I'm currently a pre-med at some university of which you might or might not have heard. I mostly enter fics in challenges, and many of my fics tend to fall around the same themes or group of characters.
Let me try to talk about some of my fics in a bit more detail.
Winter's Last Chill:
Characters (canon): Remus, Tonk, Sirius
OC: Bjorn, Evelyn Lupin, Eudard Lupin
Complete. 5 chapters. This fic holds a special place in my heart because I put something coherant together. This is a Remus/Tonks fic at heart, but it's also a fic about Remus and his mum, Evelyn. There are flashbacks interweaved between moments that span from GoF to HBP.
Characters (canon): Hermione, Blaise, Cormac McLaggen
Complete. One shot. Takes place at the Slug Club party. A bit Blaise/Hermione, but it's more of a Blaise character study.
Characters (canon): Ron, Hermione
Complete. One shot. A Ron/Hermione fluff piece that takes place in early OotP.
Fools in Love
Characters (canon): Hestia Jones
Characters (OC): Marcus Malfoy
Complete. One shot. The improbable romance of Lucius Malfoy's youngest brother with an Order memeber. Yes, it ends badly.
Yellow Roses and Daisies
Characters (canon): Dobby, Hestia Jones, various Slytherins
Characters (OC): Marcus Malfoy
Complete. One shot. A 2nd person POV piece featuring a young Marcus Malfoy coming to grips with his pureblood heritage and his crush on Hestia Jones.
More Than a Woman
Characters (canon): Narcissa Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Voldemort, Andromeda Tonks
Complete. One shot. 1st person POV piece featuring Narcissa and her trials to join the DE inner circle.
I Said I Would Go
Characters (canon): Tonks, Remus, Andromeda, Ted Tonks
Characters (OC): Bjorn
Complete. 3 chapters. A Tonks/Remus piece that seems to be a compliment to Winter's Last Chill except that it's Tonks and her mum that get the focus. All the romance happens in flashbacks, and Remus never actually appears in the present day of the fic. Just a heads up.
Characters (canon): Cedric, Amos Diggory, Ron, Dawlish, Auror Robards, Auror Savage, Harry, Susan Bones, Oliver Wood, Cho Chang, Goyle, Tracey Davis
Characters (OC): Adam Venturini, Eloise Thackery, Emery Nissel, Cassandra Barnes, Sloane Davis, Famke Iverson
Work in progress
This is my 'current' and most ambitious fic. It's a canon post-War fic (about a year after the War) with some huge AU twists. Basically, it's the most canon AU piece about how war never ends, some problems cannot be fixed, and some times, weird things just happen.
Characters (canon): Cho Change, the Carrows
Complete. One shot. This is an extremely dark fic where Cho has been captured in DH and subjected to torture and rape. She is now trying to piece her life back together.
Summary: A different sort of alternate universe... It is a world under the thumb of an ancient emperor. Muggle society has been oppressed beyond recognition. Wizards rule over all, their only laws defined by power. This is the story of a rebellion, a family, a traitor, and the long road that leads home at last.
Fred! Ak. That made me so sad, and yet, your story is moving nicely. Peter sold the children, well, I thought something sneaky might be coming from Peter. I enjoy how you're still keeping to canon, yet, you're changing it to make an original story. Kudos for originality.
Author's Response: I love Fred and George... and well most HP characters for one reason or another. Thanks for the kind review.
This is an interesting story. I don't think I've ever seen Harry Potter this way. Your intro chapter was very good, but this chapter is what really caught me and brought me into your story. I don't think this was a weepy chapter, as you called it. I thought it was a very informative, insightful, and a very descriptive chapter overall. Your Sirius is still canon, even though this is AU. I like how you're keeping much of the character's canon, even though it is AU. I can't wait to read the rest. I can't really think of too many criticisms except don't forget to keep explaining your AU world. You don't want to confuse the reader, but you have been careful in that area.
Author's Response: I\'m glad you\'ve enjoyed the story so far, and I hope you continue to.
Although you might not want to hear this, I would agree with you that there is something missing in this chapter that is there in the other ones. Yes, we do get a lot of crucial points, and the plot is advanced. Also, there is the suspense of Cedric and Isobel, and I don't think there is anything missing. Actually, it might be what is in the chapter. It just feels like a 'filler' chapter, although, as I stated, you do help advance the plot and provide information. However, I think it just lacks some of the overall suspense and sparkle, and maybe you wrapped up too many plot lines at once, actually. I know, I'm being picky, and I still enjoy this story quite a lot.
