will go to to prove Snape’s innocence.
Another nice chapter. I actually like how short the chapters are. Somehow I always read quicker the shorter the chapters are, a 3000-4000 word chapter takes me a lot longer than three chapters around 1000 words in length, don’t ask me why.
Hermione and Harry’s characterisations were ok. I liked how Hermione let him rant and only started talking when he was relatively calm again. Where Harry is furious and rash, Hermione remains calm and thinks about how she is going to say what she has to say, this is very much like her.
Harry jumps to attention, unable to contain himself. “You’ve been plotting against me, your best friend, for that long?” he shouts. This line irked me. It seemed more like something Ron would say, at least the ‘plotting against me’ part, I don’t think either Ron or Harry would call themselves Hermione’s best friend in a situation like this though. It just seems odd.
I do agree that Hermione would have had a considerably harder time getting Harry, Ron and Ginny to listen to her if all four of them were in the room together. I don’t think they would ever calm down sufficiently.
That was how long I actively started on the project, though it wasn’t how long I’d been thinking about it. The wording is slightly awkward here, I would suggest replacing ‘started’ with ‘worked’, because a person doesn’t start doing something for a time period of three years, they start it and then work on it for three years.
“Well,” I continue, “you had also told all of us the reason that Dumbledore had trusted Snape. I’m sorry, Harry, but the reasoning, even at that time, just didn’t set right with me. The bolded word should be ‘sit’, I think.
Yes, I’d like to know how well Hermione knows Snape as well. She needs a bit more to motivate her than just a weird feeling whenever Harry talks about Snape, I think, and I’m excited to see her reveal the whole truth.
I have to say I’m glad you changed the format in which you tell this story. If all of it had been a first person account I think it would have gotten quite tiring after a while. As it is, telling Hermione’s story in flashbacks is very refreshing and gives it life.
Snape’s distrustfulness is very well done. I like how he was more careful about returning to the graveyard after Hermione came across him there. What I do wonder though, is why he only confronted her after two years, why not sooner, when she was still coming to the graveyard more regularly?
Where I typically stick with my brains and logic, I am a woman… and there had been something telling me that Severus Snape could truly be trusted. I would have expected Hermione to be a bit more cautious. It’s not like her to trust a feeling like that. Or maybe it is alright for her to trust him once, but I don’t think that she would have been as trustful after he hexed her when she first came across him. I would have at least expected her to be very aware of her surroundings whenever she is in the graveyard.
Harry’s reactions to her story were very well done. He made comments at the appropriate moments and seemed truly worried for his friend, not just angry that she saw a murderer quite a few times without telling anyone. His characterisation is getting better, I think. He’s still not happy about what Hermione did, but I think the way he behaves in this chapter is more in character than the huge rants in the previous chapter, because after all even Harry has to grow up some time.
Walking the same path that she had the following year, she forced herself to stay calm as she neared Dumbledore’s final resting place. I think this should be ‘the previous year’, because ‘the following year’ would be the year two years after she met Snape there for the first time, not the year of the first meeting.
I wonder what Hermione will find out when she does as Snape tells her and what he himself will reveal to her the following year. You’re very much keeping my interest with this story.
I’m liking this story more the more is revealed of Hermione’s history with Snape, if you might call it that. I can clearly see Hermione sitting in the library at Hogwarts, trying to decipher the meaning behind Dumbledore’s journal while making her own copy of it to take home with her. She must have been quite frustrated when the journal led to even more questions she didn’t have answers to, but also the puzzle Dumbledore’s journal proved to be must have given her joy to figure out.
Your assessment of taking the job as a teacher was so very Hermione! I can’t really see her as a teacher and having to deal with students who are either not able to or unwilling to learn what she has to teach them. The post as a researcher of dark curses, at least that’s what I understood she is doing, suits her a lot more. Neville on the other hand would make a very good teacher, I think. He could only have problems with some of the more outspoken Slytherins, but other than that the job suits him very well.
I love the idea of Snape saving Dumbledore’s life after he destroyed the ring of Gaunt. Dumbledore generally seemed to trust Snape more than Minerva, at least I always get this impression in the books, and having him go to Snape after destroying the horcrux shows this trust very well. Out of all the people in the Order and the Death Eaters, Snape is the most likely to know about horcruxes, in my opinion. Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange would probably try to make some of their own and Voldemort wouldn’t want that, so I don’t think they know about horcruxes.
