Penname: Undividable410 [Contact]
Real name: S. Mauritz
Member Since: 08/15/05
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Reviews by Undividable410
 

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Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 08/17/05 Title: None

I really loved the scene AlexisTaylor, it really showed alot of the characteristics i have always noticed in both these characters. I personally have always thought Hermione to be quite the hypocrite at times, and have always wanted to see her get out-witted. Props to that really... I also have always thought that Draco was really much more intellectual and intelligent than JK shows us. I mean anyone who has read the 6th book should notice that by now... It was really great to read. ~undividable410

 

Behind Blue Eyes by mspadfoot89
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 13]

Summary: No one knows what it's like,
To be the bad man,
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

One-shot. Set after the war with Voldemort, Draco Malfoy sits alone in his empty mansion reflecting on all of his past choices and mistakes. Is it really too late to go back?
Based on the song 'Behind Blue Eyes', by Limp Bizkit and originally by The Who.

Thanks to my two Betas, Lacerated and Orlaith. You really helped!

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1914 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/11/05 Updated: 07/11/05


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 08/18/05 Title: Chapter 1: --

I read your story once through and then once again while listening ot the Limp Bizkit version of the song. I felt that the story had even more meaning when you felt the mood of the song while reading it. I had never really liked the song too much before, but i now really understand the meaning in it. I feel that the way you had draco act is exactly how he would respond. Great Job...

Author's Response: Thank you! Very glad you liked and even more than that ... understoond it!

 

Falling to Pieces by silver_tears
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: As the Dark Side are taking over the wizarding world, Ginny sinks further into deep depression. Will anyone help save her? R&R please

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Mental Disorders

Word count: 904 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/18/05 Updated: 09/18/05


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 09/20/05 Title: Chapter 1: Falling to Pieces

A very touching story Silver_tears. You did a really good job in showing the despair in Ginny after losing Harry. I especially found the part when she continued hiding from Ron and George intriguing. It was beautiful ~Undividable

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing Undividable. Yeah, the best bit of the plot was where Ron and George tried to find her...

 

Summary: Draco is staying with Snape for New Year. Unsurprisingly he is a little messed up. Can Snape help him find his way? For Challenge One of the Winter Snows Holiday Challenge, Redemption. May include slight errors in what Draco should and shouldn't know. All characters belong to JK Rowling and the title is a lyric from the Evanescence song 'Hello'. My first fic. Just joined the forums and have been sorted into Gryffindor.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1250 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/13/05 Updated: 12/13/05


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 06/21/06 Title: Chapter 1: one shot

The story is really emotional, and it really brings me to think about desperation. It's fun to see how people interpret the ways both Snape and Draco must have felt after that night in the Tower. I've often thought a lot about Draco's side of it, but didn't care much about what might happen to Severus. This story was really good to help me think more about him.

I love how you stayed perfectly in cannon with The Half Blood Prince.

You also used some very intense description words that darkened the tone of the fic to fit the situation.

Great Job!
~Undividable

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot! I\'m glad you enjoyed the darker tone to it, I didn\'t know if I had over dramatised it. Thanks for your comments :)

 

Barty's Story by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 33]

Summary: Barty Crouch Jr. is willing to give up everything for his master. He would go to any great length do to His bidding.


Follow Barty as he takes his steps through the Quidditch World Cup in GoF. What parts of the story did you miss while reading from Harry's point of view? This is the side of the story that you really care about.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2229 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/23/06 Updated: 05/10/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 08/30/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Quidditch World Cup

I really liked Barty's mindset throughout the entire story. His hatred toward Harry was genuine and perfect.

I had always been under the impression though, that the other Death Eaters were not aware that Barty Junior had been at the match, but it does work in your story.

Also, how did Barty manage to save his Death Eater mask and robes? Surely his father would have disposed of them...

It was great to read this scene from a different viewpoint. Now I feel even more sorry for poor little Winky!

~SarahRose

Author's Response: Thanks. I wanted people to feel for Barty and Winky, and I\'m glad you did. Great review!

 

Aftermath by Just Tink
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: As Hermione Granger walks through the destruction left from the final battle, she finds that life can come from the most unusual places. Written for the Poetry Challenge Number 2: "Rebirth, the phoenix dies and is reborn again. Isn't it amazing how beauty can blossom from something that begins so ugly." Third place winner!