Author's Response: No, I like to hear genuine opinions. And my odd style of rotating plotlines and perspectives can cause a schizophrenic disconnected feel if I don\'t do it right. Thanks dear.
Summary: In every story, there are missing scenes: smaller stories that don't make it into the main plot, but that subconsciously happen all the same. Harry Potter is no different — behind the scenes were the makings of a love that surprised us all.
Your descriptions of the characters seem to be very in line with the canon. The gradual decay of Tonks's hair color is also a very nice touch, and I'm glad you added that part. You seem to have planned this story out, and your dialogue with Remus is very canon correct. I'm not a huge fan of song fics, but being that its at the end and not the beginning, it really didn't interupt the mood or try to define the mood of your writing. The song just seemed an after thought to sum this little seciton up, so it works for me. You handled this quite well, and I can't think of any major flaws to point out at this moment. Just keep writing with the same invocation of both Remus and Tonks's characters because you write them both very well.
Summary: The meadow was still. One lonely stranger sat underneath the shelter of a willow tree, gazing up at the bright stars. With a long index finger he traced pictures from the glistening dots. His mouth whispered words silently, words of pain and anguish, as he gazed up into the whirlpool of space. His dark eyes resembled the black hole of his soul, as he waited for the white-petal flower to redeem him.
Your description was very powerful. I liked your banner and read this story. Your quotes from Weathering Heights (I think that's how you spell it) were insightful and extremely helpful in understanding this story. My friend loves that book, and it added something to your story for me to read it with the quotes.
I felt very sad when I read this last chapter. I loved it because it was so beautiful, yet so incredibly emotional. I don't usually go for a lot of extreme fanon relationships, but you wrote yours very well, I must say, and competition or not, keep it on MNFF. It's tragic, yet I liked how Lily gave the flower at the end. 'Live for yourself,' is a very good description, and it tied the motive I see Snape have in HBP with your romanic story.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for both reviews. I am glad you say the Wuthering Heights quotes work well, because many have said that using quotes is irritating (although, most refer to cheesy song lyrics.) I am glad its had the desired impact. It began as a challenge piece but in the end I put so much of my own heart into it that I no longer cared about the winning or losing element. I love Snape and I felt I had to write this, as my explantion for how he is to Harry and how he has turned as a person. I am really glad you enjoyed it.
Summary: Remus Lupin, resident werewolf of the Order of the Phoenix, meets Nymphadora Tonks, newly instated Metamorphamagus. Follow them through friendship to their ensuing relationship, which persists in attempting to happen, despite their best efforts. If it does, will they be ready?
Or, if she looked at it another way, she had to deal with the fact that her grief for Sirius was hopelessly tangled with romantic feelings for Remus, who had been such a part of helping her let go of Sirius.
I like how you intertwine Tonks's feelings for Remus to Sirius. Personally, I've always thought the three were connected in the brief time they spent together, and it seems natural that Tonks would like Sirius. Also, I like how you included Tonks's stay in St. Mungos. Some authors breeze over the time she spent in there, but I feel this is where Tonks really got to know Remus. You wrote that well, and it wasn't cliched at all.
The time you took in this chapter to convey the thoughts of both characters was well worth the read. You told us the confusion in each character's head which seems evident in the end of HBP. You've done a good job at portraying the building emotional tension that occumpanies this relationship, too, but it wasn't childish. Some stories that are Remus/Tonks have them act very OOC and too 'teenagerish' towards each other. However, I feel you made them both think and act like adults that are in a relationship.
I meant to review this story for a while, and I loved this chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! It always makes me happy to see a review on something I haven\'t updated in...forever. And thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I promise I will, at some point in time, finish this story!
Summary: Ginny's enjoying her success as professional Chaser but something is missing. She's fighting to cope with Harry's death and finds comfort in the arms of someone she never expected. A Ginny/Blaise pairing.
Anti slash Blaise was the fix I needed! I like how you portrayed Ginny the best, though, and I like how you focused more on Ginny/Harry, actually, but it's nice to see Blaise and Ginny starting a realationship. It was romantic in a friendship sort of way. :) If you know any more quality anti-slash with Blaise, let me know. He's becoming a huge favorite of mine, but everyone has their under appriciated characters.