I’m virtually sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to find out what Snape will tell Hermione at this next meeting. I have the feeling Hermione’s notes and questions will annoy him more than anything and he will only tell her what he wants to say and in the order he wants to say it, but it should prove interesting nevertheless.
Yes! Finally Ron and Ginny are there as well. And it’s about time Hermione got some support, especially Harry’s comment about when she started shagging Snape was totally inappropriate. Also, Ginny comforting Hermione was very in character for her and showed a completely different Ginny than the one that was hinted at in the first chapter. She sounded rather self-important and vain then, but this show of support for her friend connected her with the character we know her to be in canon.
So I was wrong about Snape telling her his story at his own pace. I’m not too disappointed about it though. He seems to have been a very meticulous student himself, so maybe he appreciated the effort Hermione made to understand what happened or he was just glad to get his side of the story heard. He must have been very lonely, being on the run for so many years.
What struck me as odd was how soon he became downright friendly and didn’t take Hermione’s wand anymore. He probably is the better dueller, but the ‘good morning’ on the same day as not taking her wand seemed a bit much. I like how they became friends first though, although you have to doubt if Snape really wanted her friendship at first or was just glad to not be alone all the time and then later started to consider her a friend.
I would have expected Ron to be a bit more vocal about this whole situation, but it is entirely probable for him and Ginny to stay out of an argument between Harry and Hermione, especially when both are this angry.
“They are nothing but odd, spurting, twirling knick-knacks. What could there possibly among them that I haven’t yet seen?” In this last question I think you need to put ‘be’ after ‘possibly’ for it to be grammatically correct.
I hope Harry relents and they go looking for that memory soon. I don’t think there’s much left for Hermione to tell him to convince him.
I love how you have Hermione think the same thing about Ron’s reaction that I mentioned in my last review *giggles* I swear I didn’t read this chapter before writing it, and I’m happy with your explanation for his somewhat strange behaviour.
I almost felt sorry for Harry in this chapter. First he overhears Hermione telling Ginny she was afraid Harry would tamper with Dumbledore’s memory so that Snape couldn’t be proven innocent and then she has to bring up Sirius, which of course would still hurt him even years after his death. Sure, what Harry did wasn’t alright in any sense of the word, but none of this is easy for him either. So yeah, what I’m trying to say is that I’m glad you showed this side of him and let your readers feel for him for a change. Harry hasn’t been shown in a very positive light in this story before, so I liked that he clearly states wanting to protect Hermione as one of his motives for withholding information from the other aurors here, he isn’t quite as selfish and heartless as he seemed before and for that I am grateful.
When I first read the flashback about how the relationship between Hermione and Severus started I was thinking, “Surely she isn’t saying that in front of Ron and Harry? They would lose it!” *grins* Ginny is the right person to say this to though. Hermione has been her confidant before, during their Hogwarts years, and helped her with her crush on Harry, so I think if anyone Ginny would be willing to listen to Hermione now.
Standing upright, she hastily made her way towards to bedroom, certain that he could find his own way out of her flat. I believe you mean the bolded word to be ‘the’, not ‘to’.
I pause in my story and look at Ginny, who now has silly grin on her face. Sorry to be so nit-picky, but to make this sentence grammatically correct, there has to be an article in front of ‘silly grin’, making it ‘a silly grin’.
I’m getting more and more excited the closer to the final chapter I get. I can’t wait to see what Severus will have to say to Hermione once they meet again after this whole disaster.
Aww, that was adorable! And quite a big public display of affection for someone who dislikes them as much as Snape, but a night in prison and the possibility of being sentenced for murder had to have some effect on him. I’m just glad he was told that Hermione was the one who found the evidence that proved his innocence and that he didn’t believe she was the one who tipped the aurors off to where he was.
I laughed when I read what Ron proposed Hermione do in order to pass the time. It was such a random thought, it lightened the mood and made the suspense not as stifling as it had been before.
I love how you handled the memories they found. In none of them Dumbledore actually tells Snape to kill him, but they still show enough for everyone to be able to guess the rest. It wouldn’t have been like Dumbledore to have a memory with Snape vowing to kill him in it just lying around somewhere, this way was much more Dumbledore’s style.