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 215 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/15/06 Updated: 04/16/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 06/15/06 Title: Chapter 1: Aftermath

I'm not normally one for poetry, but your summary seemed interesting, so I decided to try it. I'm very glad that I did.

I really like how you are able to describe what happened to who, without mentioning names.

Your descriptions of the places really give the entire thing a dark feeling that perfectly matches the situation. When thinking about the setting of Hogwarts, most of the time it is hard to picture the grounds being in a terrible state such as the one you described, but thanks to your writing I was able to picture it.

The flower at the end is certainly something interesting. It wouldn't be expected that anything good could come in such destruction, but the flower shows hope in the horrible situation.

I really enjoyed it, my only question would be the purpose of the hat. I'm curious as to who it belonged to.

The poem was lovely.

Author's Response: I\'m glad you enjoyed the poem! The hat in question belonged to Professor Sprout- I\'m not sure if it\'s mentioned in the books, but I always imagined Professor Sprout as wearing a patched hat with dirt on it. Anyways, I\'m glad you decided to give poetry a try. I don\'t usually read it either, but some of the stuff on the site are real gems. Thanks so, so much for a review that made me feel happy inside after a rough day! Maybe you should join SPEW?

 

A Faithful Death Eater by Gemma Hawk
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: The Dark Lord will return, and I will be given power beyond my wildest dreams, beyond anything I have ever hoped or wished for. That is why I hold out. Because I know that my Lord will come and save me, rescue me from this hell. I know it as surely as I sit here, curled up in a corner of my cell, trying to keep warm. They can torture me in any way they want, but I will never betray my destiny- rejoining with the Dark Lord.







Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1255 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/19/06 Updated: 04/21/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 06/15/06 Title: Chapter 1: Oneshot

Firstly, I have several questions. Why would Bellatrix count Pettigrew as a traitor to Voldemort, when everybody believes him to be dead? In the books it mentions that Sirius saw Bellatrix when he was brought in, so there is a good chance that she would have known of Pettigrew's "death".

Also, in your story you mention that it was a "cold night for October". Shouldn't this be November, as it was the final day of October when Voldemort attacked the Potters?

I really like your style of writing, it seems just like how I always thought Bellatrix would think. But one sentence seems slightly awkward to me. At the beginning of the flashback to the attack on the Longbottoms it says, "The wind was harsh on my face, and my hair had escaped my tight bun and was blowing around." I feel it might have made more sense as "The wind was harsh on my face, and my hair, which had escaped my tight bun was blowing around."

Overall, I really liked this one-shot, especially the main flashback. It's always interesting to see other peoples' thoughts about what had happened on some of those lost background pieces never specified in the books. I also really enjoyed the characterization of Bellatrix, because it stayed in perfect cannon.

Great Job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for a detailed review filled with constructive critisism! I can see those points, and actually, I don\'t know how I could have missed them! Thanks again, for such a wonderful review!

 

Summary: The Dark Lord is defeated and the Wizarding World must right itself again as it's Hero searches for meaning. But can he?

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1016 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/01/06 Updated: 05/09/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 06/02/06 Title: Chapter 1: Rising From Amongst the Fallen

This view on the outcome of the battle is really interesting. The description of Voldemort's dead body was slightly chilling and gave the entire story a nice spooky intro to get the reader into the mood.

The thought that Harry would feel guilty for being born and then causing the battle had never occured to me. I had always assumed that Harry would feel proud that he had finally defeated the Dark Lord, though the sorrow of the losses would also be overwhelming. I enjoyed the scene.

The only thing I would question is how Harry is able to go from being so hopeless and in a way selfishly depressed, to so strong in a matter of seconds, especially since he lost many people he more than likely considered to be family. How might he have reacted had Ginny also died in battle?

~Undividable

Author's Response:
Well, when I think about it, there are going to be a lot of deaths; it\'s necessary for the dramatic ending that the story has to have (canon or otherwise.) And Voldemort\'s dead body, nothing more than the empty shell of a being that caused so much pain is going to be chilling.