Author's Response: I'm actually writing a sequel to this story at the moment. It's about how Blaise and Ginny's relationship progress. If you're interested I can PM you on the forum when it's finished.
Summary: **REVIEW PLEASE?**Harry goes out to search for the Horcurxes after a wedding and an attack, but is forced to return to Hogwarts to help the Order. Now with help from Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Luna, an American named Katrnia, and Lily's music box, Harry will find the way to destroy Voldemort. OOCs ARE FROM MY OWN EXPERENCES!! Please enjoy!!
Sorry this is taking so long, I've been busy. School and (DARE i say it) the flu! Ch. 2 will be up soon, just hang in there!!
Preview of chapter 2:
The three of them turned towards the window
where five Death
Eaters stood. The Death Eaters all pointed their wands
at Malfoy and
said the same incantation at the same time.
I had a really good review for chapter one that didn't get sent! Mostly, it had a lot to due with grammatical errors. I don't feel like retyping the entire review, but I'll say that initially, I like this story, and I'll leave an extra-special review for chapter two.
Author's Response: Thanks very much! Maybe I should rewrite the format of chapter 2, because that was what got it rejected the last few times....
Summary: He looked down at this feet and let out a faint laugh. “You know Tonks, you’ve got a lot in you. I’ll see you around.” And with a smile and a wink of the eye, Remus Lupin vanished.
I liked how you began this story. You described Tonks's apartment and her mannerisms so that the reader could put themselves in that place with Tonks. The beginning part is really probably the strongest part of this chapter.
As I began to read, Dumbledore's speeches didn't click with me. "I assure you this will be a very trying task but stay optimistic, for this will lead to the weakening of Dark power" just doesn't seem to be something Dumbledore would say. Maybe he'd say it with more wit? Also, I think he'd have some people report information at the meetings. "Her cheeks reddened as Dumbledore shifted at her outburst" doesn't seem like something Dumbledore would do, either. I think he would probably give her a knowing twinkle or something similiar. Also, Tonks went from mourning Sirius's death to being silly at dinner almost instantaneously. You might want to make your emotion transitions make more sense because this just jarred your story. I was left wondering why Tonks was now giggling instead of being sober and thinking about Sirius.
Also, I felt Remus was being forward Tonks in the last line and throughout the story. Maybe this is what you want, but I felt Remus's actions weren't as subtle or as business like as they typically are described.
Author's Response: What a fantastic review! Thanks so much for looking at my story MorganRay, it\'s just what I needed. I think I\'ll be looking through my original chapters now and making a few adjustments.
"Was Remus Lupin asking her on a date?" is not the first reaction I think Tonks would have. Maybe it would be something like her other thought about Sirius. This might be a better thought added later on as she muses over the note. Also, Remus's lines when he first talks to Tonks that begin with "I’ve just lost my last remaining friend" just don't seem to have the hesitance I think Remus would have talking about these issues. I think he would feel more hesitant and slightly evassive when he first spoke of these things to Tonks. Also, Remus's comment about women seems slightly OOC, too. However, the rest of the conversation, after Remus's sudden gut spilling, has a more organic feeling to it. Tonks grabbing Remus's hand, while extreme, is believable, and the name arguement is also appropriate.
I liked Remus's thoughts, but I still am getting the feeling his actions are just too extreme for his character. He's all about surpressing his emotions and not getting close to people. Even when Tonks practically attacks him at the end of HBP, he doesn't really react. I think you need to convey more of the evassiveness of Remus's character.
Author's Response: So, I\'m being too upfront abotu Remus? What I was trying to do what give a little bit of lead up to Tonks looking \"mousy\" at the Burrow on the night that Harry arrvies. It\'s a bit difficult to do so in two short chapters, but maybe I should... make Remus less foward, which would make Tonks even more unhappy because she wouldn\'t know what he was thinking...?
I don't think Tonks is too girly. After the first chapter, Tonks's emotions seemed to be more believable. I do think she's emotional, but she's not giggly. Tonks has shown her emotion, but I think she's just about at the point to begin a repression stage or something of the sort that we see during HBP. I think Remus has been too forward, though, but I think she would be the one to tell him her feelings first.
When illusions overlap with reality, when fairy tales become too real... Unfortunately for Oliver, not all fairy tales have a happy ending...
