Penname: Nitpick [Contact]
Real name: Zo
Member Since: 01/17/13
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Reviews by Nitpick
 

The Mind of Arthur Weasley by Northumbrian
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 45]

Summary:
The kitchen at the Burrow has six occupants, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Molly and Arthur. The youngsters look nervous. Arthur suspects that they are up to something. What is going on inside…

The Mind of Arthur Weasley


Categories: Ron/Hermione AND Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 3988 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/12/10 Updated: 02/13/10


Reviewer: Nitpick Signed
Date: 01/28/13 Title: Chapter 1: The Mind of Arthur Weasley

Still my all time favorite story in this site..:)

But you might need to sort out the Order of Merlins the Weasleys got in your stories (I have noted slight discrepancies). In your A&S all of them received 2nd class OM, for me that was overkill.

Author's Response:
Thank you.

I'll be taking another look at A&S soon. I'll correct that error. Thanks.

-N-
.

 

Disharmony by Northumbrian
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary:
A good restaurant, a fine meal and an excellent wine, all in the company of friends, what could possibly go wrong? Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione are about to find out.

This is Northumbrian of Ravenclaw writing for the 2013 Great Hall Valentine's Day Cotillion.


Categories: Ron/Hermione AND Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 8355 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/16/13 Updated: 01/16/13


Reviewer: Nitpick Signed
Date: 01/17/13 Title: Chapter 1: Disharmony

Ok, my first (long, boring and excruciatingly illegible) review has disappeared, I try again:

First of all, you are my favourite author on this site, and one of the reasons I have registered -to be able to review and probably annoy you with my ramblings. You have an excellent grasp for characters (your Luna is by far the most enjoyable plus the H/G and R/Hr dynamisms are very good and IN as well.
I still have mixed feelings about this flic, because for me it epitomises some of those (really tiny) issues I am not quite comfortable with in your stories.
Please allow me some constructive (I hope) criticism in bad English (I apologize fore both).
This is your canon and I appreciate and respect your version/vision, but my plea is to tone down a little bit Hermione, and her reactions. Sometimes I have the feeling that you take the easy road and opt for the Tears/Shriek/Glare trifecta. Yes, she could be emotional and annoying but maybe not as often. And I have found it strange that Ginny had to explain pretty basic things to her (maybe the fine Italian wine was the culprit:).
It was quite obvious that the final solution will be a kiss, but I would have liked to read about more observations by the Boys who are definitely not Masters of Attention, but know the mannerisms of these girls well enough.

Once again, I really, really enjoy and envy your stories; in general I could only ask for:
- slightly stronger and more relaxed Hermione
- more friendship dynamism between Ginny and Hermione and maybe even exclusive trio moments...

I shut up now, and please continue your stories.

Z.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review. Reviews (provided that they are well-intentioned) can never be to long. I’m gald you like my Luna, and the H/G and R/Hr dynamics. Any criticism, no matter how small, is worth hearing.

Others have told me that my Hermione is overly screechy, and they, and you, are probably right. Although JKR often describes Hermione like this, I suspect that as she matures, she would tione things down. Nevertheless, Hermione is opinionated and bossy. I thought I’d made it clear that the wine was, at least in part, to blame. I’ll take another look at this story. Because it’s a contest story, I can’t edit it until after judging.

I wondered about expanding the final section, but I thought that the longer it lasted, the easier it would be for the guys to figure out who was who.

Thanks again, I’ve got two or three things in the pipeline.

-N-

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