georgia/16/used to write
I really like the idea of this story. Normally, time-turner stories would annoy me, but the plot of this one intrigues me. I sincerely hope that Hermione does not kill Tom, as he is my favorite character. And doesn't love conquer evil?
It’s not just any 1st of September. The Philosopher Stone is hidden at Hogwarts, The Boy Who Lived is about to board the Express for the first time. It’s not the best September for something unexpected to happen, for something impossible. Or someone.
This story is not AU, but it focuses on the original character, her plot, her friends, her loves :)
Rating and Warning only for later chapters.
I want to tell you how much I enjoyed this story and to thank you for all the effort you put into it. I hope you continue to write future stories.
Author's Response: Great to hear that you enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the time to tell me :)
I was perusing the historical stories, and cane across this one. Of course, seeing Tom's name in the summary immediately drew me to it. And I was not disappointed. Your characterization of an obviously evil character was quite good, especially as you portray him as being very insecure and lacking friends. Tom wasn't necessarily an evil child, but pairing a rather dark child with the fact that no one likes him is a recipe for disaster.
In the course of just a few scenes, you showed a transformation in Tom's complete mindset. Before, he simply wanted to hide and stay out of harms way. Then, at the end, he's ready to be what he knows he's capable of. He simply had to stand up and believe that he can do it. I mean, of course what he does is evil, it's just the principle of believing in yourself that was good.
The fact that you point out how Tom thinks he might be the only one to ever find the Room of Requirement simply because he is special seems so in character. Tom is extreme arrogant and always thinks of himself as better and more special than everyone else. This mindset of course us very haughty, and probably a very large part of the reason he was a Slytherin.
At the end, I really like your last paragraph. It sums up Tom brilliantly. Having a lengthier scene before it would have been nice, but I think the short length of the story in general lends itself well to the topic and character. Great job!
I really enjoyed this story, especially since Scily is a favorite pairing of mine. Your next gen stories never fail to amaze me and this was no exception.
I think how you brought the two of them together with Quidditch was very believable, seeing how both their fathers loved playing it. Another fact I thought was great is how you describe Scorpius as being "the boy next door." It seems very realistic that Lily wouldn't exactly be friends with him, seeing as their two families have history. But they're more than just acquaintances, which you illustrate nicely.
The fast paced tone of the story fit well with the whole plot and the way you quickly went from scene to scene was good. I do think it could have been longer, especially at the end. You dealt with Lily's awkwardness at seeing Scorpius in a humorous way, which fit the light tone of the entire story.
this was a really good story with a lot of depth and emotion.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it because it was a story I've had in my head for some time but sometimes they don't translate well on the page. ~Carole~
really good! but what does higgledy-piggledy mean?
Author's Response: higgledy- piggledy means a mess, so everything is mixed up. Thanks for the review ~Carole~
The Battle of Hogwarts is over. While the rest of the magical world catches its breath, Hermione must retrieve one vital piece of information so she can find her parents and restore the memories she took from them.
As she waits for the information, she relives her eleventh birthday when a book, a bird, and a denistry patient changed her life.
Beta Reader - WrenWinterSong
This is a great story and I really enjoyed it. The flashback tied in very neatly with the present part of the story if you would call it that and the whole Alice in Wonderland theme brought the two parts together.
I think your characterization of Hermione was excellent. There are so many details that show her intelligence, including her knowledge of Lewis Carroll and the fact that she immediately tries to figure out where someone could have sent her the letter from. She is very outspoken and confidant, as is demonstrated in her conversation with Dumbledore.
I think that the reading of Hermione's Hogwarts' letter could have been described a bit more and the same with her parents' reaction. They must have had some questions and doubts concerning the whole matter.
I really like Ron and Hermione's relationship and how despite their differences, they truly do love each other. The bit about Hermione using Ron's last name on her letters was quite amusing and a great touch.
Great job! I loved it.
Hello there! I’m Georgia. I really enjoyed this story, as Figg is a character that is not written about much. As it was written for the Cotillion, I presume the pairing is Figg/Mundungus. They’re so hilarious together. In some ways, they’re complete opposites, yet they have quite a bit in common, including not being the neatest.
I really like the way Figg’s mind works. She goes off on all these bunny trails which is exactly what one would expect from a cat-crazed older lady. Her language when she was yelling at Mundungus did seem a bit strong though, as she is not a particularly violent person. Mundunus was quite endearing, in his own way. The description of him by Figg was so perfect.
I think the idea of Figg searching all over the place for Dung was right in character, especially since Figg’s reason was solely survival. I would have loved to see what exactly happened after Figg tried to Apparate. Did she succeed? One question I had was how did Figg get around. You mention her walking from Dovetown, but she is rather old. Perhaps the Knight Bus picks up Squibs too.
I just wanted to point out your spelling of Hogsmeade. I think you forgot the “e” on the end.