What can be more cruel… purposely arranging two people from two different worlds, to cross paths, meet, fall in love, only to part ways…
I loved the way this story began. It’s humorous, yet, you show how competitive Oliver is by having him admit that he liked to be first in line with petty things like bathroom lines. It was a really interesting way to get the reader into the story because EVERYONE knows what it’s like to wait in line for a bathroom, but you also showed Oliver’s character through this mundane experience.
Hmm, although I didn’t read The Boy Next Door, I liked how you had Oliver talk about being hurt. It’s true that getting emotionally hurt can affect us in ways that are the exactly opposite to how we would response with physical injuries. I thought that was a very insightful point, and I think you have Oliver appear very isolated when he’s talking about the people around him, but he’s just observing. He’s thinking about other people meeting loved ones, but he’s not, and he seems already very emotionally numb and distant.
He was a body without a heart. Burr. What a cold line, but your imagery throughout this entire section was beautiful! He’s swimming, but he can’t find a distant shore or a new life, no matter how hard he runs. Also, the using ‘graphic’ to describe how Oliver views the other couple is a perfect way to show how upset he is.
Summary: This is for Challenge 4, The Twelve Days of Christmas.
This one is Draco Malfoy style.
BEWARE OF HBP SPOILERS!
*This is also my VERY FIRST fan fic, so please review and tell me if it's any good!
Overall, I like how you incorperated such a happy song and made it so morbid. By the twelve quote, you really sumerized how Draco felt -- in brief, one lines -- during HBP. What made this fic most effective, I think, was the use of irony with the Twelve Days of Christmas Song to create a haunting tone.
For example, I'll point out the part of this fic that began to really build Draco's emotions.
On the fifth day of Christmas, life gave to Draco:
Five golden Galleons,
Four chats with Myrtle,
Three skipped games of Quidditch,
Two cronies in disguise,
And the task of killing Albus Dumbledore.
Snape raises his wand and points it at Dumbledore. “Avada Kedavra!”
“It’s Polyjuice Potion, sir,” Granger answers…
“So I wanted to know how come Malfoy’s up at the castle while everyone else is at the match,” Potter says…
“No one can help me…I can’t do it…I can’t…It won’t work…Unless I do it soon…He’ll kill me…”
“Tell me, how have you been communicating with Rosmerta?” Dumbledore asks. “Enchanted coins…”
To begin with, you started off your 'one' verse with killing Dumbledore. That was very effective. It gives the reader a shock to read that initially. Going for the shock value there was a great choice. Then, for the second and third verse, you have other people talking about Draco, which builds on the perspective about what other people are thinking about Draco, but it also reminds the reader what Draco did during HBP. However, for the 'four' and 'five' verse, you go back to Draco talking about what he did and how he feels. This is effective, also, and it brings the reader back to realizing Draco's emotions and not just what he's doing. The Myrtle part was especiall appropriate, but then, on the 'five' verse, Draco is talking to Dumbledore again, and you bring us back to verse one. Also, you do the same at the end with Dumbledore talking to Draco and telling him that he can help. You bring twelve and one back together by including Dumbledore in both, and the organization was effective to me.
However, one thing that bothered me was how unfinished and disjointed the ending was compared to the rest of the fic. Now, you created this haunted tone, but then, you go and have Draco hit this very high, optomist thought of joining the good side. However, I don't think, after a dream like that, that Draco would just wake up so optomistically. Maybe you could have ended it with his dispair at having to serve the Dark Lord or his feelings that he has no way out of his current situation. I think that would have fit the tone of this story better.
Summary: Barty Crouch Jr. is willing to give up everything for his master. He would go to any great length do to His bidding.
Follow Barty as he takes his steps through the Quidditch World Cup in GoF. What parts of the story did you miss while reading from Harry's point of view? This is the side of the story that you really care about.
“I thought you would never come back, Tom. I was so worried.” I don't think any Death Eater would ever call Voldamort Tom. This seems to be reserved for people like Dumbledore who aren't afraid of Voldamort and who don't serve him. It's very out of character for Barty to call Voldamort Tom, and this seems to be the only major detractor to this chapter. I don't think, even when you're trying to give him a softer or more likable personality, that Barty would ever call Voldamort Tom. Other than that, your descriptions of the scene are decent. Your other dialogue is very well thought out. You might want to work on the relationship between Barty and Voldamort. It's most definately a master-servent relationship.
Author's Response: Hmm, yes. Well, that is left-over from when this was an SSP story. I will change that soon, I just haven\'t gotten around to it. Thanks!