So here it is finally, the theory that Snape was in love with Lily and wanted to protect her so he went to Dumbledore. I’m usually not one to theorize, but that theory doesn’t seem too far-fetched and at least in this story it works very well.
One more chapter left. I have no idea what needs to be explained in it and I would perhaps have stopped reading here, totally forgetting that there was one more chapter left if you hadn’t said it. This chapter the way it is can stand as an ending to this story as well, in my opinion, but now I’m curious to see what there is left to say to make it a whole chapter. *runs off to read final chapter*
Honestly? I think I would have preferred the previous chapter to be the ending of this story. This doesn’t mean that this chapter was completely horrible, it was nice and all, but it felt like a bit much towards the end. I really liked the newspaper articles. The two of them on their own would have made a splendid epilogue, in my opinion. Being a free-lance writer for the local newspaper myself, I really liked the articles. They were quick, easy reads and contained all the important information, along with a little something to make them memorable and not boring, like some news items tend to be. You did a very good job with them.
Now I wonder why Ron was playing this badly though. Was it really because of the wedding or did something else capture his attention? Oh and I totally can’t see Harry and Severus sitting down to tea to talk about Lily, but, as Hermione said, one can always hope.^^
Bless Minerva McGonagall. She has really come through for Hermione and Severus and although I haven’t mentioned her in any of my previous reviews, I think you did a very good job of characterising her.
Well, as this is the end I have to say that I really enjoyed this story. I don’t think I’ve ever read so many chapters in succession while writing reviews after each of them, this should show you how much I liked your work.
Preethi! *huggles SPEW buddy* So I’ve read another one of your historical one-shots, still no Marauder Era though. I have to say I liked this more than I did Only a Dream, but that’s probably because I’ve never liked the Founders that much but I love all things Malfoy.
Isla Malfoy was a very nice Malfoy. I especially loved how she allowed Tom to call her Isla, but only when they’re alone, of course. I almost felt sorry for Tom for being treated like a second-class wizard, just because he isn’t rich and Isla thinks him beneath her. She seemed to not even listen to him or take him seriously most of the time (as can be seen when she insists that he drink something, even though he doesn’t want to). I can understand why he killed her, I think. The trophies she had everywhere in the Manor were a nice touch and showed how much importance status has to her. This was then shown again in her wish to have Alphard Black killed, just because he wouldn’t marry her.
The tiara belonged to Rowena Ravenclaw, did it not? But what does the inscription mean? I’ve thought about it long and hard, but I still have no idea what it means.
Some small nit-picks:
The covers opened and inside it was a small box ‘Covers’ is plural, so it should be ‘inside them’, not ‘inside it’, when you refer to them again.
The robe had enveloped itself around her, attempting to strangle her. The verb ‘envelope’ means to wrap something up in something else, so all you need to put here is ‘the robe enveloped her’, if you want to use ‘itself around her’ it should be ‘the robe wrapped itself around her’.
Well, I really enjoyed this story, keep up the good work. *hugs*
Author's Response: Ilka! *huggles* lol, I like this fic better than the Founders one too. :) I\'m glad you thought Isla was a proper Malfoy; that was something I was a bit worried about. As for the inscription, well, there\'s this theory floating around that The Mirror of Erised was a Ravenclaw artifact. And you know how the inscription on the Mirror read backwards gives you a message? I thought it would be cool to use the same idea here, since it\'s a Ravenclaw artifact after all. The inscription on the tiara read backwards simply says \'This is the property of Rowena Ravenclaw\' ;) Oh, and thanks for pointing those two out to me. I\'ll fix it ASAP. :) Thanks again for reviewing, dear! *hugs*
I really liked this glimpse into Luna’s childhood. She is so calm after her mother’s death, it’s almost creepy, but I love that you showed how much she believed in seeing her mother again one day. It’s very much like Luna to be able to comfort her dad in such a situation and not be upset herself, because she takes him by his word.
The little you told us about Luna’s mum was very unexpected. I would have imagined her dad to be the ‘strange’ parent, while her mum was a normal woman and Luna to be taking more after her dad, but this way works just as well. While I’d like to think of Luna’s weird jewellery as her own personal quirk, having the mother have the same habits was ok, too.
I absolutely love Luna’s dad! Their relationship was perfect. I especially liked how he called her ‘Princess’ all the time. Most often nicknames like that become annoying after a short while, but somehow calling Luna ‘Princess’ fit in with this story and showed how precious she is to him. I love how he started the Quibbler because Luna wanted him to, now that’s devotion!