Harry feeling guilty. Where do you think he gets his \'saving people thing\' from? It has to be realized that an awful lot of lives-heck, an awful lot of history- happened because of his birth and the prophecy. He\'s trying, however consciously or otherwise, to make up for that. And I think that, however proud he might actually be once he\'s finally done it, that the losses would overwhelm him, once it was all done. And I also think that he would feel very, very lost; his entire life, more or less, has been about his killing Voldemort or vice versa. Once you take that away, what is he? It makes for quite the complex....

Love does amazing things, don\'t you think? And if Ginny had died...I can\'t be sure. I obviously don\'t think she did, or that she will...

Thanks for the read and the wonderful review!

 

Mistakes by Bryant
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: After Severus Snape leaves Hogwarts, he joins the infamous Death Eaters in search of great rewards. Instead, he finds himself making one of the biggest mistakes of his life when he tells Voldemort something that he overheard in Hogsmeade one night. Guilt floods him when he has found out what he's done. He tries to warn Dumbledore, but finds Dumbledore's trust rigid in the rat-like traitor, Peter Petigrew. Can Snape do anything to change the terrible events that are to come? No... but he can try.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4313 Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/19/06 Updated: 06/08/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 06/21/06 Title: Chapter 2: The Boy Who Lived

Chapter one

_____________

I really liked the similie you started with comparing the Great Hall to a bottle of butterbeer, it was a really cute way to describe the setting and I think it immeadiatly pulled the reader into the story. I also really liked how you played with Severus' slight crush on Lily and how much it affected the plot.



However, I noticed several typos, which sometimes made the story slightly confusing, and harder to read.



I really liked how you explained why Severus was in the Hogshead the night he overheard the prophecy. It plays in perfectly with the HalfBlood Prince, and that scene went almost exactly as I had imagined it.



I'm curious, though, as to what Severus did with his previous chances to put him on his last one.



Chapter Two

___________

There were again several typos and spelling errors, but overall I still loved the story.

I was surprized at how merciful you made Voldemort, when Severus had not completed his task. I would not have expected for him to let Severus off quite that easily.



I loved how you kept the action going, because it keeps the reader interested. I also think that you did a great job of keeping everybody in character.



I loved it. :D

~Undividable

 

Summary: The House of Black may look beautifully decorated and filled with life through the eyes of someone who had never lived there, but when two boys have spent their entire childhood suffering the pain their family gave them, this same house looks only melancholy and depressing.


Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1383 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/21/06 Updated: 07/23/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 08/18/06 Title: Chapter 1: That Fateful Night

A short review would be to say that I liked it, but that's really not adequate for this story.

The descriptions were absolutely brilliant, Shayla, and I especially liked how you described the elegance of the Black Manor. It was great to get a perspective on it, outside of what we came to recognize as the dirty, old, grimy building used for the Headquaters of the Order.

The way you portrayed the brothers was perfect, and extremely realistic. By the end of the story it almost seemed as though it were my sister and me fighting on the steps. Your way of showing how Regulus secretly admires Sirius is very similiar to what I tend to think of my sister... without ever showing it.

My one question would be, about when did Regulus begin to realise he was living a lie at home?

Great Job, Shay!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks. I\'ve never had any siblings, so this was sort of hard for me to write, but I\'m clad that you could relate to it so well with your own sister. That\'s great to hear.

I don\'t know. I didn\'t think that far into the story as this was only a one-shot. I assume sometime after he gets the Dark Mark, or just before.

Thanks for the review!

 
Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 08/18/06 Title: Chapter 1: That Fateful Night

A short review would be to say that I liked it, but that's really not adequate for this story.

The descriptions were absolutely brilliant, Shayla, and I especially liked how you described the elegance of the Black Manor. It was great to get a perspective on it, outside of what we came to recognize as the dirty, old, grimy building used for the Headquaters of the Order.

The way you portrayed the brothers was perfect, and extremely realistic. By the end of the story it almost seemed as though it were my sister and me fighting on the steps. Your way of showing how Regulus secretly admires Sirius is very similiar to what I tend to think of my sister... without ever showing it.

My one question would be, about when did Regulus begin to realise he was living a lie at home?

Great Job, Shay!

Author's Response: Double review?