Summary: As Harry begins his quest for the remaining horcruxes, his world is turned completely upsidedown by the return of Severus Snape, and Harry learns more than he ever thought possible about Snape, his parents, and the burning question of Dumbledore's death.
I can see why this story was a runner up. You started out with the description of Spinner's End and flawlessly pulled me into your story. Your characterization of Snape was impecable. You wrote him very well, and the dialogue and scene between Snape and Voldamort was one the highlights of this chapter. You portrayed Snape as a double agent, trying to stay alive, but you also managed to make it believable that he wanted Draco alive, too. However, Snape did not appear caring, either, or out of character throughout any of this piece. However, I didn't feel Draco was as strongly written, but he wasn't OOC, either. I guess because Draco was playing dead for most of the piece there just wasn't the chance to write more of his character. Also, I enjoyed how you tied this into Lament of the Pheonix.
Author's Response: I was a runner up? ::blinks:: I didn\'t even know I was nominated for anything. LOL. Anyway, yay! Thank you, Morgan. Now you can go read the rest of the chapters hehehehe. I do understand what you were saying about Draco... I will be able to develop him later.
Summary: Hannah reflects on her past, present, and future. Spring challenge, number one. House, Ravenclaw.
This is a very insightful look into Hannah Abbott. She's just something of a two-dimensional character in the books, but Jo has hinted she has depth. It's good to see you bring it out with her flashbacks of her family. Her conversation with Ernie was short, but yet, sometimes, just a word can strike a person when they're in the right mood. You've shown this very well by how she thinks. Hannah is a strong person, but also, I think she has a soft side, and you show her vulnerbility and her strenght. Her wanting to be an auror and having survivor's guilt is also very realistic. This is an excellent piece, even for a one-shot, and contains a decent amount of character growth for its length.
Author's Response: Wow, Did you really think that....hummm I guess i can\'t really see it in my own writing......
Summary: The world, it seems, works strangely; Andromeda, December 1979.
This is a very beautiful piece. It's almost more of a poem than prose. Your rhythm is very entrancing, and I really fell into your story.
She writes a long letter which will never be sent or received or read, and she thinks, bitterly, you should have cried.
This was a very moving line for me. It has that element of realness to it. This entire story could've been so extremely disorienting, but it was written with a lot of control. Also, how you have Andromeda reflecting on her sisters was a very moving part of your piece. You showed the change of time, and then, you hit another great note at the end when Ted comes and takes the picture. The entire thing has that weary feeling to it, and I can't get over how entrancing your writing was.
Summary: Runner-up for the QuickSilver Quills Award, categ. Best Alternate Universe
“No matter the time or place, people should never call their child Marie-Antoinette. There is no happiness in this world for a girl called Marie-Antoinette.”
1983. In a world where Voldemort has won the First War, where hope has fled from an Earth moaning under the Dark Lord's iron hand, marriages are broken and others are arranged in order to preserve the sacred purity of blood. James Potter loses his wife; now they have to find another for him.
I really liked how you changed the POV to James in this chapter. I’ve seen Marie’s POV, and now, when you change the perspective to James, it was interesting and it added to the narrative. I also like the tenseness in this story and how you use the Marie-Antoinette name to build an entire story. Also, I feel Marie’s character is very well done, and she seems like an average girl who was born to the wrong people at the wrong time, which strengthens her connection to the Queen. I thought that the attitudes of the new Ministry officials also helped me identify with the desperation and injustice that both Marie and James are feeling.
I liked the connection you made between Sirius and Marie. In that small moment, you made Sirius totally in character, and I believed him entirely to be the younger, pre-Azkaban Sirius that we’ve heard about in the series. It was really disheartening to have Marie and James walk into the Minister’s office. It was also really suspenseful how you had Marie finally realize that James was who she would marry, but he didn’t know that she would be his wife.
"Many years have passed since the young Queen’s death in 1793. But no matter the time or place, people should never call their child Marie-Antoinette. There is no happiness in this world for a girl called Marie-Antoinette.
My fate was sealed the 16th of October, 1983. One hundred and ninety years exactly after Queen Marie-Antoinette’s death at the infamous Place de Grčve."
This is a great opening to the story because it imparts a tone of such certainty. It also starts the story on a tragic note and foreshadows what might happen later in the story. It kind of feels like ‘the heavy hand of fate’ is being introduced, and that will definitely hang over this story.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review -- glad you liked the beginning; after so much time, I find it a tad too melodramatic myself.