One thing about your descriptions of Luna: Nearly every time you described her you used the same words to refer to her hair. It’s always ‘straggly blonde’. I would suggest either varying your descriptions a bit or not putting this in as often, because it gets a tiny bit repetitive.
“Princess,” he said, talking her hand and leading her into her room opposite the study. I think you meant to write ‘taking’ here.
After about a week he had begun to employ this tactic, Marvin was found in his study, studying his way to glory, as his wife would put it. The first half of this sentence, up until the comma, is slightly confusing. How about you change the word order to this: ‘About a week after he had begun…’? The way it is now suggests that he started to employ this tactic a week after his wife died, but the way I understood it is that the following scene is set a week after he started employing the tactic, so you need to change the word order.
He rummaged through the set of drawers, and five minutes later, found the bad underneath a book of his wife’s special recipes. This should be ‘bag’.
Keep up the good work, Preethi darling.
Author's Response: Yay, Ilka reviewed! :D I\'m glad you liked Luna\'s childhood. Hee, I think it\'s a common perception that Luna\'s Dad was the strange parent, so I was sort of looking to move away from that. I love Luna\'s Dad too! :D Oh, and I completely see what you mean about the description getting repetitive -- I guess I never really noticed that until you pointed it out to me. And, good catch on the typos! They\'ve been fixed now. :) *huggles Ilka for the awesome review*
I have the great pleasure of telling you that your story is being read and discussed by the SBBC. Feel free to take a look at our discussion threads on the beta boards to see what we have to say about it.
Sweden. Interesting choice for a country Remus could go to. I’m curious to see why he is there and what this ‘mission’ entails and what Remus meant when he thought, he will be reliving the past soon enough. I particularly like the way you describe the Ministry of Magic and all the other places in this chapter. Your writing style is superb, Remus’s characterisation is very well done and your OCs are all very different and intriguing. Especially the huge differences between grandfather and grandson Asketorp were very entertaining. What did Greger Asketorp do to Remus’s wand in the office? Did he cast a spell on it that would make Remus unable to use it during his stay in Sweden?
Remus’s mother is like a breath of fresh air. Her cheerfulness and childishness were delightful and it was nice to see how Remus’s father lightened up when she was around, as he seemed quite dull and overly committed to his work before. From this one scene, Remus’s childhood seems to have been a really nice one, full of games and laughter, before he was bitten and turned into a werewolf. I like this. We know that after he was bitten his childhood was anything but pleasant, but I like to think that he was a happy and carefree child before.
The old gentlemen walked silently over to the desk and added the pieces of parchment he held onto the mountainous stack already there. Seeing as you’re only talking about one man here, this has to be ‘gentleman’.
Very nice first chapter! I’m curious to see how you will make the scenes from Remus’s past relate to what he has to do in Sweden, though I guess it all ties in with his being bitten by a werewolf and turning into one himself somehow.
Author's Response: Since you noted my description, it might be no surprise to you that two of my favorite books happen to be Jane Eyre and the Lord of the Rings. I personally think I can always do more with description, though, but it\'s hard to keep description from weighing the story down. However, the wand getting striped was Greger tagging Remus\'s wand so that they knew what magic he was doing in Sweden. Actually, I think I explain why it\'s hard to cross magical country boarders later, or at least why I think it would be difficult, but the tagging is a way for the Ministry to keep track of Remus while he\'s in Sweden. The one stripe is to tag the wand as a werewolf\'s wand, and the other stripe is to denote Remus\'s \'business\' in Sweden. So, he can still use magic, but his wand is being monitored. Also, Bjorn has been assigned to basically keep an eye on Remus because he\'s a werewolf. Bjorn mentions getting the unpleasant cases, and to Greger, monitoring a werewolf would also be considered an unpleasant case.
It’s been ages since I reviewed the first chapter of this story and although I read the whole thing back then, I wanted to reread it again and leave reviews for the other chapters as well. I love this story to bits and yet it has hardly any reviews. It’s a shame really.
I don’t really remember what Remus’s nightmare was all about from the last time I read this, but I’m sure it has something to do with why his father came to Sweden and lived like a poor Muggle there. The house reminded me of Remus’s won living conditions with all the threadbare furniture and clothing. Although Remus seems to not want to have anything to do with his father’s memory and the things he left him, I feel that they are, in fact, very similar or at least lived similarly. The youthful outlook on life Evelyn had isn’t seen in Remus anymore now that he is an adult, and I’m curious to see why that is.