I really enjoyed this story, as it is a rare pair to the extreme. The characterization was perfect and I loved Figg’s search for Dung. Great job!
I really liked the theme of the poem, especially the anticipation it portrays. The style it is written in is spectacularly done. It is very graceful and magnificent.
I feel that this line,
"Spells like heat lightning, slow and bright,"
Is a but confusing. I'm not sure what "heat lightning" is so maybe that's what makes me confused.
I also wish it was a bit longer. Perhaps showing a little more of the winner's feelings after the duel?
All in all, it is very nice, and might be one if my favorite poems yet.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the kind review. As for 'heat lightning', I guess it might not happen some places - oops. When it's very hot out in summer here, you get sort of lightning in the clouds unaccompanied by either rain or thunder and we call it heat lightning.
If what you are is a daydream
I'll never get to hold, at least you'll know
You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know, you're really gonna be someone
Stay beautiful. *
Hermione is very ill, and not ready to die. If it's the last thing she does, she is going to give her new granddaughter good luck for the future.
*Song lyrics are the inspiration to this story, Stay Beautiful by the lovely Taylor Swift, which is also where the title came from.
And though this is a d/a fic, don't expect it to be very dark. I only chose this category because I felt that was the only place it really belonged.
I just finished reading your story, and I must say, it was very sad to think of Hermione so sick. Sickness and death are always hard subjects, but I think you handled them incredibly well.
Despite her illness, Hermione seems still like herself. She worries about others, and she longs for her books. At no time is she feeling sorry for herself, only for the fact that she will never see her grandchild grow up. It's very touching.
I did notice one grammatical error if you would call it that. In the following sentence, you just by mistake have an extra "the"
" The the different arms wrapped around her must feel very different from her mothers."
Just a small thing that I thought I'd point out.
I really liked the style of the story. How there is very few lines of dialogue and mostly just Hermione's reflections. It's a very effective way to show melancholy.
You did a great job on this story and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Hello there! I'm Georgia. I read your story and really enjoyed it immensely. It's rare for people to write a story about Hermione's childhood, so it was quite nice to see this one. Your characterization was excellent and Hermioen seemed like a younger version of how she is at Hogwarts.
I really liked how you made Hermione and her dad be so much alike. It reinforces the idea in DH of Hermione willing to do whatever it takes to protect her parents. She does seem a bit younger than ten though, more like she's eight or nine instead of going on eleven. I also liked the interaction you had between the parents at the beginning. It shows how they have to deal with this so often, but they really have no clue what they're doing. The dread they have for the task of comforting Hermione seemed so realistic, especially as it all baffled them so much.
As I stated before, I like how Hermione is just a younger version of herself. Her love of learning and books was a great backdrop to how she is in later year. I especially liked the part where you say she was perfectly content to just sit and read at school instead of play with the other children. I also liked how her magical abilities were so strong even though she was very young. Her parents didn't quite seem to realize the danger it posed though. For example, didn't they realize that if Hermione could take the hair off a doll that she could also do that to a person? I'm not sure if even Muggle's would be that unobservant. One small thing I quite liked was how you said that Ben was ignoring the lamp that was flickering. It shows how the Grangers are getting used to the "incidents." You illustrated this nicely also when he took off Hermione's jumper so she wouldn't get so hot.
Your punctuation and the like was perfect! That is simply amazing to me. I noticed though that in the beginning you used the teacher's name, but later on you just call her the head teacher. I'm wondering if they're two different people in reality.
I really enjoyed this story. Keep up the good work. I hope to read more stories from you in the near future.
Author's Response: Hello! I'm really glad you liked my fic! Hermione's life before Hogwarts is fascinating to me so it was fun writing this even though it was a bit on the sad side. I think Hermione would have been close to her parents when she was younger and she clearly still cares about them later in dh. It was hard to get the age right but I guess when you're upset and having a cuddle with your dad you end up acting a bit younger, don't you? I think her abilities could have been dangerous (we saw that with Tom Riddle) but had Hermione's accidental magic be more like Harry's because neither of them are mean people. They would lash out when angry but I don't they could hurt someone, whereas Tom Riddle did. Yeah, I was trying to show that these incidents were almost becoming normal now and that knew it was Hermione but still had no idea what was going on. Thank you for grammar compliments! I don't know if it's perfect though, haha! Miss Mason and the headmistress are indeed the same person and that probably wasn't the Grangers' last meeting with her. So yes, thank you very much for the lovely! I hope you enjoy more of my fics :)
This was a really fun next gem story, focusing on a character people don't really write about often. I think naming Neville's son Frank was quite good, since Neville really does want to honor his parents and naming his son after his dad was a good way to show this. I really like how frank is a lot like his dad, but still his own person. He seems to be a little more outgoing, but also more interested than Neville in his studies.
