Woohoo! Another improved/polished chapter of this story; this one even changes events a bit (I like the extra Luna/Hermione banter and the amped up I-really-want-to-hit-you/get-away-from-me-now reaction that Ginny has to the potion). The biggest thrill however must be that there are now no more chapters to rewrite; I'm soooo looking forward to chapter 15 appearing on SIYE!
I'd better go find my fanboi hat in preparation now...
Author's Response: Thanks.
This chapter is now at the point I want it to be. When Luna and Hermione disagree, the boys can only watch. The next chapter is moving forwards nicely (4,000 words so far), and this is despite the fact that it centres around two people who haven’t really appeared since a walk on role in chapter 3 and a third who’s only been mentioned in passing.-N-
Weee! 3 new stories! And they're great! (Which is no surprise). But one of them is set in Stockholm, which is a brilliant surprise!
I must say I'm very impressed with your use of Swedish terms and the description of places in Stockholm; For a non-native who has never been to Stockholm(?) you've done a remarkablably good job. Seeing the inside of Luna's mind (from your POV) is a treat as well. I'm guessing you were quite happy with the casting and depiction of her character in the movies?
The fact that you made Rolf younger than Luna cracked me up when I first read it in E.C.C.E.N.T.R.I.C. But it really is much nicer than the more common "Rolf-almost-as-old-as-Luna's-Dad" versions out there isn't it?
Nit-pickery - And this section is longer than the review solely because I'm really glad you took the time to use my native language and I'd like to help out. The story itself is just great!
- The definitive form of words.
What the English language does with 'the' is actually included in the words themselves in Swedish. Swedes make a word definitive by sticking bits at the end of them. Usually "-en" when describing single things and "-na" when describing multiple things. Also, 'Stan' is verbal shorthand for 'Staden', sort of like 'you're' and 'you are'. (Thus making 'Stan' definitive as well, hehe). So 'The thing-en' is like saying 'the the thing'.
- Names, including placenames, are capitalized (like in German), nouns are not (unlike German).
- Swedish completely dropped the use of honorary titles like 'madam' (noble, married lady), 'frun' (common, married lady), 'fröken' (any unmarried lady), 'herrn' (sir) in the forties and fifties (to much gnashing of teeth among members of the older generation). We are however taught in school that other languages still use them and waiters/waitresses will attempt to use them when speaking other languages. But not in Swedish. Ever.
=== Actual nitpicks are here ===
* 'The rådssalen' should either be 'The Rådssalen chamber' or just plain 'Rådssalen'.
* '...in the Gamla Stan, in the "Staden Mellan Broarna" I believe you call it.' should be '...in the Gamla Stan area or "Staden mellan broarna" as I believe you call it.'
* '...entrence arch, it was the Svenska Akademien.' should be '...entrence arch, it was the seat of Svenska Akademien.'
* 'Söder te' should be 'Söderte'
* ', vänligen' makes you sound like someone from the 19th century but is acceptable. 'Tack' would be more contempory. Vänligen is still used in full sentences though, just not as a stand-alone entity the way 'please' or 'thanks' can be used.
* Someone ordering something in Swedish would not get an honorary title like 'madam' or 'fröken' back. (Well, maybe if they used 'vänligen' and the waitress was fairly quick-witted they would.) Something like "Javisst", "Absolut" or "Kommer strax" would be more common. (translation: "Of course", "Absolutely", "[I'll] be right back [with that]")
* 'yo' should be 'to'
* We actually drink lots and LOTS AND LOTS more coffee than tea in Sweden. :)
Oh, oh, oh, if you want Luna to really shine make her use this word: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fika_(coffee_break).
But without linking to the wikipedia page no-one will get it so I guess no. But you can use it when you're in Sweden. :)
Regarding "Söder te"/"Söderte". Fun with Swedish sentences and a single space; Lesson #1
A) "Vi byter däck, spolarvatten och olja på din bil medans du väntar"
B) "Vi byter däck, spolar vatten och olja på din bil medans du väntar"
A) "We'll rotate your car's tires, change the oil and refill the windscreen wiper fluid while you wait."
B) "We'll rotate your car's tires, then pour oil and water [on it] while you wait."
Grammar Nazis have a lot more fun in Swedish than in English. But since some people/companies have made their own versions of Söderte and cunningly call that "Söder te" I guess this point can be ignored. (The reason I guess is that Söderte is a trademark but Söder (South) and Te (Tea) are too common to be trademarks. :)
Hi, thanks for the review, and the magnificent nitpickery. I knew that I was taking a chance in writing a story in Stockholm. I did a lot of research, obviously, I didn’t do enough.
I think that Evanna is closer than anyone to capturing her character. Making Rolf so much younger (seven years) than Luna was a risk, because we know his grandfather’s birth year. Rolf’s father and grandfather must have both become fathers in their forties (not impossible, fortunately).
I’ve been to Sweden a couple of times. On both occasions I flew into Copenhagen and crossed “The Bridge”, which will give you some idea on which part of Sweden I visited. I’ve never seen the Baltic, not yet. Oslo is the only Scandinavian capital I’ve visited. I’ve never been beyond Copenhagen airport (my Danish trip was to Billund :-D. If things go to plan, Rekjavik will be next. I actually considered setting this story in Rekjavik, partly because of the EDDa, but mostly because I wanted to type Eyjafjallajokull. :-D
My Deutsch is very rusty, I remembered enough to wonder whether I was capitalising the right words. I failed. I’ll go back and fix my errors.
Google translate gave me both Tack and Vänligen, and I’ve no idea why I chose Vänligen, as I’ve used Tak/Takk/Tack and listened to Norwegians and Swedes talking to each other without difficulty (and complaining about how strange the Danes are). Having said that, I’ll stick with Vänligen, because it probably makes Luna sound a little odd to the waitress, which is no bad thing.
English happily evolves and changes, and we’ll happily steal from anyone. We’ve got hundreds of Indian words and in my local dialect “going home” is “gannin hyem” which (I’m told) is almost scandinavian. The complex restrictions of other languages are, I admit, lost on me. Most foreign lanuages seem to have strange rules (like capitalising nouns – or the concept that an inanimate object can have a sex (why are french hats male?)) these are difficult ideas for me. :-D So thank you.