Sirius is perfect! I can just see him making the crossing to Sweden on a Muggle boat and then making his way to the hotel Remus is staying in, in his Animagus form. He essentially broke into the hotel and it’s this almost reckless action that shows a character trait of his that can be seen when he breaks into Gryffindor Tower to kill Peter in PoA and numerous other places in canon.
However, a trip to Diagon Alley was never complete without a trip to Flourish and Blott’s. That is so true! No shopping trip is complete without a stop at the bookstore. This line and Evelyn’s apparent love for literature made me really connect with her character and see her as something else than a bit silly.
Bjorn went into the kitchen, which had a washing machine, too. Remus looked followed and looked at the electrical outlets and the appliances he’d read about in Muggle studies. I think the bolded ‘looked’ shouldn’t be there as the sentence makes perfect sense without it, but seems strange with it.
Remus shoved the key below the brass handle and giggled it until the he could feel the tumblers move. Same as above, I think the bolded word shouldn’t be in there, it seems out of place where it is.
Remus reached down and picked up the Muggle Bible below the nightstand. The yellowing pages had yellowed and many of them were earmarked from frequent reading. You only need to refer to the pages as being yellowed once in this sentence. It seems strange to say it twice in succession.
Brilliant chapter, you definitely know how to work with suspense. Even though I’ve read the story before I still couldn’t stop reading now.
Author's Response: Yeah, Remus\'s nightmare connects to the last chapter when he\'s in the hospital, so look at the ending of the hospital part to see what I mean. Yeah, I was happy with Sirius in this chapter. I was throwing plot ideas around in my mind, and I thought, Sirius would roam around a lot because Sirius\'s lack of roaming essentially drives him crazy in OotP.
Poor Remus! He’s just a child and his father treats him like it’s his fault he and Evelyn were attacked, when in reality it was Evelyn’s idea to go out and his father who made the enemies. I forgot to comment on this in the previous chapter, but I had a bad feeling when Evelyn ran into Abraxas Malfoy in Diagon Alley and the interest with which he watched Remus then, combined with the werewolf only biting Remus, makes me believe that he was one of the men Edouard was onto and sent the werewolf after his family to stop him from exposing his illegal activities. Here lie the beginnings of what is alluded to in canon, because before now Remus and his father seemed to have quite a good relationship, now that seems utterly destroyed.
Evelyn was so brave to fight against the werewolf, even badly wounded as she was, only to protect her son, not to protect herself and her husband treats him like it is his fault. I can see arguments between them stemming from Adouard’s treatment of Remus, because I can’t see Evelyn loving her son any less than before the attack.
What I mentioned in my last review, how similar Remus and his father seem in their isolation was again reinforced during the burial in this chapter. Remus thinks at one point, that none of the Muggles really knew his father. This reminded me how Remus tries to keep Tonks away from him in HBP and how he doesn’t seem to have any close friends after Sirius’s death in OotP. I still believe Remus and his father are/were more alike (at least in their living situation) than Remus realises or would like to believe while he is in Sweden.
She turned towards the woods, which was cloaked in a shroud of darkness under the trees. You use ‘woods’ in its plural form here, but ‘was’ is singular. It either needs to be ‘wood’ and ‘was’ or ‘woods’ and ‘were’ to be grammatically correct.
IT frightened her, and she remembered her husband’s warning. “Remmy, let’s go home,” Evey muttered as she clutched her son’s shoulder. The ‘t’ in it shouldn’t be capitalized here.
‘They died that day,’ Remus realized as he gazed at images the flickered through from the past. I think the bolded word should be ‘that’ instead of ‘the’ here.
Incredible chapter! I love your writing, it’s such a tragic story, but the words you use are in a strange way very beautiful. I especially love the depth of emotion you convey in your writing.
Author's Response: Yeah, Remus wants to deny he\'s like his dad. I think that\'s why I wanted Remus to resent is dad so much. When you experience extreme emotions about people, it\'s you projecting the likes or dislikes about yourself onto that person to a certain extent. I know I\'ve caught myself doing this, and this is what Remus does with his dad. I fixed those mistakes. They were silly, though.