Intresting story, and well written. The only critique I can offer is that the author's notes are distracting, especially the way they are formatted. I'd prefer to see them at the bottom of the page -- if you were publishing this story as a printed book or e-Book through a traditional publisher, you'd have no way to address your readers directly, and I find the "notes to readers" very distracting. It's almost as if you don't think your story is well-written enough to stand on its own, and it is. They're not necessary -- you're quite a good enough writer to just tell your story, without explanation before each chapter. I hope you come to trust yourself and your talent more!
I have enjoyed the three stories in your series very much -- so much so that I started reading this one knowing it was still WIP, when I usually avoid WIP stories. Your characters are realistic, your plots are interesting, and you give just enough details to paint a vivid story without boring your readers with irrelevant "padding". I am very much looking forward to reading the rest of this story. Thanks so much for sharing it!
Author's Response: Thank you for your nice review! I'm afraid the WIP story may frustrate you. I'm only able to post about once a week, so it may be slow going. I have the whole story mapped out, so I promise I will finish it and not leave you hanging. I'm glad you've enjoyed the other stories as well! Thanks, Jenny