One thing I liked a lot was how you described his interactions with girls. Since he's friends with James, who is good with girls, he would look up to his friend and try to copy him. But I think he figures out in the end that he doesn't really have to impress Lily to get her to like him. They're friends after all and she liked him as a friend for a long time. It's just another small step for them to be in a romantic relationship.
My only problem is that I wished it would have gone on! I would have loved to see how their relationship would progress and how Frank would deal with being an Unspeakable.
I saw this poem in the exchange, and really likes it.. And when I saw it in t review circle, it was the opportune time to,read it and review. So here I am.
The story this poem tells is beautiful. I have no idea how you came up with it, bit congratulations, it's gorgeous. The whole symbolism of the robes being torn up and unfit able is so perfect for Cedric, it just makes my eyes tear up reading it.
I have a few suggestions though.
There are tears in the sleeve, holes in the breast, scars
of a curse.
It sounds like a series of things that are visible on the robes. Yet the last, scars of a curse, is telling the reason why they are there. It might be better to put the word "the" before "scars." Just sounds better to me. It's tiny, but it stood out to me for some reason.
The only other issue I have is the title. It seems to me as if it is talking about a girl going into Madam Malkin's, when in reality, she is just the clerk. I'm really not sure what you could change, and it just might be my opinion.
Over all, I loved it, and it was very well written.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Georgia! I see what you mean about adding "the" but I feel like it disrupts the flow so I think I shall leave it as is. The title is supposed to be misleading. In essence, this is an everyday scene: someone goes into a shop to get something fixed. I wanted the title to be as mundane as possible to make the impact of the poem that much greater. Again, thanks for the review and the crit :) Julia x
When I first read this poem on the beta boards, I was amazed. Like, jaw droppingly amazed. The way you divide it into the five senses is so creative. I love it.
So basically, all I'm saying is that it's awesome and amazing and wonderful. One of my favorite poems ever.
I should stop gushing now:)
Author's Response: Oh, wow! Thank you for such a nice review! :D You know, I was so worried I wouldn't have the poem done in time for the exchange deadline--the five senses thing meant that writing it took a lot longer than usual...but I'm glad I wrote it that way. And I'm also really glad you like it!
Warnings added for later chapters.
Just thought I'd tell you that your story is amazing! I reallly like how you switch perspectives. Can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you like the perspective switching - it was definitely the thing I worried about most. Hopefully there'll be some more up for you soon!
Just thought I'd stop by and say how much I enjoyed this story. It was quite different than what you normally write and was very refreshing
You did a great job!
Author's Response: Thanks, Georgia! Yes, this is definitely different from my usual fare, and wayyyy cleaner, too :P On a serious note, though, writing something that wasn't centred on the romance was nice, and I really enjoyed plotting this. Thank you for the review :)
Once again, you amaze me with your writing talent. I love Loulily, and this story really brought out the best in them. You dealt very nicely with a sensitive topic and I think that it made the story even better. I also think that the way you handled a cousin pairing was admirable, as often times the fact that it's not that normal just gets pushed to the side.
Thanks so much for a wonderful read and keep writing!
Author's Response: I'm blushing, Georgia. I know it was a heavy topic, but I'm thrilled that you liked it. I always try to address the general controversy of a cousin pairing, and I'm glad you found that to be helpful towards the story. Thank you so much for the amazing review, my fellow snake!
Of all your stories that I've read so far, I have to say this is my favorite one. Not only is your characterization of Neville excellent, the plot is extremely interesting.
At the beginning, you have a small snapshot of younger Neville and Professor Sprout. I think this really shows that he's always loved plants and also how he's changed over the years. He's more confidant, and considering how blundering he'd been years before, he now knows how to carry himself like a mature adult. I did like how you show that he's not quite an adult yet though, but tries so hard to be one for his friends' and his own sake.
I read this story twice, and the second time what stood out was a bit of foreshadowing, if you will. Sprout has them plant a hundred seedlings, explaining the advantage to having more rather than less. Later, she explains to Neville how they need every resource they can get to fight in the coming war. I really liked that.
It struck me as very sad how Howard, who was such a dynamic person in the beginning had to become quiet and reserved so as to not draw attention to himself. Just another horrible side effect of the Carrow's regime I suppose.
Anyway, another brilliant story, Vicki. Keep up the amazing work.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review, Georgia. I think we probably all love our stories as we write them, so it is so gratifying to know that someone else likes them too! My scientific background was an influence for this story, so that might make a reader either like it a lot, or else not at all. It grew from my Missing Moments class last summer, and I developed a head canon for it which was much too large for the one-shot final exam, so I had to extract just this little part of the story for Greenhouse Seven. But I went back to that head canon for the 2014 Cotillion Challenge, which is my story The Crofter and The Snake, the first chapter of which is on my author page now and the last chapter of which is in the queue, hopefully to be validated and posted any day now. Be sure to read it too; you will like it. (My two closest critics, my son and my daughter, say that it is my best story yet.) I am looking forward to seeing some new writings from you too!