 

I Can't Love Her by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary: Tom Riddle knows that his Merope is a charmed woman, but he doesn't quite know how far that goes. When it comes to their wedding day, he tries with all his might to release himself from 'her spell'. Little does he know that magic really might be worked into the situation, and that gaining back control is the hardest thing he can try to do.



Written for the Summer Weddings Challenge by Cruciatus Love of Slytherin.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2538 Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/18/06 Updated: 08/30/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 08/30/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Day Before

Oooh, I really liked this. I enjoyed how you displayed the uneasiness Tom was feeling, and how he must have been fighting the love potion sub-consciously. Merope was also captured beautifully, in the sense that she was careful not to completely force Tom into marriage. She acted just as I would have imagined her in the situation.

There were a few sentences that, had they been read separate from the rest of the story, may have sounded awkward, but they fit perfect with the style of writing.

I'm really liking this so far, Shayla!

~SarahRose

Author's Response: Thanks, I\'m glad you like it!

 
Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 08/30/06 Title: Chapter 2: The Wedding

I really liked reading through Tom's thoughts in this chapter. His fears were expressed perfectly.

I have to say though, in this chapter, it seemed more like Tom was under the Imperious Curse at times, rather than a love potion. It's extremely apparent that he doesn't care for her, but he can't control his body.

~SarahRose

Author's Response: The love potion and the Imerious Curse are a lot the same, I think. Just two forms of the same thing. Thanks for the review!

 

I AM a Killer by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Draco Malfoy has had enough of everyone telling him who he is. He's had enough of other people wanting him to be who they want him to be. He wants to show the world that he's his own person, and that if he sets his mind on something he will do it. He will show the world that he truely is the dark character he says he is.

Written for the Extra Credit Challenge by Cruciatus Love of Slytherin.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death

Word count: 975 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/22/06 Updated: 08/25/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 08/30/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Killing

Wow, I had to read it twice to fully understand it. The entire time, two words continued to come to mind: cocky and arrogant. While Draco knows that he really isn't of much value to the Dark Lord, he has placed himself in a mindset, making himself all powerful. It really shows Draco as being decietful and brave. Sometimes, though, I feel he was a bit too cocky. It would be only natural to feel fear at such a task, even if you had the upper hand.

All around, a very good job, Shayla. You captured many of the characteristics that Draco displayed in books One through Five and the beginning of book Six.

~SarahRose

Author's Response: Thanks. I was trying to stick with canon!Draco as much as possible without straying to the \"I\'m so noble\" Draco people often write him as. I\'m glad you liked it.

 

Right and Wrong by Sarakime
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary: Written for the August Challenge #1 - Summer Weddings by Sarakime of Slytherin.



While most would be cheerful the day before their wedding day, Hermione's thoughts are only those of doubt and worry. Will her unsure heart prevent her from marrying her true love?



One-shot.

Categories: Hermione/Draco Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2450 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/28/06 Updated: 09/04/06


Reviewer: Undividable410 Signed
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Awww... that was cute, though the ending did seem somewhat sudden.

I'd have to say that Hermione and Draco falling in love while working at the ministry is unfortunately a bit of a cliche. I also would have liked to see a bit more of a reason for Draco's OOCness. One question I have is, why would Hermione choose to drive to her wedding, when she could simply apparate?

I loved how at the beginning, you gave us a great bit of insight to how Hermione was feeling about the wedding, and the side dillema of whether or not Harry and the Weasley's really added to the dramatic effect of the story. You have beautiful writing, and you did very good at keeping Hermione as a 3 demensional character, where some authors would simply turn her into an extreme girly girl who would drop all of her worries simply because she is getting married. Thank you for keeping her in character!

This story was really adorable!

Merry Christmas!

~SarahRose

Author's Response: :D What an awesome review! Thank you SarahRose! Ah, well, my beta asked me the same question before. \'Why did she drive? She could just Apparate..\' :) Well, I\'d like to say my reasoning is that it was held in a Muggle place. Even though there was magic use in the ceremony, and even though the ceremony was unseen by outsider Muggles, it was still in a Muggle place. There wouldn\'t be many unseen Aparation points to her to arrive at. She was born Muggle and knows Muggle ways, so maybe it was just the Muggle in her. But really, I just wanted her to drive there. I honestly don\'t know my reasonings. :) Thanks for the awesome review! :D Merry Christmas to you, too!

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