I'm NEWNEWNEW and I've always written stories for my friends - and now I'm going to try to show you some - hopefully... :) xxx
Really interesting - but a little bit jumpy (it moves too fast and is sometimes confusing).
BUT!! I liked your style, and improvement isn't impossible - but nobody is perfect.
Overall!! : WELL DONE, GOOD WORK:)! Xx
Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you for your review and criticism! I see what you mean with it being jumpy. I meant to write it that way, but it may be too much. I’m glad you still liked other aspects of the story. :) Thank you for reading!